Wednesday, September 5, 2007

The End Of An Era

We paid more attention to him this summer than his parents ever did.

Let's be honest -- it kept summer interesting.

But we can't have turds hanging around when the season starts.

Everyone, feel free to take shots at him in this post.
PLEASE DO. WE ARE ENCOURAGING IT.

Imagine him reading all these without any forum to respond.

But following this post, he does not exist.



TURN UP THE VOLUME







32 comments:

rachel said...

i think you guys had a little too much fun making that, haha. it just made my week!

Now, in less than 2 weeks training camp begins. I want hockey back.

Anonymous said...

Bravo....Kenny Melvin is dead

canaanregulatesblog said...

wow. i am speechless. i guess i'll resort to haiku:

kenny melvin sucks
his parents need to get help
therapy or death

Jeff said...

Ken, ya bastard.

Where to start.

Simply put, you're a waste. When I think about the possibility that whatever horrible union produced your wretched self didn't have the decency to snap your penis to prevent you from reproducing, it sends chills down my spine. I'm thinking about enforcing a "nobody named Melvin" policy for my offspring's love interests, on pain of death.

You're an ass. You don't have an original bone in your body, and your blatant copying of the pensblog, LGP, and other sites wasn't funny or entertaining, it was mostly just pathetic. I used to push your buttons for fun to see your reactions, but after a while it just saddened me that the same double helix of genetic information that put beings on the moon could produce such a profoundly useless waste of carbon.

I want to say here while I have free reign, that Notre Dame is a school that only posers root for. I bet you're not even Catholic. Also. You try to fucking hard. You wanted to play in the big boys' club so badly that you went overboard and ruined your chances at ever being accepted by any of us. Snarky comments are one thing, but I have a suspicion that you are seriously imbalanced.

Here's my advice to you:

1. Learn how not to alienate your friends. The Staff gave you like 4,591 chances long after the rest of us were sick of your shit. What did you do? Fucked with them directly. Not very smart.

2. Seek medical attention. You have some early warning signs of serious mental disorders. I'm sorry you're growing up in a tough situation, but I grew up in a worse one and managed to be a well adjusted man by the age of about 21. Therapists and doctors can help you, the first step is admitting that you need one.

3. Stay off the internet. Some actual social interaction could do you a world of good. Learning how to deal with people face to face is a prerequisite for knowing how to deal with them online.

4. I'm glad you like the Penguins. Keep supporting them. Support, however, does not mean trashing one of the most popular blogs about them on the web with the antics of an angsty 14-year old emo high school freshman with bad skin and a worse temper.

5. Sit and spin. That is all.


To the rest of the pensbloggers, I'm glad we're coming to a solution to this problem. It pains me that I won't be able to crack on anonymous posters anymore, but preventing this kind of locker room "he looked at my penis while I was dressing" nonsense is worth the sacrifice. It takes about 4 seconds to register for blogger and it's not that inconvenient. I suspect better things are on the way, in any case.

I like the new jerseys. Go Pens.

<3 Jeff in Korea (Not a douche.)

Loser Chris said...

He may be dead, but Melvin's "Golly I'm a Liverpool fan too!" act will haunt me to my grave.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, well looks like i get to start this off...
-Kenny Melvin is gayer than Liberachi.
-Kenny Melvin is a bigger asshole than douche Murray.
-Kenny Melvin will get laid as often as Fedko's show gets good ratings.
-Kenny Melvin is a bigger joke then the new york islanders.

farewell Kenny Melvin, next time anyone should be forced to hear from you is when Michael Vick returns to the nfl.

demondg1 said...

Epic.

Anonymous said...

Awesome Very well done. I work at ESPN Radio where Kenny is a frequent caller. I can't wait to make fun of him for this.

marc said...

the patch was on channel 11 on fox 53... it just says pittsburgh and 150... nice and clean

Kicksave said...

Bravo.

I don't post much here, but I do frequent LGP.com.

I was first made aware of Melvin's antics when he copied something I wrote on LGP here. I came over here to bust his ass because he was given the boot o so long ago at LGP.com. If you don't know the story about how he ended up getting caught, you should ask caanan. Funny stuff. Anyway, I digress.

Melvin, you are not wanted in any facet of life. Go jump off of the Liberty Bridge.

That is all.

Anonymous said...

good riddance KM.

on a differnt note, i got to job fedko today--saw him at the uniform unveiling..asked him if he was disappointed that gary roberts didn't show up. he glared at me.
it was gorgeous.

Jonny V said...

Jeff u sonofabitch, what else could any of us say? hehe

I'll just rehash some trash from some of my previous posts about him 'ncase anyone missed out, and a few bonus...

He is...the future Remy from Higher Learning

He...keeps a shoebox full of dead animals that he tortured and smothered under his bed

He...probably jacks off...wearing nothing but a Penguins sweater, to .wav files of Mike Lange goal calls

He...has a Hitler "action figure", which he routinely uses to anally violate himself

He...doesn't have parents. Only a lower life form is responsible for propagating his species

Anonymous said...

If it's not cool to jack off in a Pens sweater listening to Mike Lange's goal calls, I dont want to be cool.

GordyHowitzer said...

Kenny Melvin is a sick teenage boy. He made fun of a woman with cancer and was booted from LGP for it.

He came here and whored for attention by saying this blog sucked and the Gary Roberts joke was overplayed. He then revealed himself as a poser by becoming the biggest Gary Roberts pranker out there.

A majority of the content on his many, many short-lived, always-weak blog attempts was copied from LGP and/or ThePensBlog. The style and delivery was 100% ThePensBlog.

The above points are not jobbing this loser. Don't have to job to point out what a joke this kid is.

Buy-bye Kenny.

BleepBloop said...

You blew it at LGP.

You blew it here.

You blew your dad.

Karma's a bitch, Kenny.

And so is your mom.

theNick said...

Kenny Melvin? Never heard of him.

wilsmith said...

rofltacular

Jesse Marshall said...

lollercoaster.

lollasaurus rex.

lollerpop.

Joshua said...

Kenny, you stupid fuck I don't know where to start. I actually stopped reading the comments section because you, captain dumb fuck, ruined it. You piece of high school trash that will never amount to more than a pile of useless shit.

When I first read the pensblog, it was the second game of the year, and I thought their insight into the game was hilarious...just like your face. I read to laugh and learn about the team. Not to have some retard jackass shove his personal problems in my face. Get help you homo.

karri said...

I'm thrilled that Kenny can no longer ruin commenterblog with all of his rants. It was inevitable that he would become exiled.

Since you seems to gravitate towards despised political figures, I do think Kenny, you forgot one...

ThePensblog Staff is definitely Melvin's Waterloo.

My only hope is that I never piss you guys off...

Stoosh said...

There are very few things that Jeff and some others left unsaid. I'll add that I can't even begin to comprehend how someone could find it either edgy or funny to make fun of someone suffering from something like cancer.

We joke about stuff here all the time and many of us have senses of humor that are clearly products of the Howard Stern generation, for lack of a better reference. But there are some lines - and almost all of us knew what those lines were - that just don't get crossed, especially when you can tell that they are crossed out of spite.

Karma is indeed a woman scorned, eh?

A few posters at LGP used to jam him a bit for not forming his own opinions (he used to just reiterate everything Mark Madden would say on his radio show; mancrush on Madden was slightly disturbing). A few times he flew off the handle. One time he flipped and decided to flood the LGP board by creating a slew of usernames, each one insulting a different LGP poster. Some of them crossed those lines that just shouldn't be crossed. The ban hammer had to make an appearance.

Here, he had the attempted edgy avatars like the Hitler pictures, the swastika, etc. Talk about a cry for help...even Madden wouldn't go there. So many chances to just get along and play by the rules and so many times it was like he just couldn't help himself.

If anyone out there listens to Madden's show, keep an ear open for calls from "Kenny from Turtle Creek".

Gravitas, Kenny...

I said good day.

Stoosh said...

Now go get your fucking shinebox.

Adrienne said...

I still have absolutely no idea what the hell all this was about.

If the loop is the Phoenix Coyotes, I'm way out in Ottawa.... Good game

Spencemo said...

Kenny Melvin wasn't born...he was shat upon a rock and hatched in the sun. Definitely one of those people that believe it's OK to be a complete ass on the internet because of the anonymity that it affords.

Bye, fucker...

Anonymous said...

Good bye to the biggest piece of monkey shit ever.

Where were you on KDKA on Friday? That's right. YOU WEREN'T ON. Faggot.

Barrasso35 said...

Kenny-

I pretty much ignored your douchetasticness, except for that time I thought you jobbed Tom Barrasso but the Nazi shit was fucking lame... obviously an attempt to get attention but you can find better (if not equally pathetic) ways to get attention than glorifying fucking SHitler.

Peace out, I hope you can mature over time.

Anonymous said...

this commentorblog is pure pwnage.

tjand72 said...

I'll have to admit that I've made a couple off-color remarks both here and on LGP, but that was after about 16 beers. That's not an excuse, it's an explanation.

But, even while 3/4 of the way to blackout drunk, I can always say that I have a higher social, emotional, and comedic intelligence than Kenny ever will.

Help control the dick population. Please spay or neuter your Melvin.
(sounds like that would hurt)

I'll be making more frequent visits to commentorblog, so hello to all.

Mike Costa said...

Two Words Kenny,

SEE YAH!

DingDong said...

I'm worried that Woodland Hills is going to have a student shooting rampage on its hands. Melvin strikes me like that type of "everyone's picking on me..... even though I brought it on myself" kid.

And staff..... just wondering..... how many times has Melvin tried to comment and been blocked?

Kenny Melvin's Mom said...

About time tPB. I love Canaan.

Pussy Ass Melvin. Cocksucker.

Mike Costa said...

He Goes To Woodland Hills And I'm Going To Announce With Him :-P

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