Tuesday, January 6, 2009



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If confidence was AIDS, Magic Johnson would be a healthy scratch for the Pens every night.

Ray Shero has come out recently saying that he is in fact staying the course with the Pens core talent, through thick and thin.

We're not sure whether "thick" or "thin" refers to the hard times.
If this is the thick times, there's no question Sally Struthers was at MSG Monday night.


Picture: Struthers all smiles after eating someone's family.

If this is the thin part of the idiom, then we're living in an episode of The Hills.

All aboard the skank bus



ian


steven seagal


jlk

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The Steelers come out, and Antonio Cromartie takes Big Ben for a pick-6 right off the bat. Oh, wait. That's Sunday.

Talbot got some garbage penalty right off the bat. Rob Shick made it known that it was his intention to ref the worst game of his life.

Wow.
Goal. 1-0.

Deflection City.
Surprised Therrien didn't pull Fleury.

The Pens were getting fewer bounces than Ellen Degeneres on a trampoline.
It was good to be back in MSG.

Orpik got douched in the face. The blood pours. 4 minutes power play.
The first minute was all Crosby, but it was all Lundqvist, too. Big-time save(s). Maybe he should get some more pads. Get real.

Crosby ends up drawing a penalty that Eddie O. refuses to look at.
The replay clearly shows Kalinin grab Bing's stick between Crosby's hands.
So obvious on the replay.
Keith Jones is a joke, too.


The ref has to go back and look at one of Bing's shots.
He makes an awkward announcement of NO GOAL.

The Rangers could have pulled Lundqvist during the Pens 5-on-3.
Wouldn't have mattered.
Jordan Staal, who is exuding the confidence of a fat 13-year-old girl, eventually took an interference penalty against his brother that was more baffling to us than the actual penalty that Edzo was baffled about.
Maybe one of the worst calls in the last 35 years.


If you were playing the Staal Brother drinking game, you probably had your stomach pumped, peed in someone's clothes hamper, and texted an ex-girlfriend before the puck dropped again.

The Rags eventually had a mud PP for about 11 seconds that you expected them to score on.

After Cooke and some joke went off, it was 4-on-4 .
Malkin and Staal come down on a 2-on-1.
For some reason we're still trying to contemplate, Staal completely misses the net.
Seriously. That was so bizarre.

After nothing and more nothing, Blair Betts takes a penalty.
Was anyone even excited about a power play?

Kennedy had a decent chance in front, but Lundqvist with the poke check.
It suddenly hits you that the Pens haven't scored a legit goal since 1952.

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The second period started with the Pens on a power play or something.
Staal broke his stick and kicks the boards on the bench in anger.
We'll get news on Tuesday that Staal is out 4-6 weeks with a broken foot.
Pens commence a 25-game winning streak. wooo

Crosby took a penalty to the delight of Rangers fans. They all team together for a rousing chant. Whatev. Killed.
Crosby came out of the box like a rocket. Probably the fast we've seen him skate all year.
It resulted in an attempted pass through three Rangers.

Malkin and Sykora had a 2-on-0 for an hour halfway through the period.
If it's NHL 09, you wait and set up a cross-crease one-timer.
If you're Malkin, you aim for Lundqvist's glove. Big save.

Malkin drew a penalty later.
Crosby took a penalty two seconds later. Rob Shick was actually making things up at one point.
Assistant coach Andre Savard gets an erection then passes out, confirming he is still alive.

The Rangers scored. 2-0. Paul Mara. That's a shame.

The Pens got a power play soon after.
Guess what.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if Jordan Staal wasn't a joke.

Does Petr Sykora not have 9 power play goals this season?
We're confused?

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Imagine trying to have sex with your girlfriend after a day where she lost her job, got into a car accident with an athiest that resulted in a puppy dying, Sex and the City got cancelled, and Oprah told every woman watching her show not to touch a man's testicles for a week.

That's the kind of challenge that awaited Orpik or Letang when they were setting up shop behind MAF in the third period.

There's nothing wrong with having faith in your favorite sports team to overcome a deficit in the last segment of a game.
If you had that same feeling in this third period, you are delusional.

You didn't even really have to watch the third period.
You could have just went to your uncle's house, went into his laundry room, and killed yourself.


We almost made it through the entire game without seeing the clip of the Staal brothers skating in the hinterlands of Canada when they were little.
100 bucks that Joe Beninati is black.

The Rangers scored again.

3-0.

Rangers fans chant CROSBY SUCKS.
Long time Pens fan T.L. Wo Wung Balls Chiu has seen enough.

Suicidal_jumper_Cluj


Orpik dropped Orr somewhere in there.
Orr came back next time out and went after Orpik.
The Pens had a power play.

Therrien calls the all-important timeout and pulls MAF.
Finally, he takes our advice.

Gomez goes down all by himself.
4-0.
Peace.

We're kind of upset that Therrien didn't keep Fleury pulled.
Orr and Godard drop the gloves. No comment.

What a helpless feeling as Rangers fans mock the Pens.
Go to hell.


MISCELLANEOUS
  • Pens powerplay 0-32?
  • Why do they not play Sykora on the powerplay?
  • What a joke.
  • Natrone Means was unreal.
  • Can't wait to unleash the mid-season recap on Thursday.


We've traded Splinter to a Portland Trail Blazers blog for a month of free internet access.

157 comments:

jayness said...

I'm just now sobering up from the "game"...

When was the last time you felt a sense of worry over playing Atlanta?

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

Keith Jones with poop coming out of his mouth. That was good.

meg said...

lets go pens?

dave said...

Somewhere in San Jose, Hacksaw is laughing at us all

TheFandangler said...

Dump sesh.

Jawsh said...

So...this is the quicksand that Shane Falco was talking about, huh?

Beav said...

What you mean like spiders on the field?!

---

Man that's some deep shit Shane. Some deep shit.

UPJGuy said...

Am I the only one who felt a little disturbed by the "show me your V" versus campaign?

Also, I could've went for an all-out, bench-clearing brawl with MAF lined up at center ice. Maybe cause a laugh or two after the game. At least it would've made the other 2 1/2 hours worth it...

hmmmm... lets go pens

Letang Buries It said...

I've never played organized hockey, so the concept of playing a team system is a little above me. But does it seem to anyone else that our every whim is anticipated and being waited for by the opponent?

HCMT changes the lines and defensive pairings every night, but what does it matter? It's just a different combination of our talent turning the puck over. Even worse, any comfort between playing with the same people night in and night out is squandered.

I still say once they score one legit goal all bets are off. Goals will soon rain down like manna from Heaven.

And I hope there isn't too much truth to the Splinter loan, I feel he will be a large asset against the foot clan in a few days.

meecrofilm said...

Gotta give Kudos to Staff here. They deserve it. Things are shit right now, and they still churn out a solid recap, while jobbing the Steelers. If I was running the blog, all I would have put up for the recap is This.

Seriously, I haven't been able to tell the difference between the Pens powerplay and Amy Winehouse's drug-induced vaginal discharges for weeks.

meecrofilm said...

Hopefully the Splinter trade is a message to the rest of the gameday candidates to step the FUCK up. Wakeupcallblog. This is starting to get ridiculous.



[Red and Andy]

Allison said...

Staff- major props for keeping up the caliber of your recaps. Solid shit.
And I hope you're still alive penstone.

Mike said...

How happy is Hossa now?

eileenover said...

I don't what the hell their problem is, but they better get their act together NOW. There's way too much talent on this team to lose 5 fucking games in a row. I definitely think they're missing some veteran leadership right now, but that's just an excuse. I don't want to hear anymore bullshit excuses. I don't want to see them pass when they should shoot. I don't want to see them shoot when they should pass. I don't want to see them turn the puck over every time they're in the neutral zone. And I don't want them taking anymore dumbass penalties. If they lose to the Thrashers I'm going to vomit, then kill someone.


You gettin this asshole?

stokes said...

Natrone Means. what a reference.

well, at least i laughed reading the post.

sven butenschon said...

@ Meecro

Game Day candidate????

Chubs said...

I can get behind the Red and Andy idea, they know something about coming through a river of shit and coming out the other side smelling like roses.

More importantly- there's a Trail Blazers blog out there? Who knew?

debrisslide said...

I'm gonna be at the game tonight. Tea first though. Holy shit was I drunk.

powerhouse said...

Will watch us play Atlanta. Will have sweaty hands and anxiety watching Pens play ATLANTA! Can't believe thats a reality but....

How many periods has it been since we scord? Just wondering.

dying alive said...

Keith Jones has no neck at all. It's like he's got a pumpkin sitting on his shoulders.

I'm worried that I'm not more worried. Actually, the only thing I'm slightly worried about is that all of the yinzers are going to be out in force at the arena tonight yelling SHOOOOOOOT. Hopefully the Pens' losing streak will have them off the bandwagon and already working themselves up for the Stillers on Sunday instead.

Arlow said...

It's time to bust out the Chitwood.

Allison said...

@debris-
zoe im so glad to see youre alright
i was a tad worried at one point

BlacknGold66 said...

It's been said, but needs repeating... Great job staff at cranking out a solid re-cap. I too would've lost all motivation and posted the Amy Winehouse pic. (epic)



If gameday characters factor into anything at all then it's time to dig deep.

If Dustin Jeffery can get a look why can't a go-to guy with Veteran leadership like Phil Collins get a spot?

jefe p said...

wow if recaps are gonna be this truthful and hilarious, pens can keep losing.

i didnt have sound, but i did chug some beer when i saw the staal hometown video.

i wonder if there were any points made in the last post of 346231 comments.

fuck a game day character, they all suck.

and fuck the police.

good day!

PenguinsExperience.com said...

"Deflection City.
Surprised Therrien didn't pull Fleury."

Great stuff.

rebecca said...

poor Ellen.
Only Staff has prevented me from killing myself lately due to the last games. Let's hope tonight goes good. It's the Thrashers - please?
Go Pens

Whistler said...

This is where a guy like Colby Armstrong proved his worth. Not by the play on the ice, but what he brought to the locker room.

The more I analyze, the more I question Shero.

I put on my asbestos undies so flame away...

Matt Gajtka said...

As I tried to get to sleep last night, I think I managed to convince myself that "everything happens for a reason" and "the Pens will be better for overcoming this." Whatev.

To be a fly on the wall in Ray Shero's office...

Oh, and the few seconds after you wake up and try to collect your bearings are gold. During that time, you forget what happened the night before.

chris e said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
debrisslide said...

I am getting kind of worried, to be honest. Like, last night Gill, Goligoski, and Wallace were healthy scratches. Wallace plays out of his mind every night and by scratching Gill and Goligoski you pretty much handicap both the PP and the PK in one way or another. It was so ballsack.

When I was drunk I imagined that Malkin wristed one from the high slot at about 2:02 to ruin Lundqvist's shutout.

BlacknGold66 said...

I know we like to job the Stillers on here... even though 99% are huge fans. But if the Pens don't start winning and the Steelers lose this weekend I'm officially jumping off the bridge.

Oh, and I hope that anyone that tried that Pens fantasy game (Extra Attacker) faired better on their first night than I did. (-32!! Thanks TK!)

UGH

akus said...

@jeffe p, on the 346231
It started Balls out,then the gnashing and wailing started, towards the end it was a combo of LGP and a yahoo teen chat room.


I seen this quote @ another hockey blog.
Thoughts on bandwagoners; If someone is watching a meaningless game in the middle of a Pens losing streak, in January, then there are alot of those "fans"


@powerhouse,
they did have a stat on Versus last night on how long it's been since the Pens scored. I am sure once they score tonight, FSN will bring it up.
It dont matter to me the stats or GA/GF, if all the talent is not producing and they are playing games that the final score is 5-4,2-1,7-6,5-4.....It is still marked in the 'L" column.

Any team that struggles, fans will call for the head coach firing.

Remember Stevens and Philly the beginning of the season?

Fuck righting the ship, the rubber raft needs bailed out first.

KD said...

@ BNG
I feel better now. I'm at a -2. Thanks TK, indeed.

btumpak said...

splinter is gone. damn, he was still in his prime.

go pens.

synr said...

In case anyone missed this: The only team in the NHL to have a worse record than the Penguins in the past 10 are the Islanders.

that is all

dying alive said...

If only the Caps had blogs...or fans...they wouldn't have to come here.

dying alive said...

By the way, speaking of Washington, my tickets have arrived for 3/8. Woo! Any other Pensbloggers headed to DC (or already there)?

We're going down on Saturday to nerd out and visit some museums and stuff, but it would be cool to get together with some fellow Pens fans for dinner and a drink.

BlacknGold66 said...

@KD: I'm only at -7 now but TK was my "extra attacker" therefore making me lose like a billion points. Not a good way to start.


[In Too Deep]

homesprout said...

Look on the bright side, at least they didn't give up a 2 goal lead and lose in the shootout....

Skoz said...

Did no one else think the "Show me your V" segment on vs was ridiculous?

matt in dc said...

The game story is incomprehensible. You guys are clearly suffering from the same malaise afflicting the Penguins. AIDS jokes and fat jokes. Awesome. Truly inspiring. Well, at least you can look forward to rooting against the Steelers on Sunday, since that makes you so cool and edgy.

matt in dc said...

If 99% of us are huge fans of the "Stillers," then where's the pleasure in "jobbing" them? Anyway, enjoy it.

curtO. said...

I wonder if the Pens home 'standing room only' sellout is in jeopardy tonight.

I'll still be there, but it will take a couple wins and the Steelers season to end before the majority of band wagoners to come back.

But maybe if we break the streak of sellouts, we will break the streak of losses and failureplays.

dying alive said...

Did no one else think the "Show me your V" segment on vs was ridiculous?

It certainly has an unfortunate title. Nobody really thought that one through.

Curt - I kind of doubt it since the tickets are already sold for the most part to STHs and student rushers will grab whatever is left, if anything. I'd guess that with a Tuesday game vs. a lame non-divisional rival in the middle of a losing streak there will be some empty seats, though. Hopefully the ones next to me.

Matt said...

Robert Muldoon is in the best shape of his life. Just saying.

Also, lack of sense of humor ftw, apparently. Can't wait for the Ovechkjoke ps expo.

dying alive said...

OK, I have an honest-to-goodness serious question here and this isn't a job. Why do people get so sensitive about ripping on the Steelers? I'm a Steelers fan and I couldn't care less. Hell, I don't care if someone makes fun of the Penguins. My co-workers have been jobbing me left and right during this losing streak and I can laugh along. God knows everyone in the world rips on the Pirates. So why are the Steelers off limits? Is it because of this city's unhealthy obsession with them or what?

Jeff L. said...

Man, you guys really suck.

Stilly said...

@DA

I think those personally offended by the Steelers jobbing need to get a life. It's pretty obvious the staff's jabs at the Steelers aren't hatefuly and malicious.

I love the Steelers, but Ben Worthlessberger jokes will NEVER get old. I think he's a good QB, but the jokes are oh so easy.

Quick story.. My wife bought some black and yellow colored fish for our aquarium and named them Troy, Ben, and Mike. She loves her Steeler fish. Anyway immediately following one of Roethlisberger's back breaking interceptions, I made a comment that he should probably quit life while he's ahead. Later that night we found a dead fish in the tank.. and it was Ben.

Me = Stunned.

KD said...

@ BNG
TK was my "extra attacker" too. I had a feeling that last night was going to be big for him. Fail.

Matt said...

@da - no idea. I don't job them because I only job teams I root for, which is basically the Penguins, Orioles and Chargers. (Incidentally, when people call me a fairweather fan, I point to the early 2000s and say, yup, that's totally why I jumped on the bandwagon.)

But the phenomenon you've mentioned is everpresent on ESPN and other places, so it's not exclusive to the Steelers. A large group of fans have absolutely no sense of humor when it comes to their favorite team. They only want to read lavish praise about them. Anything but is some sort of odious betrayal.

Also, there's some stuff with the 70's that I should let someone who's actually grown up in Pittsburgh talk about. I'm Baltimore scum :P

KD said...

@Stilly
Your fish story made my day. My condolences. RIP, Ben Fish.

Matt said...

@stilly - Benfish story completely made my day. Thanks!

Matt said...

Me = copycat and stunned

Kierstan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kierstan said...

Thrasher logo = pigeon getting a swirlie. Just thought I'd throw that out there for no good reason.

DCPensFan said...

We've done something to anger the Hockey Gods. I'm afraid it might have been "The Ovechkin Counter-Offensive." We weren't meant to work with them and now we're being punished while they go on an extended winning streak. And we're reduced to searching for answers, while also rooting for the caps to defeat our division rivals because we can't take care of it ourselves. I look to the pensblog for what we must do to exorcise the problem.

dying alive said...

I'm Baltimore scum :P

What the...? Kill him! ;)

@ Stilly - Benfish is too funny. Poor little guy, he never had a chance.

@ DCPensFan - I think I'm going to have to agree with you. We threw the universe out of alignment with that unholy alliance. Although calling it an alliance is being generous, since the other side seemed apathetic at best (emphasis on the "pathetic" part).

KD said...

We've found the problem. The Unholy Alliance, coupled with Ov's surge in douchbaggery has angered the hockey gods. The X was talking about sacrificing Dan Potash to appease them. We might have to.

dhudzin said...

I don't want to talk about the game so the only thing I'll say is that T.L. Wo Wung Balls Chiu was gold.

Serena and Chuck said...

Dave said: Somewhere in San Jose, Hacksaw is laughing at us all

Oh yeah, that's right!!! Sad trade.


Staff, bad losses seem to produce good recaps. And my thoughts are taken back to the 8-2 loss to the Flyers recap. Best thing I'd ever read.

kstewy16 said...

Todays atlanta game is big. Its either a turning point or rock bottom. If we lose big to Atlanta, we've hit new lows.

Depressionblog.

Matt said...

I guess it goes without saying I enjoyed the Cromartie pick-six comment by staff. I plan on spending all of Sunday cowering in my Antonio Gates jersey indoors.

Go Pens. Beat the Toiletbirds. I'm begging you.

Matt said...

@kstewy - if they start Moose, it's all over. Game over, man. Game over...

kstewy16 said...

Bad goalie syndrom strikes again if Moose starts. But Lehtonen always beats us too, so either way its gonna be a problem.

Matt said...

According to the Toiletbirds' website, Lehtonen is probably getting the nod. He's 1-3-0, 2.96 over his last four, but like kstewy said, he's always solid against the Pens.

Oh, if anyone is going to the game: please cheer Colby. Remind him how much we want him back so he is more willing to return next year. It's pretty obvious during the last two weeks that he'd make a huge difference.

J.S. said...

matt in dc, so I guess you're cool and edgy for using a reference from "Waiting"?

go die

I R A Darth Aggie said...

DEER LORD, WE SUCK.

*sigh*

Oh well, at least there's Hapless-lanta on the card for tonight.

Ironically, now that I got a 42" LCD HDTV, I've discovered several digital channels exist on my cable feed. Much to my delight, a number of these channels carry NHL games live. They seem to be the regional sports net feeds.

I'm at a lost to explain their existance - not only do I not have Center Ice, I also do not have cable service. It is just that they're too lazy to cut me off after the previous goobers got evicted. Two years ago, that is...

Still, getting a decent digital signal with a variety of NHL games on a big screen TV for the price of the TV leaves me all tingly.

jovi said...

game day character - that little boy from "Angels in the Outfield" who kept saying "It could happen".

I still believe ...Game 5, Game 5, Game 5. I'll never doubt the Pens again.

Matt said...

This is the point in the season you look back on in April, when the Pens are pounding some asshats like the Rags in the second round, and a guy in a powder blue Malkin jersey, arm wrapped around a blonde sporting a new pink Pens hat, drunkenly tells you how he always believed in this year. And you think, yeah right, but you don't say anything because the Pens are beating the Rags.

Then he yells SHOOOOOT and you vomit all over the place.

Raybin said...

It's pretty obvious during the last two weeks that he'd make a huge difference.

Yeah, Colby would've scored 15 goals and singlehanded improved the team defense.

If only we'd kept him, we could've had a Pesonen - Crosby - Armstrong line that would be making the NHL quake in its skates.

J.S. said...

but dying alive, it's the 11th commandment. God says "Thou shall not job thy football team of Pittsburgh." ;)

You should see the hate I get at work for the stuff I say about Ben. I guess jokes about Lebarons, motorcycles, steel plates, concussions, interceptions, and big heads are kinda frowned upon if you're talking about the man who sits beside God...I mean if you're talking about Roethlisberger. The blind love for him is sick, and it's not even just at work. Saying Fast Willie should be named "Fast to be tackled Willie" also tends to upset them. But what people forget is they're human like the rest of us. I may job my friends, family, or even fellow c-bloggers, but at the end of the day, they're still people that I enjoy talking to, hanging out with, or cracking a beer or few with.

Remember, it's all in the name of jobbing; no one is off limits.

Raybin said...

Matt, it figures right after I job you, you make your 11:13 comment that causes me to laugh out loud. Me = stunned.

BlacknGold66 said...

I love Colby... but when you have the two best players in the league and you still suck, someone to cheer up the locker room isn't going to help.

But your last comment has me rolling Matt. So true.


[ Against All Odds]

Raybin said...

Er, right before I job you.

You know, I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

Raybin said...

If we don't beat Atlanta tonight, the whole Eastern Conference goes on by and over the hill and the whole flank caves in

DO IT.

dying alive said...

I want Colby back because I liked him. And hey, if we're going to have a bunch of role players who aren't scoring anyway, we might as well have likeable role players who aren't scoring.

Try to argue THAT logic. HA!

BlacknGold66 said...

DA for the MFing WIN!


[ One More Night]

btumpak said...

Not all is lost:

http://www.faceoff-factor.com/grading-the-pens/2477/charting-the-pens-after-40-games

Aron said...

probably the funniest post to date. If you'll excuse me, i'll go join Elmo now.

Matt said...

Haha, much appreciated raybin. If I posted and got mad when someone jobbed me, I'd be a Capitals "fan".

I tend to get overzealous about Colby though. If he comes back to the Burgh they'll file a restraining order against me before training camp is over :P

chris e said...

DyingAlive - I live in the DC area and will be at the game on 3/8. We should grab some beers before the game.

Go Pens.

Sweet Trav said...

Glenn Danzig circa 1990 for game-day starter.

Times are dark, and why not have Danzig pull us out of it.

dying alive said...

The fact that they're only four points off of their pace last year is actually pretty encouraging since they ended up finishing second in the conference (it would have been first if they weren't "scared" of the Flyers - lawl). Of course, they also had that stretch of games where they could not lose which really gave them a boost, but they're capable of doing the same thing again. Or at least, getting on a more even keel. I'm not worried about them making the playoffs, which is right around the time they'll have Gonchar back to right things on the power play. Because if he can't do it, nobody can.

The way I see it, the Pens aren't playing all that poorly for the most part. There is a certain lack of confidence and being snakebitten, but it's the total lack of scoring on the PP that is killing them and that is the situation that needs to be addressed first.

dying alive said...

@ chris - Cool! I'll post something closer to the game and those of us who are going can work out a meeting plan.

Warning: one of my friends will be there in an Ovechkin t-shirt. Feel free to job.

chris e said...

That's ok DA. The last time I met with fellow C-bloggers in DC Hip had a Backstrom jersey on.

KD said...

@ Matt
We can share a cell. WHEN/If Colby returns, I'm going run out of my office screaming and head to the nearest bar.

Dixie Normess said...

STAFF: Please consider for the start tonight


after all, who you gonna call?

jovi said...

i thinks it interesting that we're all putting our faith in Gonch coming back because what else is there.

what if he comes back and nothing changes? i think its a lot of pressure to put on gonchar.

the team has to "make hay while the sun shines"

- just on observation.

fleuryous said...

dying alive said...
I'm Baltimore scum :P

What the...? Kill him! ;)
-------------------------
Ray Lewis is in Baltimore...just saying.

A Phil Collin's still from "Against All Odds" would probably work for tonight's game. Well, that and I love Phil Collins.

And I love my Steelers, but I laugh pretty much every time I see that turnover PS. Golden.

I will be in attendance at the game tonight. Pens, let's turn it around and do it in the butt.

Go Pens.

Matt said...

To be fair, he just watched his friends kill a dude. That said, I'd rather Ray Lewis' friends didn't kill me either.

And I tried jobbing the Ravens this weekend in Bmore. People got so pissy, I thought I'd just said Ben is a joke in Pittsburgh or something.

Godard out, Wallace in. Good times.

jenna said...

trade for zetterberg we need a swede or a russian called kovalchuk or both whaaaaaaa

sven butenschon said...

@ Dying alive
I found a company online that will make t shirts that say Ovechkin Russian for Douchbag
You interested?
Where are you located?
Could we do this in storeblog?

jovi said...

@ Jenna,

I always think the samething too; get kovalchuk. Lord knows he wants out of Ga.

Mabey get kovalchuk and colby for...
satan
some farm-team kids
godard
and day i say - Whitney
oh, and Staal because he's pissing me off.

sven butenschon said...

@ Matt
I was @ BWI on saturday and some kid maybe 10 stated running his mouth about how bad pittsburgh sucked and how it wasn't a TD
I told him that was the problem with Balt fans they never even bother to learn the rules
He told me that Ray Ray was better than Troy I asked @ what killing people

35 years old and I am starting fights with 10 year old kids
I love my life

jovi said...

meant to say 'dare i say'

synr said...

Ovie is probably the nicest guy in the NHL. Some fans just hate him because he makes Crosby second best.

Here's some evidence within the past week:

http://sabrechaser.blogspot.com/2009/01/why-alexander-ovechkin-stole-my-heart.html

Matt said...

@sven - that's pretty much how my conversation went. Except the homers in question were friends from high school, and 22 or older. No excuse for them.

It's fun to tell Ravens fans I like the Chargers because they're actually enjoyable to watch. I never really liked watching the Ravens play. The exception to that is of course Ed Reed, who is a hell of a football player. Other than that, hard to get excited about Baltimore.

Please tell me the Penguins are back in black tonight. I can't take more of these powder blue alternates games.

BlacknGold66 said...

@synr: This one's for you buddy.

brett said...

I suppose it was a blessing that I couldn't go to the game last night. when I went to the last Pens-Devils game when we lost 4-1, it was pretty brutal to be a Pens fan in there. I could only imagine what was going on last night. Shame.

Despite dropping 5 straight, the Pens moneyline is -220. Shame.

synr said...

@BlacknGold66:

Yeah I figured, that you didn't care if the guy is ACTUALLY a douchebag. You just want to be pissed at someone other than your shitty team.

Annie S said...

I love how opposing fans think a losing streak in January make the Pens a bad team through and through (and give them permission to suddenly come on here and "rub it in"), when they have been toiling through mediocrity for the last 20+ years. I can think of far worse things happening to the Pens than a frustrating losing streak.

[KansasCityblog]

nikki said...

All is well c-blog, my jersey is on its way here and once it arrives, everything will turn around
...or at least it better or nhl.com is receiving a nasty email :)

sven butenschon said...

I think the real question here is who is the bigger douchebag

Ovechkin or synr

KD said...

@ Sven
I vote snyr, simply because he doesn't believe the biggest douchebag ever isn't a douchebag. That right that is real douchebaggery.

KD said...

Ok, total fail on my part.

1) synr

2) That right there...

That's what I meant to say.

dying alive said...

That magazine article made him sound like a pretty big douchebag. Just sayin'.

And I will put up with many, many things, but talk of trading Whitney will turn me into a 5'2" ball of wrathful rage. Let's leave him out of this.

dying alive said...

Hrm.

Looks like we were wrong. Totally not a douchebag.

Oh, by the way, Kip Winger called. He wants his jeans back.

Matt said...

Ovechkin isn't a douchebag, Jose Theodore is a good choice in net, and Capitals fans will stick with the team after a 5 game losing streak. Waaaaahhhhhhh.

We don't like Ovechkin, you don't like Crosby. Fine. If you keep insisting he's "not a douche" and "more popular", you're really only trying to convince yourselves. Grow a pair, Caps fans.

sven butenschon said...

Kip Winger = Solid

dying alive said...

Some writer from Columbus says that the Blue Jackets are interested in Staal.

Pope is Catholic

He then goes on to say, "whoops, nm" because the Jackets won't be willing to make it worth the Pens' while.

Aubrey said...

fleuryous said-
I will be in attendance at the game tonight. Pens, let's turn it around and do it in the butt.

I might have to steal that phrase, I just love it so much!!! :)


On another note: I'm really thinking this team needs a "strom" on it. We have no Stroms....we don't want holmstrom or backstrom, but a less homo Strom....what do you guys think??

on yet another note: I love you staff....the pain of being shut out was calmed for a minute while reading the hilarious recap...

kstewy16 said...

Synr you act like OV is the only guy in the NHL to do something nice for someone.

Maybe you should head over to Pens TV and take a look at what Sid, Geno, and all the Pens do in there spare time. And when I say spare time, I really do mean THEIR time. One day a bunch of them just up and decided to go buy a bunch of toys and hand them out at the hospital. This wasn't part of a team PR thing, it was just a bunch of guys who care about the community.

Then maybe you can go to youtube and search for John Challis, a local Pittsburgh kid who was dying of cancer, and everyone from the Penguins, to the Pirates, to the Steelers came and met the kid, invited him to games and practices, and just had good talks with him.

Believe me, what OV did was great, but he's still a Douche. 1 good act doesn't make up for a lifetime of douchbagery, and OV isn't the only person doing nice things for people.

J.S. said...

I also have a jersey on the way.

(upon further review, my Lemieux Laval jersey is flying from....the Philipines?!? O RLY?)

Stilly said...

@DA

I saw that at Empty Netters this morning. While they're delusional enough to think there's a chance the Jackets will get Staal.. At least they were realistic about it.

My worst fear is that some joke picks up on this and makes an argument here that the Pens could get Nash for Staal.

dying alive said...

Kip Winger = Solid

Rumor has it that the Pens could use a solid winger.

Staal + Eaton for Kip Winger. Make it happen, RS.

kstewy16 said...

I love the comment the Columbus writer makes in his Staal comment.
"And Staal might like to get away from the Penguins, if only because of coach Michel Therien."

So lets see, what could MT possibly be doing that pisses staal off.
He gave Staal a chance as a 2nd line winger. FAIL.
He still gives Staal time on the 1st PP. FAIL.

Not to mention Staal is 4th on the team for TOI.

So please, Columbus jackass, please tell me what MT could possibly be doing to make Jordan Staal just a bit happier.
As far as I can tell, its Staal who should be working to please MT, not the other way around.

pops said...

please, god, let this truly be rock bottom. hopefully they whoop on ATL tonight and end both the home-losing streak and the 5 game losing streak.

praying.

go pens go

pops said...

@J.S.

so THATS where Laval is... you learn something new everyday.

pops said...

as for AO, just based on the people he surrounds himself with, aka assistant who used to be involved with selling drugs and russian hookers (no, really), AO is a fucking douchebag

kstewy16 said...

So Kari Letsitin is starting for ATL. Unfortunately he doesn't Letsitin against the pens. Last season he only allowed 5 goals in 3 games against the pens. 1.67 Goals/game.
Considering last season the Pens averaged 2.93 Goals/game, Letsitin raped the Pens.

Matt said...

Godard-Jeffrey-Satan on the fourth line now. Yawn.

I do like the TK-Sid-Dupuis line though. They just have to bury those chances.

Orange Alert on gameday characters. May I suggest... Buries It?

wilsmith said...

sven, someone already made those shirts.

i dont remember who, but they showed up on here last season.

Jeffrey Paswick said...

YOU DICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKSS! I HATE RANGERS!!!!!! I HOPE YOU GET DICK PUNCHED! POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR MY DEVS WILL BEAT THE HERICANES TONIGHT!! PENIS FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

-JP

wilsmith said...

did you say penis fire?

work safe, just a news article.

RedWings said...

I've gotta offer my sympathies to all you Pens fans. This stretch has been brutal.

The Wings seem to have a mid season slump every January or February. Frequently, it's injury related.

You guys started the season on IR and still are not healthy. I believe you're suffering all the bad right now, and when EVERYONE is back and healthy you'll be back to giving the Eastern Conference a nasty glove facewash and a wedgie.

I'm still looking forward to a rematch this June.

penstone said...

@allison
im still alive, barely.
apologies to cblog last night..

@dying alive
i just may be in Dsizzle for that game and if i am, there is a good change my uncle will be taking me to the game. his office has one of the boxes but ill step out to come meet you common folk. especially if it means other pens fans in the premises.

i still miss colby too but him being back wont help this team either.
GO PENS

penstone said...

wow a classy Red Wings fan? i'm stunned

thanks man
a rematch is welcomed.

Dixie Normess said...

@wilsmith

Penisfire sounds about the right adjective to describe the current state of things.

christina said...

redwings is and always will be as classy as they come.

snickerdoodles said...

I, too, agree that the Unholy Alliance has angered the Hockey Gods. But how do we appease them? The old stand-by of throwing a certain red headed virgin (I'm not mentioning any names, but his name rhymes with Harian Mossa) into a volcano? Do we have to stare at an 8x10 glossy of Rod Brind'Amour wearing a thong for five minutes? Attend a Detroit Red Wings game? Write something nice about Ottowa? Please send us a sign, o mighty Hockey Gods, of what we should do to appease your anger. We humbly await a response.

Allison said...

@da and penstone and others- ill also be in attendance for the march 8 game in wash (and doing the whole museum thing the day before). If I can figure out a way to explain all these people I see to know without using the term internet to my grandpa, I'd so be down for a little meetup. Ill be the one with brown hair in a white pigeon lemieux jersey.

Dan said...

my posts are few anymore. but i have a feeling. give batman the call tonight. do it.

pensfan871 said...

Even though the Pens continue to lose, i still find myself excited to watch the game tonight.

No more predictions for me.
Let's just see how it goes.

go Pens!

M. Vanderlasser said...

Just arrived in the rainy 'Burgh for tonight's turnaround game.

We can see the players' still-empty parking lot from our hotel room.

Mrs. VdL and I plan to dine at the Red Ring before gametime; is anyone else going to be there? It would be fun to met some of you.

We're nice and we like beer.

Let's Go Pens?
Let's Go Pens?
Let's Go Pens?

Cotton Candy Man for game day.

meg said...

hey guys! bout to head into the city to shop for a little, grab some dinner, and head to the game. i find myself really excited to see colby, is that bad? i hope no one hits me if i cheer for him.

i'll be in section a3, row e if anyone is near!

GO PENS!

Allison said...

@m van- I second that cotton candy man nomination... That man works hard... Kinda like the Pens need to.

stelcity120 said...

I wanna see the tinman as the game day character tonight he hasn't let us down in a good bit..

Btw way picking up Satan was a bigger bust that than the attempted to vote ovechkin (douchebag if I had my t9 turned on) in to the starting line up if the allstar game.


LET'S GO PENS!

sonofatruckload said...

the ovechkin = russian for douchbag shirt is from this site:

http://madeyoulook.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/

id link it if i knew how

The Goon Blogger said...

Colby Armstrong scores two and pees in Crosby's face. Bank.

City of Pittsburgh commits suicide until Sunday.

dying alive said...

No. The Pens are winning tonight. I don't care if I have to come out of the stands and take out Kovalchuk's knees while making a spin-o-rama pass to Malkin on the breakaway.

Pens win. Guarantee.

LOLgwins said...

it seems like the worse the pens do the less funny the pictures are from the game.

struggling to come up with good lolgwins,

lolgwins

RedWings said...

Thanks penstone and christina.

Believe me, I know what it's like. I'm also a Lion fan.


(Did I say that out loud???)

Matt said...

@RedWings - am I correct in assuming more fans wanted the Lions to go 0-16 rather than 1-15? Either means the first round pick, and there's something to be said for record-setting.

Also, Marinelli and Millen are gone as a result. And you can't do worse. This is what being an O's fan is like almost every year.

RedWings said...

@Matt

That seems to be true. Most fans I talked with wanted the old:

Knock, knock.
Who's there.
Owen.
Owen who?
Owen Sixteen.

But as for me, I really wanted one fricken' win. I really didn't want to be known as the world's all time greatest loser of all sports for ever and ever. Plus, I think the Millen and Marinelli whackings were a foregone conclusion. Anyone who saw this collection of 53 world class underachievers knew that the big dogs would not be invited back.

Now we all can't wait to see what no-name loser coach they sign and who the two flops will be that they get to pick in the first round.

But hey, we were 4 and oh, preseason champions.

J.S. said...

possiblyscalpingoneticketblog

I got offered two tix for tonight's game. Regardless of how shitty the roads are, I'm making the drive from j-town. However, one friend may not be able to make it because he's working late. He's gonna let me know either way by 5:30.

So....I'm offering the extra ticket to anybody on here. My contact info is on facebook and I'll have my phone with me. 1 ticket, D23, but you're stuck sitting with me. Or if you want to wander and stand elsewhere, that's fine too. $45, but at least give me an hour until I find out if friend is canceling. I'll have my ipod with me too and will try to check back in c-blog if I don't see or hear anything.

Stilly said...

Losing Barry Sanders and hiring Matt Millen within two years screwed the Lions' collective pooch. I think better things are ahead Redwings. At least you have the first pick in the draft.

Matt said...

Here's a slightly reassuring note for RedWings from a Chargers fan:

In 2000, the Bolts went 1-15 and got blown out more often than they kept it close. They got the number 1 overall pick, which they traded to Atlanta. Both teams took quarterbacks. Decide who came out of it better:

ATL - Michael Vick
SD - Drew Brees

Oh, then they picked up Tomlinson in the same draft. Woooooo.

Point is, you should draft a Swedish football player. Seems to pan out pretty well for the Wings, and they could beat the Lions at football.

And Penguins, quit playing games with my heart. I believe you can break this slump.

wilsmith said...

I say we scrap the gameday characters. The bench is overcrowded and surely there's unrest in the locker room.

Sit them all until they get the message.

quiteprolific said...

Orpik-Whitney
Eaton-Boucher
Scuderi-Letang


So whats up with Gogo? Hurt...or perhaps a little Shero magic?

RedWings said...

Matt said...
Point is, you should draft a Swedish football player. Seems to pan out pretty well for the Wings,


LOL! As a twist on your analysis, the Lions and 49ers finished dead last in 1979 at 2-14. Niners won the first pick and took Charles White. Lions took Billy Sims. Niners won five SuperBowls, Lions didn't.

Nine years later, 1988 Dallas goes 3-13, Lions 4-12 (twice as good as they were in 1979, woo-hoo). Dallas goes on to win another 3 SuperBowls, Lions didn't.

Let's face it. One playoff win in the last 51 years ain't saying much. They are officially, the longest running sit-com on TV.

M. Vanderlasser said...

Players' parking lot is filling up...

Sweet mother of Malkin, let's get a W tonight!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Flyer Hater said...

Colby Armstrong score 5 tonight, 6 different ways.

stelcity120 said...

Someone is gonna have to step up tonight..and that someone is going to be Mad Max Talbot. I'm saying he's gonna have a huge game.

akus said...

Tater!!!

Tommy M. Barrasso'ed said...

Best post in decades. I wish it wasn't due to the dire, frustrating situation.

Joey said...

Don't know if someone said it already in the thick of these damn comments... I remember reading that certain types of birth control turn you fucking orange whenever you tan.

Case-in-point, carrot face.

joseph burrell said...

hahaha the first pictures were so funny, I could not resist and I laughed and my friend who is a pay per head writer and who is next to me laughed when she saw it too!

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