Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Jes Golbez loves talkin' Pens.
This time, he wonders if Mark Recchi has come to the end. [ Fanhouse ]

Fanhouse also got another solid blogger this week:
[Kevin Schultz]
From one of our favorites, [Barry Melrose Rocks] joined the solid list of writers.

Fanhouse NHL is a big deal.

The Pens are 21st in McKeon's latest Power Rankings. [ Yahoo ]


For the second straight day, we bring a really insane story about kids and hockey.

This time, it's the big story coming out of Canada that a recent hockey game ended with a big melee between the teams.

No big deal, except these players were of the 8-year-old variety. [ Fanhouse ]

"They started chirping at each other, and before you knew it, players were leaving the benches as much as the coaches tried to stop them."

What do 8-year-olds say when they chirp at each other?
No banging your girlfriend quips, no balls quips.

And...a video from the stands that recorded the brawl is in the hands of police.
And rumor has it that it shows one of the coaches walking up to the other coach and spitting in his face.


The proposed NHL schedule change for next season:

Six games against each divisional opponent. ( 24 )
Four games against everyone else in your conference. ( 40 )
One game against everyone in the other conference. ( 15 )
Three jobber games that are gonna fill the holes. ( 3 )
[ Toronto Sun ]

The history of the goal judge. [ Kukla's Korner ]

This guy just looks like he's up to no good.


If we were professionals, we would be morally forced to talk about all the stuff coming out of Toronto regarding GMs and coaches.
Thank God we're not.

Scott Hartnell is out two for games for owning a Bruin. [ TSN ]

Bryzgalov comes back to Anaheim.
And wins 4-3.

Jagr may be an unrestricted free agent next year?
Yeah. [ NY Post ]

If Jagr doesn't score 40 goals or 84 points...
If Jagr doesn't win the Art Ross or the Hart...
While the Rangers don't win a playoff series...

...he will not hit the incentives in his contract that would trigger an option for next season.



Two minutes for absolving.

Gary Roberts' stick.


Our people, this is why I invented the internet.



And we must say in advance that most of these sites are Geocities and Tripod, so many people may get to the sites to see that we've exceeded their bandwidth, like we did with Ron Newcomer.

[ Pengman66 ]
Any site that blasts you in the mouth with "the Hey Song" in midi form means business.

[ Pens Multimedia Page ]
Hey Song midi again.

[ Thayne93's Page ]
"California Dreamin'" midi.
No clue what's going in.

[ Todd's Penguin Page ]
If someone puts their own name in the title, you know it's a solid site.

[ The old ]
They thought they could get away with it, but here's their old Geocities site.

[ Andy's Pens Page ]

This page is dedicated to the gods of hockey: The Pittsburgh Penguins! And the best hockey foursome ever: Mario Lemieux, Jaromir Jagr, Ron Francis, and Petr Nedved!

[ Tribute to John Leclair ]
The site is now defunct.
You gotta like how the person running the site thinks anyone cares.
That pic up top may be the first photoshop ever made.

[ Nemesis' Penguins Page ]
A Tripod site that is up-to-date. Unreal.
You have to admire the loyalty to Tripod.
We think he's on

[ The Penguin Zone ]
"Sorry for the lack of updates"
-- February 2005

[David Graffius' Universe-Mark Recchi]
"...Lists People Magazine as his favorite magazine and Sex and the City as his favorite TV show to watch."

[Druidess' Home Page]
"As you can see, it is mainly 'bout the Pittsburgh Pens." If you don't like it, well then, tuff shit! I update this daily most of the time."
-- April 1998

This site was the original Photoshop Expo page.

[ NJ's Penguins Page ]
Folks, this is where it's at.

There's pictures on there that will make you pinch your balls.

The original "player = stunned" pic.


We bring you:

[ Yvan's Pens Page ]

On the surface, it reeks of 1995 internetblog using Netscape Navigator.

And he has some [ movie clips ] of Pens crap.
Unfortunately, only the first four movies work, since the guy hot-linked the rest from pages that don't exist anymore.

[ Casey's Penguins Page ]
Are you ready for the start of the 1999-2000 season?

My girlfriend Erika Madden. She is the most wonderful girl i have ever met in my life. For the past 7 months we have talked on the net just about everyday.

Casey Kuntz


[ Dunfee's Pens Page ]
Warning: Do not enter unless you're a Pens fan.

His recap of a Montreal/Pens playoff game:
You ask yourself ..What did the third line of Robbie Brown, Alex Hicks and Sean Pronger do for the team to win this game.

[ Jim's Pens Page ]

The brightest point of the game is that the Pens finally held a team to 30 shots. If they can keep every team to thirty shots, the highly talented offense should be able to win 90% of the games.

[ Michelle's Kasparaitis Page ]
"Bad to the Bone"

[ Neeraj's Pens Shrine ]

A Jeff Beukeboom-free zone.

[ Ron Francis Fan Federation ]

[Where are they now ]

Dan Kesa

"..While he didn't put many pucks into the net, his solid 3rd and 4th line play and his penalty killing play has made him a important part of the Penguins team. After one season the Penguins and Kesa decided to part ways making him a free agent."

Hope your sitting down for this one.

[Jessica's Jean Sebsatian Aubin Page]

I am very sad to report that I won't be updating this page as much as I would like to. As all of you know, Aubin is out for the season because of a hurt ankle. Snow is now taking the spotlight as goalie. Yes, I am upset by this move, but there is not much we can do. But I know that Aubin would be doing his best in the net, just as Snow is trying to do as well. Anyways, if I find any more info on Number 30, I will relay it ASAP! GO PENS!

But wait Jessica lives on.

[Jessica's Jagr Fan Page ]

  • There have been some steamy rumors going around that Jagr is going to be traded over the summer...things are not looking good. I'm not sure how true they are, but I guess we will find out soon enough!
  • Mario is really impressed with their new goalie, Johan Henberg. He has been more than awesome in the net and showing the Pens he can take the pressure. I hate to be disloyal to Aubin...but come on. This guy is awesome! For a great story, go here!

  • Good to see she was still loyal to Aubin.

    [ Brett's homepage ]

    'The Bottom line is that when the Pens get hungry they are unstopable. "


    This site may be the winner.

    [ Johnny's Penguin Page ]

    The following picture may change you life.


    Random pic:

    Robert Dome...
    and that might be Newcomer's kid.


    There are so many other places to go.
    This is the kind of stuff that happens when the Pens don't play for a week.


    theNick said...

    begins slow clap

    Jonny V said...

    Clap...clap...clap...clap...clap, clap, clap, clap, clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap

    stokes said...

    My head just exploded.

    Lady Jaye said...

    Best moment of the morning: Seeing you link to my sister's first geocities home page she hasn't updated in ten years :) Hahaha. Thank you for taking me down memory lane with Thayne93's page. It is safe to say that page will never be updated in the foreseeable future. I don't even know if my sister remembers that site exists.

    Loser Chris said...

    ... I'm speechless. I remember seeing a site, had to have been around 10 years ago, called "Petr Nedved a-go-go". Hard to believe that bad boy isn't still around.

    Caramia said...

    Casey Kuntz is my favorite. It was nice of him to give us his full home address. If only I was single.

    Stoosh said...

    There aren't enough ways to describe the sheer, unbridled awesomeness contained within today's post.

    Wow, did some of these bring back memories. A lot of these sites date back to when I was in college (mid 1990s) and I can remember finding some of these during my senior year. Hell, some of these sites and the old LCS Hockey website got me a lot of my hockey info during my college days.

    Seeing some of those old names from those 1997-1998 Pens teams reminds me of the knockdown, dragout NHL '98 games we used to play on the PS1 when I was in school. When we weren't partying, drinking, watching the Pens, or partying, drinking and watching the Pens, we were usually playing NHL '98.

    Love the Pens Multimedia Page (second one down on the list). Check out the "Mike Lange" link on the top left corner and have some fun with those audio files.

    That Lindros Snickers photoshop is friggin' classic. The only better one I've ever seen playing on his concussions is this one.

    MummRa said...

    How did Larry Appleton and Balky Bartokomous get the Stanley Cup?

    I thought Jesus was a goalie?

    Fleury29 said...

    Amazing... Pensblog staff you have done it again.

    I just wish I had more time to explore all of these.

    Stoosh said...

    Here's a better version of that Flyers team photo.

    Stoosh said...

    If only Erika Madden could see this.

    Teej said...

    The Internet kicks ass. I'll have to check out those sites later on today, but there might not be enough time during my own lifetime to check out the awesomeness that erodes from each classic website...

    The "GET FIRED UP" campaign, back in '97 when I was in 9th grade I printed out that graphic and taped it to the inside of my locker. Man... good times.

    madmax said...

    I happened to catch some of the Red Wings/Flames game last night, they had a segment on healthy scratches. Now we all know that the guys on versus are pretty much idiots but anyways, they brought up Colby and how he's too good of a player to bench like that. Apparently in those games he was scratched, Shero was getting calls from teams trying to pick him up.

    Stoosh said...


    Army is one of my favorite players, so I'm saying this as objectively as possible. But if Shero were to put Armstrong on the block, he'd be getting calls from probably 90% of the league about him. There aren't many teams in the league that wouldn't want him.

    Armstrong will probably never score more than 20-25 goals in a season. He may never finish with more than 50-60 points in a given year. He knows and embraces his role. He doesn't forego his role to be something he's not. He's a consummate team player. He's a clubhouse leader. He thinks and sees the game as a skill player does, he knows how to create space for the skill players, and he's got just enough skill that he's not a disaster when asked to play on the top two lines.

    He reminds me of an Esa Tikkanen or Mike Ricci-type player. Tik was a 60-70 point guy when the league was still churning out 120-point players. That makes a player like that about a 45-55 point player today. Ricci averaged about 45-50 points a year for his career, but look at how many winning teams he played on.

    Every team in the league wants guys like that.

    tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson said...

    I love how the original LGP site lists the file sizes for every picture/wallpaper/etc. in case you were using like a Commodore 64 and 21k would blow up the floppy disk drive.

    canaanregulatesblog said...

    well, tecmo bowl, you have to remember... in the days of dial up, knowing file size was key. when it took 20-30 mins to dl homer simpson saying "d'oh," you didnt want to get sucked into downloading an audio clip that was 10 seconds long (unless it was a monty python clip).

    this probably was the most fun ive ever had researching a post for tPB. if i was the final decision maker for the blog, that rendering of kaspar would be the background...just saying; and the page plays an insane bad to the bone midi...that, my friends, is clutch.

    and, yes, "Flyers can suck Osama Bin Laden's Balls" was one of the best finds on these sites... what a wordsmith.

    Brett said...

    i love you guys. today's post made my month.

    I think that's how long it'll take to go through all this stuff

    tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson said...

    Oh I remember the days, Canaan.

    Shit, I had a Commodore 64 before dial up was even an option.

    I just loved seeing the file sizes, brought me back to my old Mac with dial up.

    Downloading on a Mac with dial up was even trickier. Growing up sucked.

    PittHockey said...

    I'm glad I deleted whatever pathetic attempt at a website I had rather than let it get ridiculed by you guys years later.

    These are hilarious.

    madmax said...

    stoosh, I agree with you.
    I didn't go into enough detail in my post, I was just saying that people were trying to get him in that time period.

    Troy Loney said...


    Anonymous said...

    Wow. I woke up this morning thinking its going to be another shitty day without the Penguins and i find this goldmine waiting for me to read. All i can say is Wow.

    Waiting for Friday is still sucking balls.


    karri said...

    You guys rock!

    The first three comments posted here by thenick, jonny v and stokes says it all. (applause)

    e.mirchich said...

    I tracked down our old pal Casey Kuntz. Unfortunately it appears that things didn't work out with his internet girlfriend Erika Madden.

    wilsmith said...

    Everybody become that guy's facebook friend, NOW.

    He won't know what to do with himself.

    Troy Loney said...

    From the Onion: Crosy Saves NHL

    J.S. said...

    Dammit, I don't have a facebook account.

    Need. Screen captures. Now!

    Adrienne said...

    Wow. Just... Wow.

    Everybody become that guy's facebook friend, NOW.

    He won't know what to do with himself.

    I second this. (Do things like this make us bad people?)

    stokes said...

    my head exploded and i havent even explored those sites yet, that's how rad this post was. unreal.

    now i know what i can do to keep myself outta the bar.

    well done, staff, well done.

    Jonny V said...

    Tecmo Bowl, i remember those halcyon days of my buddy putting in the 5-1/4" floppy disk and going downstairs to make lunch while waiting for the game to load. Anywhere from 10-15 minutes baby.

    And these pages can't get their full effect unless you switch over to beautiful 256 colors. I'm running Vista and I don't think I can do it. Now THAT'S old school...Windows 3.5 baby

    Jonny V said...

    And as soon as our boy Kuntz accepts me into his life, we're friends. I seriously wouldn't know what to think if I was inundated all of a sudden with friendship requests, oblivious to the fact that it all stemmed from a well-intended yet poorly executed web shrine to my one and only love. And some chick.

    adam vacancy said...

    priceless post.

    Lady Jaye said...

    God, I honestly don't think my first computer had 256 colors. Then again it didn't have windows either. It was some piece of junk made by Magnavox or something insane. But then came Windows 95... and AOL... and the Interweb and bad geocities home pages.

    tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson said...

    Jonny V,

    The floppy disks were actually floppy. None of that hard outter covering bullshit.

    There was a strip poker game on the ole Commodores that kicked so much ass. Nothing like over-pixalized aereolas.

    J.S. said...

    Tell me she's on facebook too.

    wingergirl said...

    After a morning of advanced Russian translations, two midterms, and a short-staff emergency at work, this was exactly what I needed to wind down.

    Thanks guys.

    Lana said...

    The endless midi song playing in the background. WOW. If that doesn't pump you up I don't know what does.

    Kevin said...

    probably the longest post I've ever read, but jeez that's one of the best. simply an ungodly amount of mind blowingly craptastic stuff you've compiled.


    canaanregulatesblog said...

    if it were up to me, i would post this same post tomorrow just so i could be amazed/amused all over again.

    i had the innmagination network. anyone else?

    Anonymous said...

    Please keep on making fun of Al Gore.

    Robert Edward Healy, III said...

      Yes, I am Facebooking him. Please, God, everyone do that.

    bleepbloop said...

    I loved this post as much as one heterosexual man can love an intangible object.

    Superb, staff.

    I found some old LGP posts of the week

    Chase said...

    i'm fairly certain that this post is the best thing that has ever been on the internet...ever. that casey and his girlfriend erika thing...oh my god...stunned.


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