Friday, October 31, 2008

By now everyone has read this Alexander Semin job on Crosby. [Puck Daddy]

"What's so special about [Crosby]? I don't see anything special there. Yes, he does skate well, has a good head, good pass. But there's nothing else. Even if you compare him to Patrick Kane from Chicago ... [Kane] is a much more interesting player. The way he moves, his deking abilities, his thinking on the ice and his anticipation of the play is so superb."

"I think that if you take any player, even if he is "dead wood," and start promoting him, you'll get a star. Especially if he scores 100 points. No one is going to care about anyone else. No one is going to care whether he possesses great skill. Let's say you put someone in front of the net and let him deflect pucks in, and he scored 50 goals; everyone will say "Wow!" and then hand him a $10 million per year contract. That's what they like here. "


Imagine you've been dating some girl for two years. Then some hot girl is chilling somewhere else, and someone asks you who you think is hotter. What are you going to say? If Semin was on the Pens, Ovechkin would be feeling Semin's wrath. What a boring controversy. But, hey, the Pens suck right now, and this is all we got.

Semin makes some points, and if you read a little into the words, it isn't exactly scathing. In fact, this is the best thing that could have happened. What fun is it to have respect all the time? We want Crosby to score four goals next time he plays the Caps and and point at Semin on the bench or something.

Semin isn't wrong to say Crosby isn't interesting. But who cares about that.
Whether you like him or not. Bing is a solid hockey player; 100 points just don't fall oninto your lap. Semin, if he has the chance, and he should, will be getting some hype soon.If that hype means giving interviews like this, we say bring it.

Malkin is better than both of them anyway.



As for Gamenight.

Not a lot to pick from, but there is some quality.


We're going with a two-team parlay in these two games.
First the over of 5.5 in the Blackhawks /Stars game, and the Canucks to cover by +1.5

Do it.

Go Pens

Trick Or Balls. PENS LOSE.

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If you read anything beyond this point, that is your fault.

These are the kind of games that you wish Michael Myers would be hiding in your house so he could sneak up on you and stab you in the neck.

It is not bad because the Penguins lost, but because of the subsequent bridge-jumping by fans and media members alike.

If this was March 1st, then there would be trouble.
But it is Halloween.

That is all we can tell you at this point. You have to help yourself.

[Jefe B]

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[Pete P.]

Dupuis got slashed by Jason Vorhees in the locker room, so the Pens had to call up Chris Minard.

MAF made some solid saves, but everything else was mud.

The most stunning thing about the period was Ken Klee is still in the NHL.

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Over/Under on Rob Rossi making up a trade rumor: Three days.

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The second period didn't start off much better.
But about five minutes in, at least something happened.

Orpik got a penalty for playing hockey. Sometimes it is hard to believe how bad of a ref Bill McCreary is.

The Pens killed it, but Phoenix was buzzing.
The puck found its way to Olli Joke-enin.


Jokinen: 32 points in 37 games against the Pens.

The Pens picked up the play a little bit, and some idiot for the Coyotes took a penalty.
On the powerplay, Malkin laces one off the glass. It bounces out in front of the net.
Somehow Satan bats it out of mid-air. 1-0.

We'd show a picture, but apparently no one cares to take good pictures at the Arena. Surprise.
After the goal, the Pens go nuts.
Malkin had more shots than former WTAE/KDKA broadcaster Don Cannon.


Malkin and Sykora looked good, but they just could not beat Bryzlballs.

Towards the end of the period, the Pens hit a post.
Next thing you know, Staal takes a boarding penalty, and Phoenix takes the lead. 2-1

Shane Doan is kind of a big deal.

Malkin finishes the period with 9 shots; a franchise record for shots by a player in a period.
Thank you, Geno.

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Things picked up where they left off, with the Pens flying around.
All of sudden though, you notice Bing is nowhere to be found.
In the midst of all this, the Great Homo takes a too-many-men penalty.
What a whiner.

After Wayne is done throwing a tempter tantrum, the Coyotes take another penalty.
5-on-3 time.

It is more or less the game.

The Pens get a few chances, but Bryz is sharp. Phoenix clears it.
Satan gets a penalty because Bill Mcqueery likes to jack us around.
Satan insults Mcqueery's mustache. 10-minute misconductblog.

Without Satan and Crosby, it just ain't gonna fly.

Steve Reinprecht makes a disgusting move, passes to some jerkoff. 3-1.
And then another one by Doan to close up shop. Game.


  • Free Candy was everywhere.
  • Let's just move on.
  • No idea what's up with Bing.

Thursday, October 30, 2008


:: Phoenix ain't no joke.
Yeah, they're 3-4-0, but they are a solid team all the way through.

The 'Yote's haven't played since they got smoked by Calgary on Saturday night. [Ice Chips]

So that most likely means they are going to be pissed off.

Plus Olli Jokinen always scores against the Pens.
If you need a longer preview of the game, [] has it.



:: Some interesting off-the-ice news.
The Pens are now worth $195 Million. [Forbes]

We don't know jack about business, but the Pens had an increase of 26% last year, highest in the NHL.
Buries It bought them for $107 million in 1999, so that's pretty sick.

To contrast, the Leafs are number-one with a worth of $448 million.

The Coyotes are worth $142 million.

Our favorite is the Lightning. [Forbes Magazine]:

"In June, OK Hockey, a group of eight owners led by Oren Koules and Len Barrie, bought the Tampa Bay Lightning, the lease rights to the St. Pete Times Forum and 5.5 axces of land in downtown Tampa's Channelside District near the arena for $210 million, of which $204 million was for the team and operating rights to the arena. The new owners believe they can increase cash flow by $18 million a year. They better. Their purchase was financed with a $105 million, three-year bullet loan, meaning in 2011 they will either have to pay the loan off or refinance it."

Like we said, we know nothing about business,
but if Forbes Magazine is mocking you, you're screwed.


We fielded some good candidates for the Gameday position tonight.
It was a tough call.
NICK G. comes through.

Go Pens

Thanks to our boy [Mikey at Kiss FM] for this one.


Go Pens

Mistake City

Betting on sports is how you learn to hate teams.
Toronto just wouldn't die.
We lose.

How does New Jersey shut down the Pens, but get smoked by Toronto?
That is a joke.
John Madden can shutdown Crosby, but he lets Matt Stajan poop in his mouth.


Check out Marty Brodeur get jacked at Niklas Hagman for spraying ice in his face on the shutout goal:

“I decided I was going to try something else and I felt pretty confident with it,” Hagman said, “I didn’t want to put snow in his face. That’s why I felt a little bad. I didn’t want to celebrate too much. I didn’t want to be cocky.”[yahoo]


We were made aware of an unreal application for the iPhone:

Go the STATIONS menu.
Choose BROWSE TALK. Choose NHL.
Every team's flagship radio broadcast available for streaming.


Michael B. employs a great tactic to lure trick-or-treaters.


Big news for Tony over at The Confluence.
Kukla's Korner has brought him aboard to be their Pens blogger.
Best wishes to a solid human being.

Don't go into the bathroom in KK's headquarters, Tony.
Abel2Yzerman is waiting.

Actually, head over there now if you haven't heard about HCMT's latest line juggling.

Dupuis- Bing- Tank
Cook-Malkin- Sykora
Biz Nasty-Zigo-Godard

Not bad as far as balance. We'll see.

Some people are already flipping out. We knew this was coming. It is just something we're all going to have to deal with, until some people learn how to watch an NHL season.


Gameday tomorrow:

Someone mentioned we should sign "Rambo," because he can get some shots off.

We really don't want to, so give us someone else who gets shots off.

Go Pens.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Betting is as streaky as anything. When you're hot, you're hot. When you're cold, you're ice.

To clarify some things, we bet at [BETUS].
We've been betting there for three-plus years. Solid organization.
You can fill your account for a minimum of $50.


Only three games on the slate tonight.
Taking one glance at the games, it becomes clear what game we are sitting on:


Toronto visits New Jersey. [PensionPlanPuppets]

Toronto, coming off a tough loss at home, must now travel all the way to the swamp.


5 bucks on Devils to win by 1.5.
Bank it.


Speaking of the Leafs, they're doing some below-the-radar experiment.
We did extensive Google searches that came up empty.

We won't insult everyone this time with big giant red arrows.

What's wrong with this picture?


We figured no one had heard about it since goal lights in the Air Canada Centre are the least used in the National Hockey League.



We wanted to hit the numbers, since we've hit the 10-game mark.

+Evgeni Malkin leads the league in scoring with 3g/12a/15p.
He has played less games than the 2 of the top 16 players up there in scoring.
One of those players is Bing: 3g/10a/13p.
The other is Marc Savard, having played 10 games and putting up 5 goals and 8 assists.

+The Pens have scored an average of 2.4 goals a game.
That's 8th worst in the league.
Of all teams, Philly leads the league with an average of 4 a game.

+But then we hit up goals-against averages for teams.
The Pens are 4th in the league, giving up only 2.1 a game. Staggering.
Rangers are number one with a 1.92 average.

+So, Philly should be awesome since they score 4 goals a game.
Whoops. Their GAA is 3.67. Fourth worst in the league.
Dallas is giving up 4.22 a game.

+The Pens power play is 7th in the league with 20.9%.
St. Louis is all business with mid-'90s-Pens-esque 34.2%
We'll see them Saturday.

+The Pens PK is fifth in the league, dominating 87% of the time.
Minnesota is a perfect 100%, killing 30-some penalties this season.

As far as the Pens individual stats go, here's the breakdown:
Click me.

And now we come to the most disturbing stat of all.

+The Pens are giving up 33.7 shots a game, 5th worst in the league.
They're putting 26.2 shots on net a game, 4th worst.

This looks to be a telltale sign that the blue line is lacking.
Teams don't respect our blue line. Defensemen can rarely get a shot off.
Gonchar and Whitney combined would add at least 3 shots a game to the Pens average.

As far as giving up shots goes, if you've watched Pens game, they've been in the hunt every night.
They're playing conservatively, keeping shots to the perimeter.
It's the only way teams can get the puck to the net against the Pens.
Next time you watch a game, just count 3 shots against the Pens that are trash.
That takes the Pens average down to 30 a game.
It might be naive to think that way, but any statistical figure can be ridiculed.

Go Pens

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Staying up for this one becomes even worse when you woke up today and it's 11 degrees.

Besides getting a survivor goal in the latter portions of the third,
the Pens' anemic offense up to that point was frustrating.

To say this was a defensive battle is somewhat appropriate.
But the ice was leaning towards Sabu all night.
Another heroic performance for Sabourin.

Gotta cut down on the penalties.
The Pens ate more box tonight than Ellen Degeneres.

Can you imagine making this entrance at work every day?


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Early on, Godard dropped the gloves with Shelley.

We haven't seen something get beat that hard since we took Charlie to an 'N Sync concert.

We never play the Sharks. We don't have the rapport with the Western Conference that we have with the East. Evgeni Najokov has never given us a reason to hate him.
Buying that penalty against Satan in the early going changed all that.
What a jobber play. We still like him.
The Pens killed it eventually.

Halfway through the period, some stain for San Jose gave the puck away to Malkin in the slot.
Malkin craps himself when he realizes that the idiot is actually gonna try to make that pass.
He breaks for it, steals it, shoots it wide.

When faced with shots that actually hit the net, Nabo was all business.

The Pens got a PP soon after that and promptly gave up the lamest shorthanded goal of the decade. Malkin blew a tire on I-79. Some joke gets it.


The Sharks were everywhere, but Legame was all over everything.
We actually forgot Jeremy Roenick still plays in the NHL.
The Sharks might be our second favorite team when they cut him.

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The Sharks were given some great chances to distance themselves from the Pens in the second.
Malkin went to the box, and then Dupuis did.
Gotta give it up to Sabu for staying sharp in an otherwise sparingly offensive game.
Then it again, he's paid to do that.

The teams exchanged big bens, and the Sabu had to make a big save on Dan Boyle to keep the Pens in the hunt.

After a couple of more solid saves, Sabourin made another huge save by accident.
The Sharks were swarming. They could smell blood, if you will.

But nothing happened of course.

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Guess what. Nothing happened in the first half of the third.
The Sharks came out more aggressive than that annoying dude who always hits on your girlfriend right in front of you.
The Sharks almost scoring off a faceoff was the lead story.

Depending on what you do for a living, you may have been considering closing up shop with about 10 minutes left. No one would have judged you.

In the second half of the third period, the Sharks hit their 41st post of the night.
The Pens kill off that Crosby penalty and then get one of their own.
This was the Pens chance they were waiting for.
Fedotenko squashed that chance by taking a penalty.

When David Alan Grier buried another garbage goal for the Sharks to make it 2-0, you probably brushed your teeth and investigated the issue of whether or not your partner was up for some sex.

You tried to ignore the shot totals of the two teams, but FSN shows with 6 minutes left that the Pens were being outshot 32-9.
The Pens say to hell with the guys in the truck, and Tank puts one home in the Tank. 2-1.

The Pens could smell blood, but it gets gayed up when Matt Cooke takes some phantom penalty.
Didn't deserve to win anyway.
Hacksaw finishes the game by killing dude in the chair. Very short experiment.


  • How much better exactly is the West?
  • Joe Thornton is a beast. What was Boston doing?
  • Pens outshot 34-11. ;)
  • As Jesse from [FF] points out, the Pens have gotten 17 shots in the last 85 minutes of action. Vomit.
  • Still October.
  • Pesonen, best shape of his life. J ust saying.
  • The Sharks are an entertaining team. They don't take cheap shots, Cheechoo excluded.
  • Just not a good game.


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