Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Rock Out With Your Conk Out. PENS WIN.

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3 - 1


You know things are going well when the only time you get disappointed is when Ty Conklin gives up a meaningless goal to snap his shutout-minutes streak.

That's where we are right now.

And it feels good.

National Anthem

Eddy Spaghetti



We can't remember if the Panthers game-action game was mud last season, but this was probably the tightest to the action this side of Reunion Arena in Dallas.
Even the Winter Classic wasn't this headache-inducing.

The weak camera angle did let us see that all 200 people living in Sunrise, Florida, decided to come out to the game.

Early on, the Panthers head to the box.
The Pens power play puts you to sleep.

It took another 30 seconds or so for the Panthers to head back to the box.
If you've watched hockey for more than a week, you know the Pens had to capitalize.

They didn't, and the camera angle made you vomit.

On a play later in the middle, Malkin lost his stick, so the Panthers had somewhat of a chance.
Shot, deflection...

Conch Block

And then, Bobby Orrpik comes out of a crowd with the puck and flies through the neutral zone.
He drives to the net and redirects a Bing pass into Vokoun's boobs.

Interesting story about Vokoun:
He blasted his teammates after the loss on Saturday.

We'd know these things if mainstream media covered hockey.
...Or if we did.

For whatever reason, Vokoun looked like he was popping pills before the game.

As the first period snoozed to the intermission, Conk survived a scare when a puck caromed off the boards, through his legs, and chilled in the crease.
No big deal.

Solid road period.

Several Panthers fans leave after rumors of a Matlock marathon spread throughout the arena.

Picture: Matlock is all smiles after making a joke that only people older than 65 understand.



Something almost happened in the first 5 minutes of the second, but it didn't, whatever it was.

Laraque-Taffe-Hall come out with a big time shift.
Laraque goes into his office.

[Lady Jaye]

Vokoun looks primed to be torched.
But not yet.

And then it happens.
The Panthers actually do something.
The puck floats over Conk.
Goal-light city.
And just as you feel that punch in the pit in your stomach, you see the ref wave the goal off.
What a feeling.

It turns out Stephen Weiss kicked the puck in.
Replay confirms.
What a stupid decision.

Soon after, Malone gets jobbed going to the net. PP again.
Florida's PK dominated the other night.

Tomas Vokoun thinks he's in a video game, trying to move the puck every time he grabs it with his glove.

While on the power play, the Pens gave up a shorthanded breakaway, but the Panthers forgot who was in net for the Pens.

Conkblock -- nickname created by Stoosh

No chance.
They even had a 2-on-0. Damn it.

The Pens head back the other way.
They set up a little, Crosby runs a blog behind the net, gets it to Sykora.


The game reached the halfway mark, and that Pens goal woke some people up.
The next two minutes were hell in the cell for Panther fans.

If you weren't awake yet...

Sid gets a breakout pass from Malone, takes over the world, goes far side on Vokoun.
The Pens fans in attendance let out a bellowing roar.

[ The defense on this play was embarrassing. ]

Things were about to get ugly.

The Pens had their precarious 2-0 lead again. Nothing funny about that.

Oh, wait, it is funny.
Cause Taffe-Laraque-Hall complement their solid play from the whole game with a goal, as BGL picks up the trash.

Stanley C. Panther = Stunned
[ Thanks to Eddy Spaghetti ]

Thomas Vokoun wasn't ready to play the game.
The Panthers pull Tomas Vokoun after the goal. He was ready to kill everyone.
But hey, those are just the Facts of Life.

The new goalie was Craig Anderson, possibly the only backup goalie in the NHL with an NFL backup-QB name.

A solid three-goal lead heading into the break.



Early in the third, Conk opens the door for the Panthers as he sends the puck over the glass.
Piece of cake for the PK.

As the PK kill ends, Father Time enters the building.

[Jim F.]
[Thanks to everyone for the Father Time photoshops. We have enough to last us all season]

FSN keeps showing how long Conk's shutout streak is going.
Jinx is coming.

Father Time takes the clock down.
Some jerkoff for the Panthers starts cheap-shotting everyone.
It was the only time Bryan Allen did anything all night.

Some more awful defense from the Panthers leads to Jarkko Ruutu jobbing the puck in front.
The puck goes in. Plain as day.

The ref stares at it. No goal.

You really have to feel bad for Ruutu. He was stunned.
Would have been his first goal in 43 games. [Shootouts don't count]

As time wore down, the shutout bid was the only thing in question.

But two many jinxes going on.
Panthers haven't scored a shorthanded goal all season.

Pens on the Powerplay.
Conkblock streak was at like 6,000 minutes.

Some dude gets the puck.



With the score 3-1, things could have gotten scary.
But if Florida would have come back, we would've stopped watching hockey forever.

Malkin and Bing run out the clock.


  • Bing: 1G, 1A -- All-Star starter
  • Malkin: 1A
  • Sykora: 1G
  • BGL: 1G
  • Conk: 27 Saves. 8-0-0

  • Pray to whoever you pray to that the Pens don't put those L.E.D. ads on their boards in the new arena. They're very disorienting.
  • Vokoun throwing his stick in the previous game. What a maniac.
  • Florida is a mess.
  • "Three minutes killed us," defenseman Bryan Allen said. "It's the difference in the game."- We are surprised Allen had time to talk after the game. We thought he would be busy looking for his jock.
  • New Jersey refuses to lose. Pens in second place. Feels like last year all over again.
  • Lebron James says he likes Crosby. ESPN and the NHL have to be close now. [Deadspin]
  • Does anyone remember the last time the Pens beat the Lightning?


Conch -- Jonathan F. [Solid Lord of the Flies reference]
Streaker -- David B


Anonymous said...

Post Gazette reporting Mark Eaton is done for the season, he is going to have surgery to repair his torn ACL.


Fleury29 said...

Is it just me or was this post on another level?

The writing was great and the photoshops were the funniest that I've seen in a long time. (And that's saying something because they were pretty damn good before.)

Conch Block, George Leraque's Workspace, The Facts of Life
The Streak.


Spencemo said...

Fleury29, I'm starting to think Staff is partaking in some "productivity enhancers"... The work being done here lately is nothing short of stellar...

Hooks Orpik said...

"Pray to whoever you pray to that the Pens don't put those L.E.D. ads on their boards in the new arena. They're very disorienting".

Unforunately it seems like every arena built in this country in the past 5-10 years have had these installed. I'd be surprised (happily) if the Pens new arena doesn't have them.

Hockey teams use every avenue possible to get more revenue.


anon: Sad stuff about Eaton, even worse the PG pointing out he's a UFA this summer kind of hinting that he could have played his last game in the black and gold. We all hope that is not the case.

Lady Jaye said...

Woo... my life's work is complete. I got a photoshop up! (Okay, not really my life, just a week or so...)

Conch Block is hilarious! God job man. Good job. Streaker is just disturbing. ;) But this is pensblog haha.

Kristen PB said...

Why wasn't Vokoun penalized for throwing his stick that first Pens/Panthers game? Players that slam a stick in the penalty box can get an extra two minutes...

Of course, he'd probably have gone on a killing spree if they called him for it, so maybe it's better that they ignored him.

Staal looked confident last night and TK was bad-ass, as usual. I know he's referred to as "Tiger," but "Tasmanian Devil" seems more appropriate.

Jersey Bill said...

I bet even with one good wheel, if Gary Roberts wants the conch, there's no one who's going to stop him from talking.

Josh said...

Hey I took some photos at the game last nite.

Hip said...

Ok the steigy=piggy shit is probably the funniest thing ever.
Can someone please make that a photoshop?? (I lack the capabilities!)

Eaton had to have the surgery - I don't know what the delay was. I'm hoping it means he's kinda stuck resigning here... dude was an 80 game player before Pitt! We can be giving up on him yet.

slush said...

"Productivity enhancers".. whatever your doing, keep it up...Wicked PS Lady Jaye!

You think Staal is feeling even worse today, being tied with BLG for goals?

wilsmith said...

Did anyone take note of the shift, I believe in the 2nd, where there was nothing the Panthers could do to get it out of their end because of Orpik and Letang? It's good to see the D making plays like that. They'd whip it aruond the boards and tanger would be there to knock it deep again (almost pinching to the hash) and then they'd send it the other way, and orpik would be there. Normally it's the other way around, seems like the D is getting more confident all the way around the ice.

Johnny Wrath said...

I take a swig of coffee as I read the recap. I scroll down. It was the first taste of coffee in the morning. As my eyes reopen after savoring said first taste, I see it.

Rumors of Matlock.

I am Jack's coffee-soaked Dell.

They need to ban the LED ads. I thought the orange spotlight in Philly was power jobbery, but I was wrong.

Hextall thinks Vokoun needs to try and maintain a more calm demeanor.

Did anyone else notice the shovel jockeys were rocking prison jumpsuits? Maybe they had that small palm tree/hespeller logo somewhere, but I didn't see it.

Terrible about Eaton. I wish him the best. Is this Buffalo's way of getting even for Kasparaitis ruining their lives?

EmDubs said...

I was very depressed to see the Jobber of the Week trophy didn't make it into the first half in pictures. ha ha.

biff said...

The Pensblog has been on acid recently. The Conch-block photoshop is absolutely unreal

Go Pens

Korn said...

Jersey Bill, that's a quality comparison, and most certainly deserves to be the highlighted comment of the day when staff does game recaps next summer.

Did anyone else notice last night how hard Steigy and Errey were jobbing Florida? They pretty much gave up calling the game in the second period and just dumped on Florida nonstop. As far as they're concerned, Florida is the purgatory of the NHL. I almost felt bad for the Panthers players. Almost.

firefox said...

I watch the games on Center Ice and ended up getting the FSN South feed. Once again, the Panthers prove they have the worst game announcers in the league. They consistantly got statistics wrong throughout the game. They even said how the Penguins were on a "6 game winning streak." They said it multiple times. It is 7 games! You should know since number 7 was at the expense of your team!

The worst part of it all was at the very beginning. In typical Pather broadcaster fashion, they talk about the Pathers as if they are the best there ever was. And even though Conklin shut them out last time, they disrespected him by saying this like "No way will he win this game. He is no Thomas Vokun." Hello?

Trust me, be thankful we have Bob Errey. It is possible to be worse. Besides, Bob rules!

sweetcheesus said...

I just wanted to say i think bob erreys a bit of a drinker. haha. hes been getting weirder each game and last night when crosby split the d like it was nobodys business, steiggy asked errey if he would of let syd through, he replied "i would break his arm." keep it up fellas, i love this game.

canaanregulatesblog said...

those are some quality pics.

Johnny Wrath said...

Yeah... I got the Florida feed as well. I was pissed when the color guy started dissing Conch and exalting Vokoun... until they started playing that roaring sound a lot. Then I realized that the sooner they move that team to Mississauga, Ontario the better.

Seriously, if we just switched the league affiliation in Florida to WHL and Oshawa to NHL, nobody would notice who wasn't already stoked.

·$10,423,000 - amount in cap space available July 1 when a lot of Penguins' contracts expire.

·$10,423,000 - amount of money Jaromir will make next year playing in Siberia, then lose on a baccarat table in St. Moritz.

King Gorilla said...

Anyone else notice during the Florida feed at the beginning they showed Sid taping up for the game, and behind him clear as day there was a fully stocked locker with a Lemiex name plate above it.

What's the deal with that? Is it honorary? If so, why would it be sported in FLA?

You know I heard he's in the best shape of his life .... lol.

Anonymous said...

Mario skates hard 3 to 4 times a week at the plex UPTAHN.

Afroman said...

don't know if this was mentioned around here but here's laraque and conklin both on the oilers and both brawling.. it's a sick fight

Anonymous said...

I dont recall where, but I remeber hearing or reading that the pens have to weigh Eaton's 'injury problem' into the decision to offer him a contract.

What injury problem?
I can understand if he has chronic back problems or has injured the same ankle three years in a row. But both of his injuries were the result of cheap shots.
That being said, knee injuries are not easy to recover from. I know from personal experience, once your knee goes, its just never the same.
Still, I think it would be a mistake to withold an offer because he is 'injury prone'


J-Schiff said...

While I'm disappointed my Men's Health photoshop didn't make the post, I must admit that the Pensblog Charlie set up was brilliant...

Awesome work guys...

Hooks Orpik said...

hip--I think it takes time for the swelling to go down before the getting more than one medical opinion about the best course of action. Everyone probably knew Eaton's season was done for a while now, but you have to take every opportunity to make sure it's the right choice.

Matt--Eaton's averaged 47 games in the past three seasons. When you block as many shots as he does and play a physical sport like ice-hockey at such an elite level injuries are inevitabilities for most. I hope it wouldn't dissuade the Pens from re-signing Eaton, what has happened to him has been pretty much circumstantial and not because he's a brittle or prone player.

wilsmith said...

What did McAmmond say?
He's not prone to concussions, he's prone to getting cheapshots to the head by idiots.

Eaton's the same way. He's not injury prone, he's had jackasses hitting him from behind and slew-footing him.

Hip said...

hooks - I'm just saying the dude tore his ACL. I understand you want to fully evaluate and get the best plan o' action for him but he absolutely was going to require surgery before coming back to the NHL.

Jeffry said...


pens beat tampa bay away january 17 2003 which was also the last time they won against tb at all.
3-2 milan kraft with the game winner
looks like this was sebastian caron's 4th game with the pens and he got 3 starts in a row all wins and one shutout. after this game he went 0-6-1 though. i have no idea what that has to do with anything.


the pens won on march 17 1999 at tampa also. i think its time for another win in tampa.

le magnifique said...

Lemieux hits David Amber's most recent top 10 list twice. This one is on best single season performances.

(sorry i can't figure out to make it a link)

Jonny V said...

And I'm sure the Pens will make an offer, but will also take his past injuries into consideration when making that offer. Damn right they should, too. Perhaps an incentive laden contract.

That word reeks of awesomeness.


King Gorilla said...

Oh, by the way, I like bananas.

Anonymous said...

so the stock mario locker still intrigues me. WTF...? answer the question PENS.............BLOGGERS.

Hip said...

Well we know the Pens trainers make the away lockers feel like home, so maybe they just set up a locker for Mario (retired number) as their would be at Mellon?

BlacknGold66 said...

Can we please just enjoy the season at hand and the recent surge of the Penguins and worry about contracts later?!?!?!

I've been reading this blog since day 1 and that's the only thing that gets to me.


Kicksave said...

Rock Out With Your Conk Out

That would be an awesome t-shirt.

jim said...

Ference (who I used to like) jobs Bing for various reasons, including being soft:

Jonny V said...

BlacknGold66, I think from the day he was hired, it has been this blog's mantra: In Shero we trust. Thanks for the slap back to reality and great hockey going on right now. And I'm fond of bananas too, also.

firefox said...

"the pens won on march 17 1999 at tampa also. i think its time for another win in tampa."

Being a Pens fan that lives in Tampa, I say this is the understatement of the century. 5 years those Lightning fans have been jobbing me out of their arena. 5 YEARS!? Enough! I need a win! More so now that ever because of some special circumstances. I will post about those circumstances if everything goes as I hope.

pengylady said...

To the Pensblog staff: Love reading your stuff.

Re: Lemieux locker setup I vaguely remember reading when he retired the last time he had them take it out . . . but when the new equipment managers took over they felt that it needed to be there to give a sense of history or some such thing. I knew they make over the locker rooms on the road but I had no idea they took Mario's along, too!

stokes said...

@ Jim:
I meant to comment on that after i read that article coupla days ago. i'd like to see Ference say those things if he has Sid on his team, or if Sid doesn't beat the crap outta him. otherwise, he's talking out of his ass. not to take anything away Iginla(sp).

Anonymous said...

Could we trick Mario into one last swing...

Possibly a play off swing...

Anonymous said...

If mario stepped on the ice again with the 66 shimmering I would pee in my pants and not clean myself up for days, maybe weeks.

Anonymous said...

Scratch that...

Make that months.

This is beyond a steigy man crush on gary roberts strong.

jim said...

'Rock Out with Your Conk Out' t-shirts.

Consider this your first order.

Louis Lipps is my homeboy said...

Penguins last beat the Lightning in January of 2003.

Also the only time the Pens won at the Ice Palace/St. Pete Times Forum was that very game.

Score was 3-2.

How do I know this?

I WAS THERE MOTHERFUCKERS!!! It was also the only sporting event I ever attended by myself in my life (my friends dropped me off and were at the bar down the street drinking).

Louis Lipps is my homeboy said...

Not only was I at the January 03 game, BUT I was also at a game in December of 2000 like 2 weeks before Mario came back.

We tied 1-1, which I think was the only other time we didn't lose in Tampa. Jagr had our goal or the assist on it... fuck I don't remember.

Also, November of 2001, we lost in a game in Tampa I was at with :15 left in overtime.

I was at both blowout losses to Tampa in 04.

And yes, it sucked to get jobbed out all those times at the Ice Palace by Lightning fans that are pretty much jobbers themselves.

(Note: Nobody under like 90 went to Bolts games here prior to 2003, and when they did it was to root for the other team.)

Julie said...

The writing was great and the photoshops were the funniest that I've seen in a long time.
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