Friday, July 27, 2007

Jobbin' Ain't Easy

Kneel, Guins Blog.

Rise, Jobber Guins Blog.

The Guins Blog

If someone responds to one of our jobs with a rational counterjob, they're good in our book.

They call us hypocritical, saying our stance on player's personal lives is a joke, in regards to Dany Heatley, Roethlisberger, Shrek Steeler Fan.

Our thoughts?

Maybe the funniest photoshop since at least mid-April.
(Thanks Loser Chris)


Pens News

Mike Lange is back for one more round.
Odds are he's gonna try and hang around to see another Cup in the next couple years, then bolt.

Don't take anything for granted, though.

And of course, we search the dark reaches of the internet, and we're not disappointed.

This Mike Lange site, from circa 1995 internet, brings the pain.

It gives us all of his famous goal calls and Lange-isms.


The Pensblog didn't exist last June when Lange was let go by Fox Sports Net.
While perusing Google results, we came across the newspaper articles announcing the incident.

Conclusion: Bob Smizik is a douchebag.

His article's headline?

"Cow-kicked. FSN Fires Lange."

Using one of his own expressions to relay his firing?
What a joke.

IMDb profile counter:

Mike Lange - 1
Bob Smizik - 0

No good way to segue this:

Thanks to Andy for sending it in.

Kevin Lowe is at it again.
In a move that can reflect the rumored purchase of the Oilers by Ted Dibiase, the Oilers are trying to job another NHL team.

This time, it's the Anaheim Ducks.

The Oilers have tendered Dustin Penner an 5 year, $21.25 million offer sheet.

If the defending champions, who by no coincidence are already at the cap limit, match the offer sheet, they'll be over the cap by $2 million.

Penner had 29 goals, 16 assists, for 45 points.
Michel Ouellet had 19 goals, 29 assists, for 48 points.

Does anyone even know what is going on in the NHL right now?


Brett Hull Blog

Someone up there loves us.

NBC gives Brett Hull the boot.
Brett Hull has taken a job in the Dallas Stars front office.
Former coach Mike Milbury will be taking Hull's place.

Fast forward to about 2 minutes in.
Classic stuff


In more Brett Hull news, he admits to cheating in this latest story covering cheating in sports.

In regards to the stick-curve rule, Brett Hull says:
"It's the stupidest rule on earth."

The other cheaters mentioned in the article are...

Jean-Sebastian Giguere
That is insane.

Craig Ludwig
Those shin pads are shot-block city.


Winter in the Sun
Game #56
February 14, 2007
Blackhawk Down. PENS WIN.

5 - 4

The second period opened up with the same taste of mud. The Blackhawks got a power play, but Max Talbot scored his signature shorthanded goal, as he took advantage of the Hawks playing Martin Halvat on the point.
Sadly, it was the only real mistake Halvat and his mullet made all night.

Definitely the best in the business right now.

Mr. Malkin, Tear Down This Wall.



Loser Chris a.k.a. CDY said...

"fact": If it wasn't for Jonathan Cheechoo, the Pens would be 44-3-9.

fact: Mark Eaton was originally cast as Jack Bauer, but the producers had to let him go when he kept saving the country in under 3 hours.


Day Number

Basically everyone outside of the 412 and 724 area codes bows down to this man.


bryan said...

fleury was fuckin' epic at the end of that chicago game. what a spectacle.

CDUBBS said...

Seeing that goalie video reminds me of this goalie camp I went to. This actual canadian goalie was talking about his favorite food, called a "Wack O' Fries" and yes thats actually how he said it. Apparently its a crap load of fries with gravy drenched over them. We made fun of him endlessly.

Hofmann said...

Gretsky = Hoser

Spencemo said...

Yeah, but would we still think Gretzky was a hoser if he had told his 'actress' wife, "Bite me, I'm not going to friggin' California!"?

When was the last time she 'acted' in anything, other than the Tocchet gambling probe?

And the Wanda photoshop is solid gold!

Anonymous said...

Cdubbs, I think you're talking about poutine, which is fries with mashed potatoes and gravy on top, I believe. They serve them at the McDonalds up in Niagra Falls.

I hate Smizik as much as you guys do, but in all fairness, editors make the headlines, not the article's author.

O and eff Brett Hull, remember when he said on NBC that Ruutu shouldn't even be in the league? What a tool shed.

hyzdufan said...

814 and 704 don't bow for assholes like that.

Pretty Flaco said...

I was coming here to say that the 814 will never bow down to a piece of shit like Gretzky. I'm glad someone beat me to it.

wilsmith said...


and i dont think it was hull that said that about ruutu, wasnt it ferraro? I could be wrong, but I think it was even mentioned on this site.
Still, I hate hull more than just about anyone who's played in the league -- so much so that I refuse to capitalize his name.

Jason said...

loser chris, you are a god. that is the one of the greatest pictures ive ever seen.

Pat said...

Yeah, it was Ferraro, not Hull that said Ruutu shouldn't even be in the NHL. But Hull didn't have anything good to say about him either.

I can't stand Ray Ferraro. Every time he opens his mouth all I can hear is "I'm a tool.... I'm a tool.... I'm a tool..."

Loser Chris said...

Wow, a photoshop and an archived comment in the same post... great way to kick off the weekend!

On the Penner thing... I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks that contract is outrageous. Kevin Lowe must really hate the draft as badly as he's trying to give away all his picks.

I can't believe you guys really put Gretzky there. me = stunned

Joshua said...

Loser Chris, that pic made my morning, thank you.

FritoWill said...

F you guys for putting him on the countdown.

I woke up for that. Now I can't go back to sleep in fear that will be the last thing I see if i never wake up.

Damn i hate him.

Sorry don't know how to link it but here is something i already said.

Did anyone else catch that stat about Croz and the great (suck) one?

Basically in as many games into their careers Croz has more points in less games!

Take that you SOB!!!

Which brings me to this question... without Mario's countless back problems, and the cancer thing, how bad would he have beat Gretzy's ass? And how many of you guys want Croz to finish him off?

-Will Butler
Did anyone else catch that stat about Croz and the great (suck) one?

Basically in as many games into their careers Croz has more points in less games!

Take that you SOB!!!

Which brings me to this question... without Mario's countless back problems, and the cancer thing, how bad would he have beat Gretzy's ass? And how many of you guys want Croz to finish him off?


All aside i just really hate that guy!!!!

hooks orpik said...

fact: the girl who weighs atleast 320 is actually guinsblog's sister.

last night i got drunk and watched the mr. roberts sir youtube about 4 times. and loved every minute of it. hockey season can't get here soon enough.

snoopyjode said...

as much as i hate the guy, a hockey blog that doesn't use gretzky for number 99 in a countdown isn't a hockey blog. that number is retired league wide, and you simply can't ignore that.

Anonymous said...

814 represent


Spencemo said...

Spencemo...Representing the 330...

wilsmith said...

Photoshop pros:

nice work.

now,listen to, or at least read the lyrics to "Goalie" by Atom and His Package

snoopyjode said...

814 represent


ditto for the snoop!

hooks orpik said...

btw that is an absolutely sick picture of malkin. that goalie never had a chance.

straight to the backhand, money in the bank.

Steve In Denver said...

Representing 303 and 720.

Stomaching hole, ferrasshole, and gretsky (yes, none capitalized, all spelled wrong on purpose)all in the same blog was too much in one shot.

Luckily the photoshop of guinsblog's sister evened things out. That actually looks like a good friend of my that lives in TX. I have a picture of her on her knees, shoulder deep into a vending machine for a pack of donuts that got stuck. It's a riot.

I think jobbing cycling next would be fun, although a little too easy.

Last, off topic, our local rock radio station out here had puppy payback day, where people could bring their dogs in to crap & whiz on a vick jersey, which I think they are going to mail to him. They also had a police attack dog jump a guy in a protective suit with a vick jersey on. I'll fw a link if they put up pic's or video.

Anonymous said...

ESPN has Staal's mugshot. Good stuff.

Jason said...

this has nothing to do with anything, but it further solidifies espn as a big fucking joke. this is from their article about emery re-signing:

Ray Emery and the Ottawa Senators avoided salary arbitration Tuesday by agreeing to a three-year deal worth $9.5 million that makes him one of the NHL's highest paid goalies.

of the top of my head, i can name about 10 goalies who make more than that. are they so ignorant to hockey that they're just going to start making shit up now?

Jason said...

i just looked it up since im bored. 16 goalies make more than emery. in fact, he's not even the highest paid goalie on his own team

The Guins Blog Staff said...

@ Hooks Orpik

Wow! You're right, that is her. I didn't recognize her in the light with her clothes on...

antonette said...

Hell yes on the 724 reference, even though I'm about 3 minutes away from being a 330. (Will be 614 in the fall- any other readers from Columbus?)

That's the mos solid photoshop in my recent memory. I would make it my background if my comp wouldn't crash.

Spencemo said...


Are you in Sharon?

Antonette said...

Spencemo- just graduated from Sharon High this June! Small world.

Anonymous said...

hickory high right here!

wilsmith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wilsmith said...

Those clips of Neely going down never get old.

Also, I wanted to look up this Lyndon Byers cat, since he looked entertaining, and this is what I found.
Woah black betty.

Spencemo said...

My mom's from Sharon...sister lives in Masury...was just in Hermitage last Saturday for my cousin's wedding. I'm in Warren...

jazzhall said...

Every ESPN-hockey related post further supports my decision to switch to TSN as my primary hockey news source.

Jason, nice Straub beer avatar, I haven't been to the eternal tap in quite a while, St. Marys is close to my hometown. Straub beer might make poutine a bit more paletable.


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