Monday, August 4, 2008

Rejected Features of NHL 2009

Everyone is more than excited about EA Sports' NHL '09.
The game will include a huge list of new features:
  • Defensive Skill Stick
  • Be A Pro
  • Create-A-Breakout
  • NHL 94 Controls
  • One-Handed Deke's.
NHL 09 promises to be one of the deepest games in recent memory.

But with every great new feature that made the cut, a lot of features did not.
Thankfully, we were able to obtain that list.

::::::::::::::::::::::::

THE OLD-NHL FEATURE

Have you compiled your roster with youth, speed, talent, and experience?
If that's the case, you've probably made the postseason.
All that's standing in your way are other teams that have also obtained those four characteristics.

But thankfully, this year, you are in control of your own destiny.
Hitting L2 on your controller during the game-introduction sequence
lets you revert back to clutch-and-grab NHL.



Commit egregious penalties while your computer opponent still plays by the post-lockout rules!
This is a feature that will have to be unlocked, but it's rather simple.
Playing as the Detroit Red Wings for a game does the trick.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

CONSPIRACY THEORY MODE

Playing as the Washington Capitals in Dynasty Mode,
you can now keep tabs on Sidney Crosby's every move even when the Capitals aren't playing the Penguins!



EA Sports' new "Crosby Watch" feature make this possible.
NHL '09 gathers all significant highlights from Penguins games and delivers them to you.

Did Crosby dive sometime during the game?
Did he get a secondary assist?
Did he chicken out of a fight because he knows he's more important to the team in a scoring role?

Well, now you can let him have it on a message board!
XBOX LIVE is needed for this feature.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

INJURY EXCUSE

For years, people have been hitting the reset button to erase a bad game.
But if you have morals, you take that Game 7 loss and focus on the following season.

In NHl 09, you can take away some sting from that defeat.
If you're going into an Eastern Conference Final that you're sure to lose,
activate the "Injury Excuse" feature.



You can select which one of your players goes down, and combined with XBOX LIVE's or PS3's online message-board feature, you can gripe about it as your team gets swept.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

BE A HOMO MODE

The new "Be A Pro" feature lets you follow your created player through the ranks all the way to the NHL.
By popular demand, another feature has been christened.

Have your created player work his way up through the Maple Leafs' system
then get to make out with teammates once you get your cup of coffee.



This is as real as it get, folks.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

ONE-AND-DONE MODE

EA Sports wanted to bring the realism of the NHL right to your living room.
In NHL 09, the "One-and-Done" mode is past beta stages and ready for stores on September 9th!

Battle your way through a season with the San Jose Sharks and lose in the first round.
After a couple years of first-round exits, you can unlock the two-and-done feature.



:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

START A RIOT FEATURE

After mastering some of the game's other challenges, you will be unable to unlock this feature.
Get to the playoffs as the #1 seed, beat the #8 seed in 7 games, and have your fans riot!


XBOX LIVE automatically recognizes that you are a douche bag
and uploads the riot video straight to YouTube.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

BLOG FEATURE

Are you in your mid-to-late 20's and write about other men in your spare time?
If so, NHL 09 has you all set up.

Work diligently after games to find game pictures and references to obscure sitcoms from the '90s as you compile a game recap.
Organize photoshops, anthem pics, and update flashblog.

Be weary as challenges such as girlfriends, sleep, and internet bills stand in your way.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

SEASON SUSPENSION MODE

Got your opponent in a vulnerable position?
Hold down the right trigger and press the "Y" button to perform special moves like the "Chris Simon Stomp."

You can hit players from behind and test the NHL to suspend you for the entire season.


*Action results in suspension, except when used with Chris Pronger.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

NEW REALISTIC CROWD

New crowd dynamics create the most lifelike crowds.

Now with new accurate attendance numbers, play weekday road games against the Islanders at the Nassau Coliseum in front of a half-empty arena.



Spot something in the crowd? With the new sign feature, you're bound to a see a few fans in attendance who still think the Mastercard Priceless signs are clever.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

And last but not least,
this was the final feature cut from the game:

DYING ALIVE MODE


NHL great Jaromir Jagr has played his last game in an NHL jersey, and to commemorate his career on and off the ice, EA Sports introduces the new "Dying Alive" feature.

Watch as your very own star player accumulates millions in gambling debt,
mails in his playoff performance, and demands a trade.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Go Pens

134 comments:

TheFandangler said...

Rock.

TheFandangler said...

09' is going to kick major ass pubes. I can't wait to have NHL 09' Beerfest.

Annie said...

Fantastic post, Staff, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

TheFandangler said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmXTWGx13lU

great_white_nwpa said...

...aaaanndd that is why i stayed up late tonight....i knew something big was coming (haven't checked tPB for a couple of days)


sweetness

Franklin Hockey League said...

Hilarious post.

snickerdoodles said...

ROTFLMAO!

That was too funny!

meecrofilm said...

pure gold.

start a riot feature was especially hilarious.

jefe penguino said...

this post is way gooder!

im all over the NHL '94 controls feature. i like to keep it simple and old school. and i wouldve enjoyed the start a riot feature. too bad.

i say bring it on. even tho i only have a PS2..

TheFandangler said...

Jefe:

Ps3...Do it.

KaylaJ said...

not sure which new feature i like best, injury excuse or one and done. awesome.

but i have to ask where is the bags over their heads fans or was that put it last year?

Flyer Hater said...

Maybe the best post in the blog's history.

eileenover said...

I don't know what's better: Conspiracy Theory Mode, Be a Homo Mode, or Dying Alive Mode. Panel says?

Dr. Turkleton said...

staff = I'd would play NHL 09 [tPB uncut version] until my fingers bled and my glaucoma rendered me legally blind.

EA Sports...It's in tPB!

Heatley's + teammates reaction @ 30 seconds is priceless [WTF???]

eileenover said...

I also like how the Sidney sign is at a Craps/Avs game.

teamkory said...

great post

brndlynn said...

that post was absolutely hilarious. probably one of the best of the off season so far.

sh0ez said...

Woo.

jefe penguino said...

@fandang -as much as id like to play games more often, im not wasting my money or time on it.

my friend bought a Wii a year ago. its dusty. i play Tiger here and there, but the other 3+ games we have arent touched.

i have no life and still cant give the time or attention to a game system. NHL 09 would be the only game i would play anyway. just not worth it.

brndlynn said...

i didnt even notice the sid sign. nice.

TheFandangler said...

Jefe:

I have 4 games... I only play NHL 08 right now.

Very rarely will I touch Call of Duty or Resistance: Fall of Man.

jefe penguino said...

well for 30 bucks i can get nhl09 for ps2. no need to drop a few hundred more for a new system that ill rarely use 2 months later.

and once the real season starts i wont need a game.

is it still august?

sh0ez said...

All I've played in the past like, year has been NHL 08 and GH3. I just modded my NHL 08 some more to feature more Penguins vintage jerseys. It rules. Plus, I've added GhettoFarmBoy's jersey concepts from his Rebranding The NHL series over at Icethetics. Woo.

TheFandangler said...

Jefe:

I understand... I still love ps3.

Sh0ez;

How did you add vintage jerseys!?... That's probably my biggest disappointment with the new game. I'm hoping they added it to 09 but I'm probably going to be let down.

Paul said...

Shoe, you have a ps3? because those player models look entirely different from my 360 version of nhl 08, which I find kind of hard to believe they would be so different.

TheFandangler said...

Yeah those player models don't look anything like the game. I was hoping they were just pictures and that you can add those jerseys to the current good looking game.

Dr. Turkleton said...

I think sh0ez plays nhl 08 on his pc...

you guys who have xbox360 used the keycode to unlock the rbk jerseys, right?

nikki said...

epic post for sure

Paul said...

dr. t:

yeah, i unlocked the rbk jerseys as soon as i bought the game, hoping it would give me some vintage jerseys, but to no avail. i was pretty bitter about that for a while, especially since some of the spectators are wearing vintage pigeon-era jerseys.

TheNWChica said...

What a lovely thing to come home to. Love it guys. lol

sh0ez said...

Yeah. I play on PC. I love PC versions of games because you can mod them. I play IN Mellon Arena. It IS the Mellon. I have all of those jerseys, too. And those models are mods, too. People make their own cyberfaces and such. It's all necessary because the PC and PS2 versions are getting shafted and passed off to stupid subpar mini EZ companies. It's lame. I just hope the PC version of 09 is better.

sh0ez said...

I don't know what some people are talking about with vintage jerseys. I know I read somewhere that people were excited about getting Barons jerseys, North Star jerseys, Seals jerseys, etc. I have those already. Maybe that's one thing the PC version got that others didn't?

Paul said...

Yeah, I upgraded my ps2 to a 360 immediately after i had purchased nhl 08 for the ps2, and i was completely blown away by how different it was. coincidentally, that's how i learned about jeff taffe, staal and malkin both got injured for like 5 weeks or something on my ps2 season :(

Julia said...

wow it took me half way through those to realize that they really weren't rejected features..blonde moment.

Dr. Turkleton said...

Aloha, nwchica!

Welcome back to the Mainland.


paul...

I've been playing 08 99% of my free time since I got my refirbed 360 back this past Friday [the other 1% is COD4], after a 5 month layoff [year 3 of Penguins Dynasty]

+1...I wish the vintage were available as well [read something about a deal with rbk for the 08 year]...maybe 09 will surprise us!

sh0ez said...

So you guys that have 08 for 360 and PS3, do you have any vintage jerseys at all? Does PS2 have any?

Dr. Turkleton said...

sh0ez...

I hope ya didn't get any chalk or talc on that sweetness [and I'm NOT talkin' bout YOUR GIRL...HA!]

looks awesome in those pics!

Paul said...

shoez:

for the 360 version, there are only 06-07 jerseys and 07-08 reebok edge jerseys. So no throwbacks to speak of, other than various 3rd jerseys from 06-07 (the blackhawks have a black jersey, etc.)

the last hockey game i had was nhl 2k6 for the ps2 which had ridiculous amounts of throwbacks, so i was rather disappointed at the lack of them in nhl 08. Although to be fair, I didn't have to use Milan Kraft, Konstantin Koltsov and Rico Fata on any of my lines in 08, so perhaps it all worked out in the wash.

sh0ez said...

Here is Mellon Arena. Scroll down to see the images of it. It rules.

A Hi-Def version of the Pens' Rbk jersey.

sh0ez said...

Give me 'til about 3:30 and I'll make a post regarding the jerseys on the PC version. Obviously we didn't get shafted here!

jefe penguino said...

if you havent read this, its quite a feat.

Bourque Has Name Etched Inside Cup, Too

sh0ez said...

Okay so this took a little longer than I expected. I never realized how many jerseys there were. I bet all of you 360 and PS3 players are jealous now! HAH! The only vintage team I can think of that is missing is the Whalers. And everyone knows that story. But there's a mod to add them in. Woo.

Note: The game, like every version, came with the 06/07 Jerseys. I had no reason to list them. Installing the Rbk code rid of these jerseys completely for some reason, but they were there. The listed alternates are all from the 06/07 season, too, I believe. Also note that the vintage teams are listed in italics. Enjoy!



Anaheim:
- Alternate [Black and Purple with Mighty Ducks of Anaheim]
- '97 Home/Away

Atlanta:
- Alternate [Flying Bird Logo]

Boston:
- Alternate [Bear Head Logo]
- '81 Dark
- '71 Home/Away
- '26 White

Buffalo:
- Alternate [Red Sabres Logo]
- '71 Home/Away

Calgary:
- Alternate [Flaming Horse Logo Thing]
- '95 White
- '80 Home/Away
- '72 Atlanta Flames Home/Away

Carolina:
- None

Chicago:
- Alternate [Black]
- '43 Dark
- '26 Home/Away

Colorado:
- Alternate [Maroon with word logo]
- '80 Nordiques Home/Away

Columbus:
- Alternate [Different Striping]

Dallas (So much history . . .):
- '93 Home/Away
- '76 Cleveland Barons Home/Away
- '74 California Golden Seals Home/Away
- '67 California Seals Home/Away
- '67 Minnesota North Stars Home/Away

Detroit:
- '28 White
- '55 White

Edmonton:
- Alternate [Gear Logo]
- '96 White
- '79 Home/Away

Florida:
- Alternate [Red]

Los Angeles:
- Alternate [Purple Vintage Style]
- '88 Home/Away
- '80 Yellow/Purple
- '67 Yellow/Purple

Minnesota:
- Alternate [Red with Circle Logo]

Montreal:
- '45 White
- '32 White
- '24 Dark
- '22 Dark
- '15 Dark

Nashville:
- Alternate [Yellow with 3D logo]

New Jersey:
- '82 Home/Away
- '76 Colorado Rockies Home/Away
- '74 Kansas City Scouts Home/Away

New York Islanders:
- Alternate [Orange]
- '96 Fisherman
- '72 Home/Away

New York Rangers:
- Alternate [Liberty Logo]
- '78 Dark
- '76 Home/Away
- '28 Dark

Ottawa:
- Alternate [Black]
- '93 Dark
- '18 Striped

Philadelphia:
- Alternate [Orange]
- '83 Dark
- '67 Home/Away

Phoenix:
- Alternate [Desert/Cactus bottom design]
- '97 Home/Away
- '90 Winnipeg Jets Home/Away
- '80 Winnipeg Jets Home/Away

Pittsburgh:
- '95 Home/Away
- '91 Home/Away
- '67 Home/Away

St. Louis:
- '94 Dark
- '87 Dark
- '79 Home/Away
- '68 White

San Jose:
- Alternate [Black]
- '91 Home/Away

Tampa Bay:
- Alternate [Ocean Storm Design]

Toronto:
- Alternate [Vintage Style]
- '77 Home/Away
- '66 Dark
- '27 Home/Away
- '26 Toronto St. Pats [Green]

Vancouver:
- Alternate [Red/Blue Fade Design]
- '95 Dark
- '94 Home/Away
- '86 Yellow
- '82 Home/Away ["V" Design]
- '71 Home/Away

Washington:
- '95 Home/Away
- '74 Home/Away

Kat said...

Spectacular post. My Poor Sharks...So sad, so true.

jefe penguino said...

jason bay is lighting up beantown. good for him.

J.S. said...

sh0ez, those pics of Mellon are sweet.

Probably a little too early to be asking this since it hasn't officially taken place yet, but is there a way to add the two new banners to the top of the arena?

sh0ez said...

Not yet. Probably will be released for NHL '09 depending on what they do with the game.

JP said...

"CONSPIRACY THEORY MODE"

+1

shawnawwwesome said...

Clutch-and-grab forced Mario off the ice and I will not abide it. Clutch-and-grab has no place outside an after-prom.

If you don't have goal scorers on your team then quit and go play golf. They like low numbers.

Also, there are no obscure sitcoms from the 90's.

M. Vanderlasser said...

Staff, I salute thee...great post!

@maxpower, just got this info about a bike race you may be interested in:

"THE 2008 DONUT DERBY
September 1 (Labor Day)
The DONUT DERBY is a fun race with rest stops every 12 miles where racers can get water, use the bathroom, and get DONUTS. For every donut eaten, three minutes are deducted from your official finish time. There are only 2 rules: All donuts must be eaten in the Donut Zone and if you chum a field, you're DNF. Sag supported, accurate cue sheets, well marked roads, trophies, awards, prizes, the coveted SPARE TIRE CHAMPIONSHIP BELTS and a rollicking good time are all hallmarks of this excellent Labor Day adventure. A hot lunch is available after the ride.
Race begins and ends at the LV Velodrome."

dying alive said...

+1 for dying alive mode.

Chubs said...

It's weird seeing +1's around here-do other cbloggers comment over at deadspin too?

Does the realistic crowd in Detroit fail to show up for playoff games? REALISM!

J.S. said...

I'm just wondering if you can hear profanities being yelled at Sid when you play at Wachovia Center, or maybe even see a fight in the crowd.

Victor Raison said...

This post pretty much makes up for any and all mail-it-in posts; past, present, or future.

Well done.

ellen said...

The Mellon pics are sweet, but don't they have the benches reversed?

And someone in the last post mentioned the cheap gas prices in the "riot" pic; that'd be price per liter in Canadia.

Sinops said...

Best offseason post ever.

Flyer Hater said...

You forgot Montreal Canadiens player mode where you must be under 5'8 and 150 pounds to get in the lineup.

J.S. said...

still LOL'ing about the Start A Riot feature.

JYo said...

I haven't read the comments, so this is likely repeating what others have said, but this may just be the best post this blog has ever assembled. Outstanding work staff!

Dan said...

they forgot to mention you can see the crowd making out with each other in ottawa, or santa getting assaulted in philly.

no internet connection at night makes it hard to leave drunk posts.

i got a little teary when i found out sir sidney drinks, er, i mean will sample for the first time ever, my liquor of choice. i brought a fifth of jack with me, but it's not getting cracked until then.

time to finish my breakfast. pop tarts, a bottle of water, and a corona.

Pops Freshenmeyer said...

Also missing are fat guys trying to fight your team's enforcer when he's sitting in the penalty box in Philly and random streakers and coaches ripping the mascot's tongue out from Calgary.

AJ said...

fantastic!

BlacknGold66 said...

Awesome post Staff for many reasons.

(Both because it was entertaining as hell AND because it busted up the high-school conversation that was going on in the previous two cblog threads. Get instant messenger peeps. Fo real)


@Sh0ez: Those Mellon pics are sick but Ellen is correct in saying that the benches are flipped.

That'd be great if you could add some of the signs that the crew in F1 puts up.

"Get 'em Gonch" etc.

Sam's dog said...

wow
did you see the price of gas in that riot mode pic?

they're all rushing to fill their tank.

akus said...

Ahhh the sweet memories of the NHL.

#1.CONSPIRACY THEORY MODE.


Icing on the cake;
BLOG FEATURE




WTF & Owned City;
Offseason Mode

Beav said...

wow bng if I build you a stable for it, will you get the fuck off your high horse?

Pops Freshenmeyer said...

wow
did you see the price of gas in that riot mode pic?


Someone mentioned it earlier, since it's Canada, that would be price per liter. At those prices, gas is still cheaper in this country.

lis said...

tsk...tsk...tsk...BNG66....you've maddened the c-bloggers...have I taught you nothing?????



I think I'm a little teary eyed!

Box Score Blaine. said...

This may just be the best game ever until NHL 10 comes out.
This also may be the best post ever at least for the next few days.

J.S. said...

if my math is right, gas in the riot pic is 4.23/gal for diesel and 4.42/gal for unleaded.

Even with the litres to gallons coversion, diesel is about .50/gal cheaper.

sh0ez said...

@ bng, ellen: It took me awhile to figure out how it was reversed, but I think I see it now. Actually the whole ice/roof need reversed, correct? Or the seating area. Right?

BlacknGold66 said...

@beav: For you buddy


@Sh0ez: From what I can tell, the only thing that needs switched is the benches. The Pens should be on the left and visitors on the right if you're facing them. Other than that everything looks pretty damn sweet.

All you need now is a picture of everyone in here and where they usually sit so you can put that in there and that shit will be about as real as it gets.

Pops Freshenmeyer said...

All you need now is a picture of everyone in here and where they usually sit so you can put that in there and that shit will be about as real as it gets.

I'll be the guy in the Pens jersey at the back of Section 417 (upper deck, opposite the player benches) in Washington.

sh0ez said...

@ beav: The player benches are at the top of the Pens logo, though.

You COULD add stuff in, like extra banners and such. I could make a request!

akus said...

Pot calling the kettle black.







61 days.

lis said...

Maybe someone mentioned this already and I just missed it but is Sean Avery really dating Calvin Klein's ex??? He's 28, she's 51???

EEWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd reveal my source but then you would all know how fucking bored I am at work today!!!

J.S. said...

lis, you can't be any more bored than I am...or at least irritated.

Who is Cal Klein's ex anyways?

lis said...

The website I read this on (rhymes with Merez Bilton) just says her name is Kelly...it didn't even show a picture of her...I don't think she's famous...except maybe for being the ex of Calvin Klein.

Yeah..go ahead and laugh....I have no other valid excuse except that I'm FUCKING bored at work!

lis said...

Although I did just read on the same website that one of our very own starters Red was in a car accident last night and was airlifted to a hospital in Mississippi.

Raybin said...

This shields the staff from all charges of mailed in posts before and after. Any unsatisfactory post can be immediately offset by going to the archives to read this one.

Absolutely hilarious. Hard to pick a favorite, although I'll have to go with Conspiracy Mode. The digs at the Flyers losing Kimmo Christ and the Sharks' repeated epic fails are also unbelievably funny too.

I'd pay 10 bucks extra for a copy with "Dying Alive" mode.

sh0ez said...

The Morgan Freeman story is true. I hope he's okay. He's easily one of my favorite actors ever.

Raybin said...

If I were a Dallas fan, I cannot describe how irked I'd be because my team signed that freakshow Avery. He's nothing but a distraction and if I remember the revelations made during the Brodeur controversy, his teammates hated his guts too, by and large.

Fuck, I think it was Drury who came over DURING PLAY and told him to knock it off.

J.S. said...

to show my boredom...

a KISS RickRoll

sh0ez said...

And while searching for the Freeman article, I came upon another very disturbing news article. This time from Greece.

People are sick.

Raybin said...

Cripes, Morgan Freeman? Damn. One of the best. Hope he pulls through and acts for another 15 years.

somechic said...

solid post guys
haha

Flyer Hater said...

I wonder if Freeman was driving Miss Daisy...

J.S. said...

When one person tried to snap a photo with a cell phone camera, Freeman joked, “no freebies, no freebies,” McFerrin said.

LOL, that's great.

lis said...

With the news about Red I seriously doubt he's going to be ready for training camp....maybe not even the first game.

RedWings said...

sh0ez said...
And while searching for the Freeman article, I came upon another very disturbing news article. This time from Greece.

People are sick.


Holy crap, sh0ez, that article reads like a giant cluster. The only thing missing was Inspector Clouseau.

Beav said...

@ bng

Didn't know you wanted to put a picture along with you name. Glad to see fighting the good fight for Britney doesn't take up too much of your time so you can still fight the good fight for cblog as well.

debrisslide said...

I'm seriously considering buying a PlayStation specifically to play this game.

J.S. said...

I finally read that article that sh0ez posted.

Whatever happened to the good ol' days, where people would shout profanities and maybe at worst give somebody a black eye? Hell that wasn't even that long ago.

Victor Raison said...

The good ol' days when they exhibited criminals heads on pikes outside the Tower of London? Or when you could redeem the scalps of your enemies for cash prizes? Or people committing mass suicide with cyanide-laced batches of Kool-Aid.

Not trying to be a dick, just saying that there were no good ol' days, just selective memory. The world has always been f'd up.

DMG said...

As a Capitals fan, I have to say I love the Crosby-watch mode. I swear, everyone says they're tired of hearing about Crosby. I'm tired of hearing other people bitch about him for no damn reason.

Dr. Turkleton said...

shamWow!

let me change my rule book:

Beheadings = IN

Simple gunshots...
Stabbings...
Or Break-Ups = OUT

Got it.

87 Is The Loneliest Number


[Fabian]

The Goon Blogger said...

That was like a mid-season post staff. All business.

Flyer Hater said...

I'm playing on ice for the first time tomorrow, any advice for a first time skater?

Max Power said...

@ m van

It will take an ass load of beer, but I will own that race. Thanks for the heads up.

Maria said...

I would really like a riot feature. Perhaps I could play as Philadelphia and light some cars on fire when I win Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals. And then I could lose miserably in Game 5.

I like Be a Homo Mode too. Toskala+Charlie 4ever.

M. Vanderlasser said...

I'd like to see a "Mellon Arena Bathroom" feature in NHL 2009 so that you can feel a startlingly realistic simulation of strangers' urine striking your leg while you take a leak into a communal trough and read prostate medicine ads.

RedWings said...

M. Vanderlasser said...
I'd like to see a "Mellon Arena Bathroom" feature in NHL 2009 so that you can feel a startlingly realistic simulation of strangers' urine striking your leg while you take a leak into a communal trough and read prostate medicine ads.


If I close my eyes, it's like a visit to the Joe.

Max Power said...

There should be a "Fan" mode. You start by tailgaiting. Then you have different behavior modes depending on how much you drink through the course of the game. You could heckle players and fans. Start fights with people while your waiting in line to get another $9.00 beer.

Max Power said...

Dude this story just keeps getting better.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25966835/

Stilly said...

You know what's irritating?

The guy over at A2Y started calling Detroit "The Dynasty". It's a little premature for that tag right? Then again, Wings fans end up being premature in just about everything.


Motivational Poster - Premature

eileenover said...

max power, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Max Power said...

Yeah apparently beheadings are up 30% world wide. With this economy who can blame them?

jefe penguino said...

"He was a little guy with a heart bigger than you could know,"

actually, im sure at least one person now knows..

brndlynn said...

the beheading stories are just wrong. yuck.
the premature poster on the other hand - nice!

Max Power said...

@ jefe

Nicely done.

Maria said...

Bettman Portraits in Heroism Gallery

Cblog is pretty well represented...maybe one of us will be the proud winner of a Versucks jersey!

Max Power said...

Wahoooo! I scored some Stiller tickets for the game against Filthy this Friday! I'm totally wearing a PENS jersey just to be a dick.

eileenover said...

Maria I cannot stop laughing at the Why So Serious ps.

Victor Raison said...

max: I cracked up over that last comment. Well played.

eileenover said...

I guess I should've specified that I meant the one with him holding up the Joker card.

Max Power said...

It turns out that this isn't really what you think that its going to be: http://www.ihatemidgets.com/

akus said...

Today i entered into an unknown zone.
I have never paid attention to the hockeybuzz site, from what i read about it here and there, i knew from not viewing it, i was not missing a thing.

I knew better, but didn't listen so,
could someone please,tell me the meaning of the following.

I talked to a source VERY close to the Gaborik situation and the fact is simple:

"Much debate about this next deal. Is it really almost 9M.... And even more outside offers."


All i know is he is talking about Marián Gáborík.
I did not read the rest of the blog, i was so lost on those first few sentences.
I thought when You used quotations, You give credit on who You are quoting.( That there may be my answer to my question. No sources.

Those were the first 2 sentences on his blog for 8/03. Plus he has 560 comments, which i did not read.

Hell i know we can go to babblefish to translate what is said about Pesonen, but hockeybuzz may be beyond translation.

___
The Bettman "heros".
Its like trying to pick one piece of candy on a tray that has 25 of Your favorites.

Nice to see some familiar names.

Pops Freshenmeyer said...

All right, even though no one except Penguins fans would get the joke, Bettman as the Cotton Candy Guy was genius. Who did that one?

brndlynn said...

@ pops: i dont know who did it but i laughed for a few mins over that one.

Maria said...

Oh my God how did I miss Bettman as the Cotton Candy Man? That's hilarious.

akus said...

Marilyn Monroe
Nick Nolte mug shot
WWGBD

brndlynn said...

i wonder if whoever sent that in explained that the cotton candy man lore or if they assume they knew about it already.

eileenover said...

I don't like WWGBD. No offense to the creator of that ps, it was nicely done, but that should be reserved for Gary Roberts.

KaylaJ said...

looking thru the bettman pics and its amazing how some people have the same ideas. i was going to do a three stooges bettman chop later when the season started!

Maria said...

@ Brandi, I really hope the person who did it sent in this video with the photoshop. Non-Pens fans need to see Ken the Cotton Candy Man in action!

Man, watching that really makes me anxious for the season to start. And hungry for some cotton candy heeeeere.

eileenover said...

I can't wait to go to a Pirates game and see Ken!

brndlynn said...

@ eileen: it has to be our mission to find the cotton candy man while we're there.

akus said...

The Wizard of Oz.

My final answer.

Flyer Hater said...

Jokes

TheFandangler said...

Who am I?

Howdy.

Dan said...

i was at a minor league baseball game last night, the cotton candy man was not there. that mad dan sad :'(

on the other hand, i've been drinking since 1030

TheFandangler said...

Dan is having a better day than most.

brndlynn said...

dan is a warrior. he's been drinking for 8 hours and he still is able to type coherently.

raisedtotherafters.com said...

I have a mode suggestion. How about betrayal mode? This mode is played deep. You can control it as management or as a player. From the GM role you can ostracize your star player/captain of several years after not willing to be traded for some fresh talent to cover your ass from years of poor trades, draft picks, and well coaching decisions. As I see it right now, Charlie is already on the right team for it to happen to him.
As a player you can get traded to a contender from a basement team, make it to the Cup Finals, get two wins away from the cup and then sign with the cup winners the following season to be a bandwaggon player. Added kharma meter allows ex-team to gain momentum through anger and gives them the edge they need in the finals for the upcoming season.
Go Pens!

J.S. said...

Bettman as 007 has win written all over it. Hopefully more people get the Cotton Candy Guy reference, otherwise that would be my vote.

The Iraqi Information Minister was creative.

It took me awhile to find the ones I sent in. I thought he forgot to publish the Apollo 13 and the rescue diver.

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