Tuesday, May 8, 2007

A Few Good Announcers

DATELINE
Fox Sports Studio.
Sometime early summer of 2006.
The trial to keep Mike Lange's job.

Col. Steve Tello Jessop, Head of Fox Sports Pittsburgh takes the stand:

Snyder: Did you fire Mike Lange?
Col. Tello: I had a job to do.
Snyder: Did you fire Mike Lange!?
Judge Jake Wheatley: YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT!
Col. Tello: Your God damn right I did.
Son, we live in a world that has broadcasts, and those broadcast have to be guarded by men with suits. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Junker? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom.
You weep for Lange, and you curse the Fox sports execs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Lange's firing, while tragic, probably saved viewers. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, makes ratings. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at Jacks Bar in the southside, you want me on that broadcast, you need me on that broadcast.
We use words like ratings, and advertising . We use these words as the backbone of a life spent making quality TV. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who clicks on and off of the very TV that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I televise it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up Nielsen ratings book, and stand toe-to-toe with me. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
....................................

Bottom line: Steve Tello is a joke.
Somehow through the miracles of the modern day Internet we came across his phone number:
412-316-3820.
Give him a call.
We'd tell you want to say, but we don't feel like being on the back end of a law suit.
Hell Hath no fury as the Pens fans.
.................................................
Conference Finals


For the first time in a while.
The final four teams in the Stanley Cup playoffs deserve to be there.

That's gold


Game 1
Thursday
@ Buffalo

Overview: This series should be an epic. No question the two best teams in the East.
On one side you have Gary Robert's son Chris Drury.
On the other you have the best line in hockey.

Good as it gets

It should be fun.
The city of Buffalo has to get lucky once right?
Sabres in 7




Game 1
Friday
@Detroit

Overview: First seed vs Second seed. It should be another great series. The Ducks were the runner up last year to the Cinderella Oilers. It just seems like they are destined to go to the finals.
But you can't run Detroit down. They just won two tough series, have home ice.
But sorry Detroit has won enough.
It is a little to close to call, though

This isn't a good example of something that is close, no way its a touchdown

Ducks in six

..........

Quick Delivery time



....Sean Avery...wow..

"I think that's just something you battle through," Avery said. "Those [excuses] are for guys like Sidney [Crosby] and guys that have to keep themselves in the media, saying they weren't hurt or they were hurt. I love when guys are done and say they were hurt or they had the flu."

No Comment

..Kudos to whoever thought this up...

"The Victoria Cup will be competed for on an annual basis beginning September 2008. It will be a three-team competition, two teams from Europe and one from the NHL. The series is the first ever initiative to pit the top teams from North America versus the top teams from Europe."

Apparently the system will be alot like the soccer set-ups they have in Europe.
It should be good times.

................................................
Tonight
11:00pm
Probable Starters:

Bring it
..............................

day 21

23 comments:

h.m.f.c.c.y.e.? said...

I think I'm done with this site. The Steelers kick ass. I can't even take it in jest. So long.

Brett said...

yeah i agree with the last caller. I didnt realize the pens offseason meant the start of BashOnTheSteelersBlog.com ....and oh yeah, youre all gay.

Louis Lipps is my homeboy said...

Holy shit, it's Bret Hart!!!

Ok, they're JUST JOKING!! Relax guys.

But seriously, you do know some chucklehead from Seattle is going to come in here and say "Look! The guy from Pittsburgh agrees with us!! We get to cry about the Super Bowl for another 10 years!!! WE WUZ ROBBED I TELLS YA!"

So for possibly fueling the whining of two Seahawks fans, maybe Bret should slap the Sharpshooter on ya damnit!!

But onto more important issues. Isn't Avery talking about his wrist injury him basically doing THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING he said Sid and Luongo were doing?

Apparently his "Getting under the opponent's skin" schtick is not limited to the season.

Homo.

And holy shit!! I only vaguely remember posting those predictions. Too bad I didn't take my own advice.

Jonny V said...

Yes, them saying Ben didn't get that TD had me shoot water out of my nose. We're talking knee slapper. Much of their Steeler related humor is about the Rooneys or Ben being gay, so you really got them Brett. How do you like a taste of your own medicine Staff?!? HA! Mike Lange was Kordell Stewart's scrumptious little piece of white chocolate. Gary Roberts inappropriately touches the kids that wander into his "neighborhood." Mark Eaton was the real driver of Dany's car. Malkin's decline in production can be directly attributed to the gradual ceasing of the Gonchar household bubblebath night. Jordan Staal "pops his collar." Sidney Crosby did backup vocals on Scissor Sister's CD--that's gay as all hell. And Michel Therrien and Michel Oullet??? Well, they have a totally heterosexual appreciation of each other's first name. Michel's gotta stick together, ya know?

Staff said...

nothing drives us more than someone getting irritated.

and brett is a solid human being

--ac

Jobbar Jeff said...

Uh, brett? h.m.f.whatever? Nobody's gonna miss ya.

PEACE

Dwayne said...

"Roberto Luongo ... he had the flu now? It's a big mystery why he was late for overtime. It's fine. You battle through things."

"Anyway, if you'll all excuse me, I'm late for my local KKK/Aryan Nation joint fund raiser. White power!

dying alive said...

Sean Avery is the biggest joke in the NHL. He's a reality TV show on skates. Talking smack on the best players in the game is the only way he can keep himself in the news.

You know what Sid said about Avery to the media? Oh yeah, nothing, because he doesn't know who Avery is.

Look, I'm not anonymous anymore! said...

"But onto more important issues. Isn't Avery talking about his wrist injury him basically doing THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING he said Sid and Luongo were doing?"

More importantly, Sid had a good reason to tell everyone about it - it was his reason for not playing for team Canada after the playoffs. Avery's just telling everyone about his injury as a front for his real 'limp wrist' issues.

Jonny V said...

Elisha Cuthbert, you broke my heart

Jonathan said...

Avery enjoys the sensation of penis in his anus. Loves it, in fact.

Mike Costa said...

Sean Avery Sucks. Oh And About All There's Anti-Steeler Jokes, I'm A Steeler's Fan Myself And I Think The Jokes Are Great. If You've Ever Read Pensblog's Letter To Pittsburgh The Staff Said They Are All Big Steeler Fans. So It's A Joke People Let It Go.

Let's Go Pens!

Anonymous said...

sean avery also said this:

Avery on the Sabres: ''I'm going to hurt them, I'm going to hit them, I'm going to be in their face as much as I can.''

the full article:
http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/news_story/?ID=205383&hubname=

who else would love to see laraque just kill him?

-Jay

Christina said...

A Few Good Men is gold. can't go wrong with that movie...especially when the Lange saga is substituted into it...that was solid guys, i loved it.

avery is a joke. i hope he resigns with the rangers, so sid can keep embarassing him for years to come.

Jason said...

avery is a solid human being, and would look great in a penguins jersey.

nah, not really...someone should staple his mouth shut and bust him in the knees. maybe he'll sign with the senators and heatley can...you know, kill him.

malkin scored 2 goals in the last game for russia! is that the first time hes scored since february?

chris said...

haha nice....


brett...be ready for some street hockey....if adam ever gets the goalie equipment...... :)


go pens

rachel said...

Louis, so who do you think is going to win it all? ;)

That has to be the best scene from A Few Good Men. Great post as always guys.

Avery is a waste.

Loser Chris said...

From the good news, bad news department. According to Yahoo, Shero is expecting to meet with reps for Roberts and Recchi as soon as he gets back from the Worlds.

What are the odds Rex asks for too much $$$ and Shero comes to his senses and walks? Yeah I know, but a guy can dream right?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Sid used that foot injury as an excuse, an excuse for steamrolling bitches through the last month of the season.

rachel said...

Buffalo takes it all.

Adam C said...

chris, you're mud

Loser Chris said...

been called worse... by my wife... in the last couple of hours...

Barrasso35 said...

Sean Avery is a joke. No one will remember his name in five years. He'll be like the Caps' Todd Krieger (or Kryger, or however he spells it... see, no one remembers the guy.)

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