Monday, April 7, 2008

And Tho It Beginth

Geth who ith already throwing barbth.
[ Ottawa Citizen ]

"You guys all know - they wanted to play Ottawa,"
Murray said following practice Monday morning.

"That's fine. That was fairly obvious from the drop of the puck."

Murray suggested the Penguins didn't want to get beat up by the hard-hitting Flyers.

"In a seven game series, if you don't like a physical way the Flyers play,
it's probably better to go elsewhere."


[ Ottawa Sun ]

One of two, new giant-sized photos plastered to the walls outside the Senators dressing room and coach's quarters for atmospheric purposes is the handshake between elated Ottawa and dejected Pittsburgh players last April 19 at Scotiabank Place.


Anyone remember this dude from the preseason?
He predicted the Pens wouldn't even make the playoffs.

Smug City

He is Ian Mendes.
He writes a blog for

His recent post: [ Cue The Laugh Track ]

He gives four reasons why the Sens can beat the Pens.
And he has a comments section.

Cue The Joke Track


If you have any more bulletin-board material:


Christina said...

best. post. title. ever.

let the games begin!!

Nick Saia (usa) said...

How backwards is that?

"One of two, new giant-sized photos plastered to the walls outside the Senators dressing room and coach's quarters for atmospheric purposes is the handshake between elated Ottawa and dejected Pittsburgh players last April 19 at Scotiabank Place."

I say Heinze plasters the same photo EVEN BIGGER at the entrance of OUR locker room. How's that motivational in any way for anyone but us?

The Big K said...

Time to kick some ass.
Revenge served best cold.

Flyer Hater said...

Who knew that Eva Mendes's half-sister wrote about hockey, fascinating.

johnny said...

Best comment from that joke of a blog: One thing's for sure - if the Pens don't win the Cup this year, they probably never will. They gave up a lot to get Hossa, and there's plenty of other kids on that team that are coming due for big pay raises. It's now or never in Pittsburgh.

Wow! That's some keen insight! I mean, Malkin, Crosby, Letang, Staal and several other key components of our team aren't even old enough to buy beer in the States and we are several million under the cap. Our window is closing, people, CLOSING.

I hope to continue teabagging more of these homers and jobbers with my intellect during a sustained playoff run.

KJ said...

i've always thought teams using locker room material was lame. i mean, unless they've had some major concussions, alzheimers, or have been in a coma for awhile, they can remember the past themselves

Ashley said...

ahhh Ian Mendes...he hosts all of the Sens games on Sportsnet East and does all these feel-good shows on the Sens and their players - a look into their lives, if you will. No surprise whatsoever that he picks the Sens over the Pens.

Eric K said...

Mendes is pinning the Sens hope on the fact that Gerber and Fluery both made equipment adjustments and the Sens have never lost a playoff series to a team from PA. Are you fucking serious?

Fleury hasn't "flourised under the playoff microscope" because he's only played 5 games, and he was 21 years old. Gimme a break.

After writing this article, Mendes met Don Cherry for an English Muffin and Apple Mocha (mohca? moca?)

Rege said...

For any of you in the Harrisburg/Central PA area...

There's a neighborhood bar, the Brewhouse Grille, that we'd like to make the "Unofficial Pens Backers" bar in the area.

This is the lowdown from their website:

They serve over 200 different draft and bottled beers at the bar. The new deck has 6 new HD large-screen televisions, multiple megatouch machines, and jukebox at the bar under the roof and dining area outside. There are 7 large-screen HD televisions for all of your sporting needs inside (FSN Sports Packages, NFL Sunday Ticket/ESPN College Gameplan/NHL Ticket and Molson Canadian Specials).

Most fans out this way don't have FSN Pittsburgh so it might be difficult to find a good place for the game.

Here's the specials for the first game of the playoffs: WEDNESDAY: $3.00 TROEGS PINTS, $9.99 HALF-RACK OF RIBS WITH FRIES & COLE SLAW.

This place has the potential to rock for the Playoffs.

Here's the address for anyone who needs to Google map some directions:

Brewhouse Grille
2050 State Road
Camp Hill, PA 17011

Ashley said...

"Mendes is pinning the Sens hope on the fact that...the Sens have never lost a playoff series to a team from PA"

Yeah...because what happened in years past has an effect on what will happen in these playoffs. That argument never really made sense to me.

I'd buy it more if he had said that the reason the Senators will win is because they won 3 of 4 games against the Penguins this season.

Sooska said...

Thuffering Thuccotath! What inthufferable boreth they are in OttaWAAAAAAAAAAAA.

get the kleenex, hoser, you're breakin my heart.

Flyer Hater said...

Ashley, even that argument wouldn't make sense because the Pens won 3 out of the 4 meetings with the Sens last year and we got our asses handed to us. The regular season meetings mean zilch.

Ashley said...

haha hoser...i love that word...

This will be Gerber and Emery in a few short weeks.

Ashley said...

FH - Oh, I don't disagree with you there...I'm just saying that arguing that you'll win b/c you owned the Pens this season makes more sense than saying that you'll win because Johnny No-Name from 5 seasons ago didn't lose to the Pens.

Sooska said...

@ ashley: I love "hoser" too. I think it fits so well. I also agree that even in one year past performance doesn't guarantee future results. It's clear when Murray has to use year old photos to get his players up for the Pens. They have major issues in the locker room up there. I have heard theories that it comes down to coaching. HCMT is in the spotlight. Hossa too, although I dont hold with the disappearing act that everyone talks about.

I Have Kasparaitis said...

I can never listen to their coach because of his annoying lisp. I wouldn't listen to anything Mendes has to say; it's worthless because he is more biased than I am toward's any sports team.

Steiggy phoned in and was doing impressions on DVE last year. I'm pretty sure he made fun of Murray. If I'm wrong, just listen to the Evgeni Malkin diaries which are hilarious. They have it on their site under Staggy doing impressions- 6/5/07.
Here's the site:

Pretty funny!

Mark said...

Hockey-themed GWN with my two favorite hosers, eh:

Beer nog:

Sooska said...

@ kaspar - I just listened to a lot of those Malkin diaries and Mario bits (which are also hilarious) Jimmy Krenn doing Mario captured that whole French thing, obviously, and they are so funny! He used to do Marty Straka too and his Geno is Marty down an octave or two.

Sooska said...

BTW DVE also has an interview done with Army right before he was traded where he talks about the commerical. good stuff too.

Brett said...

That guy has the most hollow arguments in the history of the internet. He cannot be taken seriously anywhere outside the ottawa market.

Definitely worth the 5 minutes it took to register in order to give him a lil piece of my mind.

dying alive said...

Funniest DVE/Pens bit ever: the one when the arena saga was going on and Mario was meeting with Rendell in Philly. "Mario" is going to cancel the deal because he doesn't like the way Rendell eats a cheese steak and says, "He brought his grandson with him" WRT Ravenstahl. Hilarious stuff worth seeking out if they've still got it on their website.

Matt said...

Johnny picked out the best comment on that Mendes blog:

One thing's for sure - if the Pens don't win the Cup this year, they probably never will. They gave up a lot to get Hossa, and there's plenty of other kids on that team that are coming due for big pay raises. It's now or never in Pittsburgh.

I would hate to be in the Penguins front office if they lost in the 1st or 2nd round.

JYo said...

I also like his reason about 2-7 matchups being ripe for upsets and he accents the point by saying the last 3 the Sens were involved in have been upsets. Good work jobber, your team choked against inferior opponents in two separate series over 5 years ago and that is why you will win this year? Cue the laugh track indeed...

JYo said...

I'll nominate this one as my favorite comment on that jobber thus far:

"Malkin might as well wear Gerber's darth vader mask and claim to be Heatley's father."

onesizedrummer said...

dying alive, no one of of the best DVE bits is mullet talk with ian moran with the finishing line of

you know joey mullen is just one letter away from a mullet


i have to have that in my 8 DVE CD's

onesizedrummer said...

you know it isn't on a CD but i have one with Ian moran and Bradly's cosmetic corner


Todd said...

That Senators message board is quite civilized. I don't feel the hate and violence that can bring.

I think there was one guy who had "Crosby/Spezza Fan" in his signature!

No comments about how the NHL caters to the Pens with questionable officiating and how we tanked to get Crosby, etc.

coffeytalk said...

Alright friends. I just got word that there is a playoff ticket with my name on it for Wednesday's game. I've been dancing around the house like a Cyndie Lauper video.

Tailgating. Lets do this.

Flyer Hater said...

There are still tickets available for Wednesday's game on ticketmaster. Just a heads up.

stokes said...

My favorite Mario/DVE skit is the one where- i think it goes like this -Mario is running a casino, and Marty is one of his dealers, but Marty breaks something-hand, finger, leg- while dealing cards. Hilarious. Its actually Randy that does the Mario impression.

My second favorite is when I was doing a Murray, i mean, when Steiggy was doing his afore mentioned Murray impression last year.

FWIW, i used to do a pretty spot-on Mario impression (if i do say so myself) but it got ruined when i started doing HCMT impressions.

I Have Kasparaitis said...

@ Sooska: Ha! That's great! I love when he mentions Uncle Yorgi! Did you listen to Mario releasing a disco album? The exorcism of Ezo made me laugh really hard, too! And the interview was pretty funny! Malkin must be extremely confused. I love how in the one "he" mentions how Randy (I think) is mistaken as Malone. Way to try to sound attractive.

Dr. Turkleton said...

1st round victory is a lock!

Maggie the Monkey picks the PENS !!!!

also picked MTL, PHI & NJ

Cdubbs29 said...

Someone has to explain this picture to me

onesizedrummer said...

if you need an old dve sound track i have almost all of the ones they put to CD including some of when Scott Paulson was there


cdubbs29 said...

It didn't work so just go on the pens site and look at their team pictures for this year...the second will know what im talking about

Flyer Hater said...

Bryan Murray really needs to come up with better ways to motivate his team. He should have threatened to take away Dany Heatley's driver's license if the Sens didn't advance to the second round.

oh wait...

Jonny V said...

Mike Costa, fair enough.

Ryan said...

ok c-blog I need your help.

I'll be in Philly for Friday's game. Somebody please tell me a bar that should have the game on. It's at the same time as the Cryers game so I'm worried that I might be screwed.


Stoosh said...

Went to the Pirates home opener today, as has been my little custom for the last seven or eight seasons. Just during my time in the park, I counted fifteen different people wearing Pens jerseys, plus several more wearing those Pens uniform-numbered t-shirts (what's the correct term for those? "T-shirts that look like jerseys?" "Jersey t-shirts?" "J-shirts?" Help.)

I just thought that was a nice little microcosm of the landscape of Pittsburgh sports right now. The Nuttings have to be embarrassed by so many people wearing Pens jerseys to Pirate games...oh wait, that's right...the Nuttings don't give a flying fornication about embarrassing their fans.

canaanregulatesblog said...

Stoosh, I call them "jersey tees" but i think shopnhl calls them "player tees" or something like that. =?

Stoosh said...


Because of the way the schedule for the games conflicts with my work schedule, I will be unable to handle the planning of the Playoff C-Blog tailgate for the first two playoff games. Had the NHL scheduling gods been nice to me, they would've given us a Saturday game. Oh well. We'll just have to win a round and then maybe I'll get my Saturday game in the second round.

Can someone else try to get the C-blog tailgate thing going for Wednesday and Friday?

I'm definitely going to try to attend the tailgate if I can...I might be a little bit late. At the very least, I'd love to particpate in the Nonticketholders' Invasion of a Downtown Bar.

And Coffeytalk, you suck. I'm jealous. :)

Fleury29 said...

I don't care what they're called... the back of mine says "ROBERTS 10."

Stoosh said...

Favorite Pens' WDVE Stuff...

1. Shoot The Puck - used to play this on my radio show in college...

"Lemieeuuuux with the puck,
he slides it in to FRAN-cis,
who gives it now to Nedved,
who gives it back to FRAN-cis,
who passes it to Zubov,
who guides it on the boards,
back around to Mario so we must shout once more...


2. Marty Straka Halloween - Jim Krenn called in as Marty Straka and described his Halloween costume, which had "a big round head, two triangle eyes, and every other tooth is missing." When Baumann asked him if he was going as a Jack-O-Lantern, Straka goes, "No, I'm Stan Savran!" He closes the skit by going, "I was going to go as a douchebag, but I went as Jaromir Jagr last year."

3. The Malkin Audio Diary stuff is hilarious. I want to meet Uncle Yorgi.

4. Steigy's Bryan Murray impression, which is absolutely dead-on if you ever hear it.

stokes said...

I'll stumble up to the tailgate. I'm not a good planning person, so i'm not even going to attempt it.

I'll be at the Souper Bowl because its part of my game day routine. i know there are Cbloggers on here that do the same, so if y'all want to meet up before heading up to the tailgate, that's cool.


smitty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike said...

Oops, the shitbrick picked you to win? Be nervous, be very nervous.

Then again you made the playoffs at least. Fuck.

coffeytalk said...

We don't have to tailgate Wednesday. A Saturday would be preferable so there's no rushing from work 'n at. And more time for tailing our gate. I'd love to come to the Souper Bowl for pre-gaming. I'll do whatev.

note: new arena MUST and I mean must have port-o-johns in their lots. Tailgating last week ended up being unfriendlybladderblog.

Sorry it's been asked before but me = a blonde once upon a time ago: what time do you usually get to Souper Bowl, Stokes?

stokes said...


When i used to go with my brother, we'd get there no later that 5:15. When i go with my pal Joe, we usually end up getting there closer to 5:45 or 6. I would expect him to get off work earlier on weds so we can drink earlier because that guy likes to drink!

So, going from past experience, i'd say 5:30, give or take a fifteen minutes.

coffeytalk said...


I work in Shadyside til 5 Wednesday, so I'll be there.

Blue hat upstairs, right?

FijiH2O said...

Ashley -

"Clark the Canadian Goalie" had me rolling on the floor! I sent him to just about everyone in my address book. Thanks for the laugh:D

stokes said...

Yeah, CT, i'll be sitting with some dude with Jaromir Jagr hair, only a little bit curlier.

Anyone else who doesn't think that tailgateblog will be feasible on a weekday, the Souper Bowl is a solid back up plan...

Eric K said...

The Lightning won something for the first time since 2004 tonight when they won the draft lottey.

What's the take on this Stamkos cat? The highlights they showed weren't anything overly impressive...

stokes said...

So i just watched Ol' Turkey Neck. i asked it last year, and luckily! i get the chance to ask it again this year: How can you take him theriouthly if he'sth yelling at you in the locker room, at practish, or jusht yelling in general, with that lishp?


I was thinking about jobbing Fedko instead of doing homework....hmm, not sure....

Flyer Hater said...

Anyone watching the NCAA national championship game?

Guess who scored a miracle three for Kansas to send the game into overtime, MARIO Chalmers.


Ashley said...

I'm watching the TSN Playoffs Preview special online, and Mike Milbury just gave Ottawa some serious bulletin board material:

"The senators have no chance, they are dysfunctional. They don't like each other much. It's time to go play golf."


Ashley said...

haha no worries fijih20...i always love to watch those funny videos

johnny said...

The only thing I really know about this Stamkos cat is that some joke Maple Leafs board had all these posters saying that once they drafted him he would be the savior of the franchise. Of course those clowns also said that Malkin would obviously want to sign with them because the Pens could never afford to keep him.

I guess my point is, better Tampa than Toronto.

Stoosh said...

Stamkos isn't as talented as Crosby or Malkin, but probably a little more talented than Spezza at that point of their respective careers.

Tampa's a good spot for him because he can learn from Lecavalier, and chances are he can break that depth chart next year if Tampa wants him to play at this level.

He's going to be a franchise-caliber player at this level, and he should pay some fairly immediate dividends for Tampa.

The Big K said...

Reports say that Sens coach Bryan Murray thinks the Pens flopped big time on Sunday at Philadelphia, according to TSN.

This has been disputed, as Murray's 5 year old lisp is not comprehensive enough for microphones to really catch.

His occupational therapist was not available for comment, but we have reason to believe that Murray was trying to say.....


Not so thrilled to play the Penguins?
For TSN, Big K, in Ottawa.

The Big K said...

TSN''s whole crew picks the Pens.
Bulletin board material indeed Ashley.

Just kidding.
They are "dysfunctional".
First smart words ever from Milbury.

canaanregulatesblog said...

Stamkos is a stud. smart player, great, solid passer.

pinkphloid54 said...

son of a bitch, i'm going to be in chicago for BOTH wednesday and friday's games. i am going to wear my new shirt (geno with the hammer/sickle inside the o) on wednesday anyway, even though i get the feeling most people outside of western PA will think i'm a communist.

lots of lols all around at that clown's blog. "malkin and sidney won't be able to step up under the pressure and intensity of playoff hockey." okay, i guess when malkin had the team on his back for 1/3 of the season, that's not pressure, right? and when sid plays out of his mind against the flyers because they play him really physical, that's probably a fluke too?

graspingatstrawsblog, seriously.

aunt penny said...

FYI...Other hockey worth watching in between Pens games - College hockey semis are at 2 est on Friday on espnu and final at 7 on espn Sat. nite

Ashley said...

big k - not only did the entire TSN crew pick the Penguins to win over Ottawa, but so did Maggie the Monkey, my dog Susie, and me.

And the consensus at TSN is that the Pens are going to come out of the east and play the Sharks for the Stanley Cup.

Sure, it's just a prediction and it means crap, but it's nice to know that people believe in our team.

Steve In Denver said...

They misquoted Murray. He clearly, well, with an impediment, said "In a theven game therieth, if you don't like a phythical way the Flyerth play, it'th probably better to go elthwhere."

racheleyos said...

does anyone have a sweet idea for a penguins drinking game? friday is looking like a good time to get schwassteeeed and watch some hockey. please send suggestions to or just reply here lol

gmarx21 said...


Good call on that Steigy impression of Bryan Murray.

One DVE sketch that wasn't mentioned though is Mario explaining the impasse. That one is amazing.

gray33 said...

I have to agree it was great to see the whole entire TSN Studio on the side of the Penguins this year. I hope Glen Murry has a good caddy for golf by the end of next week. What a baby.

PensBeerGeek said...

How about Biggus Dickus (from Monty Python's Life of Brian) as a nickname for Bryan Murray??

The lisp is there ("Let me come with you, Pontiuth. I may be of thome athithtanthe if there ith a thudden crithith!"), plus the name itself is pretty fitting.

MizzPenz said...

Rege - We are almost always at the Brewhouse for the games when we aren't at Mellon. Will be there tomorrow since we gave our first playoff game tix to our friend who gives us Pirate and Pitt Basketball tix. Not exactly a good trade imho, but at least we will get that one game out of the way! After that, it's the Souper Bowl pre-game!

Stoosh -Was at the Pirate opener yesterday as well and had to laugh when our whole section started chanting "Go Home Flyers" Then some guy started yelling "Fuck The Flyers" but I had to put an end to that. Sok at a hockey game, but not at opening day with all the kiddies around. Either way it was pretty funny.

Let's Go Pens!

Michelle said...

The Pens are simply a better team than Ottawa this year. I can't see them getting outplayed like they did last year.

Pens win in 5!

Jonathan said...

First off, how bout a tPB roll call for game 1?

Me: E14 Row L Seats 9 & 10

Secondly, let's not boo "Oh Canada", Pittsburgh is a first class city with a first class hockey team, let's show everyone out there what tPB and Penguins Nation is all about (as soon as the puck drops though, game on).

The Mellon will be rocking in about 18, we need to make sure we make some noise, let every other team in the playoffs NOT want to come to the Mellon.



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