Tuesday, July 31, 2007

The Other Side of Monday

JOBBER SIGHTING

Taken off the Penguins thread at HFBoards.com:

" I've been trying to develop a hockey blog about the Penguins this summer. I've got a couple posts, but nothing very interesting, so far.

I read some other Pens blogs, primarily EmptyNetters, Confessions of a Hockey Fanatic, which I like a lot, and Pensblog, which I don't. (No offense intended, but I'm not a 15 year old boy.)
I'd like to do something a little more Pens specific than that, as much as I like it.
Maybe something along the lines of the Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke? blog -- only about a team that's considerably less depressing.

If you were a reader or blog writer (or are a blog writer) what would you like to see in a Penguins blog? I keep up with everything Pens related, but I'm 1) currently living in NY state and 2) not a hockey player myself, since there weren't any girls teams when I was growing up in Pgh. This isn't a plea for readers, I just want some suggestions on what would be interesting, and what other blogs I should take a look at.

Thanks, all. "


People don't want to read some terd's opinions. Take that to the bank.

If you're gonna make a blog that just copies and pastes Pens articles from around the internet, you don't know what's going on.

The last thing we would want to do is go to a site and read 5 paragraphs about why a writer knows more about hockey than anyone else.

Empty-Netters doesn't do that.
It's a blog with ties to a major newspaper.
It walks the line brilliantly without being opinionated.

Faceoff-Factor doesn't do that.
We house the same hockey intellect that they do, but they aren't making fun of Big Ben every day.

If you're looking for in-depth Pens analysis, go to Faceoff-Factor.

If you're looking for reader e-mails, YouTubes, and hockey links from around the internet, go to Empty-Netters.

If you live in your parents' basement, come to this blog.

Good luck starting a Penguin blog in 2007. It's a long road.

If you really want to start a blog, start a SteelersHate blog.
Nothing joins people more than a common hatred.
And you can only imagine how many people in the USA hate the Steelers.

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More Crap:

A lot of junk in commentorblog about this or that blog replicating ours.
All we can say is that we are just a bunch of morons who are lucky to even get up in the morning.
We could care less about it.
You know what they say:

If you can't take the heat...

Get off Al Gore's Internet.

Any Penguin blog that gets started during our existence (as Empty-Netters, Faceoff-Factor, and GuinsBlog already know), will have to face a couple jobs from us early in their infancy.

If you take our job seriously, you shouldn't be at a computer.

.....................

Anyways, you talk boring hockey-news days, you talk July 30, 2007.

The only big deal was a news story that broke, talking about the NHL and ESPN being in talks to bring hockey back to the worldwide leader of homos.

" A return to ESPN could boost the league’s profile on the network’s news shows. According to an ESPN study of its 1 a.m. “SportsCenter” program, the show featured 29 fewer minutes of NHL coverage in March 2007 than in March 2004, the last year ESPN aired NHL games. That amounts to a 28 percent decline in hockey’s allotment of airtime, ESPN ombudsman Le Anne
Schreiber wrote in May. "


In semi-related Penguin news,
Michel Ouellet had this to say in an interview:


BL.com: You scored 11 of your 19 goals last season on the power play. Where do you see yourself contributing most with the Lightning and what do you feel makes you so successful on the power play?

MO: With Pittsburgh I had a chance to play right in front of the net and that’s where maybe 75 percent of my goals were scored. If you’re not around the net, you won’t get those rebounds and it’s going to be tougher to score some goals. With the Lightning, hopefully I’m going to have a chance to be around that net again and to create some scoring chances.


Two things to look forward to this season:

1. Booing Michel Ouellet.
2. Drinking yourself into a coma after Ouellet rattles off 3 goals in 5 seconds to beat the Penguins.

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One good thing about the offseason is that you get a chance to catch up on some bad TV.
And if you like bad TV, you will love "The KillPoint" on Spike.



First off, it is filmed in Pittsburgh.
Good ol' Market Square.
Which, without the usual cast of the homeless, crazy meth addicts and general street trash, doesn't have its charming look.

Second of all it has Donnie Wahlberg as a policeman, John Leguizamo as the bad guy and the guy who was the jigsaw killer as the mayor of Pittsburgh.
Basically other than the Pirates, it is the worst show in town.
But we can get past this.
If they could just do some things different it would be heading for Emmy City.
Here are our suggestions.

  • Even if it means sacrificing the storyline, Have Gary Roberts make a guest appearance that somehow involves him becoming the main character, and killing everyone with a stare, a lighter and bottom of Vladimir Voka.
  • Have a failed siege on the bank, that leaves a veteran SWAT leader on the brink of death.
  • SWAT leader: John Fedko
  • Switch the real life Mayor (Ravenstahl) and the fake Mayor (Jigsaw).
  • Let John Leguizamo reprise his role as "Tybalt" from the 1996 " Romeo & Juliet"
  • To torture the bank robbers, the police will play any song by the Clarks over loud speakers.
  • At least one joke per episode about Big Ben getting picked off.
  • A picture of Mario Lemiuex has to flash across the screen before every 30 seconds.
  • Jean Claude makes a guest appearance, only to get his own reality spin-off series about him working at Primanti brothers.
  • Have the bank robbers accidentally shoot special hostage negotiator Jake Wheatley.
  • In the series finale Mark Eaton blocks a gunshot with his teeth, enabling Gary Roberts to pick the bank up and throw it into the Ohio River. Everyone drowns. Pens win the cup.
.........................

Penguins training camp:


Steelers training camp:

Picture: Big Ben's only completion of the day.
There girls probably run Herpesblog.


How big of a baby is Whines Ward?

"It's been happening all day," Ward said. "You do it one time, OK, but you don't keep letting it happen and happen. And if the coaches aren't going to say something about it, then, [heck], maybe a player has to say something about it.

"We're on the same team. We're not the opponent."

Game. Set. Match.

.................................................

A Winter in the Sun
Game #60
February 22, 2007
T-Bo. T-Bo. Pens WIN.


2 - 1
Overtime

NHL.COM RECAP


When was the last time a Penguins team rode a once-backup goalie to the playoffs?


If Thibault doesn't start against Tampa on Sunday, there's something wrong.
It's safe to say that we can now afford to trade Fleury.
Make it happen, Shero.

What? How can you jump to conclusions that fast?
Welcome to world of the overblown Penguin-goalie carousel.
...........................................................

Huge third period.
And, well, if you weren't holding your breath every time Florida took a shot in the third, then you aren't built for playoff hockey. T-Bo was money when he had to be.

Showing MAF how it's done.

Everything changed with five minutes left.
The play starts going back and forth, and Crosby gets nabbed with a high-sticking penalty.
The Pens penalty-kill unit comes onto the ice with the game on the line.

Maxime Talbot flops around like a fish, blocking shots.

There was a better chance of the Red Cross in downtown Pittsburgh accepting blood from Magic Johnson than one of Florida's shots getting through during that powerplay.


No Thanks.

The penalty is killed off, then a delay-of-game penalty against Florida puts us on the powerplay towards the end of the third and into overtime.

Gary Roberts was clearly trying to fix the game so that the Pens would trade for him.

It definitely felt like we would capitalize on the 4-on-3.
The only definite thing to say is that the Pens 4-man unit would be the last thing I'd want to see in overtime if I was another team.

The Pens don't capitalize, but never fear.
Soon thereafter, Ryan Whitney springs Colby Armstrong and Maxime Lemieux on a 2-on-1.
Colby glides towards the net with more patience than Cedars-Sinai.

Commentorblog said:
rachel said...

Max was just going crazy this game. And then I just love this video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjopCpzY8bA

Colby's moonwalk was hilarious!

New stat:

When Staal scores the Pens are 19-0-3

Solid
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Day number

Guess.


.................
Countdown to opening night:


Monday, July 30, 2007

So much for Michael Ryder's arbitration.

The Canadiens avoid a joke of a contract and instead give him...a joke of a contract.

$2.95 million for 1 year.

Let's not kid ourselves.

It's $3 million.

Ryder is not worth this money.

........................................

RBK Blog

New Florida Uniforms


Buddy Lembeck from Charles in Charge makes another appearance.
Gotta say these are pretty sharp.

You know what else is sharp?
The razor Scott Mellanby used when we did coke with a couple rats in the locker room back in 1995-96.

The Florida Got-Swept-in-the-Finals-Ers played a reunion game.
Reading this article makes it sound pretty cool, and it probably was.


Just had to make an appearance.

If your brain doesn't stop for at least 10 seconds when someone mentions the 1996 Eastern Conference Finals, you don't know what's going on.

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Here at Pensblog we rarely do anything nice, and generally try to offend as many groups of people as we can.

But we figured we should pass this along.

A long time reader
"Barasson 35," as he is known in commentorblog, emailed us this weekend.
He is a displaced Pittsburgher living out in the Midwest.
Kansas, correct us if we are wrong.

To make a long story short he hasn't seen a live Penguin game at the Mellon Arena in 11 years.
He is making the trip home in February 08' for the three game home stand against Isles, Kings and Flyers.

He asked us what seats we would recommend.
To us as long as we are at the Mellon we are cool.
But it brings up a valid point.
What are the best seats at the Mellon Arena?

section-C is solid.
D has its moments.
If you ever student rushed you know B like that back of your hand.
E is OK.
F is high but not bad.
And A is big time cash money.

For our money we'd go with section -C about halfway up on the side.
But drop a line in commentorblog if you want to, to help good ol' Barasso out.


................
In other news,
Blogger was temporarily down today:



Google's servers were down for 4 minutes because it couldn't compute the homoness emanating from Kenny Melvin's new blog.

The Skating Penguin

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A Winter in the Sun
Game # 59
February 19,2007
The Islanders Again? PENS LOSE.
POST-GAZETTE EMPTY NETTERS RECAP
IT'S A GOOD ONE.


The ghosts of Glenn Healy and the 1993 Islanders were awoken on Monday afternoon.

There's really nothing to say about this game because we didn't see it, because of work stuff.
It is most likely better for everyone that we didn't get to see it.
Because Ted Nolan jokes would've been everywhere.
Although listening to Mike Lange on the radio when the Isles scored was gut-wrenching.
Let's face it, everyone. This is only the beginning...
...of the longest month and a half of our lives.


Picture: Adam when he got off work at 3:30.

Commentorblog said:
Doug said...

Steigy: "I don't remember having school off for President's day, do you Bob?"
Errey: "Uh, I was in Canada"

Priceless.

Commentorblog doesn't miss a thing
.....................................




The countdown will start tomorrow for real.
It is at 67 today we want to start it at 66.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Sunday School

Nothing going on today.
This post is shorter than Michel Therrien's bench in the playoffs.

J-Schiff sent this in:

So true

Do the Pirates still play baseball?
.........................
Quick Penguins news.

Rob Scuds gave up his #5 for Daryl Sydor.
Scuds will now wear #4.
At least he won't be the worst Penguin to ever wear #4

Stiff

While searching for a picture of Hatcher.
We found this:

Bottom right corner.
If you can name who that is, you are money.

......................
A Winter in the Sun
Game #58
Feburary 18, 2007
We'll Take It. PENS WIN.


3 - 2

NHL.COM RECAP


How disappointed are Pens fans gonna be when this team finally forgets to show up for a game?

Besides having a heart attack when turning on NBC at 3:25 only to see Tom Lehman chipping from the fringe, today was just a normal game in the playoff homestretch.

The Capitals came out hitting, just like every team is going to do when they play us.
Gotta give them credit; they have given the Pens all they can handle in every game this season. But make no mistake: the Caps are still goons.

And that was proven early when Reyjavik, Iceland, took a penalty for hooking.
Ensuing face off.
Crosby to Gonchar.
Gonchar on net.
Recchi with deflection.
Goal.

Why the Caps didn't make the referees go upstairs to look for a high stick is crazy.
The Pens killed that Christensen penalty off and basically the game went back and forth.

Somehow, early in the second period, Mark Eaton gets called for a holding penalty.
The Pens killed it off.
Eaton streaks out of the box as a 2-on-1 with Maxime Talbot develops. Talbot fans on the pass.
He's close to a goal, ladies and gentlemen. You can feel it.

Ten minutes later, Eaton goes to the box again simply to see if he can generate another 2-on-1.
It doesn't work.

The Mellon Arena looked like the set of a porno movie today.
Semin was everywhere.

Commentorblog said:
Rwarner174 said...

Gotta give the Bellowing Moose credit. At least he ate his words.

Its great to see the pens winning and not even playing there best hockey.

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Day number

( J-Schiff is in mid season form)


Countdown to October 5 starts tomorrow night



Saturday, July 28, 2007

100 Days Later

In Pens news, we saw Ray Shero getting gas at the Canonsburg Sheetz on Friday.
He talked the cashier down to $1.26 a gallon and got an MTO to be named later.

Also, the Pens re-signed defenseman Ryan Lannon to a one-year deal.

..................................................

NHL.com gives Hall of Famer Ronnie Francis some love.


The Pens will be raising an Advil banner to the rafters on October 6,
to commemorate Ron Francis carrying the team in the 1992 Patrick Division Finals.


They will also be raising a banner depicting a dual-clutch transmission,
to honor Francis' tying goal in Game 7 against the Islanders.


After further review of the tying goal in Game 7,
the War Room has declared that Loser Chris is a homo.

...............................................

The Rangers unveiled their jerseys.




So far, two Original Six teams have shown their new uniforms.
They're still the same great design.
Here's hoping the remaining four (Detroit, Toronto, Chicago, Montreal) don't mess with theirs, either.

............................

The Sabres continue spending money.
They signed Derek Roy to a 6-year, $24 million deal.

" It's a hefty deal for a third-line center coming off a career season in which he finished fifth on the Sabres with 63 points (21 goals, 42 assists) in 75 games. The deal represents a significant raise for Roy, who made $627,000 last year. "

He was a +37 last year, 5th best in the NHL.

Plus/minus is a big deal.
Coupled with his 63 points last season, take it as you will.

================

Interesting development in arbitration proceedings coming on Monday.

Montreal's Michael Ryder is up for arbitration.
30 G, 28 A -- But he was also a -25.

Is he gonna be worth $4 million a year?
No way.

For an excellent article breaking down plus/minus, go here.


...Brian Burke isn't too happy with Kevin Lowe
"I was not notified of this until an agent faxed it into us," he said. "I thought Kevin would have called me and told me it was coming. I thought that was gutless."
"My issue here is this is the second time this year in my opinion Edmonton have offered a grossly inflated salary for a player, and it impacts on all 30 teams and I think it's an act of desperation by a general manager who is fighting to keep his job."

Oilers fans reaction to possibly having to give up a first round pick for Penner?

Stunned

.............................................

If you've been visiting a while, you may remember when we tried to job a look at the goalie masks of the NHL.

SI.com sticks their goalie-mask review in our anus.

Two up-close shots of 36 masks.
Very well done.

...........................................

Rumors are circulating...


Mario is in the best shape of his life.

..................................................

NHL94Online.com

Play NHL94 online, compete in leagues.
(Thanks to Jesse of Faceoff factor for the spot)


The Flames starting forwards in NHL94:


Unreal.

........................................

Don Cherry is pissed at the Toronto Sun in regards to their coverage of the Staal story.


Here is the guy who wrote the original story for the Sun.

Frank Sinatra called, dick. He wants his hat back.
The '50s left a message as well. They want their fashion back.
No women called.


.............................
DarkKnight blog

If you have been visiting this site for a while you know we are huge "Heroes" fans.
Well, we also enjoy the Batman series.
So expect a few Batman references leading up to the release next year of the Dark Knight.

We are only mentioning this because the Dark Knight, sequel to the unreal Batman Begins, teaser trailer was released today using a viral marketing campaign that is pretty cool.
A fake website popped up called..Whysoserious.com.
It contained clues and an apparent message from the "Joker."
After all day they finally released the teaser trailer:



Sick.

Here is a new picture as well:



If you need any batman info.
This is the site for you.

....................................

Winter in the Sun
Game #57
February 16, 2007
No Sympathy For The Devils. PENS WIN.


5 - 4

Six seconds later, it's 4-1. Sidney ends his meaningless goal-less streak.
We're 13-0-2....and Crosby had a nine-game goal-less streak during that stretch?
Is anyone complaining?

Two minutes after Crosby's goal, Fleury turns into Andy Moog and gives up a lazy backhand goal to Patrick Elias, and the game was 4-2.

Four minutes later, Moore gets a shot on net, and Ruutu follows up to get his second goal of the game.
It was 5-2.
Time to button down the hatches as the third period began.

Commentorblog:

Brett said...

Shut up about Eaton

............................................



Day Number


Where did 100 days go?



Friday, July 27, 2007

WOW WOW WOW

Ladies and gentlemen, take a look at this.

A Buffalo Bills fan went to Ralph Wilson Stadium on July 24 to check out the view from his seats.
He has a camera phone with him.

Even female Pens fans will get an erection when they see this.

Courtesy of the Trib:

The Penguins seemingly are a leading candidate to play an outdoor game against the Sabres in Buffalo, if such an event is staged this season.

No announcement on a possible "Ice Bowl" will be made when the league releases its 2007-08 regular-season schedule at 2:30 p.m. today. However, the Buffalo News reported in today's edition that the Sabres would likely play host to the outdoor game, likely on New Year's Day, against the Penguins -- provided logistical issues can be addressed.

According to that report, a game would be played at Ralph Wilson Stadium, which seats 73,967 for football.

League officials would not comment, but the NHL is believed to favor the outdoor game being played in a northern U.S. market. New York City has been ruled out, and Detroit general manager Ken Holland told the Buffalo News that he did not see the Red Wings participating in an outdoor game this season.

An outdoor game would be televised on NBC.

Penguins vice president of communications Tom McMillan told the Tribune-Review last week that the club recently informed the league that it would willingly participate in an outdoor game, but only as a visiting club.




Jobbin' Ain't Easy

Kneel, Guins Blog.



Rise, Jobber Guins Blog.

The Guins Blog

If someone responds to one of our jobs with a rational counterjob, they're good in our book.

They call us hypocritical, saying our stance on player's personal lives is a joke, in regards to Dany Heatley, Roethlisberger, Shrek Steeler Fan.

Our thoughts?


Maybe the funniest photoshop since at least mid-April.
(Thanks Loser Chris)

.......................

Pens News

Mike Lange is back for one more round.
Odds are he's gonna try and hang around to see another Cup in the next couple years, then bolt.

Don't take anything for granted, though.



And of course, we search the dark reaches of the internet, and we're not disappointed.

This Mike Lange site, from circa 1995 internet, brings the pain.

It gives us all of his famous goal calls and Lange-isms.

Note:

The Pensblog didn't exist last June when Lange was let go by Fox Sports Net.
While perusing Google results, we came across the newspaper articles announcing the incident.

Conclusion: Bob Smizik is a douchebag.

His article's headline?

"Cow-kicked. FSN Fires Lange."

Using one of his own expressions to relay his firing?
What a joke.

IMDb profile counter:

Mike Lange - 1
Bob Smizik - 0

................................................................
No good way to segue this:

Thanks to Andy for sending it in.

......................
Kevin Lowe is at it again.
In a move that can reflect the rumored purchase of the Oilers by Ted Dibiase, the Oilers are trying to job another NHL team.

This time, it's the Anaheim Ducks.

The Oilers have tendered Dustin Penner an 5 year, $21.25 million offer sheet.

If the defending champions, who by no coincidence are already at the cap limit, match the offer sheet, they'll be over the cap by $2 million.

Penner had 29 goals, 16 assists, for 45 points.
Michel Ouellet had 19 goals, 29 assists, for 48 points.

Does anyone even know what is going on in the NHL right now?

........................................

Brett Hull Blog



Someone up there loves us.

NBC gives Brett Hull the boot.
Brett Hull has taken a job in the Dallas Stars front office.
Former coach Mike Milbury will be taking Hull's place.


Fast forward to about 2 minutes in.
Classic stuff

=======

In more Brett Hull news, he admits to cheating in this latest SI.com story covering cheating in sports.


In regards to the stick-curve rule, Brett Hull says:
"It's the stupidest rule on earth."

The other cheaters mentioned in the article are...


Jean-Sebastian Giguere
That is insane.


Craig Ludwig
Those shin pads are shot-block city.

..........................................

Winter in the Sun
Game #56
February 14, 2007
Blackhawk Down. PENS WIN.


5 - 4
(SHOOTOUT)

The second period opened up with the same taste of mud. The Blackhawks got a power play, but Max Talbot scored his signature shorthanded goal, as he took advantage of the Hawks playing Martin Halvat on the point.
Sadly, it was the only real mistake Halvat and his mullet made all night.


Definitely the best in the business right now.


Mr. Malkin, Tear Down This Wall.



Game.

Commentorblog:

Loser Chris a.k.a. CDY said...

"fact": If it wasn't for Jonathan Cheechoo, the Pens would be 44-3-9.

fact: Mark Eaton was originally cast as Jack Bauer, but the producers had to let him go when he kept saving the country in under 3 hours.

.................................................



Day Number


Basically everyone outside of the 412 and 724 area codes bows down to this man.

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