Wednesday, February 14, 2007

In the anticipation leading up to the game Wednesday night, we just couldn't resist bringing you the pregame conversation between brothers Jarkko and Tuomo Ruutu...

Jarkko | Tuomo

Jarkko: Hey, retard. Are you playing tonight or are you a scratch?

Tuomo: What? I'm on the second line. I don't get scratched.

Jarkko: Haha. Yeah, I'm going to crush you tonight.

Tuomo: I'm not a little kid anymore. You can't just push me around!

Jarkko: Okay, retard. So I got an email from mom. It had a commercial in it with this retard in it from back home haha. It was pretty gay.

Tuomo: What? Very funny,'re just jealous that I am on TV and you aren't.

Jarkko: Why would I be jealous of a little girl? Oh, by the way, Mom told me to tell you that she can't send your binky to you in Chicago. Her friend's daughter saw it and wanted it, so Mom gave it to her.

Tuomo: WHAT?! DON'T LIE! Did she send it? For real. I've been having trouble sleeping. It's the only thing that helps...

Jarkko: I swear. Thank God you were adopted. I don't know if I could deal with us having the same blood.

Tuomo: [ Crying ]

Jarkko: Oh, here we go again. The little sissy...always crying when things don't go your way.

Tuomo: STOP IT, JARKKO! You know I'm sensitive, and you still push me around. If Mom were here, she would stop you!

(Enter Mom)

Stop crying, you little girl. Good luck tonight, Jarkko. Kick some ass.

Jarkko: Thanks, Mom. See, retard? Nobody likes you.

Tuomo: I can't take this anymore...I don't think I can continue to live in this world....

(Enter Mark Eaton)

What's going on here? And why is he crying?

He's a big baby.
Jarkko: And a retard.

Tuomo: [ Yelling ] NO, I AM NOT!

Whoa, whoa...calm down everyone.
(Looks to Tuomo) What happened? What's the problem?

Tuomo: Well, I was just going to wish Jarkko good luck tonight, and then he started picking on me just like he did when we were kids.

I see. And Jarkko, why is it that you choose to pick on your brother?

Jarkko: Well, it all started when he took a dump and didn't flush.

It's unacceptable. From that point on, I vowed that I would make his life a living hell.

Jarkko, you know that anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear, and frustration. You must let go of the feces, and you need to start living your life as a new man.

Jarkko: I don't know if I can do that, Mark.

You have the power within you to forgive, Jarkko. You must search for your answer.
(Turns to Tuomo) And you, Tuomo, what was the reason behind leaving the dump in the commode without flushing?

Tuomo: [ Whimpering ] I-I don't know, Mark. It was stupid. I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!

That's a very selfish statement, Tuomo.
You have the duty and gift of living. You don't have the right to sit on the sidelines--use your life and get back into the game.

Tuomo: But, I just feel so lonely sometimes...

You're only lonely if you're not there for you. You must be strong when adversity strikes. Your family does love you, but the Ruutus do not accept weakness. When you show strength, you can finally be accepted.

Tuomo: I see now. You have shown me the light. Thank you so much, Mark!

Jarkko: Thank you, Mark.

You're're all welcome.

[ Mark Eaton gives everyone The Razor's Edge and leaves ]


tiffany said...

Oh stomach hurts you had me laughing so much.

Mark Eaton must be about to score......a goal. Cause I can't sleep.....did you think I meant something else?? Get your minds out of the gutter or Mark Eaton will have to cleanse your thoughts.

Staff said...

Mark Eaton is the Haitian guy from Heroes. Twice.

tiffany said... true.

I just read the Jarkko/Tuomo conversation again. Oh geez.....I laughed just as hard as I did the first time!! Now I need to take deep breaths.......that won't help. I'm just gonna end up reading "Jarkko! Tuomo! Take Out The Trash!" again and watching the NHL All-Star Commercial to top it off. Where's MY binky....and Mark when you need him???

wes said...

remember the movie "summer rental" with an extremely fat john candy and an extremely young joey lawrence? well... there was a gnarly musician on the pirate ship named YORKU. funny thing is i went to IMDB and the guy's real name is Harry Yorku! so... I nominate that YORKU should be the official pensblog nickname of jarkko ruutu. YORKU. think about it!

wes said...

There he is! YORKU!

wes said...

ah damn it didnt work...

there... just type all of that out in one line.

Adrienne said...

ROFL. What the fuck?!

tiffany said...

On the subject of Jarkko, the title of this clip is "Jarkko trips Phaneuf." Don't know if anyone saw this on YouTube, but the announcer's laugh, or cackle really, is rediculously funny.

tiffany said... old man with the newspaper on his head is Yorku?????

I'm a little confused why you want Yorku to be Jarkko Ruutu......because you think the names are close???

K-Block said...


Thank you PensBlog... absolutely amazing, I was brought to tears. I hope Mark Eaton scores, and ends this cold front he has sent our way, but if he wishes it to be so, it will be so...

Anonymous said...

think we could get mark eaton to stand on top of Mellon Arena and pokecheck these fucking snow clouds out of PA for awhile??


thomes08 said...

WOOO HOOO i get comcast sports net chicago and all the hawks away games are on TV = PENS ON TV!

Oh and for anyone else who isn't in the pittsburgh or chicago area the game will be streamed by versus online.

Just go to yahoo > sports > nhl and in the box score you can click on "watch live" or something.

Be patient, sometimes you can't click on it until a few minutes after the game starts.

If you're using firefox and it doesn't work try IE, sometimes it's screwy with FF but it worked for me fine last night.


thomes08 said...

P.S. Oh i had like 40 dates for V-tines day but i had to cancel them all to watch the pens game...yep

kate said...

oh my god.

you got me at the first line. "hey retard."

and the picture of "mom."


Antonette said...

Oh, Jarkko. You certainly have a way with words.

Mama Rutuu looks like Weird Al.

You have outdone yourselves, PensBloggers.

Elly said...

Wow, 'Mom's picture was quite the sight to see when I first woke up. And Eaton with the trucker mustache is better than coffee.

Go Pens

Loser Chris a.k.a. CDY said...

Man, Eaton is like Freud, Dr. Phil, , Yoda and Mr. T all rolled into one.

Question for the fellow commenters out there (here?): which would be a better jersey for a 7-month-old, Staal or Ruutu? Discuss...

Tee said...

if anyone wants a direct link to the yahoo stream that you can view in WMP without using their bullshit flash player leave me your email here and I'll send it to you.. I really dont want to share it with too many people for fear of them discovering my little ruse, but pensbloggers can all have it.

Arlow said...

Great Valentine's Day card ideas.

Wes said...

tiffany, to answer your question....

a little of 'a' and a little of 'b'.

i can see Jarkko with a newspaper on his head and a little girl asking her mother if she could go play with JORKU.

im just trying to get people to stop screaming "RUUUUUUUUUTUUUUUU" when he scores a goal. perhaps people could keep the pirate theme and instead of "YORKU" we all could scream "JARRRRR!"

seth said...


kate said...

also, that's a very "glamour shot" photo of jarkko.

i love it.

Anonymous said...


please hook me up with the WMP stream, that yahoo player is really touch and go for me.

Christina said...

omggg you guys have outdone yourselves this time. holy shit.

and the mark eaton mustache is AMAZING.

on a side note..the post-gazette now has a Penguins blog...somewhat like the Steelers Blog N' Gold. somewhat more equal treatment of pittsburgh sports teams by the PG??? i must be dreaming.....

the name sucks though

Arlow said...

LOVED the "Razor's Edge" reference. Reading your posts is like a trip down memory lane. An imaginary lane where, you know, wrestling was cool. Where have you gone "Hitman", where have you gone?

loralei said...

That was fantastic. I cant stop laughing. I love Mark Eaton's porno stash... Its hot.

Washington85 said...

Jarkko Ruutu, the number one Ruutu and the world heaveyweight champion of the world...step back John Cena....there will be a huge scufflebetwen the brother tonight winner wil be Jarkko when he destroys Tuomos face

tiffany said...

Thanks for explaining yourself.
"I see now. You have shown me the light. Thank you so much, Mark!"

Haha...btw....I still love the NHL All-Star commercial, the "No Farting" sign, and the "Sexy Man" license

Oh & Christina,
Thanks for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette link.....not too bad.

tiffany said...

Ahhhh!!!! What a freakin crazy game!!! So psyched they won, especially since Chicago shouldn't have had that 4th goal. Once again, a penalty wasn't called. And since the refs are dumb, they let the Blackhawks score after having too many men on the ice.

Oh, and did anyone notice about 5 minutes into the game, after Army accidentally hit Christensen, Mike Yeo made a guest appearance?? (It’s pretty unusual considering he doesn't seem to show up until the 3rd period, as someone pointed out earlier.)

Anyway, Mark Eaton seemed to be in pretty rare form tonight. During the PK, after the refs called a stupid penalty on Sid, “Super Eaton” used his telekinetic abilities to force the puck away from the Penguin’s net. Then later, by using his power of persuasion, Eaton told Ouellet to score--and he did, which made it 3-1 Pens.

Well, waiting to hear what the staff has to say about the game -- plus the Mark Eaton stats from Seth. :)

Sherry said...

Your new banner/quote reminds me of Filler Bunny.

You want tickets? I give you tickets, so many tickets do I give.

Except replace tickets with "corn".

Matt said...

This is fun, eh? I thought Eaton was going to win it when he got that open shot from the point. It got away from him a bit. And that final shift in OT by Crosby was a thing of beauty. Unbelievable.

Wait 'Til Next Year

Adrienne said...

Your new banner/quote reminds me of Filler Bunny.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one to think that... :x Makes me feel a little better.


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