Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Hey Hey, My My

First things first.
We want to send our support to Edmonton Oilers fans in the great Northwest.
Coping with the Ryan Smyth trade.



Remembering how we all felt when Jags got dealt to Washington?
Raise your cups of whatever beverage you drink. It will get better, Edmonton.
Smyth's press conference was gut-wrenching.


Keep on keeping on, Oiler nation.



..................................................................................................

On to Penguins news....
Our buddy at the PittsburghSports Insider got the scoop on the lines.
There's a myriad of possible line combinations, though.

1st Line: Roberts (wearing #10) - Crosby - Recchi
2nd Line: Malone - Malkin - Ouellet ( Ouellet has naked Pics of MT)
3rd Line: Staal - Talbot - Armstrong
4th Line: Laraque - Christensen - (Ruutu, Thorburn, Petrovicky)

If you aren't excited about Laraque tomorrow night, you're nuts.
Here is a quick interview with him via KDKA, thanks to Big Daddy Will for the heads up.
Very impromptu interview.
Laraque will be meeting the Pens in New York.
He had to beat some people up in Phoenix before he left.




..............................................

As far as Roberts goes, a lot of people are not happy about the trade.
Wearing Ron Francis' number?

What a player

We just want to win hockey games, so the jury is still out.
The crack research staff of our Homoblog did a little background on Roberts to get to know him:


Gary Roberts -- HockeyDraftCentral.com
Gary Roberts -- Wikipedia






Does Mario Lemieux have an action figure?
Yeah, probably not.
Does he have two?


Roberts about to kill a midget.


Picture: Gary Roberts owning in 1991-92
.............................

The first and possibly only Gary Roberts look-a-like contest.

The early favorite is Slider from "Top Gun."







For the sake of Photoshops everywhere, Roberts better not score on Thursday.

.......................................................................................

Some other stuff:

...Bob Smizik writes another Pens column. And no Steeler's reference? Stunning...

...SI.com writer Allan Muir ranks winners and losers of the Trade Deadline...

...Mike Prisuta loves the Laraque move.....



One score of interest..

Ottawa now 5 points up on the Pens.


.............................................................................

The Devils Own. PENS LOSE.


1 - 0

NHL.COM RECAP


" Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on. "

Remember that quote. We're going to need it.

Somehow, lost in all the wheeling and dealing today was the fact that the Pens were playing the Devils tonight.
Maybe it's a good thing it was a lost thought.

If you have been watching Penguins hockey for a while, maybe you had the feeling that tonight just wasn't going to be good times.
Things didn't feel right from the get-go.

The first period was brutal.




The Pens had some solid shifts and were working hard, but it was all for naught.

120 people died of boredom.

Cam Janssen was his normal out-of-control self and he took a penalty.
Let's just say he won't be getting away with this trash any longer.




The Pens did nothing with the power play, and frustration ensued.

Recchi takes a penalty with less than a minute to play in the first.
MAF makes some nice saves. Intermission is on the way.

During the intermission, the Pens break the single-season record of in-game press conferences.

They introduce Gary Roberts, bringing this year's total to 3.


Save this picture for your Gary Roberts photoshops.

The second period started off with the Devils on the power play. Mike Rupp becomes fourth-line Jesus and screens Fleury so Rowengartner can get one past MAF from the point.


If you turned the TV off after that, you didn't miss anything. Seriously.

But for those of you who didn't turn it off, our friend Frustration Frank moved in.
He slept on our couch, kicked our dog, and banged our girlfriend.

The rest of second was a nightmare. Malkin, the only one who looked fresh, hit the post streaking down the left wing.
Brodeur was as solid as ever. He's been motivated ever since his wife left a message for him on the fridge last week.


Towards the end of the period, Homo Scott Gomez took a penalty.
All of a sudden, there was hope for the third.

When playing the Devils, it's hard to tell if your team is not playing well or if they just can't get it going.

" Man we are so awesome "

The Pens came out with some guts in the third, but Brodeur was unbeatable. Gonchar hits the post.
This sucks.
The rest of the way was a little bit of back and forth, but the Devils defense was just suffocating.
Fleury kept the Pens in it, though, making some big saves.

Jay PoopPenis Pandolfo nearly scored 3 goals and must've had 5 or 6 shots. What a joke.
Malkin got called for a hook with 4 minutes left.
Game.

Not so fast.

The Pens killed it off and gained some momentum from the penalty kill.
An Armstrong hit and Talbot laying his life on the line brought some life to the team.



No truth to the rumor that Talbot blocked the shot that could've killed Reagan.
Look at that dude with the gun.

The Pens got the puck in the Devils zone.
Johnny I'll Do Ya took a pentaly.
Huge.
Crowd on their feet, a minute and half to play. Two-man advantage.
This is what legends are made of.
But folks, this is why we hate Marty Brodeur.
Unless this was May of 1999 and German Titov showed up to pass to Jagr, there was no way we were beating Brodeur.

Good times

The Pens get tons of chances.
Brodeur says no.
Time runs out.
Shut-out city.


Stats:
  • Your mom
Miscellaneous
  • Would Michel Ouellet be a second-line player on any other potential playoff team?
  • The Devils bring the worst out in everyone.
  • That howling sound over the P.A. late in the third: the ghost of Moore?

The Season starts Thursday.

Get busy living or get busy dying. That's God damn right.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Stunned


" It's so hard to say goodbye. "

Farewell to Dominic Moore.

Losing him today was like when the Apollo 13 astronauts jettisoned their lunar excursion module, Aquarius, prior to re-entry.
You did us extremely well, Dominic Moore. You will be missed.

We won't ask what Shero's rhyme or reason was for it, but it really doesn't matter.
We lost a good hockey player today.

.................................................................................

As rumored Monday night, Gary Roberts is now a Pittsburgh Penguin.
We gave up Noah Welch for him.

We also sent a fourth-round pick to Florida for defenseman Joel Kwiatkowski.
And sent a seventh-round pick to San Jose for minor-league goalie Nolan Schaefer.



And, of course, Dominic Moore to Minnesota for a third-round pick.

...........................................................

But the trade that has given the Pens and Ray Shero a new identity around the NHL is the one that brought Big Georges Laraque from Phoenix.

We give up Italian mafia member Daniel Carcillo and a third-round pick.
LetsGoPens.com people are, uh, were in love with that guy.
Probably a good conversation going on over there.



Georges Laraque breaks the Penguin color barrier.
We're too lazy and time-constrained to go looking for any ex-Penguins that were minorites.
Even if he isn't the first minority to play for the Pens, who cares?
Jackie Robinson was a sick ballplayer.

Jake Wheatley, your thoughts on the trade?


" Represent. Go Pens. Mellon Arena is great. "

.......................................................

If anyone argues with you that someone besides TSN.ca breaks NHL news first, punch them in the ovaries.

Pensblog friend Nick Godfrey knew TSN.ca existed before TSN did.

.......................................

Big NHL Trades
TSN Trade Deadline Page

Most important to Pens Nation:
Ryan Smyth dealt to the Islanders


...Sabres add Dainius Zubrus...
...D-man Aaron Ward to Boston...
...Red Wings get Bertuzzi...
...Mattias Norstrom goes to Dallas...
...Sharks get Billy Guerin...
...Philly gets money-in-the-bank goalie Martin Biron. Remember, he dominated for Buffalo before Ryan Miller took over...

.........................................................

Ray Shero was busier than a 9-year-old male prostitute at The Duquesne Club today.



With the brass of an online poker player, Shero's actions today have resulted in an overcrowded forwards section of the Penguin locker room.

In no particular order and no thought involved:

Recchi-Crosby-Malone
Staal-Malkin-Roberts
Ouellet-Christensen-Armstrong
Ruutu-Talbot-Laraque
Petrovicky-Thorburn-Ekman

You can't crap on Talbot.
Malone.....ehhhhh....maybe if he can tell us ahead of time when he's gonna score a hat trick, then we'll only dress him for those games.
People seem a little too in love with Colby Armstrong, but that is my opinion, and my opinion is shit most of the time.
Bump Christensen to fourth line?
Unreal. No one has any idea what's going on right now.

NOTE: We didn't read the comments in the previous post before posting this. What a great convo in there.

.............................................................


Betsy Ross, get your ass in gear.
You better have Roberts' and Laraque's jerseys sewn up by Thursday.

.............................................................

The smoke from this post has cleared...and a fact remains.
We traded away a face-off man today and didn't get one in return.
But Mike M. points out we basically traded Moore for Laraque. Good trade?

Moore - 51.6%
Crosby - 49.3%
Malkin - 45%
Talbot - 44%

-- Commenter Ellen dominates with face-off stats

Go Pens.
Big Game.
Thorburn getting some action tonight.


In Like A Playoff Team...



17 games in 31 days.
And well just look at those games. Someone might die before March ends.

We are an injury and cold streak away from a 3-12-2 month.

Picture: Sidney Crosby after a loss to Atlanta on March 24th drops the Pens to 10th spot.

We're not assholes.
The Pens schedule in March is the asshole.

It is going to be the longest March ever.

...................................................................



Tons of moves today, and this could only be the start of it. As always, if you don't see it on www.tsn.ca, then don't listen to it.
If you visited letsgopens.com today, you probably thought about killing yourself.
Way too many rumors floating around.
The Pens have been rumored to get everyone.

We do know they have a deal in place for:


Gary Roberts facts coming to a Pensblog near you?

Rumors are flying. Roberts is coming....or is he?
Indecision 2007. Welcome to Penguins hockey.

The post before detailed those awful rumors about Staal going to Chicago. Here's the link from the Chicago Tribune. Unless Marty Havlat is part of that deal, it's not even worth talking about...

Moving on...
Here are the trades we know that have happened.

...The Hawks, Flyers, and Wings have a three-way with the likes of Jason Williams, Kyle Calder, and Lasse Kukkonen...
Philly is stockpiling right now.

...The Islanders get Richard Zednik from Washington for a 2007 second-round draft pick and a copy of "Big Trouble in Little China" on VHS.


Look at that shirt. Sick.
I had a shirt like that in 6th grade.

...Vancouver gets Brent Sopel and Bryan Smolinski. Nice moves...

...The Sharks nabbed Craig Rivet from Montreal for Josh Georges. Montreal is garbage...

...We don't know how this slipped under our radar, but we somehow missed the biggest name dealt at the trading deadline:


Future Considerations = Endicott's mother has to bang Scott Neidermayer's pet emu Rico the next time Dallas visits Anaheim.

....................................................

...Buffalo fans rise to pay Lindy Ruff's fine...

Quick shout-out to Versus.

For once all year they actually gave us some decent games to watch.

Boston's season may be over after the Thrashers squeaked past them.
Montreal hangs on with a huge win over Toronto.



Bring it.

Go Pens

Monday, February 26, 2007

Let's Make A Deal?

If you rely on The Pensblog for up-to-the-minute Penguins news, you are high.


Gary Roberts



Courtesy of TSN.ca

The Florida Panther forward was told by General Manager Jacques Martin this morning after practice that the club had found a trade it deemed acceptable and all that is required to consummate the transaction is Roberts' waiving of his no-trade clause.

Roberts had made it abundantly clear that he would only waive his no-trade clause for two teams - the Toronto Maple Leafs and Ottawa Senators. And sources suggest the deal the Panthers have worked out with Roberts is with the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Pittsburgh has shown the most interest. Sources say the Penguins are prepared to give up a young roster player with potential in exchange for Roberts, who is an unrestricted free agent at the end of this season.

Roberts did not accompany the Panthers' on their flight this afternoon to Washington, but is expected to let the Panthers know later today whether he will waive the no-trade clause to go to Pittsburgh.

Young roster player?

....................................

Anyone know what to make of this rumor coming from the Chicago Tribune?

- Blackhawks defenseman Brent Seabrook could go to the Penguins along with a prospect and a pick for Jordan Staal. (Chicago Tribune)


Sunday, February 25, 2007

Bloody Sunday. PENS LOSE


"The Penguins suck more than me right now."

.................................


5 - 1

NHL.COM RECAP


Okay.
Deep breath.

1. No one got hurt
2. They didn't get shut out.

Other than those two things, what a brutal game to watch. It's most likely a good thing we don't remember the last really bad game the Pens played.
But it doesn't make it any easier.

When they talk about this game, they will say the team from Pittsburgh didn't show up. They didn't play with any passion and they were severely out-matched.

Is it a coincidence that a lot of Pittsburgh Pirates were at the game?
Lets just hope the bat that Freddy Sanchez gave Crosby doesn't make it back to Pittsburgh.


Stay away from the Penguins, Freddy.

On to the game...

Things just didn't feel right.
Within the first two minutes of the game, the Pens took a penalty.
Tampa Bay didn't waste any time.
Marty Missouri scored a jobber goal.
1-0.
Some terd named Paul Ranger scored a minute later.
It was 2-0 before you knew what to do.
The rest of period was all Tampa Bay, all the time.


Picture: Arena workers repair the glass while Sid makes sure Thibault doesn't have poop in his pants.

Five minutes into the second period, Fidel Castro somehow gets one past Thibault to make it 3-0.
That was it for Thibault. Fleury stepped in and took over the rest of the game.

On an unrelated note, to any fans of the great Nickelodeon show "Pete and Pete":

Tampa Bay forward Eric Perrin looks like character "Endless Mike"


I hate this guy

Moving on...
The only chances the Pens had of scoring today banked on either Johan Holmqvist dying mid-shot, or the Pens getting a 5-on-3.
The latter rang true.



Gonchar gets the puck at the point and has time to drill an entire pack of squares.
He sets up base camp and rifles a shot that squeaks into the net.

After
that,
the
Pens
had
hope.

If Ouellet or Moore could get a jobber goal, it would be a game again.
But no dice.
Besides the Tampa Bay goal judge being a homer, that was it for the second period.

And, early in the third, any thoughts of the Pens coming back disappeared faster than Edward Norton in The Illusionist.


"That 16-game point streak was just an illusion, dicks."

Brad Richards, the Larry Brown of hockey, scores less than two minutes into the third.
It wasn't over yet, though.
Yeah, it was.


If you heard someone singing after the Richards goal, it was this thing.
Holy shittttt.

The Pens coughed a couple times in the third period, to remind Tampa Bay that they were in fact still playing an NHL game.

The Richards goal sucked the life out of the Pens.

To add insult, Vinny scores on a gorgeous shot with less than 6 minutes left to make it 5-1.

Vinny and Marty rendezvous after a goal to celebrate the new apartment they just bought together.

Tampa Bay shifted into cruise control for the rest of the game, while the Pens were still fumbling with the gears on their 10-speed.

Talbot and Tarnasky fought a couple of times in the third period, and Tarnasky simply made Talbot lose his balance in both fights.

1. No one got hurt.
2. We didn't get shut out.
3. Heroes is on Monday night.


Stats
  • Crosby: 1 A
  • Malkin: 1 A
  • Shots: Tampa Bay: 24 PENS: 18
  • Powerplay: Tampa Bay ( 1 for 2 ) PENS ( 1 for 4 )
Miscellaneous
  • Tampa Bay sucks.
  • Eaton was the closest Pens defenseman to the puck for both goals in the first period....photoshop jinx? Worst defenseman in the NHL? Trade him?
  • This loss is nothing compared to a heart-breaking loss we'll inevitably encounter later in the year.
  • In a way, this loss feels good. Just something about it.
  • Get ready for the message boards demanding a trade.
  • Tampa Bay plays two lines.
  • The fans down there were really into it.

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