Thursday, July 31, 2008

Half Past Dead

What does the title of the post mean?
Nothing, we just go to Steven Segal IMDB page when we need inspiration.



What an idiot.

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How is it still July?

[The Hockey News] has a list of things hockey fans could do.
"4. Grab a hockey stick, hold the top of it around crotch level, then run down a street that hasn’t been paved in years. "

Not bad

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Don't forget about the Center Ice contest going on over at [ Icethetics ]. The Penguins v. Wild poll closes on Friday. Right now the Penguins center ice is doubling up the Wilds, about 2 thousand votes to 1 thousand.



WAAAAAAA

Maybe Minnesota fans should wake up.


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The Wings and Valtteri Filppula avoided arbitration with a 5-year, $15 million deal. Which means a salary dump is on the horizon. [ A2Y ]


Pascal Leclaire signs a 3-year, $11.4 million extension with the Jackets. [ TSN ]


The Wild have waived Mark Parrish, with a buyout expected. [ Hockey Rants ]

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:: Someone decided there was a need for an entire forum devoted to Tyler Kennedy.
[ TylerKennedy.com ]

:: The Blues Dan Hinote was recently married in a ceremony that included a couple of Playmates, a teammate dressed as a woman, and Jim Carrey in Fidel Castro costume, beard and all. [ Puck Daddy ]

:: [ Mirtle ] looks at who's still left after a month of free agency.

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Look who is back:

[Big Batch News]

He is reporting that the Steelers have signed a new punter named "Charlito"




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And finally...

Penguin fans DC & EV found this when they climbed Mt. Katahdin in Maine.



Sick.


Go Pens

Winter In The Sun

We might post something in the afternoon.
We might not.

It is still July somehow.

One thing we have to do is catch up on Winter in The Sun.



Yea we messed up the numbers or whatev.

Here are games 34 & 36 both against the Bruins:

[Go Eat Some Wicked Chowdah. PENS WIN.]

[pit.<span class=[<span class=
5 - 4
SHOOTOUT

2-goal lead, man.

What came next was Gary Roberts running Lemieuxblog in the Boston zone.
He sets up Christensen twice with insane passes that Christensen couldn't put home.
Roberts is clearly a better passer than Larry Bird.


he top line got it working yet again.
Aaron Ward takes a late run at Malkin and knocks him down.
He gets up in time to job in the slot, where Crosby finds him.
Malkin holds in "B" on NHL 95.

3-0.
Still no picture.
Terrible.

::::
The power play was non-existent for the entire time.
Right before the power play was gonna tick off, Bing throws down with Andrew Ference.



"This is gonna be Sid's first fart." -- Bob Errey.
Kinda weak, 'cause Sid didn't throw his helmet (and visor) off.

And even while in the box, he draws an extra two minutes.
What a hockey player.
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We went to the shootout, but the Bruins forgot to bring their guns.

Christensen goal. Thomas forgot to check his scouting report.
Conk save.

LeGame up next for the Pens.
Goal.

Marco Joke is up for the B's.
Should have kept Joe Thornton.

Conksave.

Game.
THIRD PERIOD
brought to you by:
Chernobyl Power



The Bruins knew the fat lady was lurking when the third period started.

They came out peppering the Conk with shots.
It was readily apparent that the Pens were content to let the Bruins shoot their balls off.

Ruutu heads to box with 13-something left in the game.
The Penguins maintain.

A little while later, Gonch heads to the box.
The Pens survive the PP, but the Bruins put it home shortly thereafter.

tallyho. 4-3.

As Father Time and the fat lady start doing it, Christensen shows he work at the Pittsburgh Marriot, as he opens the door for the Bruins by taking a penalty.


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[Picture+3.<span class=

Breathtaking comment from who else, but Stoosh

[Picture+9.png]

Unreal.
One little comment like that changes lives.


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Game #36


WWGRD. PENS WIN
[pit.<span class=[<span class=
4-2

n its simplest form, to the ordinary person.
It is a mere question of little importance.

But in our universe.

"What Would Gary Roberts Do," is not a question.
It is a statement.
It is a mindset.

A statement few can understand, and a mindset only one can have the power explain.

What Would Gary Roberts Do?

Be a beast.

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Ference went to the box later on for JFK.
Then Wideman slashes Malkin's stick in two.
The Pens had a 5-on-3 for 1:30.

They spent about a minute to set up Malkin with two blasts.
One was blocked, the other one went right into Auld's balls.

Unreal. The entire powerplay goes by the wayside.


Picture: Some gay Allegheny Power workers attempt to restart the Penguins powerplay. They are disappointed to find the solution is not making out with each other

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Second Period


To start the second period, the Pens came out buzzing.
They had to weather some Bruins crap.

And then it finally happened.

Back to the neighborhood we go.
On this weeks episode Mr. BGL goes into his office and finds Roberts in front.
1-1.
Best goal of the season.

The goal changes the game. And the lives of 3,000 or so Turkish people who are killed by the aftershock.

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The rest of the second it mud.
The Bruins try to get something going.
No dice.

Conk-block city.



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[Picture+3.<span class=

[Picture+10.png]

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[Michael W]

"Pittsburgh has a great team, great people, great organization. I had to compare the two teams, and there's a little better chance to win the Cup in Detroit. I had a great time with Sid and playing on the power play with Geno [Evgeni Malkin], but the team in Detroit is something special. I know it's a short term, but we never talked about a one-year [deal] with Pittsburgh. We just talked about a long-term deal. I totally believe Detroit has the kind of team that can win it again."

--Hossa 3:16--

Go Pens


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Poop

Just Because

What a moment.


42 cents

Warning. This Video May Not Be Suitable If You Are A Jackass.
And there's bad words.






[ Dan K. ]

Since we're slowly fine-tuning our Flash skills,
we have decided to take the challenge that Tampa Bay didn't even pose.

Go to [ their website ] and watch the Flash Intro.
Over the upcoming weekend, we will reproduce it, Penguin/Pensblog Style.

It's either do this or talk about Mats Sundin.

Sold.

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btumpak spotted this.
Hossa playing for the Wings in an NHL '09 demo. [ Here ]


:: If you haven't vote yet at [ Icethetics ], then you haven't lived.

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STEELERS TRAINING CAMP REPORT


Punter Daniel Sepulveda is gone for the year.
Big Ben is a joke.

Top 3 worst posts of all time.
It's July 30.


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Viva La Douche

Our new friends at [ Carolina On Ice ] sent us our new favorite site.

We are proud to bring you:

[ Hot Chicks With Douchebags ]

This is one of the best sites on Al Gore's internet:


Dear god


Sunglasses sale at Target.


The guy on the left just moved into our top 15 of people we'd love to sucker punch.


Wooooowwwwwww
Top ten shirt slogans of all time?

Stunned

Last one?

Is that Rufio?



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:: On Sunday, [ Going Five Hole ] discovered a nice gem in a Matthew Barnaby interview over at [ LCS Hockey ]. Barnaby was going to ESPN's lair to interview for the position vacated by Barry Melrose now that he's running the circus down in Tampa Bay.
The interview was from last Thursday, the 24th.

If it sounds familiar, it's because we linked to it yesterday.
As did [ Barry Melrose Rocks ], [ Puck Daddy ], [ Awful Announcing ], [ Sports by Brooks ], Newsday's [ Watchdog ] and no doubt a slew of other places.

All linking back to Going Five Hole.

Then yesterday afternoon, The Insider on Pittsburgh Sports, citing what else but their
anonymous inside source, broke the news that Matthew Barnaby was interviewing with ESPN to replace Barry Melrose.

Well, today we are prepared to out TIOPS' deep inside source.
The Google.


Has TIOPS just been Gwned?

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[TampaBayR.png]
The Lightning signed first-round draft pick Steve Stamkos to a 3-year contract at the entry-level max, $875,000. But he can make up to $8.55 in performance bonuses. [ Bolts Report ]


Jay Bouwmeester and the Panthers avoided arbitration with a 1 year, $4.875 deal. The single-year contract allows Bouwmeester to be a UFA July 1st 2009. [ Miami Herald ]

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It's been all but confirmed that the Penguins' 3rd jersey will be the powder-blue threads they donned for the Winter Classic, but we're always up for concept designs. If only because they give us something to do during July when news slows to a crawl and we have to pretend to care about Mats Sundin.



:: Speaking of uniforms and crap, here is the Pens' enormous vector logo. [ Here ]


:: Voting should commence sometime Tuesday. [ Icethetics ]

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Game # 34

[<span class=[pit.<span class=
4-2

We always hear those stories of people going into someone else's house and peeing everywhere.
That was this game.

Halfway through doing the recap, we read through it and realized that we're tired of reading and writing about the Islanders/Pens games.

If you're upset at us for not producing a recap,
you may need to reassess everything going on in your life.

We've spent money during Christmas, and we are already depressed because of it.

You ever wake up one morning and wish you were on the cast of Heroes?

That happened to both of us Saturday morning.
If this blog had a coach, we would have been sitting in the press box watching some third-liner bang out a mediocre recap.

Apologies,

Derek, Adam, Marty the chicken, Charlie

We'll be full-throttle for Sunday's game.

In case you wanted to see it.
Here is the recap as we had it started in the pre-draft.
It is bad.
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[<span class=[pit.<span class=
4-2


Got to get back on the horse on Sunday.


The Islanders are dead last in the NHL in goals scored in the first period.

30 seconds in.

Goalblog.
Satan lives.
1-0

Everyone has recover for a little bit. Sabu tries to get himself back into the game.

Gary Roberts stares at some dude for the Isles.
He falls.

Pretty much nothing happens until BGL-Roberts-EC came out.
BGL goes into his office.

Passes to Roberts.
Roberts wraps around.
EC picks up the trash.

1-1

..........................
Roberts 900th point
Standing O
............................

The goal unites the Pens.
Some moron takes a penalty.
Ricky D says go away.

*need photoshop.
Maybe Ricky D in an Emo band?



Bruno Homo flicks it over the glass.

The Pens try to decline the Pentaly. No dice.

Just when it looks like another Powerplay will fail. Andy Sutton and Ricky D give Staal an early Christmas present.



2-1


Mike comeri sucks. Mark Eaton owns him.


**Photo shop of Eaton plowing Duff?***

Phil Borque brings up a good point.
Comire brought his girfriend Hillary Duff a 100,000 car for her B-day.
He is stressed out over Christmas.

4 on 2 for the Isles.

Gasp Andy Hilbert.
Goal
2-2


Malking and Crosby almost bring down the house.
Best combo since....


JFK takes a four minute major

Sabu

Shit.


Peace

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[Picture+3.<span class=



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[Michael W]

"Pittsburgh has a great team, great people, great organization. I had to compare the two teams, and there's a little better chance to win the Cup in Detroit. I had a great time with Sid and playing on the power play with Geno [Evgeni Malkin], but the team in Detroit is something special. I know it's a short term, but we never talked about a one-year [deal] with Pittsburgh. We just talked about a long-term deal. I totally believe Detroit has the kind of team that can win it again."

--Hossa 3:16--

Go Pens

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