Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The NHL Mascots

We were going to do some fancy thing about uniform origins. But that was stupid.
So we figured we would job and look at the mascots of the NHL.

We are taking over at [ Barry Melrose Rocks] for the day, too,
so you are going to see this post all over the place.

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[<span class=


BLADES THE BRUIN

He's too busy posing for borderline homoerotic pictures to care if you're starting a forest fire somewhere.

[<span class=


SABERTOOTH

The only pictures we could find of Sabertooth depicted him in the old uniforms.

[<span class=


YOUPPI
( means "Hooray!" in French )

Youppi is a beast.
He's the only mascot in North American sports history to be the mascot for two different teams.
The Canadiens adopted him when the Expos left Montreal.



[<span class=


SPARTACAT

"That's gay"

[tor.<span class=


CARLTON THE BEAR

The old Maple Leafs Garden was on Carlton Street.
It looks like he's contemplating suicide.

[<span class=


THRASH

One of the top 5 pictures on the internet.

[car.<span class=


STORMY THE ICE HOG

A pig? What?
Some big wig for the Hurricanes made his fortune in the farming business.

[<span class=


STANLEY C. PANTHER

snore

[<span class=


SLAPSHOT

Former mascot: Owen Hart

[<span class=


THUNDERBUG

There are more recent pictures of Thunderbug, but we couldn't pass up this Mexican.

[<span class=


SPARKY THE DRAGON

He's on loan from an arena football team.

[<span class=


NJ DEVIL

Look out. It's a devil.

[pit.<span class=


ICEBURGH

Iceburgh played a pivotal role in the 1995 thriller Sudden Death.

..............................................................................

[chi.<span class=


TOMMY HAWK

For the love of God, don't Google Image search "tommyhawk" with safesearch off.

[<span class=


STINGER

What'd you expect?
Then again, what's the deal with an insect?
"Blue Jackets" is in reference to Civil War soldiers.

[<span class=


AL THE OCTOPUS

This is not so much a mascot as it is a prop.

Having an actual mascot wouldn't be feasible since no one goes to Red Wings games anymore.

[<span class=


It was either this or a picture of dustballs. But that is tacky.
Yeah, they're probably staying in Nashville, but it doesn't matter.

[<span class=


LOUIE THE BEAR

Solid. Name another mascot in sports that wears a suit.

[<span class=


WILD WING

The logical choice would have been Darkwing duck. Huge mistake.

[<span class=


BAILEY

Solid mascot. It is a shame the team it supports is so bad.


[<span class=


HOWLER

Janet Gretzky was turned down.
Not bad for a second choice.


[<span class=


S.J. SHARKIE

All business.

[<span class=


HARVEY THE HOUND

If your name is Harvey. You are a joke. Simple as that.
He was part of a controversy when Oilers coach MacTavish pulled his signature red tongue out during a game in frustration.
Kevin Lowe tried to sign the tongue to a 2-year, $6-mill deal.


[col.<span class=


HOWLER THE YETI

It kind of looks like that thing from the "Neverending story."
You could really freak people out with that.



FIN THE WHALE

We are only using this picture because we want the courts to decide what happens here.

====================

The following teams do not have mascots.
So we decided to give them one.



The can't afford one because Kevin Lowe is running the show.
A good choice would be the Exxon Valdez.

But why not try something different.
The Oilers mascot:



What an actor


Next up are the Dallas Stars.



No idea what this could be.
Maybe an EXIT sign, since they make early first-round exits each year.



Easy one here:

Gordon Bombay.

You have to ask yourself, would Emilio really turn this down?



Somewhere along the line, you'd think someone would have made a mascot for the Rangers.
There are so many places you could go with this.

But in the end....

Teddy Ruxpin beats out the Mighty Morphins Power Rangers.


Do it




And last and always least, the Flyers.
We assume no one in Philly thought of getting a mascot, because people don't think out there.

Putting anything here would not do the Flyers justice, since they're a mistake.


38 comments:

Loser Chris said...

Bad news for the expo... Ben Eager is now a Blackhawk!

Interchangeable Parts said...

Demetri Yushkevich once said Carlton the Bear was the most honest man in the Leafs organization. Wouldn't you contemplate suicide, too, if that was you?

Spencemo said...

Howler the Yeti is, in my opinion, the #1 reason you shouldn't get high and go to a sporting event. Just imagine being all effed up at a game and have him coming at you...chaos would ensue.

hashmoney said...

I guess Ben Eager didnt want to face Gary Roberts anymore this season and requested a trade.

The Duke from Dukes Court said...

I guess the GM from the Blackhawks owed someone a favor

nailersfan66 said...

That Owen Hart reference was completely wrong but oh so funny.

Joe said...

Chris Simon will be watching from the skybox/anger rehab clinic for the next 30 games:

http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/news/story?id=3161119

CG said...

Flyers = Mistake -> New Mascot = Jaime Lynn Spears

Jonny V said...

All of those mascots, and there still isn't a Pensblog Charlier name than Steely McBeam.

And I second the Jamie Spears for Flyers mascot thingy. What a mess.

David said...

"For the love of God, don't Google Image search "tommyhawk" with safesearch off."

Well, I couldn't resist.

Big mistake.

Stoosh said...

SPENCEMO - That's hysterical. Perhaps a road trip to Colorado is in order to test the theory!

In fact, I'm absolutely shocked...disappointed, even, that the "Yeti" hasn't taken on a life of its own as a team nickname. That's a nickname that's just screaming for exploitation in minor league hockey...especially in those low minor leagues where guys who were fourth-liners in juniors are leading their teams in scoring.

Somewhere out there is a minor pro league looking to add the Sheboygan Yeti to it's stable of teams.

Stoosh said...

I had to laugh for a minute at the Nashville mascot.

Then I glanced at the date and realized it will be a year ago tomorrow that the gaming board handed down its casino decision and half of the fanbase was convinced the team was done here. Thank God for March 12.

Good idea for a post today, Pensblog staffers. We needed something to lighten the mood after that performance last night.

For shits and giggles, go check out some of the threads on the LGP.com board. Some of the meltdowns the posters are having over there would humble Steve Downie or Sean Avery.

Brett said...

Noooo I was just starting to really have a crush on the Blackhawks and they go and do this.

Nathan said...

I wonder if there was an incident today like the one in 1979 when the Bruins went into the stands at MSG what the punishment would be.

Thirty games works for me -- that's probably the soft version of the suspension since Ruutu wasn't injured.

And it's a sad commentary on a state when the two things it's best known for are destructive weather phenomena and pigs. Mmmmm, barbecue.

And Jamie Lynn Spears, proving that you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. Condoms, people.

Stoosh said...

From a reference in the game recap post, I believe the wife and I will be going to check out National Treasure 2 on Friday night...either Friday or Sat. night. I'll give a report if possible.

Mmmmmmmmmm...Diane Kruger....

snickerdoodles said...

Harvey the Hound is just plain scary. I am going to have nightmares for days after my perfect brown eyes got a look at that one! Eeeeek!

And I don't think Jamie Lynn Spears deserves to be the Flyers mascot. She may be a bit of a trollop, but that makes her way, way too classy for the Flies, I mean Flyers.

meecrofilm said...

Yes. Just, yes.

Solid post all around boys. The comment about Lowe offering to sign the tongue was pure gold.

Stoosh said...

Nathan,

Very simple. It would be one of the three times a year that the mainstream media would jump on the backs of hockey. ESPN would lead the charge; that means they'd actually have to take a break from talking about the Patriots, Red Sox, Yankees, steroids, Roger Clemens, Tony Romo and the Celtics and actually devote more than two minutes of Sportscenter to hockey.

ESPN and the mainstream media would have all sorts of people commenting on it - 95% of whom wouldn't know a hockey puck if they took a well-placed Al MacInnis slapshot to the ass.

It would be, as the phrase goes, "a joke".

Then again, saying ESPN is pretty much a joke anymore doesn't really do justice to things that are jokes. "Joke" status vanished from ESPN's rear view mirror somewhere between five and ten years ago.

ESPN used to kick ass. It used to set standards. Now it's become formulaic, repetitive, cookie-cutter, pandering only to the geneal masses. It's basically everything it always tried to distance itself from back in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

ESPN is a pathetic, disfigured shell of everything it used to be...kind of like Axl Rose.

Hooks Orpik said...

The Penguins recall Jeff Taffe. Why? The same reason a dog licks it's own nuts, I suppose. Because they can.

Also that might be the first time I've thought of Teddy Ruxpin in like 15-20 years. Solid childhood staple right there.

J.S. said...

And Jamie Lynn Spears, proving that you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. Condoms, people.

Apparently you can't take the men out of her either. Ouch.

There's a mascot in Johnstown (ECHL) that's called Tommyhawk, or Tom E. Hawk. Should I look this up before I format my drive tonight?

Jesse Marshall said...

You want a clutch post? You look to the Pensblog. Fantastic stuff, gentlemen.

- Faceoff Factor

stokes said...

awesome post. it came out of nowhere. there's something about mascots that make me want to hug someone/thing.

tommyhawk comment=classic staff comment

about jamie lynn whores..er, spears: you see this girl getting knocked up by some 19 yr old and she's 16 and you wonder why britney's a friggin' mess? obviously, someone made a wrong turn with these girls....enough spearsblog. btw, nice call j.s.

Stoosh said...

Hooks,

Taffe, I believe, came up because Malone reportedly headed back to Pittsburgh today. Supposedly, a cut on Malone's leg got infected, resulted in Malone getting flu-like symptoms and missing the game last night.


That begs the question...

Why do they always call them "flu-LIKE" symptoms when they are almost always indicative of the flu? Why not just call them flu symptoms? No one ever has "pneumonia-like symptoms" or "cholera-like symptoms".

I digress...

Ryan said...

::stands and applauds::

classic.

Whistler said...

As a professional Hockey Mascot, I have to say that some of them out there are downright awful.

The Nashville Preds DO have a mascot and his name is GNASH.

Trash from the Thrashers is ghey. What a horrible getup.

Louie from St. Louis and Bailey from LA Kings were made by the same company.

Sabretooth has to be one of the best looking ones in the league.

Carlton is cute, but I'd have him dirty in about 5 minutes. Guaranteed.

Spartacat needs a fleabath. 'Nuff Said.

Stormy from the Hurricanes is played by a nice kid named George. The character is just funny for the region. I wonder how many rednecks have tried to mate with it.

SJ Sharkie is cool.

Wild Wing is a joke. What a horrible excuse for a mascot. The team is lame.

NJ Devil.. I was a finalist for this job but glad I didn't get picked. Gotta be one of the worst characters in the NHL.

IceBurgh rocks. Someday I'll either be him or the Pirate Parrot. Someday. (insert evil laugh here)

whistler said...

HEY ADMINS?!?

Where is that picture of the Flyers new mascot that I sent in..

Now's a good time to use it...

chris l. said...

Stoosh (always insightful comments, btw): FWIW, I've heard that that "flu-like symptoms" used to be old hockey-beat slang for hangover. Doesn't seem to apply to Whitney in this case, but I do recall MAF having a string of poor games and some pine-rides right around his 22nd birthday. Since then I've thought that with this young team, learning your tolerance might be an issue once in a while.

Or maybe that's just me.

And I'm a little late on this, but in my little worldview, Meecrofilm's recap comment about rolling four lines and scratching a D-man was right on. There seemed to be a little rhythm building up there for a moment or two. I hope it's not gone with the flu.

Go Pens.

chris l. said...

Shit. I meant Malone, not Whitney, on the flu-like thing. Infected leg is not a hangover.

Double duh.

pensgirl said...

Great post, staff. That Kevin Lowe line was the funniest shit I've read all week.

stokes said...

Could "flu-like symptoms" leading from an infected cut turn into the dreaded MRSA?!

Pensgirl said...

Actually, guys, my understanding on Malone is that the "flu-like symptoms" and the cut are separate issues. The laceration was infected before but they thought it would heal up OK. And I'm pretty sure the flu talk is about the illness that started (publicly) with Gonchar having to sit out the Isles game (and Sabou almost having to). We are in flu season, so it could be it's going around the locker room.

E32er said...

"Blogger J.S. said...

And Jamie Lynn Spears, proving that you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. Condoms, people."

Condoms break, J.S.

Just ask your dad.

Zing!

Kicksave said...

I wonder how many people who will read Barry Melrose Rocks knows about PensBlog Charlie.

They're probably thinking, "WTF is wrong with those homos".

GordyHowitzer said...

"Blogger Kicksave said...
They're probably thinking, "WTF is wrong with those homos"

What would make them any different than commentorblog? That's pretty much what I think when I read TPB, while I concurrently bust a gut laughing.

Sherry said...

It looks like he's contemplating suicide.

Well sure, but do you blame him?

Eric said...

Injuryblog is running wild, I heard that Andre Savard will have to miss 3-6 weeks due to erectile dysfunction

BabyPenguinsHelpUsBlog and CanSidAndGenoBeRobbedAnymoreBlog will be in full swing tonight.

Go Pens

J.S. said...

e32, I didn't know this was turning into haterblog. The quote you posted wasn't mine. Since there's no way of showing quotes in c-blog, I thought I'd repeat it for reference. Condoms may break, but it would have been easier if your mom would have swallowed.

[/haterblog]

Ex-Pat Pittsburgh Girl said...

I am really happy to learn that Youpi found employment after the Expos left town. He was actually a pretty cool mascot. [long story short -- saw the Bucs play the Expos in Puerto Rico, Youpi may have been hanging out at the Bacardi factory before each game]

As for IceBurgh, all I can say is honestly, one of the best (and maybe only, depending on your perspective) parts of Sudden Death was seeing IceBurgh get the crap beat out of him/her (I think it was actually a girl in the costume for the stunts).

Happy holidays.

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