Friday, February 29, 2008

Mission Accomplished

That jobber who stole the photoshops has succumbed to relentless comment-jobbing and has taken down the photoshops.

[ Photoshop Thief ]

The site has replaced the photoshops in the post with this:

Haydi sildik aykırı topluluk sizi :)

Ashley in the comments spotted it.

Reader Jessica B. figured it was Turkish and put it through a translator:

Fish Fish is crosswise group that is wiped You

We've put it through anagram generators to no avail.

Whatev.


5 - 1

[ NHL.com RECAP ]


Yep.


If you were in rehab for a Meth addiction...

You would have relapsed by the third goal scored, been at your local drug dealer by middle of the second when you heard Hossa got hurt, and had a fully operational lab going with five minutes to play in the third.

But Hossa isn't hurt that bad.
Crosby is still coming back.
Gary Roberts is alive.

And yeah, that knot in our stomach will be there until Hossa's back in action.
But at least John Leclair didn't hit him.

.......................................................................

Anthem


-- Alison --


--PittHockey--



--Patrick F.--

........................................................

FIRST PERIOD

If you thought Hossa was gonna come out and dominate, you have to remember not to confuse him with another Penguin legend with a first name starting with "Mari-"

He got a good shot off early, and Tim Thomas was screened but somehow got a piece of it.

Getting a first look at Pascal Dupuis, you vomit on your mom because you think you're seeing Rico Fata out there.

Laughy Taffe gets a breakaway. But Tim Thomas is so fat, Taffe is stunned.



And you just know that somewhere on some message board someone was cursing Ray Shero and the trade when Marco Sturm deflects some jobber shot past Conk.

1-0.


By the time Sturm came into the Pens zone and beat Conk straight up, it was the worst trade in the history of professional sports.

2-0.

Marc Savard went to make out with himself in the penalty box.
Power play.

Nothing doing on that travesty, and the period came to a close.

.............................................................................

SECOND PERIOD

Just as it was in the first period, the second began very charlie.
The Bruins unleash the dreaded shot from the point. It deflects in.
3-0.

When the playoffs come around, every shot from the point takes at least 20 minutes off your life.

You may have known what was coming next. You may not have.
But some Pens fans turned to their spouse or life partner and said, "Bring him in."


And you probably also knew that Hossa and Malkin were gonna get teamed up.
But they were gonna have to penetrate Boston's stifling trap.

After some crap, the Pens got a golden opportunity when Zdeno Chara goes to the box.

It took the top unit about an hour to get into the zone, but they finally did.

The Pens get their best chance up to that point of the game when a Jeff Taffe rebound turns into a Tim Thomas fumble.

The Bruins keep it out.

Somewhere during the second, another Bruin makes another cheap play to injure a Penguin.
First, it was Marco Sturm on Mark Eaton back in the day.
And this time, it was Glen Murray kneeing Marian Hossa.



The Giant Gonzalez comes out of the box and finds himself in a 2-on-1, but he's more awkward than when your uncle flirts with your mom.
Ryan Whitney gets called for some phantom hooking call.



Raaahhhh

The Pens kill it off.

It would have been nice if the Pens could get something on the board before the end of the second.
As you're thinking that, Letang gets lambasted into the boards.
The puck goes in front.


4-0.
JFK-Stunned

.......................................................................

THIRD PERIOD


All that really mattered in the third was the pending prognosis from Dr. Quinn Medicine Poopstain.

She relays the news to Dan Potash:

HOSSA OUT POSSIBLY A WEEK WITH MCL SPRAIN


LGP.com member ELMO6687 had seen enough.

Nothing else mattered by that time.
The Pens just had to go through the motions.

Talbot jobs some dude from behind, and Chara doesn't like it.
Hal Gill makes his presence known.

Somehow, the Pens get a power play out of that crap.
It gets killed.

Right after the power play, Dupuis gets to the slot and gets one past Tim Thomas 4-1..
Does Dupuis look like like Uncle Jesse from Full House?



[Adam V]

It got ugly after that, with Thomas punching Malkin in the head while he was trying to poke a loose puck home.

There was a 4-on-4 late in the game. Nobody cares.

That Lucic turd finally drops the glove with someone.
He chooses Jarkko Ruutu.

Ruutu hangs in there. Solid fight.
And you gotta like Lucic going into the dressing room afterward, high-fiving the fans.


Practicing for his job next season as ground crew at a county airport. Joke.

The Bruins get a power play out of it.
Shot from the point. Care. 5-1.

Malkin gets interfered with, gets pissed, trips someone.
Sykora shoots the puck at Thomas after the whistle.
Thomas gets to the puck and shoots it at Syko.

The Bruins end the game on the power play, as the clock mercifully goes to all zeroes.

Game.


STATS
  • Sykora, Malkin, Letang, Dupuis, Gill: -3

MISCELLANEOUS
  • We're not dicks, but where's Maxime Talbot?
  • You can say it -- you miss Rob Scuderi.
  • Is Boston good? We can't tell.
  • Could be a long weekend.
  • MAF?
  • [The Hoss photoshop--Chris E--]


IT'S COMING

Thursday, February 28, 2008


Thanks to Sean from [ Going Five Hole ] for this swift kick to the balls and ovaries.
Army just looks happily confused.

..........................................................................

If anyone is in the jobbing mood, [ some website ] basically copied and pasted one of our (meaning everyone) photoshop expos without giving any credit as to where it came from.

It looks like some automated site that goes and grabs stuff from the internet.

Their comments are ripe for the picking.

.........................................................................






7:08:18 PM

This went from being some jobber game at the end of February...
to easily one of the most anticipated regular-season games in Penguin history.

At 7:00, FSN will open its broadcast with a shot of Hossa lacing up his skates,
sharing a laugh with Evgeni Malkin.

You'll have roughly 8 minutes to recover from passing out before the opening faceoff.

Word has it Ty Conklin is in net. [PSI]

..............................................................




How pumped is this guy.
He won the million-dollar shot thing last night.
It almost makes up for his last name being "Head"



Thanks to Ashley from [ Faceoff Factor ]

What a moment.

Kevin Lowe was in the building.
Just saying.

..............................

The season starts today. Again.

Only one last thing to do.



Let's kick the tires and light the fires.


Hossanna In The Highest

Here's how we think things went down on Tuesday.

2:56 PM

Montreal GM Bob Gainey and Ottawa GM Bryan Murray are talking to Atlanta's Don Waddel.





Jim Ross: Well, looks like Hossa will be going to the Canadiens. The contract is being signed.

Wait a second.... What is that?...

--"Boys Of Winter" comes over the loud speakers.--





Shero: Hey Yo. Hossa's a Pen.

--Throws mic down--


Jim Ross: Good God! Good God Almighty!

We have reliable sources who've told us that is how it truly went down.

What else might have happened?

[ Orland Kurtenblog ] has an intriguing breakdown of TSN's Bob McKenzie's latest blogpost that offers the possibility that Mario Lemieux, not Shero, was calling the shots to get Hossa.

................................................................................

AFTERMATH


Brass of a Riverboat Gambler
[J Schiff]

"I was sleeping sound, getting ready to play ." Armstrong said.
"And I woke up to that. I didn't have a clue it was coming."

"No booing me," Armstrong said, smiling. "It will be strange.
It was tough to look my friends in the eye when they came to say goodbye to me.
It's a weird thing." [ PG ]

"I've really enjoyed my time here," Christensen said. "But I think in the end, I'm more excited than sad. I'll miss the guys and I'll miss the organization ... but I'm excited about the opportunity I'll possibly get in Atlanta. More than anything, I think it will be good for my career."


-- Richard R --


-- Mike Shoey --


[James C]
This was the most popular photoshop picture by far.

More:

--Kevin D.--/ -- David B.--

--Doug H--

...........................................

Reactionblog

[ Empty Netters ]
Seth made some waves by strictly opposing the trade.
Those waves actually went all the way to NHL Home Ice Radio on XM.

[ Joe Starkey -- Trib ]
Shuts down the "we mortaged our future" camp.

[ Taking One For The Team ]
The trading deadline through the eyes of Loser Chris.

[ Do the Thrashers Have Large Talons? ]
They said the Thrashers got bigger, cheaper, and younger as a result.
They're thinking EC will battle for a center spot on the top two lines next season.

[ Atlanta Journal-Constitution Blog ]
Craig Custance, the guy who writes AJC Blog, is a machine.
He reports that the Penguins sweetened the deal at the last minute,
but Thrashers GM Waddell wouldn't disclose what that sweetener was.

[ Fire Wagon Hockey ]
A Pensblog reader in Atlanta.
They promise to bring us some solid pics of Army and Crusher.

[ Ross McKeon at Yahoo ]
He gives the Pens trading a D+.
He seems hung up on giving away draft picks.

Ray Shero has no clue who Ross McKeon is.


D+ in life

========

In final, Fire Wagon Hockey mentioned there were huge rumors in Atlanta that goalie Kari Lehtonen and Hossa were gonna be shipped off somewhere together.

Considering Montreal traded away goalie Cristobal Huet,
it's safe to say where Kari Lehtonen was headed...

...until Ray Shero showed the hockey world who...he...was...


...And pooped on Montreal.



Eric P. hooked us all up with a video of the new arrivals.

.....................................................

THE OUTDOOR CLASSIC
[ WPXI ]



Bethel Park and Mt. Lebanon will square off tonight at the South Park outdoor rink.

Faceoff is at 8:00PM
$5 Admission with proceeds going to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.

And since one of the Mt. Lebanon players is a confirmed reader, we'll pull for them.

..................................................



:: Rob Scuderi out a month possibly. [ Trib ]
Not good.

:: Hossa says he's not thinking about his contract. [ PG ]
Adam Hall's out for the season, too.
That frees up #18, although Hall had already agreed to switch to #28.

:: Hossa's with Staal and Malone for now. [ PG ]
:: Dupuis is with Malkin and Sykora. [ PG ]


......................................

NHL


The Sens fired their coach. [ TSN ]
Our old friend Bryan Murray is back behind the bench.


--Hutch--

We will forever have a connection with Bryan Murray.
Last March, Pensblog Charlie made his first-ever appearance in a Bryan Murray slam.
[ Penguin Equinox ]


And more fall out, as G-Dub from [ Deadspin ] found.
Ottawa is underwhelmed by only getting one guy at the deadline.


Dicks

........................................

-- Standing O-blog --

We don't call him the DOCTOR for nothing.

[Jame Mirtle] rattles off 38 posts during the trade deadline.


Sick
..............................................................

And lastly...

Pittsburgh mourns.



R.I.P.

.........................................

Go Pens

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


If there was ever a game that you could liken to an out-of-body experience, it would be this game.

You couldn't get the name HOSSA out of your head.
You were waiing for Colby Armstrong to job someone.
You were expecting EC to miss a wide-open net.

It was a palpable feeling you couldn't describe.

And no matter how you feel about the trade,
love it or hate it, this is want we have longed for.

February 26th last year = It looked like we wouldn't even have a team.

We don't have to talk about Arena deals anymore.
We don't have to worry about salary dumping.
Our GM just rolled the dice.

The Pens could have lost this game.
There would've been a collective "whatev."

But for the good of the cause, the journey continues.
Next stop Beantown, man.

Pat Lackey of [ Fanhouse ] said it best:

Here's what I know as a Pens' fan: four years ago I sat outside for two hours on a freezing cold night to try and get student tickets to see Ramzi Abid, Michel Ouellet, Sebastien Caron, and leading scorer Dick Tarnstrom. When I woke up today, the Pens had an awesome young team that had a chance to make a deep run into the playoffs. Tonight, they still have that same team, along with Marian Hossa, and we now know is their GM ballsy enough to make this kind of move to win a Cup at all costs. I fail to see how this is a bad thing.

.....................................................................

National Anthem


-- Del Pen --



--Sean from [Going Five Hole]--


--Jeff H--

It still amazes us how everyone pulls through with at least one pic every game.
It makes our eyes well up.

Jeff H. and Del Pen. Know each other?


......................................................................................

FIRST PERIOD

Penaltyblog started early, with the Pens having to kill a Jordan Staal penalty for maybe the 20th consecutive game.

After some more penalities back and forth, Malkin danced out from behind the net.
He backpedals and holds the puck for an hour.

Snapshot.
If you sent us a PS if him moonwalking, the pic didn't open.


1-0.

Gonch went to the box for holding, and then Whitney threw the puck over the glass like 30 seconds later.
An Islander player hit the back of his stick, which helped the puck along, but it is what it is.

Thankfully for the Pens, the only penalty kill on which one of their sticks didn't break was during that 5-on-3.
They eventually killed it all.

Richard Park headed to the box for being a joke.
After the Islanders had 23 shorthanded chances, Jeff Taffe was able to put some trash home.


2-0.

Somewhere in the first, Islanders assistant coach Gerard Gallant got douched in the face.
Always scary. But too bad it wasn't Al Albour when he coached that game.

And that was it.
Props to Conklin in that first period, stopping all 23 shots he faced.

..............................................................................

SECOND PERIOD

Penaltyblog stayed alive and well early in the second, when Jordan Staal goes to the box again.
The Pens kill it.

Conklin was out of his mind.


The action went back and forth for a while, and it was solid.

And the Laraque went to the box.
The Islanders power-play ineptitude for the all night resulted in the boo birds making an appearance.
And they were loud.

The Islanders are mud, so you knew they were gonna score some cheap-ass goal.
Some turd throws it to the net, and it hits something.

2-1.

Check out the guy in the top right-hand corner.
Looks like he's adjusting his pager or possibly doing something more awesome.
Too bad this isn't 1990.

The Islanders public-address announcer decides to give an assist on the goal to "#44 Brooks Opik. M-M-Meyer. Assist to Meyer."

That just shows you how disinterested that guy is.

The second period had flown by.

...................................................................

Between periods, you felt an obligation to go into your NHL video game and trade away Armstrong and Christensen for Marian Hossa and Pascal Dupuis.

.....................................................................

THIRD PERIOD

Malkin made a move sometime during the third that turned adjectives into verbs.
But DiPietro says no.

Halfway through the third, the Islanders had racked up the shot count to 45-13.

Time clicked down.
The Pens were gonna get a power play.
Before they can get there, Malkin makes an unrealistic pass to Staal.
And finally, a goal.
3-1.

Father Time was officially banging the Islanders' wives when the Pens get another power play late.
Just not good times on Long Island.

If you want to know why Ryan Whitney is a big deal, check out the pass he fed to Connor James.
It's sad to show up Connor James on his first NHL goal, but what a pass.

4-1.
He entered in a taxi.
He left...as a hero.
He also dropped the F-bomb. Solid.

Right after that goal, Tyler Kennedy and Mike Comrie drop the gloves.
Kennedy gets some solid punches in.
But all that matters is Comrie got some practice for when he gets home.
Why was he so mad anyway?

The trade deadline turned Charlie into a bisexual.
The deadline has that effect. Don't expect this to stick, though.

Some jobber penalty to Malkin results in some cheap Islanders goal. 4-2.


GAME.

STATS
  • Malkin: 1G, 1A
  • Conklin: 94 saves

MISCELLANEOUS
  • Hossa
  • Who gives up 50+ shots and still wins? These Penguins do.
  • What a time to be alive.
  • The circus starts Thursday.
  • This trade shook our foundation.
  • Pensblog Guarantee: Staal's domination begins now.

..................................

Hossablog

At one point in time, you'll search images of Marian Hossa for the first time to make a photoshop of him.

We are still struggling for a nicknames for him.

For right now...


The Big Hossman

We also have Hossa's Steak and Sea House, as well as Hossanah in the Highest.
Nicknames are no picnic. This will have to be a collective cblog effort.

Here are some fresh new photoshops of Hossa:


--JS--
[The first PS we got in of Hossa]


--Patrick K--


--Eric H--
(Any Abbey Road PS is good in our book.
Respect the artistry done to cover up for the absence of Ringo.)

If we ran Penguins marketing department, there would be a pic like this of Staal, Malkin, MAF, and Crosby on Center Ave.


--Nicholas S--


--Dan T--

....................................

And finally.

Before all this madness started,
the following comment was posted in C-blog Monday morning and has haunted us ever since:



Phil reminded us when the Roberts news broke that he had broken the news 15 hours before.

=========================

We think it is either Ray Shero or Phil Collins.




Go Pens

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