Friday, October 3, 2008

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Late into the night of June 4, 2008, the lights went out. The memory is still fuzzy.
We can’t even remember what it felt like to watch Nicklas Lidstrom hoist the Cup on Mellon ice.



And while it hurt, for some reason, the Volek-esque pain never came.
Don’t get us wrong. Watching the Wings win the Cup was Vomit City.
But it wasn’t the stomach punch or even the crippling "can’t get out of bed for 5 days" type of loss.
It wasn’t Volek. It would crap in Garry Valk's mouth.
It wasn't even as debilitating as Tom Fitzgerald's goal in Game 7 in 1996.

The Wings were better. We all knew it.
We didn’t want to admit it, but we were just happy to be there.
Talbot's tying goal in Game 5’s triple-OT classic was the pinnacle of the season.
It was upstaged roughly two hours later when Sykora put it home.

Oh, here comes the hangover.
Oh, the Pens have lost too many players.
Pens fans better shoot themselves in the ass.

What retarded sportswriters and people around the NHL don't understand is,
Pens fans can't be more pleased.

For the last 3 or 4 years, free agency was the last thing on Pens fans' minds.
We just wanted our team to stay in the damn city.

[-1.jpg]
Right now it looks like Paul Bunyan just took a shit.
But it will soon be magical.

For once, we didn’t have to worry this offseason. It feels great.
A new arena is on the horizon. Our team can spend to the cap.
Our team has 2 of the top 10-15 premier talents in the NHL.
Probably 3 of the top 50-60.
And they're locked up for a while.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

But we, as Pens fans, have been told to shoot ourselves.
Why?

Oh, because Ryan Malone left.
He's a so-so player who played top line for half of the season by default because Crosby was hurt.
The Lightning ended up throwing way too much money at him.

Then the "tornado" gained steam when Hossa rejected the Pens' contract offer and pulled the worst back stabbing since [Shawn Michaels gave Marty Jannetty sweet chin music in Brutus the Barber Beefcake's Barbershop.]



It was a full-fledged monster when Malone and Roberts left
and Hossa signed with the Red Wings.

After the dust had settled, everyone from [Puck Daddy] to [Joe Starkey] and back to [Mirtle]
has nearly buried the Penguins because they lost too much in the offseason.

So, even though we don't have to fret over our team leaving,
we should just phone it in this season.
That seems to be the prevailing opinion.

The reasoning "Runner's up Curse," just doesn't seem to do it for us.

Not only are the Penguins not going to drop off from last season. They are going to be better.
Why?


[We list all the reasons, but if you really want to know? Mark Recchi isn't on the top line to start the season, jokes.]
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:: ONE YEAR OLDER



Yes, everyone is aware of the SCF-loser hangover curse.
Those teams, such as Tampa Bay and Ottawa, are in huge cap trouble.
They loaded up on rent-a-players (plural), and it wasn't enough.

Plus, those teams didn't have a core nucleus of talent who weren't even in their primes yet.
Advantage: Penguins.

:: F Hossa

Wahhhh the Penguins lost Marian Hossa.
Waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

He was like the college relationship we all had once. The sex was aplenty, and it was good.
But there was no meaning, and in the end, it was better to just walk away before you got AIDS.

Look, Hossa was great. He really was. But he was great in the playoffs.
He had minimal to no effect on the Pens regular-season success in 07-08.

For the money the Penguins didn’t spend on Hossa’s large contract,
they were able to get some unreal quality.

:: HAIL SATAN


[Mikie J]

Satan is all business.
[Empty Netters] made a great point early this year in saying that since his rookie year,
only 11 players have scored more than him.

He will benefit from the Crosby Halo Effect.
Satan's never played with a player of Crosby's caliber.

:: WHY SO SERIOUS?


[Daniel L]

We don’t understand the gloom and doom about the players the Penguins lost.
Gary Roberts was a beast. He left his mark with all of us. Hell, we still wear the wristband.

Ryan Malone was a hometown kid who made good. He had a hell of a season.

Jarkoo Ruutu was insane. He is a guy you loved to have on your team.
Adam Hall -- whatev.
BGL -- good fighter, solid human. Whatev.

Really, are those losses all that staggering?

Roberts is 41 years old. He just didn’t fit here any more.
Recchi could still score, but he couldn't keep up with the speed on this team.
Same situation here. We wish him the best, as if he cares what we wish him.

Ryan Malone, before last season, was a so-so average player.
He got a chance to play on the top line with Malkin when Bing went down.
The points started piling up.

He isn’t worth $5-million in any country.
Ruslan Fedotenko is going to make us forget about him.
More on that shortly.

Rutuu is a tough loss, but he is getting older.
Matt Cooke is a younger version, with a touch more of talent.
Talk about a seamless transition from a old player to youth.

Adam Hall missed like 300 games last season, so if you are getting your balls all jammed up,
go to hell.

BGL is a good guy. His mere presence last year was important.
We liked BGL. How couldn't you?
But he sometimes had the attitude of, "Do I really have to fight? Fine," sometimes.

:: TANK AND COOKIE MONSTER



Once again, Ray Shero has shown he can get the best for his dollar.
Ruslan Fedotenko is clutch and has a Stanley Cup ring.
We’re not going to make any crazy predictions, but Tank is going to be nasty.
Matt Cooke is a feisty SOB that has played in tons of big games and is a younger, better version of Ruutu.


:: GARDEN OF EATON


With Gonch and Whitney both sidelined, the defense is on the backs of Scuds, Sydor, Eaton, Gill, Letang, and Go-Go. And we all wanted to get rid of Sydor? Ray Shero made sure he was deep with the d-men, and it has paid off.

Besides Gonch, last season the Pens had trouble getting points from the Defense.
With Letang and Go-go, we could be seeing some solid numbers.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

OWNERSHIP



Beast.


::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

GM



Beast 2.0

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

COACH



Of the last 5 Penguins coaches, none of them were able to keep the job for 3 complete seasons.
Eddie Johnston was the last to do it, and one of his was the strike-shortened '94-'95 season.
Part of consistency as a team is not having a different guy in a suit behind the bench every other season.

This will be Therrien's 3rd year. Already he's 2nd in franchise history in wins.
At a couple points through his tenure he's been in tight spots, with some calling for his replacement. But after the playoff run, HCMT is sitting comfortably and he's earned some slack.

That being said, if the Pens drop 3 straight, someone will once again start calling for his head.
But it's gonna take a lot more than a few losses before Therrien's job is in question.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

FORWARDS




Crosby is a robot.
Every question he answers, every moves he makes, every pass he makes,
is all calculated and followed through with exemplary precision.

Malkin? He introduced himself at the season-ticket holders meeting by saying "Hi, People."
He's the wild card. And it's great.

That's what makes these two mesh.
One thing people don't realize is that they have yet to play a full season together where they are both completely healthy.

They push each other, and that in turn pushes everyone else.

Each will have snipers, Satan and Sykora, by their sides.

The biggest question is, where will Jordan Staal play?
After a tough year, Staal is going to be unreal this year. You can feel it.

Guys like MR. KENNEDY and Max Talbot are what the new NHL is about,
and like we said, Ruslan Fedotenko will be money.

The real story though is depth. Yhe Penguins are deep, and that is what is important. Last year injuries were aplenty, but because of depth, the Penguins were able to find success.

It all is a testament to Ray Shero.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

DEFENSE




The Pens defense corps is hurting, reiterating the importance of depth.

Whitney's out until at least December.
Gonch could be back in time for the playoffs.
That'll open ice time for Gogo to step and prove he can contribute at the NHL level.

It also leaves a hole on the point in the powerplay and in the neutral-zone transition.
Count on Letang to audition to fill that role.
He didn't make the roster out of camp last season, but he manned up and eventually made the squad.
At the very least, you can mark him down for some shootout game winners. [ Youtube ]

Eaton played 36 games last year, and 35 the year before that.
When he's on the ice, he is a shutdown defenseman.
If he can suit up for 70 or more games this season, it would take our defense to another level.

Darryl Sydor was scratched most of the postseason.
He was inserted into the lineup for Game 3 of the SCF, and the team was more cohesive.

Over the offseason, there was talk in some circles about moving him.
Then he looked expendable. Now he's an integral member of the defense.
Go ahead and put Scuderi in the group, as well.

Brooks Orpik is just one of the guys we could afford to keep because Shero didn't throw money bags at Malone or Hossa.

[ jeffe ]

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

GOALTENDING


Over the past 3 seasons, Marc-Andre Fleury has grown into an elite NHL goaltender.
He entered the league talented and too quick for his own good.
In a short time, he's vastly improved his positioning and composure.

And he's still only 23. At this rate, it's scary to think how good MAF could be between the pipes.
Even if he does handle the puck with the grace of Michael J. Fox.

Last year, Conklin came up big when Fleury went down. This season, the backup role falls to Dany Sabourin. Even if MAF stays healthy, Sabourin is going to be key.

John Curry.
We don't know much about him. He's yet to occupy an NHL crease,
but Shero decided to take him with them to Sweden to fill the extra roster spot.
If nothing else, it's good to know what Plan C is.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

In conclusion of this freight train, it's time to piece everything together.

Being the underdog is great. Everyone and their mother have inked the Pens as such.
Good. Great.

The only important cog the Pens lost in the offseason was Ryan Malone.
All the Hossa talk aside, he WASN'T THE REASON we got to the playoffs.
He was part of the reason why we ABSOLUTELY COASTED through the East in the playoffs.

Maybe this season, the Pens may actually have to play a Game 6 here or there
against the beleaguered Eastern Conference.

And a quick aside on Malone: He's not worth what he was given.
We don't care who you are or where you're from.
He may be in the prime of his career right now, so he'll be tapering off by the end of his 5-year deal.

Speaking of primes of their careers, the Pens youthful corps of studs aren't even close yet.
And they have the experience of a trip to the SCF.

The Pens season will break down to two things:
A) Marc-Andre Fleury's health.
B) The blue-liners holding their own.

Anyone thinking the Pens' offense will taper off this season is high.

How quickly everyone forgets how the Pens were more than treading water last season
with a motley crew of Ryan Stone, Jeff Taffe, and the like.
Oh, and Crosby was out, too.

Don't let anyone talk you into thinking the loss of Hossa and Malone is the end of the world.
It's only just the beginning.


Go Pens

124 comments:

Anthony said...

Holy shit, first!

I can remember what it felt like. It felt like taking a huge shit after a Taco Bell + Fire Sauce binge.

The Goon Blogger said...

DROP THE MOTHER FUCKING PUCK

Staff that pumped me up so much I'd fight Gary Roberts right now.

Anthony said...

True indeed. Amazing post.

Can't wait for Saturday, it's gonna be amazing and I could possibly shed a tear or two seeing hockey mean something again--and it won't be ENTIRELY attributed to the White Russians I'll be pounding down.

Oh yeah, and Pesonen is gonna be sick, watchhhhhhh!

GwinTheEskimo said...

the rockers

millvalemauler said...

Each year Fleury starts off horribly. He's inconsistent. It takes Lord Mike to light a fire under his ass, make him work more with the goaltending coaches. If Fleury could play at the level he was at in the playoffs or even 85% of that for a whole year (some off games are fine) we will be set. But the out of position flailing around, dropping to his knees to early, and ignoring fundamentals is enough to frustrate even the blindest Fleury fan. He makes some bad mistakes and then makes an awesome save that makes us forget about the 3 that just went over his shoulder.

That's my two cents.

Don't take it the wrong way, I'm routing for him to finally be in his form. He just hasn't had the consistency I'd like to see in out starting goaltender.

Go Pens.

sh0ez said...

@ goon: You better watch yourself after making such a bold statement.

Mellon Arena. Saturday. Fucking stoked.

georgej said...

FUCK YEAH

Ryan "Cisco" Franciscus said...

how do we forget the AHL playoffs last year and who made the finals...WBS Penguins. So take that into consideration too.

I'm playing nhl 09 dynasty right now just because of that post...

xuscbausp said...

life changing post.

DROP THE PUCK

Rage said...

god DAMN that was good!

stokes said...

Excellent post, Staff. EXCELLENT.


If i may, I'd like to make a comment about Sydor. Remember Gonch's first year? A little out of position most of the time, put up points but you still weren't sure of him? Then a year later, after Gonch learned the system and got comfortable, he became the beast we all expected him to be. Now he's the backbone of the defensive core. I am looking for Sydor to have that same kind of turn around, maybe not on the same scale, but you get my gist.

32 hours and change. DO IT

Let's go PENS.

PensfanSeoul said...

I heard the stock market is going to open up on the strength of how money this post was.

THAT is what Staff is a big deal.

There is no doubt in my mind that staff is ready to lead us through another HAYUGE season on Pens hockey.

This post, when read from the sandy mess that is Afghanistan, is a breathe of air...1. It means hockey is back....and 2. That means I only have 3 months left of this deployment. I left less than a month after the Finals to come here...it helped take some of the sting out of the loss, cause I was distracted...there will be no distractions this year...I am coming home in late January, so expect me at the Mellon in Feb...and hopefully there will be playoff tickets to score...(there better be...waaaay too much talent on this team to miss)

Staff, I am a long time reader, and occasional poster...But tPB is my first stop everyday after work...You were there with me in Korea (where I first found tPB) and have continued to help me through this deployment in the desert. Thanks for your hard work...everyone here appreciates it.

Pens win 65 games this year, and probably average around 14 goals a contest...the only games they lose are when they rest the whole team and the fans play, cause its not fair to anyone else to have to try to contain this offense.

Out.

KaylaJ said...

all i can say is freakin' floridian rats.

christina said...

posts like this are why i read the pensblog.

holy shit the season starts tomorrow. drop the puck!!!!!

dying alive said...

Great job of summarizing what should be obvious to some of these tards in the media.

You're right, it wasn't the pain of a Volek or even a Valk. Not to us anyway. But to Sid it was much, much worse...and that is why saying that the Pens won't make the playoffs is sheer lunacy. If Crosby has play every position himself, he'll be back in the playoffs next season.

Kierstan said...

Thank you, staff, thank you. I've been looking forward to the season preview, and it was worth it. Puck drops tomorrow...WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Here's hoping I'm not screwed on seeing the game on Center Ice because the game's on the NHL Network, which I can't get where I am.)

slush said...

That was clutch boys! Gave me goosebumps.

Drop the puck.

team atwood said...

HITS FIGHTS GOALS BEER.

Go Pens.

Korn said...

A parkinson's joke? You guys are in mid-season form. Well done.

bohica said...

that was awesome. let's fucking go already.

the rockers reference was money.

Sydor knows how to win. We will we be fine on D.

This could be a huge weekend in 'burgh sports. Pitt beating USF was a great start. Or the steelers will do just enough for their annual bed-shitting in Jacksonville. A-holes.

dirtyd said...

Unreal Post!

@dying alive
Agreed. It seems like every website is just jumping on board with the one before it saying, "Oh yeah, I agree, the Pens lost so much." It's terrible stupid and was bothering me until I read this post.

Chelsea said...

welcome back, staff. well played.

ellen said...

A little late to the game (pun intended), but if you watch the coaches interview on PensTV, Glen Hanlon actually has an advertisement on the COLLAR OF HIS DRESS SHIRT! OMG!

http://penguins.nhl.tv/team/console.jsp?type=fvod&id=849&tab=1

@DA re: Crosby playing every position, LOL!

Fleury29 said...

Best post of the off season.

2008-09 is going to be the best season since the early 1990s.

P.O. said...

i was a little disappointed the MJF playing Jenga PS wasnt used.... extremely solid none the less... def. got the juices flowing... cant wait for the opener

Chubs said...

The Garden of Eaton? Personally, I'm a fan of "Eaton Park is the place for smiles"- the smiley cookie PS's would be priceless.

That being said- great post, feels like it's January.

[Recti Caputi]

Stilly said...

Great post staff. This is the most realistic breakdown of what the Pens lost and what they gained between the SCF and tomorrow's game. Let's drop the puck already.

Going Five Hole said...

let's get this mf'ing party started already

jefe p said...

that post was most excellent.

gosh the summer went fast..

is it october already?

go pens.

btumpak said...

sick.

Malkin = Wildcard - please tell me that was an It's Always Sunny reference!

J.S. said...

that post, as korn mentioned, is mid-season form.

excellent work.

Mellon Arena on Saturday. I plan on being there early, maybe even with skates (game time decision, knee.)

Pensgirl said...

Staff once again puts its finger on the pulse of Pens Nation. The fans that had to watch Jagr get traded for a bag of broken sticks is supposed to cry over losing a one-night stand for what amounts to Satan, Fedotenko, and Orpik? And the injuries...look across the Triangle to Heinz Field where they were pulling people out of the stands to run the ball last week and tell me I should be upset that Letang is standing in for Gonchar. Things could be a lot worse...we could be forced to sign Najeh Davenport.

I, for one, find it fitting that this season should start on the same day as the kickoff of Pittsburgh's two-month-long birthday party.

recchistillsucks said...

'cause i cut the breaks. wild card bitches!!!!!!!!!!

please tell me that reference was from sunny

dying alive said...

The fans that had to watch Jagr get traded for a bag of broken sticks is supposed to cry over losing a one-night stand for what amounts to Satan, Fedotenko, and Orpik?

Ha ha, well put. We spent ten years wondering whether we were even going to keep our team. We watched the face of our franchise and arguably the greatest player of all time get diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease and eventually retire (twice) due to health issues. We had a year in the not-so-distant past where our leading scorer was Dick-Fucking-Tarnstrom. Last year we lost Crosby, Fleury, Talbot, Eaton, and others for huge chunks of the season and still managed to finish second in the conference (first if they hadn't "thrown" that game to avoid playing those juggernaut Flyers).

Anyone who thinks that we're curled up in the fetal position crying because Hossa decided to spurn us and go to the Shady Pines rest home or because Shero wasn't foolish enough to break the bank and cash-strap the team for five years to keep Malone has no idea what Pens fans are all about.

Colin said...

Wow, that was awesome.

Go Pens.

chris e said...

Let's do this shit!

ellen said...

Yay, Chris E is back!

Bethany said...

John Curry is a good goal tender. I watched him at a few games in Wilkes-Barre last year. He's solid in the AHL, hopefully he will continue to be in the NHL

Hand of Godard said...

Boner achieved.

Beautiful post. The Parkinson's joke has made my day.

Korn said...

@ pensgirl

Where's the manure??

RedWings said...

I have to admit, that was a brilliant analysis, staff. It's why I would love to see a Wings-Pens rematch. Face it, there's nothing better than seeing the face of the NHL face the future (almost immediate future) face of the NHL. At the same time, I'm concerned about a rematch because I think the Pens are just that scary good.

Sid is Sid, Malkin is Malkin, Free Candy-yah, I get it, but the real key is MAF, and I think he's the real deal. His backstopping is what make the Pens the scary good team they are. Your O can score (oh BOY can they score) and your D can be punishing. But the real beauty is, you can take the leash off both and let 'em go because MAF is always there to close the door. And that is an extreme luxury, allowing your talent to do what they do.

Injuries are always a factor, but you guys may be lucky in getting them out of the way early this year. And that could be a huge plus come the trade deadline. You know, that time of year when every contender is looking for that key blue-liner to complete their playoff mix. Except this year the Pens will be adding TWO D-men at the deadline to really give them the playoff push. And the beauty is, you do it without sacraficing players, picks or team chemistry. When Gonch and Whitney come back HEALTHY AND FRESH after the holidays it will be just like adding two beauty blue-liners at the deadline. Talk about a jump start heading into the playoffs.

For my entertainment dollar, give me a Wings-Pens rematch. Just watch out for the Habs in the East. A healthy Montreal team can be formidable as well.

Good luck all, and GAME ON!!!!

akus said...

Staff just answered the question,
.."Ok, guys show us what you got...
-

@millvalemauler,
So true.
-

Can't wait to see the boys back on ice.

xuscbausp said...

the nhl network is pumping me up more with each "is this the year" commercial.

im so excited i may watch Hockey Academy.

seriously

roachai said...

sick ass preview guys, inspiring, and exciting.......LETS GO PENS

MizzPenz said...

Posts like that are why I check this site first thing every day. Solid.

I freaking can't wait until next Saturday night.

TheNWChica said...

This is why I love this place! Fabulous post Staff!

God I can't wait for tomorrow! 11:30 start time out here? Hey Jefe...what about bloody Marys and a nice omelet for Saturday brunch?

Aron said...

invigorating & inspiring are the two words that come to my head after reading that. Let's get this party started!

Brett said...

I'm glad we've got The Pensblog to keep us company while we navigate another brilliant Pens season.

DROP THE PUCK

Adam Sacco said...

"Don't let anyone talk you into thinking the loss of Hossa and Malone is the end of the world.
It's only just the beginning."

Emmy-worthy.
That line gave me goosebumps!

LETS GO PENS!

akus said...

@kierstan and anyone else who has CI outside of the Pittsburgh area.

This is from seth @ emtpty netters.

Center Ice Customers Beware.

CenterIce

Aron said...

newsworthy...

"“We’ll see (tomorrow). I don’t really know,” Fisher said of his chances of playing in the opener. He won’t skate today and will try it tomorrow in the morning skate."

Mike Fisher may be out...that's certainly going to help our chances.

Aron said...

@akus....nhl network is now part of the center ice package(at least it is for me, an out of towner)...so it will be on there.

Joey80 said...

hell of a post boys.

Hostile Apostle said...

I shall now crack an Iron for you and the Pens, well done sir. Go Pens.

Fred Jones said...

This post is why you guys are the best.

LET'S GO PENS!

snickerdoodles said...

Awesome post Staff. It made my Friday. Posts like this one is one of many reasons the Pensblog is my first stop on the Gore, and bookmarked at home, at work, and on my Blackberry.

Drop. The. Puck.
Go Pens

Loser Chris said...

pensblog: In the best shape of its life.

Drop the puck already!

Raybin said...

Stealing time from work, so no time for elaborate thoughts or comments (y'all are so disappointed, I'm sure), so I'll just say:

If this post were a woman, it would be Rita Hayworth.

26 hours to go. Holy crap.

z said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
xuscbausp said...

I dont know about everywhere but here is how NHL Network/Centre Ice thing works in the north Jersey area:

The NHL Network is now available on iO® TV
The NHL Network is available on channel 401 if you subscribe to the iO® Sports Pak, or on channel 429 if you subscribe to the

xuscbausp said...

NHL Center Ice package.

haha forgot to post the rest. my bad

debrisslide said...

Pens over Red Wings Stanley Cup 2009.

TOMORROW. I can't believe that the shortest summer in the NHL could drag this much, but here it comes to an end. . .

debrisslide said...

btw, channelsurfing.net should be solid with the NHL, right? I need to watch the game tomorrow or I will shit my pants. FSN Pittsburgh needs to be full-screen on my laptop.

phatcatcatena said...

yeah i l think any coach that takes a team without their number 1 goalie and player to the SCF is worth staying for a while. Also i think that if Hossa were to come back I would gladly let him back in. I really dont know why people hate him for this. Its his job. Would he be able to come back here at the trade deadline/free agency again this year? Or is that a no go? Im not sure how that works. but if he would decide to come back like I said, i would not have anything mean to say to him.

fleuryous said...

Holy goddamn Shero...he IS a genius, at the very least right NOW.


I can't believe the fucking puck drops in almost 24 hours.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

I think this is going to be TK's breakout year--I really do.


Staff--solid post, I peed in my pantaloons a little.

WOOOO.


PS. Can I mention that the Pitt Panthers beat USF last night, who are ranked TENTH? GO PITT.

xuscbausp said...

shit on pitt

LETS.GO.P-S-U

xuscbausp said...

...just jobbin'

brett said...

25 hours to go!

Max Talbot scores in the opener. Book it.

The Goon Blogger said...

I read the post again.

I still want to fight Gary Roberts. The message is not lost at all, I don't think even 66 could bury something better than the Staff buried this post.

GO PENS!

Max Power said...

Awesome post. The staff should be a nominee for a Pulitzer. I was geared up before now I'm on overload. I'm so excited about tomorrow I could cut glass with my nipples.

@ goon
If you say his name 3 times while looking in a mirror he will appear and stomp the shite out of.

Just because work is slow.

Dr. Turkleton said...

This post makes up for all the [understood] Mailing It In that was done over the summer.

I hadn't been that excited since the early fall of 1986 when I accidently discovered 'Free', albeit slightly scrambled, Skin-o-max on my parents cable TV.


[Caputi]

Max Power said...

redwings can we hire you to go to Filthadelphia and host a seminar on how to be an opposing fan?

fleuryous said...

He may die of scabies, Max.

Mike, (Avs Fan) said...

Epic.

Go Pens!

Dr. Turkleton said...

I was only on the 4-letter networks' site to check Fantasy Hockey + Fantasy Football stuff: but this article about some Sidney Crosby guy caught my eye.

Max Power said...

The roster is set. Peso is out :(

Hand of Godard said...

Fuck... the one time that twat is right

http://penguins.nhl.com/team/app/?service=page&page=NewsPage&articleid=384679

jaos said...

solid post... the season is almost upon us!

Docciavelli said...

Nice, Staff. Looks like the Summer days of phone-ins are over.

One addition to the reasons your post cites as why Pens fans shouldn't shoot ourselves in the asses: Rico Fata is in Switzerland.

Docciavelli said...

Peso in WBS? Hmm.

Who am I to second guess GMRS? Biz Nasty will be fun to watch in the bigs.

[In Shero We Trust]

Dr. Turkleton said...

docci...

where would Peso play?....he's a top 2 line guy with no room at the Inn. [Tom Bodett will leave the light on for him, though]

RedWings said...

@ Max

It'll have to be a webinar because there is no way I am physically going to Filthy.

Dr. Turkleton said...

TANK-Crosby-Satan
Staal-Geno-Sykora
Cookie-Talbot-Dupuis
Kennedy-Taffe-Godard

Thomas-Biznasty

I say if a top 6 gets injured or someone from the bottom 6 gets injured/not producing and Staal has to go back to #3C...then Peso will be back up quicker than 2 shakes of a Na Na NaNaNa Na.

dying alive said...

Kind of cool that Thomas made the team. I guess he fills the "native Pittsburgher" spot vacated by Malone.

fleuryous said...

Thomas will be money.


And may God shake his fist at me if I be wrong.


I kinda want to ask him how playing under Gretzky was...

fleuryous said...

Bill Thomas=DOLLA BILL.

Pensgirl said...

Ha ha, well put.

Thanks DA, although I totally missed my fail on grammar until I saw that sentence standing alone. That was supposed to say "the fanbase...."

Korn, don't open the closet doors. That's all I'm sayin'.

Regarding the Center Ice thing...the digital sports tier on Comcast where I am (Baltimore) is like $4 or $5 a month. Anyone who's willing to pay for Center Ice shouldn't have any issue ponying up for that too, and I believe NHLN is fairly commonly available now.

Dr. Turkleton said...

Thomas will be money.

Thomas is a role player.

Money as a role player? Yes.
Money as a point-producing player? No.

I'll predict he turns out to be a slightly upgraded version of Adam Hall.

Max Power said...

redwings I don't think Filthadelphians possess the necessary cognitive functions to successfully sign on to a webinar. We'll rent you a pope mobile and a hazmat suit

RedWings said...

max, maybe we can run it like "How to Catch a Predator". Half those numb-nuts probably have open warrants on 'em anyway.

Docciavelli said...

@Dr. T:

I haven't seen Peso play yet, so I don't know how he'd fit on a 4th line with Kennedy/Taffe. Regardless, this may just be a way to get him more North American playing time before bringing him in to Pittsburgh. Who knows? If he lights up the AHL, he could be replacing Thomas, Kennedy or BiZ before you know it.

He could also bust, in which case we lose nothing and send him back to Karpat with a consolation prize of Kraft Dinner.

fleuryous said...

How to Catch a Predator is a fucking CREEPY show.


I feel dirty when I watch it.

fleuryous said...

He can't replace Kennedy--his contract is one-way.


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Anthony said...

I'm from South Jersey and I can honestly say, all hockey bias aside, that Philly is the worst place on Earth (outside of Camden and Newark).

Docciavelli said...

@rw

Last season I nearly killed Philly fans at Flyers games twice, and both times justified.

I give you my blessing to carry through with a Philly homicide if anyone there says they wish Datsyuk is paralyzed like Konstantinov. (They will--they told me they wished Lemieux's cancer on Crosby)

I'll even come up to bail you out.

Docciavelli said...

@fleuryous

Oh, you're right. TK's with the big squad no matter what. Well, that pretty much leaves Thomas and Biz, or an injury.

Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Max Power said...

we could probable use the same bait without fail.

Docciavelli said...

@anthony

You forgot Chester. That's a sizable shithole as well.

Dr. Turkleton said...

docci...

I totally agree that if Peso makes the AHL his own personal playground...then King Shero/HCMT have to find a spot/minutes for him with the big club.

But, I feel he wouldn't benefit the Pens at all by playing 4:21 a game on a 4th line.

That's where the Fearsome Fivesome of Kennedy,Taffe,Biz,Godard and Thomas reside [and rightfully, so].

I guess overall, it could turn out to be an ├╝ber-great problem to have with guys in WB/S pushing others in the bigs for their jobs.

Anna. said...

Perfect season preview...

ryan said...

the penguins team that hits the ice tomorrow will be better than the one that was together the day before acquiring marion hossa. hossa's a big deal, no question, but he didn't make an impact until the playoffs. the point that seems to be lost in all this hand-wringing about losing players is that this was the penguins' plan from day one of the shero era. there's a reason shero doesn't give out 3 and 4 year contracts to role players and backups. he opts to have a rotational cast of depth players surrounding an insanely talented core. can you imagine when fleury's 28, crosby is 26, malkin is 27, staal is 25, and whitney and orpik are 30-ish? the rest of the NHL should just look at this team and think "oh shit".

I Have Kasparaitis said...

Nice post, Staff. Didn't need much to get me pumped though ...

Bill Thomas is not a Bugsy replacement. Bugsy is more quality and bigger locker room leader. His name also rhymes/flows with Pittsburgh's Own ... Bill Thomas not so much. Quit trying to steal Bugsy's thunder, Bill Thomas.

Bugsy first player from Pittsburgh to play for Pittsburgh ... he holds a special place, no matter where he is. And he's coming back ... wait, until his contract is finished he said he wanted to come back, and he will ... (That kinda sounded creepy. I apologize.)

Dr. Turkleton said...

And he's coming back ... wait, until his contract is finished he said he wanted to come back, and he will...

He'll be 35 when that seven year *cough* deal with the devil expires.

Coming back to replace Cotton Candy Guy? *laughs*


*Caputi*

jefe p said...

The roster is set. Peso is out :(

pesoNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

anybody have an idea if i could watch sundays game on channelsurfing.net (or similar) AFTER the fact? i will need to see it replayed somewhere that night before i see the results hopefully.

The Goon Blogger said...

Perhaps if Arabian Facebuster plays well as MAF's backup, Curry will get sent back and we'll see Peso in that respect.

I honnestly don't like carrying 3 goalies, don't see the need. Curry's got a two way contract, so there's no danger bouncing him back and forth.

I Have Kasparaitis said...

Dr. Turk, hey! He'll still be a great depth guy and sure enough to stick his ass in front of the net and pull through like he does every single game. He said he would obviously not be making as much money, but he doesn't care where he plays on the team. Actually he said that while w/ the Pens as well. Stick him for grit in 3rd or 4th line ... he's still gonna have a nice season this year, and many more to come. Mark my words!

Dr. Turkleton said...

tGB...

I think it's been stated by Mgmt that Curry is already ticketed for WB/S once wheels touch down in North America to get the Pens back to their NHL-norm 23 man roster.

IHK...

just having some Friday fun wit ya!...I can see him playing his twilight years in Minnesota...

The Goon Blogger said...

I've honnestly lost a lot of respect for Malone after all those articles where he cried about wanting to stay in Pittsburgh.

I don't hate him persay, but I'm not totally in love with him like I was since the days of him playing with Morozov and all the other scrubs of the early 00s. Get it? ZEROES? I'm fucking clever.

The Goon Blogger said...

Doc

Righttt, I forgot they were allowed one extra player for now, my mistake.

The Goon Blogger said...

Speaking of Morozov, does anyone know where you can watch KHL games online?

debrisslide said...

Peso is going to make the AHL look like kindergarten. Oh well, if injury or illness strikes, we'll be seeing him again soon.

The best decisions have been made. Tomorrow is going to fucking rock.

Anthony said...

I second jefe:

Is there any way that a fan from outside the 'Burgh can watch Saturday's game without having Center Ice? Help a brother outtttttttt!

EatonFreeCandy4Life said...

Awesome post! I am looking forward to the game even more now!
Go Pens!!!!!!!

I Have Kasparaitis said...

@Goon blogger: I could go on a super long rant about why you should like him and what he has done for the organization, but that doesn't realy matter. It's your opinion, and I respect that even though I disagree. I would be whining if my team ditched me for a player who hadn't been here for long, but what can you do? What's done is done. I just hope in 7 years, Shero considers taking up Bugsy on the offer of him coming back.

KHL games as far as I know I haven't watched any of it, and it's in Russian ... My friend who follows KHL showed me the link. I'm not sure if it works and what ...

Here's Morozov

@Dr. Turk: Minnesota, pssh ... they'll probably relocate to another city in Texas by then *laughs* Okay, that was kinda mean. I don't mind the Wild and their Santa's elves uniforms.

Malone fights for Stamkos against Eisbaren

The Goon Blogger said...

Lol!

DIE TOTEN HOSEN!

Fucking classic. I could watch that Morozov video forever. For as much as I bag on Morozov (brace for it C-Blog) he is my second favorite Penguin of all time behind Ronny Francis.

I'm just a little spurrned that he cried about it when he could've agree to less money. He, however, knew he could get more elsewhere, so he didn't sign. Malone is a solid human being, and it's business, but don't cry about Pittsburgh not signing you.

Also, I'd totally be fine if he came back. Heh, and I realize how thin the ice is when I'm bagging on Malone with you IHK.

The Goon Blogger said...

And thanks for the sweet hook up IHK. I'll be sure to check it out later to see if I can get it rolling. I've been following Morozov with Kazan since he went over there during the lockout. The team brawl last year was awesome.

satownsend said...

Fuck yeah! 22 hours! I didn't think I could be more pumped for the season to start, but this post has done it.

Victor Raison said...

Who is this "Malone" you are all speaking of?

teri springer said...

My "Tabs" jersey is ready. The beer is cold, the recliner is in position. Even though I was only able to afford tickets to two games this year, I will "be" at all of them.

So, let's go already!!!!

Jason said...

That was absolutely the best piece I have read all summer long about anything penguins or anything for that matter. I admit i fell for some of the hoopla of the pens falling off but never as much becuase i always knew we have atomic weapons on our team, but after reading this im ready to fuckin buy tickets to the stanley cup cause were going back. Great story by whoever wrote it.

meecrofilm said...

"He was like the college relationship we all had once. The sex was aplenty, and it was good.
But there was no meaning, and in the end, it was better to just walk away before you got AIDS."

money. in the bank.

Help Me Rhonda said...

I've been waiting for this and it was so worth it. Way to go, Staff.

Shero's patience and long term vision make him remarkable to fans and enviable for other organizations.

This year is going to be crazy entertaining.

strakasguitar said...

holymoly kids. what a killer post. we got balls the size of masloff's kankles on this vehicle.

(disturbingmyselfblog)

Ain't gonna be able to watch the game tomorrow cause I'll be at work! But perhaps I can persuade the boss-man to pipe it in through the radio.

rickyaustin said...

I'm not sure if I can sleep tonite. It feels like xmas eve.

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