Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Back a few weeks ago, our good friends at [MELROSE ROCKS] came up with the idea to use some David Caruso one liners in a post.
We loved the idea, but wanted to expand on it based on a great photoshop we got last year during the playoffs.

For those who have never heard of David Caruso's oneliners, they come from the show CSI-Miami.
At the beginning of every show, the head of the Miami CSI, David Caruso gives a cheesy oneliner.
The video of endless oneliners is one of the most viewed youtubes of all time:

So we asked all of you to give us your best submission using a template found by J.S.
As usual, you did not disappoint.
You'd think after reading over 40 or so they wouldn't be funny anymore.
But that wasn't the case. It actually is addicting.
We tried to get everyones in, and represent every team. But we have way more than we thought anyway.
We said we were going to vote ourselves, but that is impossible. So we made a poll to vote below. The winners get $25 bucks in storeblog. And don't be alarmed, we are guest hosting [MELROSE ROCKS] , so these are getting posted over there.

Click to enlarge if you can't see.



Here is the longest poll ever.


Bobby Brown said...


My favs:
Habs stuffing
Zigomanis (my vote)

Also, the one that pointed out the obvious mistake in the original photo rules. Puttin' on s second pair of shades.

meecrofilm said...

The double shades is intentional, intented to embellish the ridiculousness of the whole thing.

Great job everyone who submitted an entry. I loved the diversity of the selections, to legitimate puns that could have showed up on the show, to the just plain blunt, hilarious insulting ones.

My vote went to the Kings, "They're still a team" one, just based on that I laughed the hardest out of all of them.

But The Mike Richards one has some serious business going for it.

Bobby Brown said...

Either way, their usage of pointing it out and 'using' it made that one pretty sweet.

IceCold... said...

holy hell. I LOVE C-BLOGGERS. you guys are brilliant!

LeGame58 said...

Zigomanis is clever and earned my vote. hartnell gettin fisted almost made me piss myself tho.

J.S. said...

I really wanted to throw another one together, but ended up falling asleep around 9ish last night. Failblog indeed.

"Slim just left town" got the JS Seal of Approval, although I was very close to voting for teh Heatley one. I'm in favor of any jobbing of those two.

Nice work everybody.

NHL said...

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J.S. said...



rebecca said...

I love these. Voted for the Habs stuffing one.. still, lots of hilarious ones. way to go, c-bloggers.

sven butenschon said...

Anytime someone jobs Heatley it is worth a vote
But in this case they were upstaged by Mullet over and he can't Finnish

well done

Matt Gajtka said...

"Mullet" over is the one. Stunning.

Also, regarding the new rink, how does "the Center on Centre" sound? As in Centre Ave. of course.

Jawsh said...

When reading these in your head...everybody does the YEEEAAH scream everytime, right?


Just me?

brett said...

epic. This'll keep me busy.

Not that anyone cares, but how exactly do the Rangers expect to pay for Sundin? according to this site, they've got less cap space than the Pens do.

jefe p said...

definitely a few that are laugh out loud. habs stuffing, mullet-over, cant finnish.. im making a script to vote for the Zigo quick draw tho..

P.O. said...

anytime you can fit a Scott Hartnell getting fisted joke into anything... you win

dying alive said...

You people are incredibly sick, and I mean that in the best way.

I voted for Zigo, but they're all great.

BlacknGold66 said...



LOLgwins said...

anyone know how i can use a program to stuff the ballot? i guess i should ask habs fans

Chubs said...

Fantastic in sooo many ways. Wow.

wilsmith said...

I voted for No Finnish.

I was going to use the "All Swedish" joke for one but I didn't get a chance to make it. sad.

debrisslide said...

Looks like the Zigomanis one is winning? I was between that one and the one about "fire down below." The Zigomanis one is ridiculously solid. Would have attempted one of these, but as someone who refuses to watch CSI, I felt I wouldn't "get it."

rebecca said...

I'm rereading these for shits and giggles while in class and I should be taking a test. Whoops.

Matt D said...

How am I supposed to decide on one? You should let us choose our top 3

emohdee said...

Frickin' awesome. Yinz really know how to brighten up a Tuesday. :)

akus said...

That list was like pickin out ONE piece of chocolate, but only after takin a bite out of all of them, to see which was the best.

Should have had a play off.

Tropical Depression

quote of the day
"“We didn’t hate Philly enough on Saturday,” Crosby said.

Sid could be a c-blogger!!

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

I don't get that rumor. Just because Whitney and Gonchar are out for part of the season, we're still paying their salaries, correct? It's like the article is saying that we're actually way under the cap and could afford St. Louis' contract.

But I'll say this in my thickest Scottish accent. Fat foogin' chahnce

dying alive said...

Since when is Whitney still out for another month at least? I thought he was expected back around Christmas. Has there been a setback or something?

@ jvm - I think there's some kind of thing where if a player is on long-term IR they still get that portion of their salary, but the team can spend that amount over the cap. Or I might be completely wrong, it could go either way.

meecrofilm said...

Yeah, when a plyaer is on IR, their salary (for the time being) doesn't count against the cap, or something like that.

..But they'll be back eventually, so....

somechic said...

excellent work everyone. These are a great way to kill time at work...and some are absolutely solid.

J.S. said...

jawsh said:

When reading these in your head...everybody does the YEEEAAH scream everytime, right?

the correct answer would be not yes, but...


Rage said...

This is more frikkin cheese than is produced in the entire state of Wisconsin...and just my opinion of course, but I'd never trade a young talent like Staal for a 30 something year old midget, no matter how fast he can skate. Then again, I ain't Ray Shero, either, so we'll see what's up. Can't help but feel something is coming though.

dying alive said...

If we trade Staal for St. Louis, I will projectile vomit. Repeatedly. Mark it down.

The Lightning may "focus" on Jordan Staal, but those clowns have no idea what they're doing down there. They ought to think about "focusing" on some defense, or maybe a goaltender. Plus Shero doesn't seem to be inclined to trade Staal without getting something ridiculous in return. St. Louis would be ridiculous, just not in the same sense of the word.

dying alive said...

And yes, I've been doing the YEEEEEEAAAAH thing in my head all day.

akus said...

Did anyone watch the Wings/Avs game last night?

I have CI, but did not turn it on last night.

I only seen the highlights but, why was a penalty shot called for Leopold?

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

I have yet to question a move made by Ray Shero. The team has been working with Staal during the season about his contract, and one thing with King Shero is that he likes to get bang for his buck. Cheap (relative to the NHL's salary structure) and youth are his two favorite things, and if Staal can be locked up for awhile with a cap-friendly contract, he aint' going anywhere.

Here's a pretty good story buried on Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback column regarding what the Blackhawks did for their general manager. Pretty classy.

And who among us wouldn't love to have a GPS with the original voice of K.I.T.T., principal Feeney, telling us which way to go? Well the wait is over friends!

Stilly said...


I only caught a little bit of it in the second period.

I'm guessing it wouldn't have been available on CI since it was nationally televised. It was on Versucks last night.

The most enjoyable part of that loss was going to A2Y this morning. You'd swear it was a bunch of confused LGP regulars. There are a bunch of them ready to take a flying leap off of the Chief's gay boat.

Nevermind that they're 20-6-2 and are leading the central. There are a number of people convinced that the team is bad. What a bunch of homos.

dying alive said...

Well, I think they have legitimate reason to be concerned about their goaltending. It'll just be a matter of whether their D and goal scoring can make up for it. It wasn't a problem last year, obviously.

I still think San Jose is the best team in the NHL, and that has nothing to do with Wing hate. That is a team that has been solid for years and I think this is the season they finally put it all together. I'm rooting for them until/unless they come up against the Pens.

urban said...


^^New goal.

kstewy16 said...

BNG - You are a god.

All of yours were hilarious, but the Melrose Mullet and Ziggy "quick on the draw" made me piss myself.

fleuryous said...

Aw, poor Brodeur. He's NOT fat. haha.

I'll have to admit, BNG came up with some gems. Voted for the "stuffing" one--golden. Zigo and Fire Down Below were in close second.

Simply looking at that cartoon over and over got funnier. Oh, Horatio.

I love you people.

wilsmith said...

The ones that are the most funny are the ones that don't even make sense. A 10 minute video of CSI one liners and some people still can't figure it out.

Akus - someone closed their hand over the puck in the crease.

The St Louis trade is crap. Staal is actually valuable. If the Pens are going to trade anyone it's going to be Satan, Fedotenko or some other lazy under-producing forward who we thought would win us all 82 games, but instead has been playing to their normal career levels. We have crap players we should be trading for super-star players, isn't that how it works?

I love the LGP threads when people want to make a trade so they propose "player we don't want + low round pick for superstar x"

fleuryous said...

Dude, Wings fans can eat a dong.

Their team is bad...are they serious? They're saying that because they don't hate San Jose's record (which is rather impressive, I must say).

Stop being greedy.

Speaking of the Hawks, is anyone else excited to see Kane at the top of the Western Conference voting? I really like the Hawks, so I'm glad for him.

fleuryous said...

have San Jose's record, not hate.

My b.

dying alive said...

Granted I'm a CSI:Miami noob (although an unapologetic fan of the Vegas version), but I always thought Horatio Caine was more of a bad pun guy as opposed to a non sequitur guy.

Carroll said...

@Jonny - Thanks for the Blackhawk story, that was really touching. And going to Gravenhurst is not a fun trip, especially in the winter.

akus said...

Hand over, and not a glove toss??
thanks wilsmith.

I have liked SJ since the beginning, but really besides the Wings/Hawks and at lucky team here and there. What competition do they have in the West?

[Detroit has pipe dreams]

dying alive said...

Per the PG, Whitney wants to play before Christmas and the TB game next week looks like the most likely date:

Full story


kstewy16 said...

Can anyone tell me a website to send text messages for free for ASG votes? All the ones I found you have to use a 10 digit phone number, so its kind of hard to text 81812 lol

RedWings said...

I voted for "mullet over".

@ akus, yeah, it was D-man Brett Lebda that covered the puck in the crease. It was a good penalty because the puck was slowing crawling for the goal line and would have crossed it with the ref in perfect position to call the goal. So he took a chance and got caught.

And of course, Osgood, who can't seem to stop a beach ball this year, couldn't stop the P-shot.

And I've also got to agree with the San Jose assessment. Those guys are just scary good right now. Obviously it's tough to maintain that pace over 82 games AND THEN the playoffs. We'll have to see how they handle their inevitable slump at some point during this season. Plus, I think they've stayed relatively healthy so far.

I'm just hoping they pick up Avery and he screws up their locker room chemistry. 'Cause right now, I can't see anyone but the Sharks coming out of the West.

Victor Raison said...


Although, I can't decide if most of my enjoyment of these is predicated on the fact that I hate the Horatio character in general, or simply the sheer creativity of the photoshops.

Probably a bit of both.
Keep up the good work.

wilsmith said...

Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

Allison said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Allison said...

ahhhhhh... i have a dilema!
I'm heading out to the Washington at Islanders game... who the hell do i cheer for?!
The team that Pens' fans are supposed to hate? The team with the league's third "star player"? Or another team that Pens' fans are supposed to hate? A team that's currently in our division, regardless of the fact that they're not a threat?

hmmm... the reason I'm going is to see ovechkin in person, maybe i should route for them? talk about a tough decision!

maybe i'll hope to see him score a spectacular goal, and then get beheaded by semin's skate?

RedWings said...

wilsmith said...
Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

Ouchie! Ouchie! Ouchie!

Chubs said...


Root for the meteor.

Er, wait, you'll be there...so that's probably not for the best.

Allison said...

@chubs- yea, not the greatest idea lol. Its so sad here its about 45 mins to game time and there might be 100 fans in the arena. And maybe 65 of those have ovechkin across their backs

joseph burrell said...

hahah that is so hilarius I watch that show every week and Oratio is a particular character like my good friend who is a pay per head bookie


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