Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Mistake on 34th Street. PENS LOSE.

4 - 0


It was painfully obvious early that this was going to be one of those games.
The season finale of "Shot at Love," had more suspense.

Nothing you can do about games like these.
At least the Pens didn't give up over 150 yards rushing.

National Treasure 2 comes out soon, life isn't that bad.


National Anthem

Andrew P.


No one even knows what happened in the first two minutes.
What a blur.
The Rangers came out with a 1-0 lead.

Mark Recchi was probably the goal scorer.

We waited a good three days for this game.
That whole time, the Rangers were storing power in their legs so that once we turn on the game, they can bring their boot right into our nuts.

As Phil Bourque would say, the Pens power play was flaccid all game.

FSN shows the press conference where Gomez and Drury flipped a puck to see who was gonna wear #23 this season.
Or they flipped a puck to determine which guy would be a bigger offseason mistake.
No matter who wins, the Rangers lose.

Sabu takes a shot to the mask. Play comes to a halt.
Roberts took a shot like that to the face one time back in 1989.
Roberts proceeded to pick up the puck, pee on it, and threw it at the moon.


Aamco commercial

This commercial blows.



Tommy Callahan needs to go back to the brake-pad plant.
He gets douched by Orpik and falls down like a little man.
Orpik goes to the box.

And then Hollweg shows how his mother raised him.
He dives into the boards at Mach 8 after 93-pound Kris Letang checks him.
Letang goes to the box.

We tried raising Hollweg's mom and threw our back out.
We still kicked her in the nuts and gave her a DDT with a forklift.

The ensuing Rangers power play looked like an elderly man trying to get an erection.
During that power play, FSN showed us the Pens had been outshot 14-3 up to that point.

And then Bing comes out of nowhere with Whitney, but no way.

After some jobbin, the Rangers scored again.
Straka deflects it in.

2-0. A weight machine gets an assist.

20 seconds after that, the Pens were in the box again.
Penalty call on Adam Hall because a Ranger chose to fall.
Jordan Staal them came out and sucked some ball.

Another Rangers goal using the "throw it to the net and see what happens" play.

Sigh. 3-0.

The Pens are as consistent as an OJ Simpson alibi.

The second period hit the homestretch, and the Rangers started throwing their bodies around like they worked at a morgue.
Roberts had enough and just runs Lundqvist.
Roberts has been showing up.
We're getting closer to our dream of Roberts not even making a move and just plowing into a goalie full-speed during a penalty shot or shootout.

The interference call on Roberts was a real stinker.
Doesn't matter. The New York Power Plays go on the man advantage again.
The Pens kill it.

Roberts goes fishing, and Colton Orr goes off for wasting all of our oxygen.
The Rangers kill it as the period ends.

The Pens finish up the second period with a grand total of 5 shots for the game.
Therrien had every right to walk into the locker room naked at the intermission.



The third period starts with Roberts barking into the linesman's ear.
It looked like the linesman peed down his leg.

Errey brought up the topic of MSG not giving the Pens credit for shots.
It looks like Errey is right, which makes whoever is keeping the stats an even bigger moron.
The more saves Lundqvist makes, the higher his SV%, the higher his chances to get MVP.
Don't be stupid.

Letang draws a penalty, and the Pens get a huge chance to breathe some life into the game.

The Pens show up for the first time in the game, with some tic-tac-toe passes with Roberts and Staal, but Lundqvist is insane.

14:00 left, and Father Time was already in the building.

Hollweg goes to the box again later as the third period was reaching the halfway mark.


The Pens had Letang set up for a shot on the power play, but it heads toward the net at the speed of smell, it's blocked and cleared.

Hollweg comes flying out of the box after his penalty over and runs Whitney.
That's a charging penalty every day of the week.
But no call.

JFK takes exception and slams Hollweg from behind.
What a cheap shot.
But it was cheaper what Hollweg did, when he grabbed his stick up by the knob and rammed it into JFK's mouth.

Anyone starting to think Chris Simon was justified for swinging for the fences on Hollweg?
Yeah, we aren't either.

You talk about controlling a game, you talk Rob Shick.
He knew Hollweg was just out there trying to job.
First sign of trouble, and Shick bounces him.
Veteran move.

Kerry Fraser has posters of Rob Shick in his bedroom.

Colby goes to the box after that, and the Pens are shorthanded 5-on-3 for a good minute.

Sabu made a huge save on the PK.
The Rangers finish off their night of weak goals by throwing it at the net again, and Drury is ready to make some cherry pie. 4-0.

Drury, the cherry-picker, enjoying the fruits of his labor, caught red-handed...err, red-mouthed. Woooo.

Roberts was jobbing around the boards, and Strudwick pushed him into the boards. Penalty.
Strudwick skates off like he just got told he couldn't go outside for recess. Pansy.

No goal.

Don't care.

Then we have to hear the Ranger fans chant stupid songs.
And then the Rangers do some Satanic ritual at center ice.


  • Bad news bears
  • Rangers: 4 weak goals. Not by Sabu standards, just by weak-goal standards.

  • Another month of this, someone won't make it.
  • No jump tonight.
  • Lines were a mess.
  • Let's just move on.


meecrofilm said...

I'm still trying to clean all the vomit off my television screen that was induced by our offense and the "cleanliness" of the rangers' goals.

We're still in decent position in the conference, and good news is that everyone else in our division that was playing lost ('cept nyr obviously..) in regulation, no less.

It's clear that not rolling 4 lines has an effect on the offense. Remember those games when everyone had over 10 minutes of ice? That was during our winning streak, I believe. Therrien needs to check his balls and scratch a defensemen.

And I know I'm starting to sound like a whiny, know-it-all fan who gets upset after a bad loss, but.. we've got Crosby, Malkin, and Gonchar.. can't we design some sort of PP breakout/play, where we skate it into the zone everyonce in a while? It can't be that hard.

ok I'm done. Here's to back-to-back wins behind surprise goaltending!

stokes said...

what a nightmare.

it was boring, and the penguins played like shit. i dont know what else to say about it.

J.S. said...

I think the only thing that can help the team is having Marty The Pensblog Chicken play the wing with Crosby. Marty thePBC = beast.

I watched about 2.5 periods before dozing off. Holy fuck, what a horrible game. The highlight of the game was watch Roberts giving the ref the business at the start of the 3rd. No other player in the league gets away with that.

Somebody brought this up last night: if Therrien juggles his lines enough, does he realize he's gonna run into a combo that he had before? Just a thought.

best of luck in Boston.

analretentiveignoringgame said...

Most people pronounce flaccid incorrectly. "flak-sid" is preferred. Preferred also: two points and that pussy Rozival not pretending he's relevant every pens game.

Anonymous said...

i need that memory eraser from Men in Black to use on myself. That game never happened. It was swamp gas reflecting off the Igloo

rwarner174 said...

Holy crap, I didn't know we could play that bad?

Steve In Denver said...

The dump and watch while the other team effortlessly clears the puck on our PP is getting a little old.
I agree with putting Marty the Chicken on "wing".

Maybe Pensblog Charlie needs a few minutes in the shower with the team to set things straight. I thought they'd be on fire after the players only meeting the other day. Whatever.

Nuff said.

I've been jawwing with some douchebag Flyer fan all week about what a joke the Flyers are, the outcome of the fights, etc. Now I get to go back and totally get in his face about Eager getting shipped off. F'ing sweet.

slush said...

Just disgusting. Too many issues to even harp on. Could we be more inconsistent??

mookieproof said...

The more saves Lundqvist makes, the higher his SV%, the higher his chances to get MVP.

...and the more the Rangers are going to be screwed when Kevin Lowe signs Lundqvist to a six-year, $48M offer sheet next summer.

Anonymous said...

douche Simon gets 30 game suspensio. not nearly enough.


Anonymous said...

eagers a tool!

BGL will slap the shit out of him next year!

snickerdoodles said...

I didn't see this game, but after reading about it, ouch!!! But, Mama said there would be days like this. I'm not gonna worry about it. Win some, lose some, It beez that way sometimes.

Master of the Obvious said...

Okay, I don't want to do this because a) I love this website and b) this is basically going to make me a douche bag, but I've got to.

I'm a Rangers fan but I like to know what the Pens are up to so I'll watch em when I get the chance on Center Ice or at the very least I'll come here for the recap, but stay for the racism. I came out to Pittsburgh with a friend of mine who's a huge Pens fan and we went to the save the Pens rally and the Bolts game that followed. Point being, I'm not out to job the Penguins or you but on to my point..

It's quite obvious that for every Rangers game recap that the writing style completely changes. I'm sure the writing is a collaborative effort for all your posts, but the Rangers posts are noticeably off.

The hockey-related knowledge seems to not be there as much as other nights. The person doing the recaps is usually stuck in 1997 when Jaromir Jagr really mattered, as opposed to now when he's as apparent most games as a silent fart. The jokes are sometimes forced and just don't really bang on all cylanders like they usually do.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's just something different about playing the Rangers that makes you guys shift gears, but really it'd be awesome if those posts were on the level all of the others are.

I usually have to stifle laughter in my cubicle because of the way you guys describe what happens night to night, but with these games I usually find myself scratching my head and finding typos left and right.

So uhh.. I guess I'm about to get torn a new one by Commentorblog, or Staffblog or Gofuckyourselfblog, but I don't know. Pick it up. Stop drinking so early in the day. Or start... Do something

snickerdoodles said...

...And then the rangers do some satanic ritual at center ice...

Since I did not see this game, now I am sitting here wondering what this ritual consisted of. Was livestock involved? Whipped cream? Peanut butter? Did anyone get nekkid and offer himself up to the hockey gods for the (they got lucky!) victory? Do you realize that you have messed up my work day? This is time I should be daydreaming about a certain brown eyed handsome man, not wondering what acts of sin the Rangers are doing. Lord Stanley will not be pleased. He commandeth that I fantasize about his most perfect creation 20 times a day, not wasting my valuable time on those who are not worhty. Beg for his forgiveness for leading my mind astray.


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