Monday, October 1, 2007

Don't Whiz On The Electric Fence

The Steelers' first loss of the season.

Oh, God.
What are we gonna do?
Quick, someone block off the Fort Pitt Bridge.
No, the Liberty Bridge.
No, all of 'em.

Close the town.
How can we survive?

We need more info.

Arizona's head coach used to coach for the Steelers and knew Ben's weaknesses?
No way.
Another Arizona coach used to coach for the Steelers and knew how to neutralize Willie Parker?
No way.
Three coaches?
Sean Morey?
Why didn't we hire them?
Oh, God.

Please, tell us Ron Cook wrote a column! [Post Gazette ]
Oh and Bob Smizik, too! Thank God!

We need more though.
Did the punt return for a TD cost them the game? [ Trib ]
Please, someone compare that punt return to Troy Brown's in the 2001 AFC Championship Game in order to fill up space in the paper. [ PG ] Whew!

We need more answers. We need washed-up athletes telling us what happened!

Should we call off work?

Will John Fedko survive the night after all that riveting reporting?
What strength.
Rich Walsh is probably dead.

Is WTAE still running?
Someone please find Rich Walsh.
He has to be dead.

Who is to blame? We need more reporting. More.
It is not enough.
Hurry, we want to know the opinion of everyone in Pittsburgh on what happened.
More fan reaction.
Hurry, time is running out.

We need radio interviews, columns, everything.

You're not doing enough Pittsburgh Media.
We need more.



Welcome to commenter Ashley's Garytober.
By the end of this month, the Pens will have played 11 games.
We could be 11-0-0.
We could be 0-11-0.
It's good to be back.


The Post-Gazette released their NHL preview, courtesy of Dave Molinari. [ PG ]
Here's hoping that the preview is the first of a two-parter, because it doesn't even preview the season. It just REVIEWS last season.
And why does it say the Pens play "the following night" against the Ducks?

Our preview is coming October 3.


The Trib reports the Pens and Lightning will be kicking off next season in the same way the Ducks and Kings did this weekend. [ TSN ]

Except it will be in Prague.

We must stop and look at something.
The Trib was the first to report that the Ice Bowl in Buffalo was gonna happen.
And now The Trib dominates with this article that shows up on TSN.
Just an observation.


Jonny V left a comment about the "Hockey 'n Heels" event for Pens fans on November 7. [ ]
Don't crap on the female fans.
More than a few female hockey fans know their shit.
We aren't talking about the teenybopper homos that bring signs about 5-holes.
We don't recognize those when we're on the topic of female Pens fans.

Besides, look at the guest panel for the event:

Oh, man. Sign us up.


Hockey season has started.
And that means Power Rankings are back.

Power Rankings are to hockey what someone's Top 8 MySpace friends are to life.
They mean nothing.

The Pens find themselves in 9th spot in TSN's first installation [ Power Rankings ]

" While the Penguins have a good mix of veteran and young talent up front that makes them a hot pick to win the Stanley Cup this year, there are still questions about the team's defensive play that will need to be answered. It just might take another year of maturity before these Pens are ready to fly. "

That didn't bother us until we scrolled back up and saw that the Rangers were number 6.
Yes, the Rangers, a team that has one of the more questionable blue lines in the NHL.
"The Rangers made the high-profile signings of the off-season, landing both Chris Drury and Scott Gomez, and it now gives the Blueshirts enough balance in their attack to elevate them. If rookie Marc Staal can help solidify the defence in front of emerging star goaltender Henrik Lundqvist, the Rangers could be Cup contenders."

Okay, whoever wrote this synopsis is relying on a ROOKIE to solidify the questionable blue line?
They don't have a Gonchar or a Whitney or an Eaton.
Someone's sipping the Blue kool-aid kind of early.
Or putting some moisture on the Rangers' ballsacks because everyone is in love with New York City.


[phi.<span class=
Surprise. Downie was sent down to the AHL. [ TSN ]

[<span class=
The Sens finish the preseason as the only team to win all their games. [ TSN ]

[<span class=
San Jose finished the preseason 5-0-2.



Someone sent this over to the Tournament of Logos. [ NHLToL ]

Some guy wouldn't mind seeing the fleur de lis and a maple leaf on the Canadiens' shoulders.

The dude who came up with this idea is either high or started following hockey two minutes ago.

The fleur de lis all Nordiques, all the time.
Can't remember what other Canadian team uses a Maple Leaf logo...

This would be like the Pens putting the Liberty Bell on their shoulders.

Regardless, we are advocates of putting Nicholas Cage on the shoulders.

If Howard Baldwin still ran the show, "National Treasure 2" would be about someone stealing an Ice Time program from his office.


Ryan Patsko sent us this one.
He used to pit the 93-94 Pens against the 06-07 Pens.

Crosby and Company won 7-2.

You can click to enlarge it.
Ulf Samuelsson got a 5-minute major, a 10-minute misconduct, and a game misconduct for head butting.

The 06-07 Penguins put the game out of reach on the ensuing power play.


We got an e-mail from STEVE:

" While I don't have a picture, I did something completely amazing with Gary Roberts in NHL 08. In overtime, Roberts came up the ice with only one shot taken in the game (which he scored on of course). He takes a shot and it misses the net and hits the back wall. After this, a defencemen from the other team (the Red Wings) puts it in his own net by mistake. So Roberts wins the game and has a 200% shooting percentage. Only Gary can do that. Well maybe Steve McKenna too. "



Hatcher -- boom goes the dynamite.

The Flyer fan wincing in fear on the right.
Is that a little person, a woman, or a kid?
We tried figuring it out for way too long.
That's why Flyers fans suck.


Ashley said...

I just used whatifsports to pit the 06-07 Penguins against the 83-84 Oilers in a playoff game. Crosby gets the natural hat trick in a 5-3 Penguins win. Sweet.

demondg1 said...

To my amazement, Stillers lost yesterday. I learned this shocking news when I saw it plastered all over today's Tribune Review.

But in all seriousness... The only time the results of a sporting event should EVER be on the front page of a newspaper is if it is the local team winning a world championship. A team losing 1 game is not that big of a deal. The Trib owners, staff and readers should all feel shame for allowing this to happen.

Good thing the Pirates don't get this kind of coverage when they lose, or would have ran out of trees 3 losing seasons ago.

And lost any shred of credibility when I pitted the 2006 Pirates vs. the 1927 Yankees, which according to the internet is the greatest team of all time. The Pirates won 3-1 and Babe Ruth rolled over in his grave.

Barrasso35 said...

WBGG started blocking online broadcast of the Steelers games this year, they didn't do that last year. This pisses me off because:

1) I live in Kansas and very few Steelers games are shown on TV here and WBGG's signal does not reach to Kansas.
2) I'm usually stuck at work on Sundays so even if the game were broadcast I wouldn't be able to watch it.

Now all I have is the online NFL game tracker thing which, without audio, is kind of sucky.

I swear to Gary Roberts, if they start blocking Penguins games on 105 The X's website there will be murders. I gotsta have my Penguins broadcasts.

Ashley said...

haha pirates winning against the screwed up is that

Anonymous said...

i called out bens vintage interception yesterday.

you know, the one arizona picked off in the endzone.


Stoosh said...

Some thoughts...

1. Kudos and plaudets to the Pensblog for finding the only shred of evidence out there that Kevin Hatcher did in fact hit someone during his Pens career. Nevermind the fact that in order to produce the result we see photographed, the coaches had to set a beer on the other side of the glass and then tell Hatcher the mean guy in the white and orange jersey was going to take it from him. You do what you can to get results, I guess.

2. Can't knock the "Hockey N' Heels" panel at all. Sonni, Allison and Janelle Hall...that's triple-quality. Sally Wiggin and Kelly Frey would be there, too, but they already said they'll be too busy fawning over Roethlisberger and Hines Ward in the 500th postgame report after the Steelers-Ravens Monday night game on Nov. 5.

3. Does the media realize the Pens' season starts on FRIDAY at Carolina and not Saturday at home against the Ducks? I've heard DVE and The X both mention this morning that the season opener is Saturday.

4. I don't know why, but the first thing I thought when I heard about the Pens-Lightning opener in Prague next year was Crosby, Malkin and Armstrong somehow ending up like Paxton, Josh and Oli from "Hostel".

5. One more Steelers thought. DVE has a campaign going on to get Merrill Hoge on Monday Night Football in lieu of Tony Kornheiser. Here's an idea. How about we direct our energies instead to get Tunch Ilkin thrown off of DVE's Steeler coverage?

Listen to the radio replays of any Steelers game and anytime something approaching a big play happens, Ilkin starts stuttering and stammering like someone being jolted with 50,000 watts of electricity. It's an endless chorus of "Oooh! Oh! Go!! RUN! OH!" and he's doing it while Hillgrove is trying to describe the play. (If you ever hear the replay of the Bettis fumble and Nick Harper's almost-disastrous return in the AFC Championship Game a couple of years ago, it's Ilkin at his absolute worst. Hillgrove was trying to describe the play, only you couldn't hear him because Ilkin is SCREAMING, "Ohmygod! OHMYGOD! TACKLE HIM!! YOU GOTTA TACKLE HIM! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOOOOOD!")

Anonymous said...

I realize that Big Ben is more of a man than I will ever be, and that is why I think of him when I masturbate, with a Penguins novelty hockey stick shoved up my ass


Staff said...


As always well said.

I completely agree about Ilkin.

He may be the worst of all time.
Him and Wolf are the least helpful announcers of all time.

The Seeker said...

I'm absolutely stunned to see that Pensblog has not yet started a petition to name the new arena the "Gary Roberts Beat-Down Arena".

Please.... get with the program!

Ashley said...

i'd sign that petition

Anonymous said...

Hatcher had a solid mullet early on

Steve In Denver said...

I say the person in the background is a typical Philly Flyer fan - a dwarf hermaphrodite.

Watched the Gary Roberts vid to start my should be a good day. He's got great timing on his ducks and counters. What a tough sob. He must be the spawn of the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman.

Korn said...

Does anyone know if you get any extras with Center Ice, ie Coach's Corner, any of the CBC stuff, etc or do you just get the game feeds?

Sorry, first time NHL Center Ice subscriber.

Anonymous said...

the flyers have fans?

MummRaTheEverLiving said...

From the PG:

"The Penguins cut their roster today to 22 players by sending five to their minor-league affiliate in Wilkes-Barre.

Forwards Ryan Stone, Jonathan Filewich and Jeff Taffe and defensemen Kristopher Letang and Mike Weaver were assigned to the Baby Penguins. Weaver must clear waivers, but Taffe cleared waivers last week and the other three don't have to.

The Penguins also signed a forward, Adam Hall, who was in training camp on a tryout, to a one-year contract.

NHL teams are compelled to submit their 23-man rosters to the league office by tomorrow.

The Penguins will open the 2007-08 season Friday at Carolina before returning home the next night to play Anaheim."

Jonny V said...

Korn, u only get the games. I had Center Ice last year, and it would turn the game off almost immediately after it was over. And come playoff time, the only reason I saw the Pens play is because they were on NBC and Versus. Center Ice does not carry playoff games at all.

Korn said...

Check it out...

Pens roster cuts

Korn said...

I am Korn's stunned disappointment.

No playoffs?

Anonymous said...

gary roberts cameo on heroes tonight?

Arlow said...

Did anyone else notice that John Fedko's page on Wikipedia has been cleaned up? That's a damn shame.

Hooks Orpik said...

korn, i feel like you do get some 1st and 2nd round games that aren't on NBC or Versus, which isn't that much. but i also feel like i drank a lot last april, so that could be totally wrong.

i used whatif sports to simulate getting a gf that could put up with my penguins addiction. unfortunately the only results were male ottawa senators fans. :(

Steve In Denver said...

Letang to the minors? Wow.

Center Ice is good, but the Pens are the "exclusive" game of the week 10 times on VS, so if you don't also have VS (and you are outside of Pgh), you won't get to see those 10 games on Center Ice.

I'm getting Pens vs Av's tix for Nov 1 this week...can't wait! In the meantime, I'm off to egg the Rockies pep rally!!!

EmDubs said...

To the lady commenters here: I just don't even know what to say about this.

Adrienne said...

I'm so pumped the steelers lost last night. Thank god. Finally I got to have a monday class without everyone going, "OOOH! DID YOU SEE THE STEELERS SCORE LAST NIGHT?!" Faggots.

Anyway, as excited as I am that Tampa and the Pens might play in Prague, I'm not too keen on the idea. Thats just one game between the two that I won't get to see in Pittsburgh. :(

As for the Hockey n' Heels thing, I bought a ticket for it. I'm curious to see what's "so different" that makes enough to write a book. I have a feeling that this should be a night in hell with a bunch of puck bunnies.... Can't argue with food and hockey though. Hmm

Anonymous said...

Hey guys, the Pens do play the following night against Anaheim. Your schedule is wrong, look on the Pens site.

snoopyjode said...

good LORD, emdubs!!! i'm close to the edge. if i see one more bunny shirt with the pens logo in pink, it's going to put me over. no more pink, no more glitter, no more rhinestones.


The Hebrew Hammer said...

1. National Treasure 2 might be the best movie ever made. If you don't like that film, you don't know what life is all about

2. It cracks me up that people have so much love for the Rangers. Here's the best argument to why the Rangers won't do much in the postseason this year.

Who's their best defenseman?

Michael Rozsival, end of story.

Adrienne said...


If you have to call yourself a "female hockey fan" you fail. You're either a hockey fans, or an idiot.

Ashley said...

i agree completely with snoop and adrienne...if i want to get a jersey, i want the real deal and not some pink thing that says "like, omigosh, i just love hockey....what's an offside? hehe"

puckbunnies suck...and probably in more ways than one.

Kristen said...

pink jerseys are for faggots

Hooks Orpik said...

kristen, you are amazing.

also, how funny would it be to see two male fans in ottawa walk up to the arena in pink heatley and spezza jerseys.

the sight of that is probably the last thing Gary Roberts has smiled about.

antonette said...

Fuck Pink Jerseys and slutty girls with too many STDs for their own good.

wallflower said...

The t-shirt in question actually bothers me less than most of the womens stuff they sell. Maybe because that t-shirt - minus the logo - is something I might wear normally? I ordered it for my younger sister and it's kind of nice and I was thinking of maybe getting one for myself. I don't know - maybe something ate the part of my brain that usually hates that stuff.

What really gets me is the pink jerseys, especially since they found a way to make them even more adding glitter gel. I mean, seriously, WTF?

Anonymous said...

Exactly, antonette ;)

Christina said...

i absolutely agree with adrienne - if you add "female" before "hockey fan" when describing yourself, you deserve a what's coming to you.

and pink, sparkly hockey jerseys (and team apparel in general) should burn in hell.

Barrasso35 said...

edubs the scariest part of your link is that the item it was for (the pink jersey) is now sold out.

Sold out? How in Gary Roberts' name did that happen?

This town needs an enema!

Anonymous said...

Yeah barrasso, when I click on the link, I get a nice little note saying that they are temporarily out of stock. I threw up in my mouth when I read that. Ugh...the NHL is enabling puckbunnies everywhere.

Jonny V said...

Pretty lame episode of Heroes tonight, but here's a blog with some good behind the scenes picks and stories:

Heros Blog

And hooks, I'm positive there are no playoffs on Center Ice, I remember when everyone back here was cursing Versus and NBC for carrying the Pens series, I was thanking God that it was on there. I wouldn't have been able to see the games at all if it were on foxsports. During the playoffs, all I got on center ice was the beginning of baseball season.

Jonny V said...

And maybe i'm wrong, but I imagine the only people that get this upset with what people wear to games have hairier asses than I do.

theNick said...

Is vintage big Ben the one with a Super Bowl ring?

Also Center Ice defiantly carries playoff games. How else did i watch the Rangers Thrashers series last year.

Hooks Orpik said...

jonny v, i believe you. all i know is i have center ice, the versus network and NBC, so i know my bases are covered. beyond that, my buddy evan williams helped me to forget all those pesky details.

theNick said...

that should read definitely. Yea i uhh can't spell.

Adrienne said...

I find it amusing the girls here are more insulting then the guys when it comes to puck bunnies.

I love hockey. I'm damn defensive of my sport. Get your fucking glitter out of my game :mad:

Staff said...

Our mistake.

Vintage Ben is when a receiver throws a touchdown for him to bail him out.



theNick said...


Ben 1

Crosby 0

just saying

Staff said...

Johnny V.

Heroes was money.

The best character returned.


Anonymous said...

Was playing NHL 08 yesterday against the Wild. Somehow I managed to get Gary Roberts and Derek Boogaard in a fight. Roberts with the KO...though I had it only on Pro level with fighting difficulty turned down.

Also, for whatever reason, I can score nearly at will with Colby Armstrong. Somehow, he seems to be quite the dangler in this year's game!


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