Sunday, August 24, 2008

Sportsnet, Not So Much



Who is this douche?

Meet Mike Toth from [Sportsnet.ca].

Mike has a little column called [Pass The Puck] at Sportsnet.ca.

Normally we would not pay attention to this dude, but in his most recent column he had some interesting things to say about the Penguins:

"With all the garbage I've been eating this summer, I shouldn't be trusting my gut. But something tells me the Pittsburgh Penguins are headed for a huge fall. The darlings of the NHL last year when they gave Detroit all it could handle in the Cup final, the Pens go into the new season missing some key pieces to the puzzle. Marian Hossa and Ryan Malone are gone and key defenceman Ryan Whitney will miss the first three to five months with a knee problem. To make up for their missing offence, the Penguins are counting on getting some big minutes and big goals out of the mercurial Miroslav Satan, who lit the lamp just 15 times for the Islanders last season. Sure, the Penguins still boast the one-two punch of Crosby and Malkin. However, Tampa Bay finished in the cellar last year despite sending Lecavalier and St. Louis over the boards every night. Prediction? Coach Michel Therrien doesn't last the season and the Penguins shock the NHL by struggling just to make the playoffs."


Whatev. We want people to discount the Penguins chances.
But really, if you are going to bother writing something, get your facts right:

Defenceman Ryan Whitney will miss the first three to five months with a knee problem.

By if knee problem he meant foot, than yea. That sentence right there shows you he doesn't even know whats going on.

We could go on and on about the shit in that paragraph, but we have to figure out if the Penguins can actually play a season without Marian Hossa. Because you know, he played so many regular season games last year.

Go to hell.



Go Pens


49 comments:

snickerdoodles said...

Am I the first to say that guy sucks?

BlacknGold66 said...

Wait... Hossa's gone????


What the fuck?!

Next thing you guys are going to tell me that the Staals are brothers?



and Ryan Malone is from Pittsburgh

johnny said...

am I the only one watching The Dream Joke right now?

Beav said...

USA basketball survives a scary game against Spain... whatevs, eat it China.

jefe mays said...

this is all i gotta say bout the haters. link. go pens.

jammer jagger said...

that guy is a real douche.

We are a better team coming into '08 than we were in '07. Thats all that matters, right?

dave said...

recap local news

shawnawwwesome said...

Pens need to make amends and get Army back.

FOTS

Hip said...

BNG just utterly shattered my universe with so many revelations in his post.

Holy Bejeebus!


I'm tired. Despite that, I would still be able to write a column more coherent and factually based than that shit. If that can pass as hockey "journalism" I'm soooooooo in the wrong profession.

H.C. Prick said...

So is Mr. Toth the Canadian Skip Bayliss or was he just born with an extra chromosome?

Rage said...

@jefe- you should get +1 for the vid....too funny

Anthony said...

Fuck The Shit might be the best song ever made.

Definitely Cooke's theme song. COINED IT.

shawnawwwesome said...

And the gold medal in the sport of disgracing yourself and your country goes to...

J.S. said...

bng, the next thing you're gonna tell me is that Jerome Bettis is from Detroit and that Chris Drury used to play little league baseball. Is that Bob Saget in that pic?

Re: last thread's comments about the titanic not being in the top three.

Why would it be? The last I heard, the Titanic was at the bottom of....

too soon?

J.S. said...

jefe, the only thing better than that song is being able to play it on Guitar Hero

J.S. said...

is this really Billy Mays or an imitator?

It sounds exactly like him

canaan said...

toth can suck it.

BlacknGold66 said...

I've had that FTS song stuck in my head all day now...

...and that is 100% ok with me!

Catchiest tune EVER.


@J.S.: The guy in that pic isn't BoB Saget. It's Jared. He's still lookin' goood. That's Jared, he's Jared... he's feeling healthy and blah blah etc. etc.

And no, it's not too soon to make the Titanic joke (which is funny because I was actually counting on you to make that joke). You only have to wait 22.3 years until something like that is officially funny.

Flyer Hater said...

The Pens were the trendy pick to go to the Stanley Cup last year, now with success they're the trendy pick to disappoint.

stokes said...

What a terrible point: "Tampa Bay finished in the cellar last year despite sending Lecavalier and St. Louis over the boards every night."

Listen, there isn't one coach in hockey anywhere that would rather have Lecavalier and St. Louis over Crosby and Malkin. This guy sucks at his job. If i was that bad at my job, i wouldn't have it anymore.


Calling this guy a douche insults Douches everywhere.

debrisslide said...

You're right FH. It's funny how half-assed sports journalists pick teams seemingly for the hell of it. Journalists in general prefer to bring up bullshit instead of actually talking about the subject at hand. It's like watching the presidential election coverage. They have no idea what's going on. Those fuckers on TV are talking about lapel pins.

Johnny Wrath said...

[ McCabe to Pittsburgh, because everyone knows Staal wants to be a Leafs, the single most spectacular team in the cosmos.

Malkin to Russia, because everyone knows those Euro types are in it just for the money.

The Penguins traded their whole entire future for Hossa, who walked, because everyone knows that's what it takes to handle the mighty Canadiens. Just ask their beat writers. Also, off the record, Chris Higgins makes Mike Richards wet the bed.

Everyone knows Pittsburgh will not be able to retain all those young first-rounders, so they may as well just trade them now before they walk. Everyone knows that Fleury isn't any good, and that Toronto happens to have a spare elite goalie in Raycroft. Staal and $12M and a 1st round selection for "Rayzor" and Carlo Coliaccovo seems fair, if you ask a Leafs blogger.

Hell, lets go full-out and say McCabe, who would obviously be the best player on any other team, just not good enough for the pants-creaming Leafs, and Coliaccovo/"Rayzor" for the $12M, Staal, and Gary Roberts, who by some act of deceit and coercion re-signed in Pittsburgh and not with The Maple Leafs, who comparitavely really know how to satisfy a woman.

Everyone knows that even though Philadelphia's Phantoms were soundly beaten by the Baby Penguins, and that all the Flyers did was barely not get swept, Philly easily has the best young talent in the NHL. Look at the lists compiled by their fans. You'll see Briere and Gagne penned in between Ovechkin and Richards. Nevermind that until last December Richards was a third-line disappointment carrying a -12 rating, now he's the NHL's most elite centre.

Thats why that 12 yead contract is warrented. Also, He's a better dresser than Cindy Crysby. Diver. So what we lost. It was because of the refs, and injuries, and its not our fault that we were facing elimination and gave up the last 8 goals of the series. Say goodbye to all your players, bitches. ]

- That's basically what you get from other journalists, bloggers, and rumor mills. Every team is covetous of what obviously is a very imposing group of players.

We had to lose a few bodies, and we did. They're all in Tampa, and soon these asses will see just exactly how important to Pittsburgh they were.

We also cleared up cap room in the near future by dealing a 1st round pick and Esposito, two slots that eventually would command cap room designated for, say, Jordan Staal. This drives other teams bonkers, because they figure their teams' garbage can be dumped for a piece of our core. ....Toronto.


Nobody in the Eastern Conference looks capable of beating us. Look at the "experts" pick Philadelphia to win the division, and you'll see just how weak it is. Philadelphia had to cut some pretty good players (and are still over the NHL salary cap) and they sucked last season.

Let the rumors be jealous, let the pundits be asinine. Their favorite hockey teams will be left in the wake and/or stuck with Scott Gomez. Go Pens.

BlacknGold66 said...

Commit to the Wrath

Rage said...

goddamn...preach on brother!!!!!

AmericanHero269 said...

You guys wanna know what sucks? This whole offseason thing.

And I haven't even started school yet.

Summer=balls.

Oh, and that guy is also balls.

rickyaustin said...

Keep it clean boys.

**** the ****

Nick Saia (usa) said...

luca caputi once ate a whole cake on his birthday before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside.

penstone410 said...

hear hear! what a dick. if you are going to spew out shit like that, at least check your damn facts. besides, hasnt this all been said by other sports writers like over a month ago? right after free agent frezy? a little slow on the uptake buddy..

committed to wrath

eileenover said...

The darlings of the NHL

Those words alone make me want to punch him in the dick. By the way smartie, a lot of NHL coaches don't last the season. You could make that prediction for any coach.

Dan said...

the olympics are over, woo hoo! tv is safe again!!!!

bring on 2010.

sidney crosby will win 9 gold medals. take that phelps!!!!

Flyer Hater said...

Well, every player in the NHL has the dream to be one day be a Leaf.

dlonlo said...

What a joke

dlonlo said...

What a Joke

dlonlo said...

dlonlo said...

make sure you watch this whole video it is serouily one of the most amazing pens videos ever

dlonlo said...

WOW where is everybody??????

dlonlo said...

it will be time to turn the page in only 163 more comments!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!1

KaylaJ said...

gotta hand it to china, with all the problems and crap people expected to happen, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

as for the dope at the top, someone needs to remind him TB may have had a one two punch, but what else did they have? sid & malkin still have D and they have what TB still doesn't have, a goalie. and mecurial? isn't that what they used to say about Ryan Malone? you know what will shock me? if i ever read anything from him again.

Rage said...

@eileen: "Those words alone make me want to punch him in the dick."

FUCK YEAH!!!

Toth blows...Wayne Gretzky has proof

KaylaJ said...

can i just say shenanigans?

Flyer Hater said...

dlonlo, nobody cares.

kamechiha said...

I want to know about the FREE CANDY thing. IT's time to share.
And aren't the PENS the best things ever.

Flyer Hater said...

Memo to Wallflower:

You hate Mark Madden, we get it, we really, really get it.

eileenover said...

Since everyone here loves midgets, there's a show on TLC right now about a 2'7" pregnant woman.

Raybin said...

Way late to the party here, but...

What. A. Dick.

Hossa didn't even make a real impact with the Pens until the Rangers series. Granted, those last 16 games of the playoffs he was playing at a height you generally need a space shuttle or some bad PCP to attain, but still.

Secondly, the "mercurial" Miroslav Satan?

'Scuse me?

Read these numbers:

18, 25, 22, 40, 33, 29, 37, 26, 29, 35, 27, 16

What are they? The number of goals Satan has scored in each season of his career. Mercurial? More like rock solid and dependable.

Also: Lecavlier and St. Louis < Crosby and Malkin. Plus, Sid and Geno center different lines. So instead of concentrating your punch entirely on one line, you have, in effect, two #1 lines.

Why do they let people who know nothing about hockey write about hockey? Hell, I know squat and I know more than this guy. Someone pay me to be a douchebag. I'm here doing it for free at present.

(I haven't read any of the comments made yet so I'm doubtless repeating shit said 15 times already. Oh well. It bears repeating!)

Raybin said...

Those words alone make me want to punch him in the dick

That may be his plan, eileen. I don't think there's any other way a woman will ever come that close to whatever little bit of heat he happens to be packin'.

Also, johnny wrath at 4:18: Greatest comment in a month. *slow clap*

eileenover said...

Good point raybin. That is, if he even likes women.

Duff said...

WIKI said... In a 2006 Toronto Star survey, Toth was named as the most annoying sports anchor in Toronto.

crmzak said...

He's just pissed cuz people mistake him for Trump's bitch. (pretty boy Bill Rancic)

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