Tuesday, July 31, 2007

The Other Side of Monday

JOBBER SIGHTING

Taken off the Penguins thread at HFBoards.com:

" I've been trying to develop a hockey blog about the Penguins this summer. I've got a couple posts, but nothing very interesting, so far.

I read some other Pens blogs, primarily EmptyNetters, Confessions of a Hockey Fanatic, which I like a lot, and Pensblog, which I don't. (No offense intended, but I'm not a 15 year old boy.)
I'd like to do something a little more Pens specific than that, as much as I like it.
Maybe something along the lines of the Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke? blog -- only about a team that's considerably less depressing.

If you were a reader or blog writer (or are a blog writer) what would you like to see in a Penguins blog? I keep up with everything Pens related, but I'm 1) currently living in NY state and 2) not a hockey player myself, since there weren't any girls teams when I was growing up in Pgh. This isn't a plea for readers, I just want some suggestions on what would be interesting, and what other blogs I should take a look at.

Thanks, all. "


People don't want to read some terd's opinions. Take that to the bank.

If you're gonna make a blog that just copies and pastes Pens articles from around the internet, you don't know what's going on.

The last thing we would want to do is go to a site and read 5 paragraphs about why a writer knows more about hockey than anyone else.

Empty-Netters doesn't do that.
It's a blog with ties to a major newspaper.
It walks the line brilliantly without being opinionated.

Faceoff-Factor doesn't do that.
We house the same hockey intellect that they do, but they aren't making fun of Big Ben every day.

If you're looking for in-depth Pens analysis, go to Faceoff-Factor.

If you're looking for reader e-mails, YouTubes, and hockey links from around the internet, go to Empty-Netters.

If you live in your parents' basement, come to this blog.

Good luck starting a Penguin blog in 2007. It's a long road.

If you really want to start a blog, start a SteelersHate blog.
Nothing joins people more than a common hatred.
And you can only imagine how many people in the USA hate the Steelers.

..............................................

More Crap:

A lot of junk in commentorblog about this or that blog replicating ours.
All we can say is that we are just a bunch of morons who are lucky to even get up in the morning.
We could care less about it.
You know what they say:

If you can't take the heat...

Get off Al Gore's Internet.

Any Penguin blog that gets started during our existence (as Empty-Netters, Faceoff-Factor, and GuinsBlog already know), will have to face a couple jobs from us early in their infancy.

If you take our job seriously, you shouldn't be at a computer.

.....................

Anyways, you talk boring hockey-news days, you talk July 30, 2007.

The only big deal was a news story that broke, talking about the NHL and ESPN being in talks to bring hockey back to the worldwide leader of homos.

" A return to ESPN could boost the league’s profile on the network’s news shows. According to an ESPN study of its 1 a.m. “SportsCenter” program, the show featured 29 fewer minutes of NHL coverage in March 2007 than in March 2004, the last year ESPN aired NHL games. That amounts to a 28 percent decline in hockey’s allotment of airtime, ESPN ombudsman Le Anne
Schreiber wrote in May. "


In semi-related Penguin news,
Michel Ouellet had this to say in an interview:


BL.com: You scored 11 of your 19 goals last season on the power play. Where do you see yourself contributing most with the Lightning and what do you feel makes you so successful on the power play?

MO: With Pittsburgh I had a chance to play right in front of the net and that’s where maybe 75 percent of my goals were scored. If you’re not around the net, you won’t get those rebounds and it’s going to be tougher to score some goals. With the Lightning, hopefully I’m going to have a chance to be around that net again and to create some scoring chances.


Two things to look forward to this season:

1. Booing Michel Ouellet.
2. Drinking yourself into a coma after Ouellet rattles off 3 goals in 5 seconds to beat the Penguins.

................................................

One good thing about the offseason is that you get a chance to catch up on some bad TV.
And if you like bad TV, you will love "The KillPoint" on Spike.



First off, it is filmed in Pittsburgh.
Good ol' Market Square.
Which, without the usual cast of the homeless, crazy meth addicts and general street trash, doesn't have its charming look.

Second of all it has Donnie Wahlberg as a policeman, John Leguizamo as the bad guy and the guy who was the jigsaw killer as the mayor of Pittsburgh.
Basically other than the Pirates, it is the worst show in town.
But we can get past this.
If they could just do some things different it would be heading for Emmy City.
Here are our suggestions.

  • Even if it means sacrificing the storyline, Have Gary Roberts make a guest appearance that somehow involves him becoming the main character, and killing everyone with a stare, a lighter and bottom of Vladimir Voka.
  • Have a failed siege on the bank, that leaves a veteran SWAT leader on the brink of death.
  • SWAT leader: John Fedko
  • Switch the real life Mayor (Ravenstahl) and the fake Mayor (Jigsaw).
  • Let John Leguizamo reprise his role as "Tybalt" from the 1996 " Romeo & Juliet"
  • To torture the bank robbers, the police will play any song by the Clarks over loud speakers.
  • At least one joke per episode about Big Ben getting picked off.
  • A picture of Mario Lemiuex has to flash across the screen before every 30 seconds.
  • Jean Claude makes a guest appearance, only to get his own reality spin-off series about him working at Primanti brothers.
  • Have the bank robbers accidentally shoot special hostage negotiator Jake Wheatley.
  • In the series finale Mark Eaton blocks a gunshot with his teeth, enabling Gary Roberts to pick the bank up and throw it into the Ohio River. Everyone drowns. Pens win the cup.
.........................

Penguins training camp:


Steelers training camp:

Picture: Big Ben's only completion of the day.
There girls probably run Herpesblog.


How big of a baby is Whines Ward?

"It's been happening all day," Ward said. "You do it one time, OK, but you don't keep letting it happen and happen. And if the coaches aren't going to say something about it, then, [heck], maybe a player has to say something about it.

"We're on the same team. We're not the opponent."

Game. Set. Match.

.................................................

A Winter in the Sun
Game #60
February 22, 2007
T-Bo. T-Bo. Pens WIN.


2 - 1
Overtime

NHL.COM RECAP


When was the last time a Penguins team rode a once-backup goalie to the playoffs?


If Thibault doesn't start against Tampa on Sunday, there's something wrong.
It's safe to say that we can now afford to trade Fleury.
Make it happen, Shero.

What? How can you jump to conclusions that fast?
Welcome to world of the overblown Penguin-goalie carousel.
...........................................................

Huge third period.
And, well, if you weren't holding your breath every time Florida took a shot in the third, then you aren't built for playoff hockey. T-Bo was money when he had to be.

Showing MAF how it's done.

Everything changed with five minutes left.
The play starts going back and forth, and Crosby gets nabbed with a high-sticking penalty.
The Pens penalty-kill unit comes onto the ice with the game on the line.

Maxime Talbot flops around like a fish, blocking shots.

There was a better chance of the Red Cross in downtown Pittsburgh accepting blood from Magic Johnson than one of Florida's shots getting through during that powerplay.


No Thanks.

The penalty is killed off, then a delay-of-game penalty against Florida puts us on the powerplay towards the end of the third and into overtime.

Gary Roberts was clearly trying to fix the game so that the Pens would trade for him.

It definitely felt like we would capitalize on the 4-on-3.
The only definite thing to say is that the Pens 4-man unit would be the last thing I'd want to see in overtime if I was another team.

The Pens don't capitalize, but never fear.
Soon thereafter, Ryan Whitney springs Colby Armstrong and Maxime Lemieux on a 2-on-1.
Colby glides towards the net with more patience than Cedars-Sinai.

Commentorblog said:
rachel said...

Max was just going crazy this game. And then I just love this video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjopCpzY8bA

Colby's moonwalk was hilarious!

New stat:

When Staal scores the Pens are 19-0-3

Solid
...........................


Day number

Guess.


.................
Countdown to opening night:


40 comments:

Anonymous said...

Have a failed siege on the bank, that leaves a veteran swat leader on the brink of death.
Swat leader: John Fedko


hahaha

...and wow, Gary Roberts, Jean Claude, and Mark Eaton all in the same post!

I miss Rachel's Staal stats...

Karri

Kenny Melvin said...

it was only a matter of time until whines hard started bitching about training camp. What an ass, I still don't believe they paid a 9 million dollar signing bonus to a possession recevier.

Korn said...

Come on, he BLEEDS black and gold, he's a steeler 4 LIFE (I'm doing the hand motion as I type this). He's so BLUE COLLAR. Of course he deserved that signing bonus........

I want to say that's Norm McIver but not sure...

Matt said...

Nice addition to that game write-up.

And it's Grant Jennings, right?

Loser Chris said...

Wow, Grant Jennings sighting. That brings back memories. While playing the original NHL for the Genesis, my older brother and I would both be the Pens and we would always try to get our Grant Jennings to fight the other's Paul Coffey. That way you took your worst player out of the game for 5 minutes and your opponents best player out for 5 minutes. Good times.

By the way, Paul Coffey in the original NHL was arguably the most dominant video game athlete ever. It was like taking pixelated versions of Mark Eaton and Gary Roberts and then combining them into one player.

jaos said...

I will always remember this game as it is the day my son was born, about twenty minutes after Army's OT goal. My wife and I named him Colby Andrew.

http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/896/thumb1002986lk6.jpg

Live from the Nation's Capital said...

I'm neither 15 nor live in my parents' basement. Actually, I'm an overeducated old guy with a hot wife and a big house. But Pensblog is my favorite morning read, you guys write the most entertaining stuff on Al Gore's Internet. Keep up the jobbing.

snoopyjode said...

This isn't a plea for readers...

yeah, i think it is, because everyone knows you can find several other blogs linked on most blogs. whatever.

and i know this is a day late and, like, $20 short, but that photo i took that i linked here yesterday was taken in section B18.

wilsmith said...

I posted this last night, but that was replaced and I doubt anyone goes back to read the comments from the day before.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=kwCB09qN9VM

I shot that last October against the Devils. Good stuff, except that they lost. A21 I believe, I can't remember. I have some real good pics, but the internets were being a faggot when I tried to upload them last night. I'll get to it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for all the input on where to sit yesterday (and today, Snoopyjode.) I dug out my old tickets and I have been in D9, B31 and A5 in the three Penguins games I've been lucky enough to attend. (Ironically, the first game I ever went to, Thursday, March 20, 1997, was game #35.)

I'm stuck in dial up hell for about another week and they blocked blogger URLs at work the other day, which means I can only read the Pensblog and the Commentorblog but I can't comment or see about 75% of the pictures and, of course, no YouTube videos.

So excited about coming back for three games I can hardly concentrate on anything else.

What was Hines Ward whining about? Maybe I won't be getting the WARD 75th anniversary jersey to go with my Big Joke and Jerome "Drop The Ball When It Really Counts" Bettis jerseys.

-Barrasso35

Jason said...

is it really grant jennings? im thinking its zubov, but since the guy is actually shooting the puck, im probably wrong.
pretty sure i used to have grant jennings autograph. one of my mom's friends met him in a bar, so i had the privelage of having his name scribbled on a miller lite napkin.

AJ said...

When does Jobbers return?

I am getting tired of watching the Singing Bee and re-runs of Ice Road Truckers.

Hooks Orpik said...

How's this for a stat:
After the All-Star break, Sarge was #1 amongst defensemen in points with 31.

Ryan Whitney was 2nd with 28.

It wouldn't take the brass of a riverboat gambler to say James Mirtle is the Mark Eaton of the journalism world.
http://mirtle.blogspot.com/2007/07/defencemen-pre-and-post-all-star-game.html

...If Mark Eaton was a homo.

Dwayne said...

Barasso, if you want, I can set up an account for you on my HTTP Proxy. It'll let you view pretty much everything on pensblog, and I think even youtube videos work, but I'll have to double check on that. it's how I get past a lot of my work filters as well.

Email me at d [at] h3lix.net if you want an account. :]

Teej said...

It's Grant Jennings all right. I'm pretty sure Zubov wore #6 for a game or two when he started with the Pens.

Loser Chris said...

Zubov always wore 56 with the Pens. I remember him saying at his press conference that he wanted to be "one better than Larry Murphy".

Why do I remember these things?

Jason said...

i know zubov wore 56, and still does, but im pretty sure he wore 3 for a little while too

Kenny Melvin said...

Zubov wore number 3 with the Rangers before he came here

Sarah said...

I have a few comments (as usual)
-this is the only Blog I read about the Pens (or for Pittsburgh sports, for that matter), even though I'm not 15.
-hahahaha @ John Fedko as SWAT team leader...I think you guys need to start calling again soon.
-I laughed my @ss off at the contrasting pictures of the Steelers and Pens training camps.
-still too many days till October 5th! Do it.

Loser Chris said...

I'm pretty sure Zubov wore 21 with the Rangers.

Jason said...

best proof i can find that he wore #3

Loser Chris said...

I was right...
check it out.

snoopyjode said...

zubov wore both #3 and #56.

Kenny Melvin said...

If you can take it
Zubov wearing 21

Yay, I finally got the hyperlink down

Jonny V said...

AJ, that is a good thing. You will find no better fans of the Steelers than on this board. How many times does the staff have to state this?!?

But seriously, I know a hockey comment board is the wrong place to say this, but if you don't like football, cool beans. I don't like saurkraut. No matter how many people tell me how great that shit is, I almost hurl at the first smell of it. But to call the players whiny and infer that they are weak...Ummm yeah. I'd like to see somebody-who-shall-remain-nameless take one hit off a D-back coming across the middle.

My favorite player has been Alan Faneca for years now, and I'll be sorry to see him go, but if he wants more money, that's the business. Just like if Staal or Malkin, or Crosby for that matter decides to pack his bags one day, deciding that winning five Stanley Cups in one city has gotten a little blase'. And as good as we think Mark Eaton is, something about his penchant for getting injured keeps me from hopping on his bandwagon. I don't know the circumstances throughout his career, but in only three out of seven seasons did he play more than two-thirds of the season. What a pussy.

Anonymous said...

happy 21st birthday to our own geno!

Spencemo said...

Mmmm...saurkraut. Hell, if you think that smells bad, you should be around when someone cracks open a jar of kim chi. That shit is wicked...

Jonny V said...

The only Kim Chee i know was the old manager of Kamala, the Ugandan Head Hunter. And little did I know, Kim Chee was also the Brooklyn Brawler, the most famous "jobber" in the history of WWF. Thus we have come full circle in this discussion.

That's creepy

Steve In Denver said...

I loved the training camp comparisons photo, too. It prompted a daydream scenario after seeing that pic of Ben & chicks, then the crying Ward shot...it started like this:

Tomlin was a pimp wearing s&m gear/leather & a Rob Halford-ish biker hat. He was shooting a porno in the dorm at St Vincent's. He was all business. Ben was about to get busy with hot chicks and Tequila. Whines came into the room whinneying "it's wrong, Ben, don't do it!" with tears in his eyes. Silence. Everyone looked at Whines like he was the biggest fag.

Then I lost my daydream. Good thing...I don't need to be seeing naked dudes in my daydreams. Especially dudes that will go 8-8 this year. But I'm pretty sure Alan Faneca would have shown up to demand a larger penis & a solid retirement plan in my daydream.

Jonny V...have you tried liver wrapped in saurkraut, drizzled with kim chee schwill? Yummy.

Sorry to hog the blog. That was a long one.

Anonymous said...

this blog is so stupid. all you do talk about yourselves. you guys don't have girlfriends. and you don't have lives. you're angry at everyone because you are losers.

I read three "posts" and was sick to my stomach.

Paul Kukla linked some blogs on NHL.com today, and thank God yours wasn't on there.
This blog does Pittsburgh a lot of shame.

Everyone here, Confessions of a Hockey Fanatic is the best Penguin blog out there. I suggest you start reading that. The writer blogged for charity a couple days ago. That's more noble than what is going on here.

You guys are going straight to hell.

I'm a loser, baby. So, why don't you kill me? said...

Ok...

Kenny Melvin said...

I love these anon posters probably from lgp or a rival blog who come around every once in awhile and "criticize" this blog. You just make yourselves look like fools.

Staff said...

uh oh

rachel said...

Karri, I miss the Staal stats, too.

I've been gone for the weekend, and I come back to Gary Roberts, Mark Eaton, and Fedko on the brink of death. You guys are amazing.

Barrasso35 said...

Thanks to Dwayne's lovely HTTP Proxy I'm now rocking and rolling on Commentorblog again.

Mad props to Dwayne.

Here's fair warning to John Fedko:

On February 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th 2008 you'd better be on guard because "George from the South Side" thinks Tom Barrasso needs to join the Pittsburgh Pirates starting pitching rotation or, possibly, replace Casey Hampton as the Steelers nose tackle. Oh, yeah, "George" also heard that the Pitt basketball team was scouting a high school phenom at Acton-Boxboro High School near Boston named Tom Barrasso.

Believe it, Fedko, Barrasso35 is coming home and he's taking this riot job on tour!

Kenny Melvin said...

That is one hell of a great picture of Lemieux... It's obvious but I felt it needed to be pointed out.

Jonny V said...

I'm a loser, baby. So, why don't you kill me? said...
Ok...

7/31/2007 7:11 PM

Or "Soy un perdedor"

Goin to hell? Sucks to be you!

And how the hell does one blog for charity? Is it the same as photoshopping for a cure? Or HTML editing for a cause?

rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Adrienne said...

If you really want to start a blog, start a SteelersHate blog.

I should do this. Too bad I hate both the steelers and their fans that I wouldn't waste my time to read shit about them to update the damn thing.

WHEE!

Adrienne said...

you guys write the most entertaining stuff on Al Gore's Internet.

The guy from DC has one thing wrong- it's the Internets. Gotta love Bush fucking with Gore's creations.

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