Thursday, April 5, 2007

Veni. Vidi. Vici. Bitches. PENS WIN.


3 - 2

NHL.COM RECAP


Get used to the Ottawa Senators.
Because they are going to be the subject of F-bombs, middle-finger waving, and incoherent rants for the next couple of weeks.

Home-ice advantage on the line tonight.

..............................................

The Pens don't capitalize on an early power play.
And then Recchi takes another stupid penalty.

MAF makes an unreal save on Jason Spezza, but there are no Pens around to clear Spezza or the puck on the second chance.
Goal.

Comrie sucks on Spezza's mammary gland in celebration.

On the next shift, Armstrong decides to charge into goalie Ray Emery.
The first of many Pens-Sens scraps ensues.

After all those penalties are enforced, Ruutu delivers the cleanest non-hit of the season on Spezza.
Jason Spezza, thinking he can't called for a penalty because he plays for Ottawa, punches Ruutu in the face.
Coach Bryan Murray holds the game up for 22 minutes trying to cover up how stupid his players are.

This is acceptable in Byran Murray's NHL.

The teams job around on 4-on-4 for a while, and then the Pens start a 4:15 power play.

A weird unit of Ouellet, Christensen, Recchi takes the ice on the power-play.
Orpik owns at the blue line and keeps it in the zone while getting peed on.
The Garbage man snatches up the loose puck, dances into the slot, and postage-stamps it into the net.
Hey, dicks -- It was a wrister from the slot. get off my back.

On the next shift, Gary John McLane Roberts goes insane.
He dished out a huge check and drove to the net as Bing got the puck back to Joltin' Joe Melichar.
Melichar must not be seeing right 'cause he hit the net with the shot.
Gary Roberts is there to pick up the rebound. With more patience than Gregory House M.D., Roberts roofs it.
2-1 Pens.

Towards the end of the first, Daniel Alfredsson hooks Colby Armstrong and goes to the box.
That was surprising because Alfredsson is usually nowhere to be found in April.



.......................................

Early in the second, Malkin misses the net on pretty much his only shot of the game.

Rob Scuderi, knowing that going an entire season without making a mistake would tip people off to him being immortal, backhands the puck 80 rows into the stands from his own zone.
The Chokers go on the power play.

Ottawa can't get anything going early, but then Joe Melichar basically gets arrested -- six minutes of penalty time? Come on.

The Pens get a rush on the ensuing 5-on-3, but nothing happening.
We could use it as an excuse, but the Pens were in their penalty-killing positions when O.J. Simpson tied it up a few moments later.

Next stop: 66 Mario Lemieux Place. Game One.

Colby Amstrong better figure out what's going on.
He had three great scoring opportunities in the first half of the second but no dice.

Later on, Chris Neil hits Malkin cleanly -- no penalty called.
And then Neil pushes the envelope and puts his hands all over Malkin.
Power play.

The big boys can't anything done.
The second unit jumps on.
Not a whole lot going on their either.
Jesus Christenen almost jobs Emery. I'd let Christensen mate with my sister.

Late in the period, Mark Eaton gets called for a penalty.
While in the box, he takes 13 pints of his own blood and gives it to the local blood bank.

The rest of the second was nothing.
The period was ended early because coach Bryan Murray needed to take his Flomax.


.....................................

GameDayChat.com
Chat with Pens fans during the game -- Please check it out.

.........................................

Early in the third, MAF has to stone Alfredsson on the doorstep. Huge.

Later, Jason Spezza turned a Penguin D-man into a midget, but Gonchar gets back into the play and breaks up an easy tap-in goal.

The most exciting thing during the first 14 minutes of the third was the story about Chris Phillips making a little guy's last few days in the world worthwhile.
You talk solid human beings, you talk Chris Phillips.

................................

5:35 left -- Chris Neil takes his seventh penalty of the game.
Pens jump on the power-play.

Pens don't do anything.
Then the Senators go insane.
Shot, save. Shot, save. Shot, save. MAF blacks out from being too great.

Then Crosby flies into the Senators' zone and solid human being Chris Phillips has to hook him.
1:43 left. Power Play City.

Malkin forgets the Pens are on the power-play and punches someone in the mouth.

We're thinking the Haitian from "Heroes" flew in and erased Malkin's memory.
April 23rd.

If you wanna talk about butterfly effects -- If Malkin doesn't take that penalty, the Pens don't do what they were about to do.

Colby and Max play around in the Senators' zone at the end of the game.
Sens fans are cheering. They are about to clinch home-ice in the first round.

He lacks a penis, but TAL-BOT still was able to bang Ray Emery's wife.
3 - 2.


Game.

Stats
  • Crosby: 1 A
  • Pens: 9 different point-getters.
  • Jason Spezza: 1 G, 1 A
  • Shots: Sens ( 37 ) == Pens ( 27 )
  • Powerplay: Both -- 2 for 8
Miscellaneous
  • Physically, the Pens got owned tonight.
  • Fleury comes up big in a semi-playoff atmosphere.
  • Is Malkin conserving energy?
  • Wooooooooo.
  • Where did the season go?
..............................

Apologies to anyone who's Sens-themed pics didn't get in.
We've tried writing around pics. It just doesn't work sometimes.

Bus -- anon
Talbot -- Marcie Warner
Julien -- MG Jones
Ouellet -- Jannah J.

.......................................

Devils clinch the Atlantic title.
No word yet on whether or not they've cleaned Claude Julien's blood off their uniforms.


38 comments:

Scott said...

He lacks a penis, but TAL-BOT still was able to bang Ray Emery's wife...classic stuff guys lol...great post go pens

Ellie said...

i love the bus pic : )

and just when i was dreading ot we come up big and ray emery starts to cry - great game : )

awesome recap as usual!

Anonymous said...

"Physically, the Pens got owned tonight."
Why the heck didn't Laraque play?

dying alive said...

Talbot and the TAL-BOT are both clutch. Max deserves more ice time.

I can't imagine a better ending for this game. This hurts the Sens and gets into Emery's head more than a blowout would have. Those fans in Ottawa went from cheering and clapping to looking like someone shot their dogs in about .083 seconds. Oh, and by the way:

Fleury >>>>>>>>> Emery.

seth said...

this will be an exciting playoff series

Anonymous said...

Has anyone else ever received a 6 minute penalty?

Karri said...

Guys, I loved the Veni. Vidi. Vici.

"I came, I saw, I conquered"

Brilliant!

Tiffany said...

Staffers....magnifico!! You gave Ouellet some respect & the gamedaychat too. ^ŮŽ^ The Haitian...hahaha.

Btw...Fleury is, without a doubt, >>>>>>>>> Emery. Emery's entertaining in fights, but he's no goalie.

Don't know if anyone is sick of this song from the Verizon commercials or not, but thought it was appropriate for tonight's win...Mika - Love Today:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=CkGp72d0Ny0&feature=PlayList&p=F1
5766B554F4F2CB&index=6

Anonymous said...

Tiffany, I've been meaning to tell you for a while you sounded cute when you were on Savran on Sportsbeat.

Anonymous said...

Christ needs more ice time, as does Mad Max.
If Fleury played the first 2 periods like he plays in the 3rd and in OT, no one would score on him...ever.
Great game, can't wait for this matchup come next week.
Let's Go Pens.

-Eric

Tiffany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tiffany said...

Lol....really?? I thought I sounded kinda retarded. There were some things that just wouldn't come out right.

Eric...totally agree about Fleury. He was pretty much on fire tonight.

Anonymous said...

Maxim Ouellet and Gary Roberts both scored power-play goals during a five-minute elbowing major against Ottawa's Jason Spezza in the first.

Way to go NHL.com

Andrew said...

My comment to Canaan when Melichar got the 6-minute penalty...

"Who cares if he made Heatley bleed...Heatley KILLED A GUY!"

I really hope that Sid "accidentally" fires an "errant shot" into the Senators bench and hits Murray right in his old face.

Tee said...

Emery is going to be a huge plus for us in the playoffs. He's not much of a goalie, thank god they got rid of hasek.

Steve in Denver said...

Spezza's interference on Gonchar for the first goal was ridiculous. Even more ridiculous will be when Laraque rams his tongue up Spezza's mom's ..., then ko's Chris Neil with nothing but a dirty look. Pens need to establish their authority after getting beat on tonight.

Emery - mental = owned.

I liked seeing Petro, but it's hard to sit Laraque. Can't believe Petro didn't dish to Christensen on that 2 on 1, but he almost beat Phlegmery.

Recap & pic's are amazing. Great job, as usual.

First round vs Ottawa will be sooo good. Especially when we break their fragile hearts.

OH, and Murray was his typical bitch self again. Somebody dump a beer on him, please?

Jon said...

Likening the last couple minutes of the game to the butterfly effect was perfect. Malkin not getting that penalty probably means we lose, perhaps leading to Ottawa getting some confidence along with home ice in the playoffs. Now? Shit's a whole lot different now. Boston of all places has to come up huge for us, while we gotta give yags the yobber and his cronies a collective thumping...

FritoWill said...

i almost died last night...my heart rate during the game was unreal.

the first during the interfearance, the scrapping, me yelling about no Lauaque, and some other stupid things.

The 2nd when hits were handed out like free sample day at Giant Eagle.

The third so happy with us on the PP, want to Kill Malkin when he took his penality, and of course when Talbot had the game winner.



i am no longer in Playoff condition, its been to long. I need to rest up and stock up for this playoff run.

Doritos and Pepsi, Pizza Joes with their new Wings, and i need to do voice exercises so when i scream at the top of my lungs (F you Ottawa when Talbot scores) it doesn't hurt so much.



sorry to gameday chat crew, i had to bail on the account that I may have punched the monitor if i didn't.

Sarah said...

Talbot has to be the most under-rated guy...Captain Clutch.
Great pics guys...haha, I love the choking one & the stats against them choking.
Again, great blog.
Go Pens.

Anonymous said...

Yes, there have been triple-minors handed out before. I remember seeing Miro Satan get one when he was still with the Sabres; same basic situation as Melichar's triple minor, where he took a double minor for high sticking while there was a delayed penalty coming against him (for hooking or something).

Anonymous said...

What is with the powerplay? Has it been this difficult all season to get set up? Center Ice aired the Ottawa feed, and all the guys could talk about was the Penguins' constant inability to get the puck up ice on the PP and how they're only +2 even strength as a team on the season (I guess implying that we wouldn't be anywhere without some sort of officiating conspiracy?!?... well, we're +3 now, suckers). The number one unit has made me want to pull my hair out the last two games, Roberts' goal aside.

Teej said...

This team is incredible.

Can't wait for this series to unfold next week... and also can't wait to see all the ensuing Heatley photoshops, hahahah

Also, great talking with everyone on GDC last night... hopefully I'll be on tomorrow night.

dying alive said...

The Ottawa announcers can talk all they want about our powerplay, but both teams were 2 for 8 last night. If we sucked, so did they. We also went 5 for 25 against them during the season series, and I'd say that 20% is pretty good.

The officiating conspiracy theories have got to stop. It was funny at first when people said that the refs were handing the Pens the game, now it's just stupid. Aren't we like the second most penalized team in the league?

Anonymous said...

People are always going to have their conspiracy theories. Look at all of the people that cried foul after the "questionable" officiating in Super Bowl XL (including tool PG columnist Bob Smizik and ESPN's waste of space Skip Bayless). One of my best friends is a huge Utah Jazz fan, and he still to this day insists that Jordan pushed off Byron Russell in Game 6 of the 98 NBA finals... Sore losers, all.

Korn said...

That was one of the best postings yet, laugh out loud funny. Keep em coming.

Steve said...

Man... Canadian television is horrible. Even commercials for American made products seem just a little more retarded when broadcast from Canada.

Thank goodness I don't have to watch anymore feeds from Canada this year.

Malroc said...

All I can say is that this should be a great playoff series. These two teams have played even in almost every one of their games and they always seem to play up when they go against eachother.

They match up very very well and it really comes down to who has the biggest play maker(or stopper in last night's case) as to who will win the game. Fortunatly for the pens they have a ton of great play makers so hopefully that will pay off for them.

Dwayne said...

I find a lot of enjoyment in reading all the articles written in major canadian newspapers about games where the Pens blow up their team. It's funny how they belittle the Pens every second they can, trying to pass it off as a fluke, or blame it on the refs, or "cheap play" by Crosby (of all people).

Seriously; gigantic vaginas, drug over a sandy beach. That's the only way to describe them.

I honestly had no idea you had to be a whining fucking pussy to be a Canadian sports writer.

It's good to know.

Gavin said...

Guys, thanks for bringing Dany Heatley back. It was as momentous as bringing sexy back, only far less annoying and far more entertaining.

Louis Lipps is my homeboy said...

If you pay for Center Ice, XM or whatever you should get to listen to the announcers you want to hear.

I have XM and even though we have hall of fame announcer Mike Lange, everytime I go to listen to a game in my car it's the other team's shitty announcers.

I went to listen to the Pirates game the other day, and they had the Houston announcers. They were TERRIBLE. Not just for the homerism, but they just couldn't seem to keep up with the action... and that was BASEBALL!! How hard is it to keep up with fucking baseball?!!?!?!

I feel bad for XM users who get stuck with the Tampa Bay fag when the Pens play the Lightning. Everytime they score he acts like a total homo "He shoots HE SCOOOORESAAARGHHBLLBLBBAAAAAGGGAAA I JUST SHIT MY PANTS AND ATE IT AND JACKED OFF YAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH...." (I'm not just being belligerent, if you heard him you'd know what I mean.)

And people whine about the refs because it is much easier to say you got robbed than to just man up and say "The other team was better than us."

Anonymous said...

the good news...pens win

the bad news...no one there had a heart attack :(

Anonymous said...

ESPN's title for video highlights of the game is "Pens clinch 4th seed in the East".

Apparently they're really confident that Heatley'll wind up in jail on the way to Boston, resulting in an easy Bruins win. Good call guys!

wes said...

random thoughts:

- the hill district officials remind me of the Nation of Domination. Wheatley = Faarooq.

- i am fairly confident that maxime oullet and michel talbot will be the talk of the national press come playoffs.

- why dont we see RBK billboards EVERYWHERE with the best player in hockey on them? i am sure they are all over los angeles and miami. instead, we get billboards of some runner on the ground clutching her knee telling us not to run into a wall because it hurts (on the way out to the airport).

- i want to see more Penguins and Pirates-mobiles around town. i know the "cool" thing to do is to pimp out your 1984 astrovan with ugly steelers logos, but just wait until they lose 14 games this year and some random steeler nut sets your car ablaze (because you can't just be a casual fan if you're a steeler fan... you have to be some insane wacko that paints his entire body, pukes all over your girlfriend, or weeps alone in your bedroom at 3am at night). once you figure out whether your car is salvagable, i would suggest you paint your car to the tune of the pens or the pirates.

- finally, everyone knows the internet jargon "laugh out loud", but is there such a thing as "laugh to myself"? LTM LTM!

Anonymous said...

I am from pittsburgh. But seriously, the steelers were handed the superbowl in 2006. It wasn't a conspiricy, but for sure all the bad calls were in the steelers favor. Any objective person can not argue that, Unless you have your yinzer glasses on.

The refs just suck in the NFL. 3 weeks pervious to the superbowl they almost gave a game to Indy.
But back to the penguins.

As far as the penguin conspiricy. Does 6 min of penalities on a triple minor sound like a team that is being given the game. Just totaly stupid. The canadian media just needs to shutup. None of these refs be it the NFL or the NHL give to shits who wins.

rwarner174 said...

anyone else pissed about that st. louis blues game where they disallowed 2 goals. I knew that was going to be a factor. If they didn't blow those calls the penguins destiny would be in there own hands instead of praying for ottawa to lose!!!

Tee said...

TOMORROW - GAMEDAYCHAT.COM be there. You guys and your Finkle refence got me a hankerin to see Ace Ventura and low and behold it was on AFN movie network today. You guys should make a "Honey" reference because I'm a little hot for Jessica Alba lately. Anyways, last game of the regular season... EVERYONE should be in the chat tomorrow. I'll be drunk, and I promise many hilarious moments involving the minivan mom and classic penguins trivia.

rachel said...

Tee, I'll try to be at the GDC, but they're might be some partying for the game since my cousin came home.

Karri, great photoshop!

karri said...

Wow,
Staff...thanks...I'm glad you liked the pic. :-)

Rachel - Thanks to you also.

Go Pens!

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