Friday, January 18, 2008


Dateline: 1994

TGIF has this lineup:

Family Matters -- 8:00

Top-ten show of all time, easy.

Boy Meets World -- 8:30

Topanga was what life was all about.

Step By Step -- 9:00

The girl that liked sports was hot during the later seasons.
One of the more underrated shows in the 90's.

Patrick Duffy became a spokesperson for Advil, after using it to aleviate the pain suffered when he carried this show on his back for the entire run.

Hangin' With Mr. Cooper -- 9:30

The fact that no one has ever started a blog about this show is a joke.
This show has to be considered one of the great underrated shows in our lifetime.
Omar Gooding had more charisma than Sinatra.

Are there any exclusively black sitcoms on television these days? Nope.

We have been around TV for a long time.
It is hard to imagine four more dominant shows in sequence.

Other than a possible trip to the roller-skating rink, Friday was booked.


Dateline: 2008

During that same time period tonight...

We are going to be preparing photoshops of two men kissing [St. Louis and Vinny], rooting for Andre Roy to get cut open by BGL, and overall undo the lessons that a middle-aged Carl Winslow once instilled in us.

Things have changed.



This picture from yesterday.
Everything seems right at first glance.

Until you look on that bulletin board on the right-hand side and see the NHL logo is backward.

Being able to read "DALLAS" on Modano's jersey (not to mention those big letters on the wall behind the screens) means the entire picture wasn't mirrored, which occasionally happens for whatever reason.

Update: Ah, anomaly is bunked.

The backwards version of the logo is the French version.

Here is a YouTube about the War Room.



"To qualify for a stats category, an NHL goalie must be on pace to play at least 27 games."
[ ESPN ]

With his 10-0-1 record, coupled with his appearance against Philly, he has played in 12 games through 45 team games this season.

45/12 = 3.75.
Conk averages one start every 3.75 games.

82/3.75 =
He is currently on pace to play 21.866666666666666666 games, roughly.

Stay with us...

Through 49 team games, if he plays 16 of those,
he will be on pace for 27.3333333333 games played, reaching the 27-game pace.

So, if he plays the next 4 games,
he will show up on goalie leaderboards across the nation.

We ran these numbers past the Apollo 13 flight controllers, just as the astronauts did when they had to double-check gimble conversion and shit when they transferred the navigation computer from command module Odyssey to lunar excursion module Aquarius.


And as far as the crowded goaltending corner of the Pens locker room goes,
it's best to talk to Jesse over at [ Faceoff-Factor ]

In yesterday's comments:

The Penguins will probably just keep 3 goaltenders on the roster. There's also the chance they trade Sabourin. Providing Conklin doesn't implode and lose 10 straight games, it appears he'll be in net for the forseeable future, and that puts Sabu on the bench. He would have to pass through Waivers to be sent down, and John Curry/David Brown are playing well in WB/S, don't want them to lose development time down there.
-- Jesse

Jesse and the boys [Faceoff-Factor] also own Dave Molinari
after Molinari writes a strange article about Bing. [PG]

"But for all Crosby has done for his franchise -- "everything" would be a good place to start -- a surprising wrinkle has emerged on his personal stat sheet: He has not had more than two points in any of the Penguins' home games this season."

We hope that's tongue-in-cheek.

All we can say:


[<span class=
Did Oiler fans burn Chris Pronger's child's crib? [ Fanhouse ]

[<span class=
Anyone care to think what Kipper has to say about the signing of CuJo? [ ESPN ]

Rick Nash scored a goal last night that will change people lives.
It will be on YouTube we're sure. Here is the [TSN] link.


[<span class=

Your Eastern Conference captain -- Vincent Lecavalier.
West -- Jarome Iginla. [ Kukla's Korner ]

Danny Alfredsson left a game Thursday with a hip injury.
Ottawa letting him play in the ASG would be moronic. [ ]

Officials in Ottawa are still mum on the details.
But with Spezza, Heatley, and now Alfredsson contracting injuries this season,
they think something is up.

Authorities are believed to have a person of interest in mind.
He was last seen buying condoms at a gas station 20 minutes outside of Ottawa.

If Alfie is down,
looks like there's another spot open for the All-Star Game.

Stayin' Alive


Here's the promotional poster for that CBC show that's gonna be the NHL's version of ESPN's PlayMakers.



Crosby's jersey from the Winter Classic sold at auction for $45,000. [ Ballhype ]
-- Thanks to Loser Chris for that.

Our good friend over at [ PSAMP ] debates whether this year's streak or last year's streak is better.
-- Thanks to DB for that.

A recent Q&A session with Rob Rossi talking about Gary Roberts' protein shakes.
Hilarious that the Roberts phenomenon has swept that far. [ Rossi ]
-- Thanks to Andrew M. for that.


Long Layoff. Crosby's hungry


Some more random Photoshops:





Last night, as we were finishing up, we noticed a comment came through from AcidQueen.
She runs a Carolina Hurricanes blog. [Acid Queen]

She said something along the lines of asking us to remove her from our sidebar because we are classless.

We have no idea who she is.
No idea if she is just goading us into this.

Whatever the case, if she knew anything about the internet.
she would have kindly e-mailed us and we would have taken the link down.

No need to publicly do it in our baby, C-blog.
We would fight for C-blog to the death.

But Acid, if you are reading from your outhouse in Carolina...

We will not take your request.
The link will stay up.

Who are you kidding?
You don't get any traffic from our site.
No one comes here and says, "Mmyeah, I need a Hurricane blog. Mmyeah."

In short, put on a bib, douse us with your sweet barbecue, and eat us.

If you want your link down, send us a two-paragraph diatribe about how great Ron Francis is and how his greatness relates to the fluctuating U.S. economy.


Go Pens


canaanregulatesblog said...

interestingly enough, the youngest daughter from family matters (now seen on celebrity rehab, airing sunday nights on new favorite show) did a stint in porn.

don't believe me? google search "jamie foxworth."

Rick Nash beasted that goal. 2 times in 2 years gretzky gets to see an NHL'er own his team with a sick display of individual talent/terrible defensive lapse.

p.s. im still in awe of the jibjab video.

Coren said...

The Rick Nash goal.

(So far poor quality and no sound)

PS. Totally right; it's classless to make a request like that in commentorblog. I have nothing against Carolina, but I would hope they have better bloggers and fans than that.

Anonymous said...

best goal of the year so far:

FritoWill said...

crappy merch job in 20 minutes outside of ottawa by the Frito Guy, i would have done a much better job!

stokes said...


Thoughts, Stoosh style:

Holy Topanga! what a fine specimen of female.

Solid math job. Wow. Conks will rule the stats leader boards soon enough.

Sick goal. hats off to rick nash.

Great photoshops. i like Geno's mustache.

lastly, anytime the Pooping Penguins comes out, there's trouble. i'm not even going to try to rip the acid queen because you guys did such a great job of putting her in her place....for the entire universe to see. love the outhouse comment.


MummRa said...

Heater, then Spezza, and now Alffie? Someone needs to make sure the chinese basket hanging in the Sens locker room is secure. Remember, you can only drill into a stud....

aw crap, I thought I might be able to sneak that comment right by Pensblog Charlie but then I had to go and say "drill into a stud"

Eric K said...

Topanga = unreal

should be a great atmosphere at the igloo tonight after the layoff.

and fyi, i do look for 'Canes blogs when im not feeling too well and just need something to help with the regurgitation process that makes me feel all better

damn, that was classless

Go Pens

demondg1 said...

I always thought Topanga was kind of a butter face and a little thick, but damn.

Nash's goal was nuts. Congratulations Columbus on having a talent like that.

The sad thing is that AcidQueen will get more hits today than she ever got. [Insert Nascar and barbecue insult here.]

The CBC Playmakers show clearly knows how to appeal to my demographic. Nothing is hotter than a chick wearing a hockey jersey. Nothing.

Anybody see the Conk interview on KDKA yesterday? Or hear him on the radio this morning? Wow. What a classy guy. What a human. Makes you proud to be a hockey fan.

ConkBlock, it's not just a nickname. It's a way of life.

Ryan said...

Toews goal was better.

Fleury29 said...

Wow. The mid-1990's television references are outstanding on this blog.

Though how you can compare that lineup with the one that included Full House and Perfect Strangers, I'll never know. Full House, Family Matters, Perfect Strangers with Step by Step as the weak link, TV lineups don't get any more solid than that, boys.

Topanga is smokin' hot... too bad she got a DUI a few weeks ago.

"If you want your link down, send us a two-paragraph diatribe about how great Ron Francis is and how his greatness relates to the fluctuating U.S. economy."

Classic Pensblog... I can't wait to read that diatribe.

6:30 (CST) can't come soon enough tonight.


Kristen PB said...

Woo! Conk stats! That was more math than I care to think about this early. Or ever. Thank you Pensblog for shouldering that burden...

"...classless Sabre-fan style garbage..."???

Perhaps someone should remove the Stick of Self-Righteousness from a certain orifice. Or learn to use email. Or, perhaps, both.

Anonymous said...

"In short, put on a bib, douse us with your sweet barbecue, and eat us."

Wow. Standing applause. Absolutely brilliant.

Lady Jaye said...

'morning guys, thanks for the great read. Nothing beats your ridiculously old TV show references. ... now, that reminds me that I was going to photoshop the flyers onto a bunch of pictures of She-Ra chicks. Arg. Anyway, suppose I should go do my job.

oedrygoods said...

My kick-ass girlfriend sent this to me. Haven't seen it posted before. Enjoy.

WWGRD? Post a "Facts about Gary Roberts" bulletin on myspace....

Gary Roberts Facts:

A single punch from Gary Roberts gave Brian Murray that lisp.

Gary Roberts doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

Gary Roberts doesn't need to shave his balls because hair doesn't grow on steel.

Gary Roberts doesn't party like a rock star, rock stars party like Gary Roberts.

On February 27th, 2007 the refridgeration system in Mellon Arena broke down. Instead of repairing the aging venue, the Penguins traded for Gary Roberts. Ever since then, the ice has been too scared to melt.

Gary Roberts assists on his own goals.

Gary Roberts eats Babies.

As soon as Gary Roberts came out of his mothers womb, he socked the doctor in the eye. Later, Gary Roberts said that he did it because the homo touched his sack.

During the '94-95 season, Gary Roberts underwent surgery to remove bone spurs and repair nerve damage in his neck. At his request, the surgery was done without anesthesia.

Jason Spezza came home to find Gary Roberts sleeping with his wife. He then hid in the closet so that Gary Roberts did not see him.

Gary Roberts invented the hilarious phrase "thats what she said" after his kindergarten teacher said "Don't make me whip out the paddle"

Gary Roberts once convinced a woman to suck his dick, while SHE was driving.

Owen Hart put Gary Roberts in the sharpshooter. Gary responded by throwing him from the top of the arena.

In Greek Mythology, Atlas holds the world on his back. Gary Roberts holds Atlas on his back.

Gary Roberts can dunk a basketball with his feet.

Gary Roberts was the iceburg that sunk the Titanic

We call dogs "pets"...Gary Roberts calls them "delicious".

Gary Roberts kills voldemort in the last book

Gary Roberts is always on top, because Gary Roberts never fucks up

Last night Gary Effin Roberts was caught coming out of a gay bar... when asked if he was gay Gary replied, " No, i have just run out of women to screw."

gary roberts made chuck norris piss his pants

Gary Roberts was seen fighting the fires in California without any equipment. The result? A missed game due to a "chest infection."

Gary Roberts was there when they crucified Jesus. After he saw what they had done, he went and opened a can of whoop ass on Pilate, pulled Jesus off of the cross, gave him mouth to mouth recessitation, and God awarded him with immortality.

If looks could kill, Gary would be a mass murderer!

Gary Roberts told Einstein that the equation was much more catchy if it was E that equaled m c squared, not Q.

Gary Roberts is actaully your father

Gary Roberts eats skate blades for dinner... only Jarrko Ruutu can join him

Gary Roberts proposed a new Discovery Channel show called Survivorman, Man, Wild, Chuck Norris vs. Gary Roberts...Discovery Channel declined the offer stating the show would last one episode and would be too graphic to air on television.

Gary Roberts knows how to Crank Dat Soulja Boy

Everyone wonders what happend to John Leclair, Garry Roberts got tiped off by Malkin that he hurt his shoulder, and rest as they say is history. He's not played since. Some might say thats because his game went to hell, a very solid argument, but we all know Garry Roberts layed down the hurt! LOL

gary roberts has counted to infinity. twice.

There was once a boy in Fredericton New Brunswick named Andy Diduch he was never able to walk and in a wheelchair for life until about 6 months ago when Gary Roberts was traded to Pittsburgh, This inspired his legs Andy now leads the Cap City hockey league in GWG

Gary Roberts put the laughter in manslaughter.

Gary Roberts was confronted in the woods by a bear. He stared it down, and the bear ate itself to avoid the wrath of Gary.

Hooks Orpik said...

oedrygoods: search for the "Gary Roberts facts" on facebook. there are all of the ones you referenced and many more better ones.

"a two-paragraph diatribe about how great Ron Francis is and how his greatness relates to the fluctuating U.S. economy."

The most impressive accomplishment there is succintly keeping it to 2 paragraphs. One could surely fill a book!

Malkinian said...


You're right about Jamie Foxworth. Her porn name was "Crave", and apparently she had to do it because she was so broke and it was so degrading to her that she had to get really sauced up to do it. Don't ask me where I find these things out.

Acid Queen = Owned

Let's Go Pens!!

the pensbob said...

God I miss TGIF. I always thought Topenga was a little thick too, but cute none the less.

Oops, I did the math right, but I thought it was only 24 games, I thought Conk would qualify after tonight.

And just to brag, I get to go to the games tonight AND monday. WHOOO!!!

firefox said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Vinny L is the captain of the Eastern All Star team? He isn't even captain of his own (last place) team. Even now there are still people jobbing Crosby for his age. The penguin needs to poop on those guys. Doesn't matter, the All Star Game is meaningless. That fact will be solidified when the NHL jobs Malkin for a spot on the roster for the 3rd time. He will respond by crapping on them 3 times for the crap-trick.

rwarner174 said...

"Owen Hart put Gary Roberts in the sharpshooter. Gary responded by throwing him from the top of the arena."

Ouch, that was mean. But then again I laughed out loud. So what does that say about me?

Anonymous said...

what a lineup on tgif... that was classic tv along with SNICK at night. kids these days sure are missing out on a lot.

Loser Chris said...

How can a person be expected to limit the greatness of Ron Francis to only two paragraphs?!? That's like asking the Maple Leafs to play defense... Or the Caps to sell out a game that isn't against the Pens... It can't be done!

And that's even assuming the Acid Queen is literate.

Jason said...

malkinian said
"Don't ask me where I find these things out."

If i were to guess, I'd say from Oprah, because that's where I found out about it. She was a guest about a year ago I think.

great post. eddie winslow = original gangsta

recchistillsucks said...

Questions about the War Room Pic.

Why would they have a French version of the logo up in the War Room? As I understand it Toronto is in the English-Speaking portion of Canada. Anyone else get what i'm sayin'?

Otherwise, this post is as solid as Gary Roberts' di...

justincredibleh said...

Ryan, I agree. Toews goal was better. Speaking of Toews, this is pretty funny:

On a different note, that penguin left a nice mud monkey on acid queen's request.

CG said...


Tix to tonight's game as a gift for my 30th B-day from my wife. If that's not love, I don't know what is!

Anyone see the article in ESPN the Mag on Kovalchuk? Calls him the greatest show on least it was a hockey related article....that's a rarity

snickerdoodles said...

I no longer worry about my supervisor catching me reading the Pensblog. After two minutes with Gary Roberts, I now have allotted Pensblog reading time.

wilsmith said...

Anyone else going tonight?

Anonymous said...

Touche on the TGIF lineup. Boy Meets World was easily the best show of all time. Throw it back even further and you had Full House and Dinosaurs in there too. Then things got all muddied up in the later 90's with that other Olsen twins show and some other trash. BMW carried TGIF until its demise.

cragger said...

Woah woah woah hold the phone. I dig thick chicks and topanga is a little past that point now-a-days yeahhhh emmmmm k.

I googled Jamie Foxworth at work and am currently awaiting on my pink slip.

Anonymous said...

Okay, it's vote time.

Most demoralizing goal at Phoenix in January:

Nash, 2008
Sid, 2007
AO, 2006

Anonymous said...

what is this penguins jib jab? I can't find it.

EmDubs said...

Isn't pretty much every sitcom on the WB an all-black sitcom? House of Payne and the one with Damon Wayans (which may now be off the air)? Granted, I've never actually seen the shows, so I could be totally wrong. I've only ever seen commercials.

JSchiff said...

Gary Roberts is way tougher than Chuck Norris...

jim said...

i just realized tonight's game is being broadcast on the nhl network. for those of us with the center ice package who live in philly, does that mean we'll be blacked out again?!


canaanregulatesblog said...

12:56 anon...

check out the end of yesterday's post.


Anonymous said...

solid job not taking down the bitch's link. why does she think she's so important and worth our time? sorry, your team has gone 2-7-1 in the last 10.. your blog is of no interest to us.

BlacknGold66 said...

Yikes, You boys have some terrible taste in TV shows. I'm hoping that was a joke.

Then again, I'm a joke so who cares.

FYI for those of you considering buying the Center Ice package late in the season like I'm about to. (And get totally ripped off) If you can hold out for a week it has the freebie period from Jan. 28 - Feb. 5th. Then it should be discounted. Or at least it better be. Bastards.


Brendan said...

I hope that photoshop of molinari was in jest of his boring reporting style. I think madden refers to him as "mr. exciting" or something. while the post-gazette is a better publication overall than the trib, rob rossi and joe starkey do a far better job in covering the Pens than dave molinari and shelly anderson. the only moron reporting on the Pens over at the trib is keith barnes.

Johnny Wrath said...

Modern Topanga still has Ewok-face. Thickness is irrelevant; limbs should not resemble rough-hewn sausage. Excrementitious.

I can't blame the NHL, they're trying really hard to sell Vinny. In fact, it looks like they're pushing every marquee name in the SE Division. Somebody needs to tell Gary that "opposite day" isn't funny anymore.

In related news, Eklund sucks. Now he's got a store to go along with his barrage of ads. I've never seen so much fortune fall into the lap of a whispering parasite (e5).

Great epigram with Pensblog Charlie in Ottawa. We have to find a new name for Heater that implies reproach.

Brett said...

Pensblog, make sure you mention in the pre-game post tonight that there's a 3-way tie for the points total lead, and all three of those players are on the ice tonight.

lis said...

I have the Center Ice package and I get the NHL Network throught Direct Tv and I live around Philly too Jim. I haven't been blacked out! I would completely FREAK if that happened.

The only thing I don't like about games being broadcast on that channel is that they do their own intermission reports and then I miss the regular feed.

Anonymous said...

I saw CLOVERFIELD last night and if anyone was wondering Gary Roberts is the Monster destroying NYC...Not that anyone here already didn't know that...

jim said...

my center ice and nhl package are through comcast. not sure if that makes a difference, but the last pens game on nhl network was blacked out (i wanna say it was against the islanders, but can't remember for sure).

anyway, i will rage if they black out tonight. the nhl, of all leagues, should never be blacking out any viewers.

canaanregulatesblog said...

i've had penguins games blacked out on the NHL network earlier in the season as well. if it happens tonight, im going to flip a bitch. and yes, i live in the philly area as well and have the CI package through comcast.

stokes said...

If you're going to the game, fans, we need to bring the ruckus!!!! The Pens have been doing their part by playing lights out hockey at home and we have to respond accordingly. the igloo has been out of control lately and we need to keep it up. i'll be in E16. me and my season ticket partner, not my Pensbog Charlie partner, will be doing our best to rock the Igloo.

brett; sid runs away with it tonight. Vinny may get a point or two , but tonight is the night when sid's balls out effort finally coincides with everything he touches going in the net.



BlacknGold66 said...

I agree with you on the NHL and how they shouldn't black out any games. I usually get blacked out from Pens games up here in Cleveland. C'mon NHL!! Cut me some slack.

Cloverfield comment made my week. I'll finally be able to tolerate the kazillion previews they show on tv.

Anonymous said...

Those Garry Roberts Facts are from our facebook group WWGRD? check it out..I know because I created the gary roberts never fucks up one...


Hip said...

Ryan - I agree re: Toews goal.

Diatribe on Ronnie Francis - I was wetting myself. Mostly out of awe because there's probably a PhD thesis in there somewhere. What a fucking stud man he is.

firefox - thinking the same thing about Vinny L wearing the C. Joke.


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