Thursday, August 9, 2007

Staal won't be taking it in the butt.

That guy on the right is all business.


Scott Niedermayer wants to save real ducks.

Thanks, dick.


Speaking of Ducks, look at this.
Brought to you by NHL Tournament of Logos.

These concepts were floating around last year before the Ducks debuted their poop.

There'd be an Anaheim RBK hat in our mailbox tomorrow if these were a reality.


August 9, 1988
The Trade of the Century
Great post by "Legends of Hockey."

In terms of selling out, Gretzky beats out Gordan Bombay in D2, but only because Bombay realized the error of his ways.

One of the great acting performances of the 21st century

*Update. Since the aftershock of Estevez's performance registered a 0.5 earthquake in Bern Switzerland on January 11, 2002, it qualifies as being in the 21st century.


The 2008 Beijing Olympics are 365 days away.

Picture: Olympics officials preparing for Gary Roberts' arrival.

What a stadium.

Too bad Beijing officials are jobbers:

" The new toilet facilities built in the Beijing stadiums can no longer be used by regular Chinese citizens living or working in the area. Concerns have been raised by Communist party officials that the hygiene issues of local citizens would affect the Beijing Olympic image. There is now a penalty of 100 to 500 yuan imposed on any Chinese locals caught using the bathrooms. "

Picture: Xiang Zimmy celebrates after taking a dump in one of the toilets and running away.


How sick is NHL 2008 gonna be?

Here are some videos from IGN.

The create-a-player feature is loaded. too.
You can pick everything from what type of stick you use, your skates, and even goalie equipment.


Game will be out second week of September.


Here are the top 10 purchases on in July:
  • NHL 2006-07 Stanley Cup Championship DVD
  • 2007 Stanley Cup Champs Hat -- Anaheim Ducks
  • 2007 Stanley Cup Champs Tee -- Anaheim Ducks
  • 2007 Stanley Cup Champs Puck -- Anaheim Ducks
  • Chris Drury Tee, Dark Royal -- New York Rangers
  • Alex Ovechkin Tee, Red -- Washington Capitals
  • Sidney Crosby Tee, Black -- Pittsburgh Penguins
  • 2007 NHL Draft Men's Flex Hat, Black -- Pittsburgh Penguins
  • Scott Gomez Tee, Dark Royal -- New York Rangers
  • 2007 NHL Draft Men's Flex Hat, Red -- Washington Capitals

What a hat.

(The Capitals should have the best products because their offseason usually starts in February.)


Uh-oh. The Senators signed 38-year-old defenseman Luke Richardson.

Two Sens fans celebrate the big signing.

In Pens news, Shero signed defenseman Mike Weaver to a one-year deal.

Two Pens fans celebrate the big signing.

They list the top 25 lines uttered by Earl Mann in "Against The Odds."

2. “With the brass of a riverboat gambler, Craig Patrick pulled the trigger on another blockbuster trade.”

It is easily the best post by a Pittsburgh blog in the Pens offseason.
We've been given permission by the author to do a "One From The Heart" list. Coming soon.



Winter in the Sun
Game #69
Tuesday, March 13
Don't Stop Believin'. PENS WIN.

5 - 4

Lemieux offered to build the new arena by himself, by next Thursday.
But his back hurts. It's carried us for 23 years.

The lucky 17,132 in attendance tonight showered the Pens with the affection that we all wanted to express.

There's no use trying to put it into words.

Right off the face-off, it was nice.
No clouds hanging over the ice anymore.

Less than three minutes in, Sidney Crosby flies into the Buffalo zone and gets a shot off.
Ryan Miller turns it aside.

On a night like tonight, a real hockey player buries that.

Recchi can't remember the last time he had the puck in the slot. He just whips it to the net.
Crosby tips it in. 3-2.



Nick said...

Melichar and Scuderi are both on the plus side in the plus minus department this season. Nasreddine is in at an impressive + 12. Whitney and Eaton are even and Gonch is a minus 7.

Scuderi is actually 4th on the team in +- and is averaging about 20 minutes per game over this 10 game stretch.

Melichar is -6 over the past 10 games but is playing almost 23 minutes per night and is paired up with Gonchar on the top offensive unit. Eaton is widely recognized as our top defenseman and he is only even, and he normally plays with Gonch.

As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing wrong with the defensive performance that our players have been putting up. They're playing to their ability and actually doing an admirable job if you consider the fact that they play on a team that is 4th in the NHL in goals scored.

Let's face it, this is a team built around offense and putting the puck in the other team's net. We do have three first rounders in Gonchar, Whitney and Orpik. However, Melichar(3rd), Scuderi(5th), Eaton(undrafted), and Nasreddine(6th) are doing an admirable job considering their potential coming into the NHL. In the salary cap era, who else could you honestly see coming in here and filling in their roles?

5 paragraphs of excellence.




DS said...

I was at that game.

I didn't even know Mario'd said "Thank you Pittsburgh; have a great night." because you could not hear that over the cheering.

It was awesome.

Oh, and Gary Roberts just *happened* to be the "Player Profile" in Ice Time that night.

canaanmakesfood said...

"One of the great acting performances of the 21st century"

I hate being "that guy," but Emilio graced with world's stage with this magnificent bit of acting in 1994--the 20th century.

canaanmakesfood said...

shit, i hate double posting but...

doesnt the beijing stadium look like a ginormous moon shoe?

Chase said...

gordon bombay could have coached the 2003 pens to the cup.

Staff said...

the excellence exuding from estevez's acting performance actually registered a 0.5 earthquake in Bern, Switzerland, on January 11, 2002.

Kenny Melvin said...

Yeah Emilio Estevez's performance in the Mighty Ducks are the kind of movies that define a childhood. Anyone else remember Keenan's knuckle puck? What a shot.

Hopefully the Pens can learn a thing or two from the Caps by going back to our best jerseys.

Penguins best jerseys

J. Peezy said...

The Penguins aren't going back to the Cup-era jerseys.

Jesus, I'm tired of hearing about those fucking jerseys.

Michael said...

Wow, that "Against the Odds" piece was great. Really looking forward to the "One from the Heart" list. I watched those videos constantly when I was a kid...


Anonymous said...

Another reason the Steelers are gay? They name their mascot Steely McBeam.

Kenny Melvin said...

Can you believe this? The Steelers new mascot is name Steely Mcbeam, Steelers shitty mascot name

I personally was going for Liver failure Lou

Tyler said...

Hey, considering you like photoshops etc. I thought you'd love this Daryl Katz is pure gold!

tjand72 said...

Glad to see that they included Trinidad and Tobago in NHL '08.

Hooks Orpik said...

For some reason I cannot shake the feeling that Mike Weaver is going to come up HUGE for the Pittsburgh Penguins this year at a crucial moment.

I don't expect him to make the team out of camp or be a regular in the NHL lineup every night, but I just get the feeling at some point, at some time, Weaver's going to get the job done.

Anonymous said...

Hooks Orpik...

For some reason I cannot shake the feeling that Mike Weaver is going to come up HUGE for the Pittsburgh Penguins this year at a crucial moment.

That is the kind of comment that will be quoted in one of the posts this year when Mike Weaver is on the ice at the same time as Gary Roberts and Mark Eaton.

BREAKING NEWS! MELLON ARENA! John Fedko reports....


Stanley P. Kachowski said...

Why you wanna give me runaround?

Solid stuff, staff.

pensblogderek said...

Good catch Stanley, I was wondering who was going to carch that.

Blues travelers are money in the bank.. if you can get past their lead singer being nuts

Anonymous said...

Guys I am not a pensblog hater. I read the blog all season long and enjoyed it very much. But lately the blog just has not been funny. I see the same old jokes recycled over and over again. Try to get some new material. For example that Sens picture with the two dudes kissing was funny 3 years ago when you first introduced it. Now it's old and tired and it makes the blog staff look like a bunch of homophobes. It's time to rejuvenate the blog.

EmDubs said...

The handlebar mustache Mike Weaver is sporting on the picture on the Pens' homepage is outstanding. If he grows that back, he should make the team just on principle.

Kenny Melvin said...

New Dictator time!

Anonymous said...

Hate to contradict you there anon...but, for me, it is the repetitive use of that picture that makes it they change the photo all the time.

Staff, absolutely love the dichotomy shown between Pens fans(hot women) and Sens fans(gay guys)!!!


Anonymous said...

I agree Anon.

First thing they should do is get rid of that piece of shit Kenny Melvin.

Captain Dummy said...

what a shame the ducks have the absolute WORST uni in all of hockey (maybe sports). like, i want to buy an authentic version of the jersey that teemu selanne wore to win his first cup... but no thanks. i still have my jets jersey thankfully.

love the site. you guys should do "the worst-current-uniforms in the 4 major sports" blog. hmmm... think about it... the blandness or the MLB... stupid football helmets... basketb... just got back from throwing up... maybe throw in a few she-male women's golfers wearing polos just for good measure. ha-ha. sheesh... does hockey have EVERYTHING GOOD? just an idea. keep up the good work!

gretzky sucks...

...and who designed the olympic stadium in beijing??? the blair witch???

thepensblogderek said...

Heres the thing, as long as we think its funny, we're putting it there.
This isn't standup comedyblog.
So I don't know what to tell ya if you don't like recycled jokes.

However, as always feedback, negative or positive is better than nothing.

Plus you can blame Snoopy Jode for the gay senators fans thing, she sent the link to us, what an enabler.hahaha.. :)

And no way we are homophobes.
Adam loves gay people.
I just think they are weird.

Anonymous said...

yeah because standup comedy blog would actually be interesting compared to jokes a 5 year old could make suffering from smallpox

canaanmakesfood said...

The comment above me is extremely lame. Its kind of ironic that the person question the creativity of the blog, lacks any sort of creativity.

snoopyjode said...

sorry, but i think that tpb staff is funny. reading this blog with a tasty bottle of vitaminwater is the highlight of my morning. if i can make my blog half as good as this one, then i'd be pretty damn happy. and of course there will always be people that don't like it - you can't please everyone. so if you are one of those people, i have a simple solution for you: don't read it.

pensblogderek, i for one hope you guys never change, and that's why i am proud to be a pensblogenabler! ;)

thepensblogderek said...

"interesting compared to jokes a 5 year old could make suffering from smallpox"

I don't even know what that means.

What exactly are you trying to say about 5 year-olds with smallpox.

Does small pox even exist?
What a joke.


As always thanks for the kind words.

As Biggie Smalls once said:

"Can't please all them crackas"

......Actually he never said that, but I bet he thought about it.

Anonymous said...

According to the WHO, smallpox has been eradicated since 1980.

And it's true, you guys haven't actually said there's anything wrong with people being gay (or fat), just that they apparently make up the most significant part of other teams' fanbases.

...why do I get a feeling that we'll have a gay, fat picture very soon...

Steve In Denver said...

I think a better name for the Steeler mascot would be Steamy McTurd.

I got to have a drink with John Popper about a year ago. What a cool guy.

Kenny Melvin said...

I don't know what anon was expecting. This isn't RichardPryor or GeorgeCarlin blog. I find the blog funny almost everyday. The only thing funnier online right now is the onion.

Five fucking hours without power, how long were you guys out for?

Hofmann said...

Damn, I could have swore I bribed that power worker for at least a week without Kenny Melvin...

canaanmakesfood said...

i lost power for about 6 seconds today...right in the middle of an NCAA 08 BIG XII Championship game... thanks God, for shitting on my afternoon experience (for a couple of minutes)... jk...i know im lucky to have been restricted for such a brief period.

SweetSassyMolassy said...

"Kenny Melvin said...

I don't know what anon was expecting. This isn't RichardPryor or GeorgeCarlin blog. I find the blog funny almost everyday. 8/09/2007 7:24 PM"

Really? I guess you got smarter over the past few months.

"Kenny Melvin said...

You assholes can make all the lameass photoshops you want, it still doesn't take away from the fact that this blog has fucking sucked in the offseason. Musicblog is played out and the jokes aren't funny anymore. It's time to shut the blog down. It fucking sucks.
6/15/2007 11:42 AM"

"Kenny Melvin said...
Can't wait until this shit blog goes away finally. It's time for someone to write something entertaining and funny 6/15/2007 3:49 PM"

"Kenny Melvin said...
This blog has turned to absolute shit in the offseason. How about instead of making unfunny and interesting posts, you guys take off a couple of months until the season starts. 6/14/2007 12:47 PM"

"Kenny Melvin said...
The Gary Roberts joke has been over for a long time. It was funny the first five years it was used but now it's old and played out. Think of something better instead of the same old shit recycled over and over 6/14/2007 5:53 PM"

Kenny Melvin said...

Wow sweetass i'm glad you take time out of your apparent busy schedule to go and hunt down comments i made two months ago in commentorblog. I'm sure this took time out of your CEO duties huh ass? Anyway big ups to the staff for organizing all those youtube links.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

haha, melvin. Way to address the issue at hand: Your posing to get attention.


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