Tuesday, June 24, 2008

LaPoint Of Impact. WPXI WINS.


Tough times.
Hossa is gone. Fine.

Gary Roberts is gone.

For the first time all offseason, things crashed down.
It hit home even though it was expected.
It must be how a coke addict feels when they realize they blew a guy for baking soda.

But from the strangest of places, we gather inspiration.
Fully prepare to blast everything WPXI.

Monday night, we watched a weatherman become more powerful than the nightly news.
Mike LaPoint reminded us, heroes will rise from the ashes and will give you a reason to believe.

And then it registered we have serious mental issues.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: PREGAME ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

T-Minus 8 Minutes:
The floor sweepers grab the brooms and make one last run of the studio.

Back in the control room, there was a sense of desperation in the air.

T-Minus 7 Minutes:
Speaking of something in the air, there was suck surrounding Billy Ray Cyrus in the pregame show.
Darieth Chisolm breaks through with a big-time teaser.
Already, we're talking about death and flooding.

::::::::::::::::::::: ANTHEM ::::::::::::::::::::::::

[ Alex K ]

[ slush ]

[ sh0ez]

[ coffey talk ]

[ Will S ]

[ Slush ]

[Shawn P]

::::::::::::::::::::: FIRST SEGMENT ::::::::::::::::::::::::

The surprise of a lifetime came when Gordon Loesch dominates the front desk.
David Johnson sprained his larynx in the pre-news workout.

A huge blow to WPXI's chances.

A bigger blow to WPXI's chances?
A terrible lead story.

Reporter Marc Willis comes in, apparently wearing shoulderpads underneath his suit in spirit of the upcoming story about Joey Porter's friend who died.
Oh, wow. Is this the only person who died on Monday? Get real.
WPXI doesn't care if you die...unless you're friends with an ex-Steeler.

[ Annie L ]

Just a huge a mistake by WPXI. The murder didn't even happen in Pittsburgh.
Joey Porter was interviewed.

He missed a tackle during the interview.

Darieth Chisolm picks up the sluggish broadcast, busting in with a story about a water-main break.
It was a developing story, and Chisolm didn't stutter.

[Sam L]

BUT...Oh, no. They try to segue into a story about local downpours, but the water-main graphic stays up.

Things could have fallen apart.

But then we go to Mike Lapoint, suit on, all business. Good start.
A nice transition into the next story about power lines being down.

The trifecta was hit when Loesch goes into a story about something.
It went by too fast.
But all three members of the broadcast team unleashed solid stories within a minute.

Then came the part of the news that makes you want to kill yourself.
Death was everywhere.
Chisolm talks about Duquesne people who got shot and are now suing.
The plaintiffs' attorney was pissed.

Back to Loesch...and more murder.
Someone got shot in the Hill District.

Jake Wheatley couldn't be reached for comment in his mansion that is not located in the Hill District.

Back to Chisolm. Surprise...murder.
Someone buried and stabbed some jobber. Not good times.
Not the most uplifting news broadcast ever.

Somehow we get on the subject of so many murders you'd think Angela Lansbury was writing the script.


Loesch channels Chris Hansen, talking about some guy trying to marry a 13-year-old.
Welcome to Pittsburgh.

It looked like we were gonna get away from murder, but nope, someone froze their mom's body to collect life insurance.

Some guy named Larry Anderson died in a motorcycle crash. Really sad story.
It's like 11 straight death stories.
Johnson wouldn't have let this happen.

Come on, Loesch, give us something.
A former police chief died.
No wonder everyone in Pittsburgh is miserable all the time.

Chisolm breaks the death streak, talking about some big shot who is being charged with theft and fraud.

Finally, we get to stories that actually matter to mass groups of the viewing public.
First, a gas-line break in Westmoreleand.
Then the Port Authority announcing some changes in their shit.
This was how the broadcast should have started.

Western PA cops are going to abuse their authority in the next month or so. Heads up.

We get teased going into the break with a plethora of stories.
Some lady getting beaten by a shower curtain is what you kept you watching.

:::::::::::::::::::::::: SECOND SEGMENT :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

After an 14-second commercial break, we were back in action.
The next story included the following words:
Fayette County, cellphone, shower curtain, arrest.

What a city.

Ouch, another graphic mistake.
THE LATEST comes up full-throttle on the screen and 4 seconds too early.
Is this a college newscast?

This segment was all about flooding and sand bags.

Gas prices were next on the ledger.
Loesch, talking over a graphic of a gas price, says WPXI found gas to be $3.96 somewhere.
Too bad the sign said $3.95.

WPXI was mayor of Gas City in this segment, bringing us a story on airlines. Yawn.
WPXI brings us stuff about the presidential election.
Both candidates get some play.

Chisolm breaks down, saying the presidential poll's error margin was plus or "minor "3.

Elmo has seen enough.

The control room had cut off communication to her mic up to that point, trying not to disrupt her perfect game.

But then it happened.
It was here amidst 12 viewers of the nightly news that Mike LaPoint discovered who he was.

Even though he was telling us about weather that we can look up on the internet and don't have to wait till 11:20 every night to get anymore, you wanted to hear it.

Every point towards the blue screen was right on the money. Angels were carrying him.
He came in as the underdog, but proved himself a worthy weatherman.

He was simply on fire. He was on camera for at least minute and a half straight.
No shaking, no stuttering.

[ Ryan O ]

Talks about KDKA extending him an offer sheet this summer are beginning to make sense.

He made his dramatic departure with the 5-day forecast. Perfect. He nailed it.
What life is all about.

A kitten fell down a pipe. The entire world shuts down.

[ Slush ]

Heartwarming story that should have led off the broadcast.
It's somehow less important than Joey Porter's friend dying.

Sports was on the way for the third segment.
Deep breath.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: THIRD SEGMENT ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Yankees are coming to town. Restaurants are ready.

And here we were. John Fedko City.
Of course, nefarious news about high-school football is front and center.

Fedko almost looks yellow. Way too tan for any man.
He is waving his hands all over the place.
Past his prime, no question.

Rich Walsh came on with The Tour of Pennsylvania story.
It wasn't a live segment, so errors just couldn't be found.
Unless you count Rich Walsh himself as an error.

Solid story, though. If you're a bike-rider, this is sick.
Some guy says they want to find the next Lance Armstrong.
So we guess that means they want to find the next cheater who gets out of their sport just in time.

John Fedko ends the sports segment talking like he's the Micro Machines Guy.
What a joke.


  • Wasn't that impressed by Loesch. But he did what he had to do.
  • Chisolm ain't no joke.
  • Sam Nover is in the best shape of his life. Just sayin'.
  • LaPoint is an MVP candidate.
Number one star, as voted upon by the public:

Hard to argue.
She beat out LaPoint by 10 votes.


Fedko jobbed:

After the news, people destroyed the Fedko phone zone.
[Sh0ez] recorded a job:

Apparently Fedko took credit for the Roberts mania at one point.

We know he is trying to goad us, so whatev.
Proof is in the videos.
Over the course of a year, we have all destroyed his life.

Go Pens

Executive Decision:
We have decided to wait till next Monday to continue the tour of news broadcasts.


jefe penguino said...

i didnt read the whole post quite yet. but im drunk. so i dont care. ok back to post now :)


jefe penguino said...

oh. my. gary.. can i still say that? funny as fuuuuuck.

brndlynn said...

loved the charlie/fedko cheerleading photoshop.

jefe penguino said...

"anthem pics" or whatever u want to call those were money.

i didnt see the news but its like i was there!

okay please talk amongst yourselves..

Raybin said...

My mind simply cannot handle an Angela Lansbury picture being subtitled "Slut" at 5:30 in the morning.

Oh, and as for the Meatloaf video update in the Gary post below...

I'll see your bet and raise

In fact, I'm all in.

Natalie said...

@Raybin: If you'd made that Dolly Parton's version of "I Will Always Love You," you'd have nailed it. The original is still the best.

penstone410 said...

Lapoint killed it tonight, MVP is right, and the photoshop was money!

the graphic mistakes were hilarious..WPXI editing dept = FAIL

and the fedko prank again made me laugh and cry at the same time.. but him taking credit for robertsmania is DISGUSTING. its like he wants to have a death wish!!

ps i find it quite amusing jefe is drunk and still managed first comment

penstone410 said...

also, with all the darn murder stories, its almost like you could see the gary news was inevitably coming..

penstone410 said...

i think waiting til next monday is going to be very hard on everyone but i think it is a wise decision..

Raybin said...


You're right, but I was actually going for ridiculous cheese factor.

Gary leaving sucks so bad.

I guess I'll pull out what I never thought I'd have to...

Break glass in case of emergency

penstone410 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
penstone410 said...

oops..lets try that again

How's this for the cheese factor??!

penstone410 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J.S. said...

It must be how a coke addict feels when they realize they blew a guy for baking soda.

lolz, wow. speechless.

J.S. said...

I still have this newspaper sitting in my room from after the move Dated June 23, 2007, exactly a year before he made his last decision regarding free agency :(

J.S. said...

(for the c-blog natural hat trick)

I'm not gonna say I want to punch Fedko in the mouth for acting like such a douchebag in that last segment, but if somebody else did it, I'd understand.

Raybin said...


Holy crap. That is tough to beat.


That line about the coke addict could be the cure for all diseases if scientists can somehow harness its power.

Elmo hanging himself is such a nice early morning smile

Local news graphics are always hysterical. someone had to graduate at the bottom of their graphic design class, after all.

Raybin said...

I'm not gonna say I want to punch Fedko in the mouth for acting like such a douchebag in that last segment, but if somebody else did it, I'd understand.

Where's Henry II when you need him?

"Will no one rid me of this troublesome sportscaster?"

Christina said...

not even a fedko jobbing can cheer me up from the pain of opening pensblog and seeing Gary ride off into the sunset. sad times indeed.

Chubs said...

I can't even watch the WPXI news (Erie, contrary to popular belief, is not Pittsburgh), but that was amazing.

It's just hard to see Gary go. I mean, Colby at the deadline and now this? It hurts.

Stilly said...

Soild recap. I know this might have been the hardest recap to do given the somber news. I wore all black to work today to pay respects to The Man.

Say it ain't so Gary.

brndlynn said...

raybin with the cluth youtubes. im trying really hard to think of his leaving rationally but just cant.

Raybin said...


I wore all black to work today to pay respects to The Man.

Johnny Cash? :-)

Let me offer the suggestion that the first local sportswriter to say that Gary's departure is no big deal because he doesn't have huge stats should not be allowed a moment's peace for the rest of his sorry ass life.

J.S. said...

I actually thought he meant George Carlin when I first read that.

Stilly said...

Well George Carlin too. The news about Gary just pushed me into mourning mode. haha.

P.O. said...


RE: Mike LaPoint

watch him on a regular basis and you will learn to loathe him... he reminds me of Matt Dillon in Theres Something About Mary when he gets the fake teeth... complete joke, Kevin Benson dominates

The Big K said...


Sooska said...

First, I have to say I am not surprised that GR is moving on. It was evident the way he spoke of Pittsburgh in that OTR last night. Oh Goodbye, Gary Roberts!
We hardly knew ye. I hope he lands somewhere where they appreciate him as much as we do, if that is possible.

This post on WPXI is one of the funniest of the year. I am still laughing. You could dedicate an entire separate blog to jobbing local news. My favorite parts: the photo of Elmo hanging himself (or was he murdered?) and "Angels were carrying him." I can only hope that Newlin Archinal, Stacia Erdos and Timyka Artist can pick up Darieth's torch and continue the tradition of winning.

The Fedko job is priceless. Clearly, he expects it now and is ready. The irony is his ratings are probably higher because everyone in the know tunes in to witness the jobbing, right? He and his bosses will never figure out how bad he is if his ratings keep increasing.

P.O. said...

***** crickets...

JYo said...

Awesome pic of the GR storm there Ryan O!

Dan said...

no more gary eh? i'm guessing no one is gonna want those bracelets now. have fun losing somewhere else.

lis said...

Even though I'm not from Pittsburgh I still cracked up reading the post-news recap on here, however, we all know if you want real news drama, you gotta watch a Philly newscast!!!

I mean, come on, the shit going on with our people out here is as close to a soap opera as you can get...lies, betrayal, getting arrested, hitting a police officer, illegally obtaining other's private email...it's great!...and just as much murder!

BlacknGold66 said...

Ah, Summertime on tPB.

This post is what it's all about.

Dan said...

who else can fedko be jobbed with now?

coffeytalk said...

the gary roberts news has left me empty inside.

i've been gagging and vomiting at the same time. i'm gavomiting.

this hurts.

so those going to wingblog this saturday, we must raise a fairwell toast to our lord gary.

luvnmypens said...

You guys do realize that now we are going to have to play against GR now right?


Stoosh said...

I must've headed off to bed literally minutes...maybe seconds before Flyer Hater dropped the Roberts bomb on us last night, so yes, when I woke up this morning and saw the report on KDKA, me = stunned something fierce.

Looking at this from a business standpoint, Roberts was going to need to take a pretty significant paycut to come back, and he likely could get close to the $2.5M he made last year from somewhere else - namely, Toronto (see Mirtle's explanation of the Jamal Mayers trade and his take on what might be happening in Toronto as basis for my belief that Roberts winds up with the Leafs).

From a business standpoint, the departure of Roberts combined with the imminent departure of Hossa and Malone could free up somewhere around $13-15 million that can now be directed towards other players. So yes, changes are most definitely in store.

As a fan, though, this still sucks. I have to admit I would've been more surprised if Roberts returned than if he left, but it still sucks. It's just more fun rooting for your team when a guy like Roberts is playing for them.

Say what you want about his statistics and everything else; that wasn't the reason he endeared himself to the fans here, and there's nothing wrong with at least recognizing that. It's proof of the fact that hockey fans here know their game and don't just focus on the guys who rack up the big numbers.

Roberts is a throwback - the type of no-nonsense, sacrifice-everything player who really doesn't exist much anymore. I remember Shero saying when we got him that the impact he'd have on the locker room would be something intangible that would remain long after he's gone. If you watched Orpik, Ruutu, Talbot and Kennedy play during the postseason, you see exactly what Shero meant. The Yard Sale may have very well been a symbolic passing of the hockey warrior torch.

Maybe these departures help ensure that guys like Orpik and Ruutu stick around a lot longer, in addition to balancing out the rest of the roster by bringing in some guys like Stillman or Naslund or some other guys like that. That'll certainly make it easier for the fans to accept some of these more inevitable losses.

Funny, too...for a guy who's going to be working on his 21st NHL season next year, I'll have a hard time thinking of his as anything other than a Pittsburgh Penguin. And I will make every effort to get to his first game back.

Stoosh said...

@ Coffeytalk -

Glasses will most certainly be raised to the great Lord Roberts.

Steve In Denver said...

Pensblog, still in game shape, buries it.

That was hilarious. Awesome photoshops and pics from the blogging public.



J.S. said...

Gary Roberts....retired?

Joose said...

I wore my Gary Roberts shirt to show my love for the man despite his decision. I may just be jobbing myself big time by wearing it, but fuck it. His time here may be over, but his spirit will live on.


Victor Raison said...

Stoosh hits the nail on the head with that comment regarding Roberts. He's like the wandering old sage who travels from team to team, showing them how to really play hockey. We saw a young Pens team grow up during this postseason and, I think, truly start believing during Game 5 of the SCF. It may be that Roberts' job in Pittsburgh is done and it's time for him to ride off to another team.

It still sucks though. I feel like I got socked in the gut when I read the news.

Is it wrong that I still want to get a Roberts Penguins jersey? I can't really think of anyone else on the team whose jersey wouldn't be irrelevant if/when they leave.

PittHockey said...

this slightly cheered me up.

Ruutu help us.

Katie said...

Since I haven't lived in Pittsburgh for over ten years, I forgot how riveting (not) the local Pittsburgh news can be. Great job staff.

I'm sad about Gary, but it wasn't unexpected. He may have only been with us for a short time, but his impact on us will last a lifetime. The OTR segment was fun to watch and noticed that even when "letting loose", there is such intensity in Mr. Roberts.

As much as we would all love to keep the team the same, we know, deep in our hearts, it's not something that is realistic. Reality does bite sometimes. Let's keep our trust in King Shero. And while past performance is not indicative of future success in the financial world, it tends to ring true in the sports world.

J.S. said...

Is it wrong that I still want to get a Roberts Penguins jersey? I can't really think of anyone else on the team whose jersey wouldn't be irrelevant if/when they leave.

Absolutely not. I'll continue to wear my Roberts jersey, regardless of where he chooses to go. Ditto the t-shirt, which I almost wore to work today until I realized my basket of laundry is still in back of my Jeep.

brndlynn said...

now that stoosh has had his say i feel marginally better about gary leaving. hopefully they'll announce something today like that free candy will be back and lift my spirits.

Joose said...

j.s., you ass. I thought there was announcement that GR was retiring instead. That would have made things a lot more bearable.

Colin said...

I am already worried about the first game where the Lord lines up against us.

If you guys / gals had good luck charms during the season, my suggestion would be to dust them off to get some good juju going this offseason. All is not lost and I think that once the dust settles this team will still be beastly come opening night.

If I saw Gary I'd want to give him a firm handshake thanking him for everything, even though I know my hand would melt on impact.

Max Power said...

Solid post. I can't believe that I missed the news last nights about the Roberts! Twas a horrible shot to the dangus n' gruntees. I still want a WWGRD band.

Is anyone from the Wilmington / Jacksonville N.C. area? I'm heading down there for a wedding and I want to know of any good pubs.

JYo said...

i'm guessing no one is gonna want those bracelets now.

I still want mine. You can't undo what he did here. Like Stoosh pointed out: the impact he'd have on the locker room would be something intangible that would remain long after he's gone. I contend the impact he left on fans will also carry on and one last wristband sale would be a nice tribute to him and this past season.

namely, Toronto

If Sundin is gone, does GR jump right in as the Captain or do they have someone lined up? Admittedly, I know nothing of the composition of their team. He could be a great leader for a building team. Even though he won't contend for a Cup there, at least he goes closer to home (I think) and gets what will likely be his last payday.

Victor Raison said...

If you can see Gary Roberts, he can see you. If you can't see Gary Roberts, you may only be seconds from death.

Katie said...

I'm still interested in the wristbands, too. Like the stoosh said, it was just Gary's skills as a player that made him such an invaluable part of the team and endeared him to the fans.

Stilly said...

I forgot to mention this before, but Elmo hanging himself makes me piss my pants every time i see it in a recap. That's just a genius piece of photography.

That will become my go to "fail/kill me now" pic in any forums I may visit.

Max Power said...

Roberts would stay for 2.2mil

JYo said...

Someone needs to get Stoosh's number to Shero. I know King Shero doesn't need the help, but if he were to consult any Pens fan, Stoosh would have to be choice #1. As much as I'd like Hossa to stay, he may just be too expensive, but if the money gets used as you suggest Stoosh, it may be better overall anyway. Again, still in wait and see mode. July 1, do it.

Original Nathan said...

I'd still be in for a couple more wristbands myself. We'll miss you, Gary.

But GR's leaving will free up some more money. And if the Pens do move Sydor, that's an extra $5 million available. Nature of the beast. I hope when Gary retires someone gives him a coaching position immediately.

Original Nathan said...

I had the privilege of seeing one of GR's first games as a Penguin (might've even been his first game), on the road in Carolina. He beat the piss out of Tim Gleason right below where I was sitting. Gleason apparently thought Roberts wouldn't drop the gloves. Hell of a way to kick things off in a Pittsburgh uniform.

Original Nathan said...

Upon review of last season's box scores, that Penguins-Hurricanes game was GR's second game as a Penguin.

Tim Gleason still got his face punched off by a 40 year old man. Clown.


RaCHeLeYoS said...

great post to start off the day!

Steve In Denver said...

Someone needs to create a Gary Roberts beer.

A beer with so much substance that you'd almost have to chew it before swallowing it. The kind of beer that would provide nutrition at the highest food pyramid level. The kind of beer that would deliver a heady buzz. And would clean you out from the top of your esophagus to the bottom of your holio, like Shaq's wife at a divorce hearing. And after you drank it, the can would punch you in the face.

He's worth it.

J.S. said...

dammit, I had a "Roberts Stout - The Toughest Beer On The Planet" label made, but I can't find it. It was sitting in my photobucket account for the longest time and I've been meaning to work on it. I'm wondering if I didn't delete it with intentions of replacing it with the updated version of it. And we all know who wouldn't approve of that

Max Power said...

@ steve in denver

That beer would be imposible. It would kill more people than heroin. The murder rate would jump. It would make everyday like St. Patrick's Day. It would be the end of mankind as we know it.

J.S. said...

Roberts Beer - it needs some work, but being that I'm at work sans Photoshop, it won't be happening for a few hrs.

This guy would like a round of those, instead of his usual round of boilermakers.

Raybin said...

@max power

That was meaaaaaaaan. I got so excited at the prospect that Gary might stay for a somewhat reduced salary. A pox upon thee!

Actually, that was a prime opportunity for a Rick Roll.

Steve In Denver said...

@ max power - if that beer was used correctly, Philadelphia might actually become inhabitable.

P.O. said...


check out the interview with GR hosted by Laraque

P.O. said...

Laraque is wearing a WWGRD bracelet in the interview

Stoosh said...

Roberts Beer - A Carbonated Kick in the Grundle

Joose said...

Stooshes! I'm excited for Wingblog (even though I will not be consuming wings)!

Loser Chris said...

Not to pour lemon juice and salt on the open wound, but what are the odds that Gary signs anywhere other than Toronto or Ottawa? How bad is that going to suck? And honestly, after the way they rolled over this season, Gary is just what Ottawa needs.

Here's hoping he goes back to the Western Conference.

Raybin said...

Here's hoping he goes back to the Western Conference.

Aye! If he has to go, I hope he completes the circle by going back to Calgary.

Stoosh said...

@ Joose -

I'm so pumped for Wingblog I find I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's awesome that you're making the trek in for that, because that's not exactly just down the street for you. I think that's the case for more than a few people, too.

Fittingly though, it's what Gary Roberts would do, because Gary Roberts thinks gas prices are bullshit.

Speaking of bullshit, I suppose I need to get back to work as the lunch hour is just about over.

Stoosh said...

@ Loser Chris -

After some of the comments he made at the beginning of this past season about Ottawa, I'd be surprised if he goes there. I remember him saying that he had the chance to go there and that they were interested in his services, but he really had no desire to surround himself with "that situation" or something like that.

I'm thinking Toronto because I think that's where his family still is, but I'd love to see him wind up back in CalGARY.

Dr. Pepper said...

I mourn

Party of Ruutu said...

"Some guy says they want to find the next Lance Armstrong.
So we guess that means they want to find the next cheater who gets out of their sport just in time."

*gasp* Frenchmen are we?

I miss Gary already.

sarah said...

solid recap.

Joose said...


It should only be a 45 minute to an hour long drive. The drive from Greensburg is a fairly pleasant one. I'm not sure if I should take 376 or 28, though. I don't pay attention to any construction and whatnot. I'm guessing I should take 28.

My car is fairly awesome with gas mileage, thank Gary [ :( ].

Commit to the Stratus.

JYo said...

what are the odds that Gary signs anywhere other than Toronto or Ottawa? How bad is that going to suck?

It will suck if he goes to Ottawa since they have a lot of talent and a guy like him could whip them into shape, although from Stoosh's comment, it sounds like that may not be his destination of choice. I have no problem with him going to TO. They are not a player away from bothering the Pens, not even if that player is Gary Roberts!

M Parks said...

OK, I have been thinking about Hossa leaving, and tPB's girlfriend/boyfriend analogy. Hossa is like that really hot girl you want, but she is either really flaky or playing hard to get (wait… was that gay?). Well, I usually say let those type of girls go. Granted, Hossa would be great to have on the team, but I think Shero should forget about him.

Regardless of salary issues, I think this team doesn't need him. Hossa was most valuable this post-season because he won game 3 against Philly, allowing us to win in 5. He also put us over the edge against NY, allowing us to win in 5. He is that type of impact player; however, I don't think we need it. Malkin, Staal, and Crosby will become players who win series. One of the three will always step up in the future. Let's keep the players who are willing to commit.

I am all on board the bring back Nassy train.

Max Power said...

Gary Roberts to Ottowa = Poop on a stick

Stoosh said...

@ Joose -

Been a while since I've been in Greensburg, although I may be there one of these weekends. One of my friends and I are in the process of getting people together for an ice hockey team for this winter, and the two of us each need to get equipment. Greensburg is the home of the last remaining Play-It-Again Sports in Western PA, so we figured it's worth the trip just to check it out and see what they have.

sh0ez said...

Great post.

Glad I could help with the video. If no one else takes care of it, I am recording the 3:30 showing to get flyerhater's job. Solid.

This news is still sinking in. I just don't feel as if these two terrible things could have happened. Ugh.

I'm super stoked to meet most of you at wingblog. It should be a blast. I'm not sure how long it takes to get there from here, but after the girl gets home from work, we will be heading out and hit up the mall and such beforehand.


slush said...

Sean Avery douchier than ever

J.S. said...

oh noes, don't turn this into politicsblog.

gary going to TO = not that he needs my permission, but that's OK by me. He's played there before, and I believe he has family in the Toronto area.

gary going to Calgary = also OK. as somebody else mentioned (but without trying to sound like Kevin Nealon's character in Happy Gilmore), it's like completing the circle. Besides, I'm sure Calgary had to ask him if they could borrow his name to use as part of their city's name.

gary going to ottawa = doesn't sound possible. I couldn't see him going to the city that he helped ruin every April for the better part of a decade.

Joose said...

Sh0ez, can I be a part of tagalongblog? I haven't been to the Robinson mall yet.

snickerdoodles said...

@steve in denver

Is there a can on this planet that could contain Gary Roberts beer? Those cans would have to be lined with lead! And who would be brave enough to transport it from the nuclear power plant(that would be the only place where such a brew could be made) to the store shelves? Are we mere mortals worthy of such a beverage? Or are those who are not worthy get an electric shock (or worse) if they try to pick up a can?

Carroll said...

@j.s- that's okay as Max insulted Ottowa Texas as opposed to Ottawa Canada. Slight spelling error.

As for Gary's family they live in Uxbridge just outside of Toronto (40 miles NE).

I think if he plans on playing in Canada it will probably be for the Leafs, so he can be "home".

Although I wouldn't mind seeing him here in Ottawa, the Sens need some leadership. Which could make for a nice rivalry to watch.

Victor Raison said...

Actually, you probably wouldn't be able to get the beer in anything smaller than a keg. If you couldn't drink that much at a time, you aren't worthy.

Stilly said...

A little tidbit from the Feb 26 post when it was discovered that GR had torn ankle ligaments...

"WWGRD will live on forever, no matter what."

wristbandblog goes on.

Stoosh said...

@ J.S. -

No political discussion here on my part...I know the gas prices thing might have been going that way.

It was just an excuse for me to use the "_________ thinks this is bullshit" phrase I picked up from the guys who run the Every Day Should Be Saturday Blog (college football blog).

Jasper said...

I'll miss gary not playing for the pens anymore, at least he will still be playing hockey in the NHL, what an athlete
I still needed to say that recchi is such a classy guy for arranging that plane for staal back during the playoffs
I recall talbot saying somewhere he didn't wanna be the guy playing against roberts, he's scary :D

debrisslide said...

A kitten fell down a pipe. The entire world shuts down.

Literally laughed out loud at those two sentences. Pensblog's comic timing is amazing. While comic timing in print may only be due to line breaks. . .Staff is on the money every time.

@slush - Oh god, that link. . .there are absolutely no words for it. Avery needs to keep the cocks permanently in his mouth so he doesn't speak.

Some people question whether I'm straight; others give me compliments. Some women find it a turn-on. My teammates are very supportive and cool about my interest in fashion — sometimes they even ask for my advice on what to wear. But I'd be lying to you if I said that I don't take some verbal abuse from opposing players for the clothes I wear, or for my interest in something — "fashion" — that I think sounds a little frightening to narrow-minded blockheads. I also realize that this isn't necessarily their fault — they think it's what they're supposed to think.

I mean, I guess I appreciate his being candid and all, but. . .jesus. "Some women find it a turn-on"? Fuck you, Sean Avery.

Colin said...

@ joose -

I drive a Dodge Stratus!!!

(hopefully you get that SNL related comment)

Stilly said...

some women find it a turn on

Self absorbed souless whores think it's a turn on. Real women think you're a no-ball pussy loser. Get over yourself asshole.

Beav said...

Avery forgot to add that some gay men also find it a turn on, which works out much better for him.

debrisslide said...

. . .the idea of Gary leaving really hasn't hit me yet. I expect I won't believe it's real until I find out where he ended up signing. For now, it's just a nightmare.

by the way, my favorite WPXI weather dude is Scott Harbaugh. I bet he could beat LaPoint in a cage match.

J.S. said...

stoosh, I should have clarified. There was a link that referenced G-Dub (the current pres) that I won't go into specifics about. I actually lean away from the big two when it comes to that, but it had potential to possibly set something else off. Call it damagecontrolblog.

The gas quote was valid though. Gary Roberts probably also thinks it's bullshit.

J.S. said...

A blogger from Colorado mentions negotiations with Conklin? Why?

BlacknGold66 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Max Power said...

Sorry Carroll I suck at spelling/life and I don't speak Canadian.

The Mall at Robinson = lame since they took out the Cinabon. mmmmmmmmmmCinabon.

threshhold9k said...

Damn, those Conklin negotiations are getting heated.

TheFandangler said...

Anyone for picking up free agent Brian Campbell and signing Cheechoo and possibly someone else. While (I know unpopular) giving the Sharks Whitney? If you think of the salary cleared with Whitney and not paying Hossa that would be a much cheaper option. The only reason I bring it up is because Shitty Eklund on hockeybuzz has Campbell having his choices down to a handful of teams and the Pens being one.

BlacknGold66 said...

Call To Arms

Is anyone in here familiar with Real Estate Law?

I have a question concerning what happens when a property is sold by a Landlord prior to a lease going into affect when said lease has nothing stating anything about the property being sold.

I hope that makes sense.


J.S. said...

don't the Pens have enough offensive defensemen?

Eklund rumor being wrong again = e5

TheFandangler said...

J.s... I did say get rid of Whitney. We have them in our system but no one is really proven at the NHL level besides Gonch.

Stilly said...


It'd be nice to have a couple more offensive forwards eh?

Pens depth chart

Jesse and the guys at Faceoff Factor are all business with their depth chart post.

Left Wings currently locked into a contract? Chris Minard.

*instert a picture of Elmo hanging himself here*

Sooska said...

@bbng66- not a lawyer here. I believe the landlord can do whatever the hell he wants with his property w/o notifying tenants. I have lived in several places where that has happened with no foreknowledge. In fact where we are living now has sold 2x in 2 years and we were only informed afterwards. It is definitely not in our lease.

Avery is beyond words. Lots of guys like to dress well without turning into a (fill in the blank-I don't have the word.)

For instance, as we have heard, Geno likes to dress well and he believes, we are told, that he likes his teammates to dress well too.
Does he go to Vogue? NO!
Does he want to meet Christian Siriano? NO!
Does he want a new cashmere throw? NO!

What does he do? He acts. He tells Syko "These shoes suck!" and throws them in the garbage. It's a guy thing.

penstone410 said...


my bro studied RAlaw this semester.. let me go ask him..

J.S. said...

my comment was more towards Campbell...the defenseman ;)

I'll admit that I'm not familiar with Campbell's game, but I've read on a few boards that he's looking for 5m or more.

Even if we trade Whitney to make room for him (if this is even an option), we'd be losing out on additional mil to sign Campbell.

Eh, I'm not making any sense. I'll stop.

J.S. said...

Avery is beyond words. Lots of guys like to dress well without turning into a (fill in the blank-I don't have the word.)

...a four letter word commonly used for Charlie, or the 9 letter word that starts with d and ends with bag?

Or in tribute to George Carlin, "Lots of guys like to dress well without turning into a"...word number 5 on the list that starts with c

BlacknGold66 said...

Thanks cbloggers...

I've straightened it all out.


Joose said...

It's too bad Sean Avery's good taste in fashion does not have a positive effect on his face.

Joe said...

Hossa's best choice is the Penguins right now. Every team that is a contender will have to dump salary to get him but, us. If the Wings or Boston get him, they are going to be in trouble next year with the cap. The B's are taking a cap hit of 49 million right now. The Wings have room to make him an offer of 8 a year, but then have to deal with resigning Zetterberg next season not to mention their other free agents. Winning the cup and having role players step up during it is going to cost you. That leaves the Habs who want the entire All Star roster.

Unless Hossa wants to go to a team that will not contend in order to get more money, or that team dumping salary to also bring in a complimentary player. Or a contender dumping salary, Hossa's best bet is to wear the #18 for a few more years in Pittsburgh,

debrisslide said...

Dammit, top-line wingers. How frustrating.

penstone410 said...

from: penstone's brother...

I studied Real Estate Law last term, but it is important to not that I am not an attorney. If you already have a signed contract by both parties it is generally enforceable. What you have to make sure of is that the contract will be breached under the new owner. If it turns out that the terms of your contract aren't met you may want to consult an attorney to find out what kind of remedy you can receive under the Landlord and Tenant Act of 1951 and the Pennsylvania Consumer Protection Law. As of right now, as I understand it, you have no cause of action because you aren't entitled to the property yet. If there are problems on the day you are to move in, the you probably an take the landlord to court. Hope that's helpful.

Sooska said...

@j.s.- Thanks for the help but that seems so inadequate to describe Avery. He is no every day dick. Carlin may be closer but even that doesn't quite cover it in my mind. I am going to stop thinking about it now.

Dr. Turkleton said...

I knew about Gary Roberts not returning WEEKS ago...I was just too busy getting UFA contract offers and Draft Day trade proposals lined up from my sources. [/buzz on the turd]

Joose...there's always tofu wings


Joose said...


That looks like a lot of work, man. I don't know how I feel about it.

JYo said...

I doubt Whitney is going anywhere. According to comments from a few GMs who inquired about Whitney and Geno when that rumor was prevalent and who were also not named in the articles I read, Shero treats Whitney as much a member of the core of this team's future as he does Sid, Malkin, and MAF. Unless someone makes an offer Shero can't refuse, Whitney should be around long enough to develop into the top D man we all know he can become.

Joose said...

I just did some minor jobbing at Buzz on the Turd.

Here's what I said:
"I hear THIS is where all of the insider information on this blog comes from."

People be crazy to believe 'dat shiz over there.

Original Nathan said...

I really think the Pens need to give Whitney until the end of Gonchar's contract to attempt to develop himself into Gonchar's replacement on the team. Then if he still isn't ready, either let Gonchar walk and get rid of Whit, or sign Gonchar to a 2 year deal (after which he'll be about 38), and get rid of Whit and find Gonchar's replacement.

Raybin said...

Unless someone makes an offer Shero can't refuse, Whitney should be around long enough to develop into the top D man we all know he can become.

Despite how much I've ragged on him, I have much faith in Whit. What I've been so frustrated with is his lack of consistency. One game there's flashes of true brilliance, and the next it's Turnover flavored Soft serve ice cream.

If he can maintain the level he did in the playoffs, though, everyone will be without an argument to use against him.

Here's a question for anyone who might care to answer:

What would be a (realistic) offer for Whitney that Shero couldn't refuse?

Sub-question: Would one of those offers be a Campbell-for-Whitney deal?

Stoosh said...

Here's all you need to know about Buzz on the Turd and how legitimate their sources are.

If you click on their "Rumor of the Day" today (picture of Nate McLouth), you get THIS.

McLouth to the Marlins for Josh Willingham and two prospects.

I direct you now to Dejan Kovacevic's most recent chat session, most notably the second to last question which "Polka" asks Dejan...

any mulit-player trade rumors coming your way where we trade everyone we hate for 3 hall of famers? What about the McLouth to Florida for Willingham plus two prospects nonsense?

Leave it to Buzz On the Turd to take something clearly written as a sarcastic rumor and treat it as something legitimate.

Even Larry Brooks thinks "The Insider on Pittsburgh Sports" is bullshit.

Raybin said...

Oh man....

The picture at the top of this article will break your heart

jefe penguino said...

me and my buddy job whitney all the time (whitneeeeeEEEEEY!), but id like to see how he pans out over another year or two at least.

i just downloaded 20 albums, two audio books, and a dvd of George Carlin. i may not get through these in my lifetime.


Raybin said...

The first part of this column is interesting, though who knows how accurate

"It's very fair, I believe," Penguins general manager Ray Shero told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. "There was a firm offer on the table."

Shero wouldn't say if the offer would remain once July 1 arrives.

But it won't matter. Boston and Chicago are expected to make offers to Hossa in excess of $8 or $9 million per season. The Rangers, too, are supposedly interested.

Hossa reportedly told the Penguins they would still be his first choice on July 1....

"I believe he just wants to be sure," Shero said. "But as I said to Marian, 'Once you go down this route, there's risk involved.'"

Wouldn't it be something if Hossa decides to come back, only to find Shero's locked everyone else up and there's no room for him anymore?

The next 7 days are going to be very, very interesting.

If Boston or Chicago can offer Rex 9 million a year, then bully for them. I love Hossa to death, but that's more than he's worth.

Dr. Turkleton said...

Back to the Futureblog

Caputi emerges as a force for Pens

here's a list of the prospects at the Pens prospect camp which opened today....

wonder if their on-ice activities are open to the public????

Stoosh Caputttiiiiii.....Caputi.


cheese said...

on ice activities are Definitely open to the public.....i have just returned.

cheese said...

not sure of the time on thursday, bur for sure saturday @3pm there will be a scrimage.


Dr. Turkleton said...

thanks for the camp news, cheese...

I played with a Bill Coffey & Pat Chisholm in college....

some fans always brought a Coffey & Cheese banner....

thanks for the memories with your blog name!!!!

Sager has a nice 5 minute postcast interview with Luca Caputi as well...

cheese said...

glad i could stir up the memories for you, good doctor :).

coffee & cheese sounds like a terrible combo tho.

as for the kids today, Caputi is my bet for being 1 of the top 2 contenders this year. great puck handling skills, solid, solid looking guy.

i was hoping Goligoski would be up here for this, but no go. he is my #1 pick for team.

people should definitley go over to the rink for the scrimage, today they only drilled for about an hour or so. but there's a place to sit and eat and drink, so it will be a nice afternoon excursion for the scrimage on saturday.

Dr. Turkleton said...

cheese said:

not sure of the time on thursday, bur for sure saturday @3pm there will be a scrimage.

the prospect article says 300p on Thursday, too...

*cough* I feel a summertime cold coming on that I may have to take .5 a day off on Thursday to go to the doctor *cough*

anyone know Dr. Southpointe's phone number??? [ah well, I'll just show up unexpected for a 'visit']

yeah...Coffee & Cheese probably isn't a top 10 snack combo....but they made a helluva d-pair!!!!

coffeytalk said...

a note:

that photo of jeff jimerson on my tv for anthem pics will remain there for the rest of that tvs life. Having Jimerson start every tv program I watch =best idea ever.

Dr. Turkleton said...

coffeytalk said:

that photo of jeff jimerson on my tv for anthem pics will remain there for the rest of that tvs life. Having Jimerson start every tv program I watch =best idea ever.



it's ALWAYS been up there = stalker. :\


Jasper said...

"Wouldn't it be something if Hossa decides to come back, only to find Shero's locked everyone else up and there's no room for him anymore?"

that'd be quite funny somehow imo
than that'd be his very own fault I'd say, if he really really wanted to stay in Pittsburgh and do what's best for the team, he would not have waited to see all the offers he can get and would just have signed his contract taking some less money than his 'market value'
what is it with his agent anyway

fleuryous said...

Man, I hope Orpik and Rutuu come back. That would be my only consolation...really :(. We'll have enough money for them at this point, I do believe.

And I'm going to still wear my Roberts jersey...and if tPB ends up selling one last shipment of wristbands, I will sport one of those as well.


KJ said...

wow, you guys get a lot of deaths. we just get a skull was found, but then a bunch of white collar crimes. of course wait til friday or saturday and we'll get a bunch of drunk driving dumbasses.

mer said...

roberts to Ottawa would be f*cking awesome! we won't get him, but WWGRD? would live on with about 25,000 new fans

and if Robs goes to the Leafs, i may actually explode in contradiction. i'll want to cheer for Roberts even though i LOATHE the Leafs...

ARGHHHHHH!!!! please don't let him go to the leafs.... i can't be that big of hypocrite.

Carroll said...

@mer - it would be awesome if GR did play for the Sens, because I would now have a reason to cheer for them (in theory).

Grew up outside of Toronto, now live in Ottawa and I cannot bring myself to cheer for either team.

cheese said...

HEY....anybody have any suggestions on where I can procure a Robs "jersey-like" TEE SHIRT?

i am at a loss after spending far too long googling.



brndlynn said...

@ cheese: if u are able to get to the arena they sell them in the store there. they may even be on sale now given the news. otehrwise some of the sporting goods stores may have some left.

coffeytalk said...

dr. turk-

is it bustin' chops day or something?

mmmk1989 said...

nice recap. even though i wasnt able to watch the news, as i live 8 hours away, it was like i did watch it. i hope to see some more of these in the future.

i dont know if any one said this, but i hope they unofficially retire Gary Roberts' number

in my neck of the woods, near canada, its all sabre and rags territory. however, i saw a new rbk crosby jersey in the mall today, full authentic with 250 patch and fight strap for only 90 bucks! i would have bought it, but it had the stanley cup patch on it too (ugh)

does any one know (or has any one even tried) to remove a patch? i really dont want a reminder of it at all, cus, well, we all know why.

brndlynn said...

just in case any of you were worried about resigning Tim Brent... we can all breathe a big sigh of relief.

from PSI:

Posted by mvuk
Executive Vice President and General Manager Ray Shero announced today that the Pittsburgh Penguins have extended qualifying offers to the following restricted free agents: Mark Ardelan, Paul Bissonnette, Tim Brent, Patrick Ehelechner, Daniel Fernholm, Jonathan Filewich, and Ryan Stone.

coffeytalk said...


i think ron francis would be a bit upset if they retired the number 10 in gary's name.

brndlynn said...

new post

Carroll said...

new post up showing Stephen S's sketch book.

mmmk1989 said...


its really a shame that they didnt (un)officially retire 10 in francis' name, but given that francis and roberts have both worn it, i dont think it should be given out any more in respect to both men. im not saying hang it in the rafters next to Buries It, just dont hand it out.

i think the steelers do the same thing, they dont have numbers retired, but if they can avoid handing them out they do.

Dana said...

This is why even in the off season, you guys are straight genius.


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